Archive for the ‘Stupidity’ Category
I’ve talked about “Fake News” in the past and it seems to be a current buzz word when talking about the politicians and media. What many people don’t realize is that fake news is nothing new. It’s been around forever. For years as I grew up, I accompanied my mother and two ex-wives on food shopping trips. While they were checking out, I had the misfortune of killing time reading some of the cheesy tabloids available at the registers. They were full of impossible news items which were funny as hell but hopefully only a fool would have thought any of them to be true. Here is a small collection of headlines from that era that will bring a smile to your face.
1993
BAT WITH A HUMAN FACE
TOWN ELECTS MIDGET POLICE CHIEF
BABY CATCHES BULLET WITH HIS GUMS
KID WITH 3 ARMS IS BASEBALL SENSATION
JUNK FOOD CAUSES TEENS TO WORSHIP THE DEVIL
MY WIFE’S GOST STILL COOKS, CLEAN & IRONS MY SHIRTS
HUMAN JELLYFISH SAYS RUB MY BELLY
WHALE EATERS UNITE
MAN KILLED BY FALLING BIBLE
SWORD SWALLOWER LAUGHED SO HARD HE SLIT HIS THROAT
GOLIATH’S SKULL FOUND IN HOLY LAND
STADIUM HAS SPECIAL AREA FOR NUDISTS
SECRET INGREDIENT IN NEW SKIN CREAM – GOBS OF HUMAN FAT
CHURCH COMMUNION CAN SPREAD AIDS
MAN GIVES GIRLFRIEND PERFUME MADE FROM HIS OWN SWEAT
THIS IS TRULY FAKE NEWS
In recent months the term “Fake News” has become popular. I hate to burst anyone’s bubble, but “Fake News” has been around for a very long time. The younger generations think that they’ve discovered some outrageous political trick that never existed before they discovered it. As an example, many years ago my son (aged 13) came rushing to me all excited. He told me to sit down and listen to this great song. He told me it was being used on a TV commercial and it was the best song he ever heard. I sat down and he played it for me, and I just started grinning. The song he discovered was at that time already a golden oldie, it was the Righteous Brothers singing Unchained Melody. He was sure it was some group from his generation. “Fake News” is a new term, but it has always meant the same thing: lying, misrepresenting, and double speak. George Orwell has been proven right once again. Here are a few samples of so called “Fake News” from the past.
2003: President George W. Bush for his creative use of language in public statements regarding the reasons the United States needed to pursue war against Iraq.
2002: New York State Board of Regents for its politically correct and silent editing of state tests.
2000: The tobacco industry for its media blitz portraying tobacco companies as the benefactors of children, abused women and disaster victims. That is abusive language in pursuit of their right to sell a deadly drug.
1991: Department of Defense for obfuscation and jargon in euphemisms during the first Gulf War.
1990: President George Bush on wetlands, the Panama invasion, Tiananmen Square and the “No New Taxes” pledge.
1989: The Exxon Corporation for the “Exxon Valdez” oil spill obfuscation.
1985: The CIA for the Psychological Warfare Manual prepared for the Nicaraguan war.
1979: The nuclear power industry for its euphemisms and jargon during the 3-Mile Island accident.
1977: The Pentagon and the Energy Department for language cover-up of the neutron bomb development.
1975: Colonel David Opfer, USAF press officer in Cambodia for saying to reporters, after a raid, “You always write its bombing, bombing, bombing. It’s not bombing! It’s air support!
HERES MY FAKE NEWS ANNOUNCEMENT – “FAKE NEWS IS TRUE”
LOL
Today is a good a day as any to look back through history to find some strange rules, laws or customs. In the past I’ve shown some seriously strange laws still on the books in this country. Now let’s take a trip back into history look at some of their foibles because in truth some of theirs are way stranger than ours.
- It was once proposed in the Rhode Island legislature in the 1970s that there be enacted a two-dollar tax on every act of sexual intercourse.
- A law was passed in England requiring all corpses to be buried in a wool shroud, thereby extorting support for Britain’s flagging wool trade. The act was repealed 148 years later, in 1814.
- The average age of Elizabethan and Jacobean brides was about 24 and their bridegrooms around 27. The primary reason for delayed marriages was to limit births among poor people. The higher the social status, however, the younger the age at marriage.
- As in Abraham’s time, it was the custom among men in Rome, when swearing to tell the truth, to place one’s right hand on one’s testicles. The English word testimony is related to this custom.
- When a Chinese bystander ashore was killed accidentally by a cannon salvo of greeting from an English ship, during the early days of the China-Western trade, the English were forced to turn over to China the hapless gunner, who was promptly strangled.
- The Tinguian people of the Philippines have their own way of kissing. They put their lives close to each other’s face and quickly inhale.
- In 1853 Illinois passed a law that required any black entering the state and staying more than 10 days to pay a fine of $50. If he could not pay, the black could be sold into slavery for a period commensurate with the fine.
- Over the centuries, playing cards have been put to strange uses. They became the first paper currency of Canada when the French governor, in 1685, use them to pay off some war debts. In 1765, the year of the Stamp Act, when every pack of playing cards was being taxed one shilling, they were also used for class admission at the University of Pennsylvania. Napoleon even used them as a ration cards during the French Revolution.
- The town of High Wycombe in Buckinghamshire, England, carries on the multi-century custom called the “Weighing-in Ceremony.” In early May, the town’s mayor, mayoress, deputy town mayor, deputy mayoress, town clerk, and district counselors representing wards in the town’s boundaries are weighed in order to learn if they have grown fat at the public trough.
ISN’T HISTORY ENLIGHTENING?
What ever happened to all of those “pet rocks” that everyone loved? How about those fine-looking mood rings that were around for a time. Fads come and go and just when you think you’ve heard and seen it all, another bit of Fad strangeness comes along to baffle and amaze us. You might think our recent Fads are cool and awesome, but we are just the tip of the weird iceberg. So, grab your hula hoop and read on. It’s time to look at the past where our love for Fads originated.
1920 – Raccoon Coats
1924 – Flagpole Sitting
1939 – Goldfish Swallowing
1950 – Poodle Skirts
1955 – Coonskin Caps
1959 – Phone Booth Stuffing
1960 – Tie-dyed T-shirts
1970 – Platform Shoes
1973 – Puka Shells
1974 – Streaking
1975 – CB Radios
1976 – Pet Rocks
1980 – Rubik’s Cube
1982 – Smurfs
1983 – Cabbage Patch Kids
1993 – The Macarena
There’s the proof we’ve been looking for. The Fad gene goes all the way back to early cavemen. Did you honestly think that we really invented the “pet rock?” What will be next now that the “Spinner and Fidgit” fads has run out of gas. I hope the next one is a little more interesting.
HOW MANY OTHERS DO YOU REMEMBER?
I can’t tell you how many times in my life that I’ve been assured by so-called experts that things were good and ten minutes later another so-called expert is screaming “doom and gloom”, it’s damn confusing. It’s amazes me how many experts or so-called experts exist especially when discussing sports. Let’s look into sports a little and listen to the real experts.
BASEBALL
- “If Jesus were on the field he’d be pitching inside and breaking up double plays. He’d be giving high fives to the other guys.” Tim Burke, Montréal Expos pitcher
- “They shouldn’t throw at me. I’m the father of five or six kids.” Tito Fuentes, National League infielder
- “I am a four-wheel-drive pickup type of guy. So is my wife.” Mike Greenwell, Boston Red Sox outfielder
FOOTBALL
- “Man, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl.” Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
- “I don’t care what the tape says. I didn’t say it.” Ray Malavasi, St. Louis Rams coach
- “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” Joe Theismann, player/commentator
BASKETBALL
- “Left-hand, right-hand, it doesn’t matter. I’m amphibious.” Charles Shackleford, North Carolina State player
- “I have won at every level, except college and pro.” Shaquille O’Neal, former Los Angeles Laker player
- “A lot is said about defense, but at the end of the game, the team with the most points wins- the other team loses.” Isaiah Thomas
SOCCER
- “If we play like that every week, we wouldn’t be so inconsistent.” Bryan Robeson
- “I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.” Unnamed senior, University of Pittsburgh
- “What I said to them at halftime would be unprintable on the radio.” Gerry Francis
- “He’s one of those footballers whose brains are in his head.” Derek Johnstone
YOU KNOW, I THINK I’M AN EXPERT TOO!
With tax time approaching I decided to harken back to maybe not a better time, but a time when our citizenry lived within their means. There was a national debt, but it was a mere drop in the bucket compared with our current situation. It motivated me to take a look back and see how our economics have changed in the intervening years.
- In 1900, the United States treasury showed a surplus of nearly $47 million in income over expenditures. The last time the federal budget was balanced was in 1969.
- President Carter’s “lean and tight” budget of $500 billion for the fiscal year 1979 equals the spending of $690,000 a day since the birth of Christ. To dispose of this amount of money in a year, the government has to spend $951,000 a minute, $57 million an hour, or $1.37 billion a day, including holidays and Sundays.
- Andrew Carnegie, one of the richest Americans ever, practically became allergic to money as he grew richer and older. He was offended, he said, just by the sight and touch of it, and never carried any. Because he had no money with him with which to pay the fare, Carnegie was once put off of a London Tram.
- According to the 1970 US Census, only 5000 Americans had a net worth of $10 million or more.
- The longest jury trial ever in the United States federal courts began on June 20, 1977 and ended on July 10, 1978. It took the judge almost an hour to read the verdicts on 49 separate questions. During this antitrust action, by SCM Corporation against Xerox, it is estimated that both sides spent well in excess of $60 million in attorney’s fees.
- The federal government keeps billions of dollars – much of it taxes collected by the Internal Revenue Service – in bank accounts that draw no interest. Banks turnaround and invest much of these deposits in U.S. Treasury bills, on which the government frequently pays more than 9% interest. Incredibly, the government is paying the banks to borrow back its own money.
- It costs $4000 per inch to build an interstate highway project on the fringe of New York City in the late 1970s – over 215 million per mile. Just imagine what the current costs must be.
- Until there was a pay raise in 1814, US Congressmen were paid six dollars per diem when Congress was in session. I think it might be just a little higher these days.
- To finance the Civil War, a 3% income tax on all incomes over $800 was enacted by the federal government in 1864. It was the first time in income tax was enacted in the United States. The law was discontinued in 1872. The United States Supreme Court declared the law unconstitutional in 1894. Not until 1913, with the adoption of the 16th amendment, the income tax become law.
- In the 1800s, big industry began to set up trusts to monopolize production and distribution. The first big trust was Rockefeller’s Standard Oil Corporation, in 1882. The first international trust was Nobels Dynamite Trust, in 1886.
LOOKS LIKE DINNER AT JOE’S HOUSE
Yesterday I posted a long list of annoyances and if you noticed I never once mentioned politicians or politics. Political annoyances should not be grouped with the regular life annoyances because annoying politics and politicians is serious business. Not only does it impact our life in a number of ways it’s just another excuse for the powers that be to dip their hands into our pockets and take more of our money.
Are you as sick of this nonsense as I am? Sick of all these less than truthful politicians beating our brains out every day with more BS than any human being should be forced to listen to. It’s not just the current batch but everyone for the last 30 years who have permitted overspending without much of a thought. They’ve allowed huge government programs costing trillions of dollars to fund the numerous wars like the alleged War on Poverty (which we lost), the alleged War on Drugs (which we lost), and dozens of other alleged wars that were totally or partially unsuccessful. As an aside, hundreds and thousands of our young service men and women have been killed, wounded, or permanently damaged by PTSB. Remember this as you listen to our brave politicos sitting in their safe offices making life and death decisions for everyone else. Am I bitter? You bet your ass I am.
WE THE PEOPLE must take our share of the blame. We elected these fools over and over again because they brought home the “pork” for us locally. Know your history and read these few thoughts from our founding fathers.
“Rather go to bed supperless than rise in Debt” Benjamin Franklin, 7 July 1757
” I sincerely believe. . . and that the principle of spending money to be paid by posterity, under the name of funding is but swindling futurity on a large scale.” Thomas Jefferson, 28 May 1816
IS THIS SYSTEM FIXABLE? I HAVE MY DOUBTS
This is not one of my favorite times of the year. Summer is ending, skies are gray, rain is cold, leaves are dropping, and the runup to the end-of-year holidays has begun. A little depressing to say the least. I can deal with depression but it’s also very annoying. I thought a quick compilation of my major annoyances would be in order and here they are.
- Leave it up to the money hungry retailers to have Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas merchandise already displayed. IT’S OCTOBER YOU MORONS!
- People who insist on talking over me during a conversation makes me want to scream. JUST PLAIN RUDE!
- Every Wendy’s that lists coffee on the menu and then makes me wait until they make a pot. Every time! WORST KIND OF CUSTOMER SERVICE!
- The person in front of me at the express checkout line with an entire cart load of merchandise. ASSHOLE!
- Black Friday was always annoying, but this year should be priceless. They’ve begun advertising it already. CORPORATE GREED!
- Anyone still writing checks at the register in a food store. SHEER STUPIDITY!
- Anyone who has a debit card but can’t figure out how to use it. EXASPERATING!
- People who claim to have something really important to tell me, then send a four-word text message. CALL ME!
- Any person, male or female, who is more than 30 pounds overweight and attempting to slim down by wearing skinny jeans. SO BAD!!
- People who continually bitch and complain about their food and service in a restaurant. STAY HOME!
- Twenty or more minutes of every hour for moronic ads on every conceivable type of device. JUST KILL ME NOW!
- City workers and their gigantic snowplows destroying at least one of my mailboxes every year. IGNORAMUSES!
- People who insist on telling me all about their child who is an honor student somewhere. I DON’T CARE!
- Rear window decals displaying family members and pets. LAME!
A RANT ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL BETTER
I’ve been around the planet just long enough to have allowed at least 10,000 politicians to tell me things that I knew were untrue and I was sure they knew it too. Not just Democrats and Republicans but Independents, Greenies, and Nut-bags. I’ve watched more than my share of debates, listen to the all-knowing Mainstream Media television pundits, and was assured that the polls they all quoted were legitimate. Am I stupid or what?
The following list was put together some time ago by a disgruntled voter who actually had the gall to ask politicians for their thoughts on these topics. The list hasn’t changed in 15 years and yet we still never get answers.
- You can get arrested for expired tags on your car but not for being in the country illegally.
- Your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more of our money.
- Children are forcibly removed from parents who appropriately discipline them while children of “underprivileged” drug addicts are left to rot in filthy surroundings.
- Hard work and success are rewarded with higher taxes and government intrusion, while slothful, lazy behavior is rewarded with EBT cards, WIC checks, Medicaid, and subsidized housing.
- The government’s plan for getting people back to work is to provide endless weeks of unemployment checks (to not work).
*****
- Some politicians think that stripping away the amendments to the Constitution is really protecting the rights of the people.
- The rights of the government come before the rights of the individual.
- Being stripped of the ability to defend yourself makes you “safe” (gun ownership).
- You have to have your parent signature to go on a school field trip but not to get an abortion.
- And 80-year-old woman can be strip-searched by the TSA but a Muslim woman wearing a burka is only subject to having her neck and head searched.
*****
Elections are coming. Question the government inequities and closely examine every word that comes out of the mouth of every candidate. Double speak is the tool of the untrustworthy.
INFLATION IS NOT OUR FRIEND MR. BIDEN
As I was rummaging through my collection of books I discovered one I forgot I had. It was buried beneath a pile of other useless information. It’s called Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader and I gave it a quick read. Being a former cop and an employee of the Maine Criminal Justice System, I tend to read things about the courts and laws before anything else and I’m glad I did. The Bathroom Reader made me aware of some strange and ridiculous laws from around the country. Here are just a few.
- The law prohibits barbers in Omaha, Nebraska, from shaving the chests of customers.
- In St. Louis Missouri, it’s illegal for you to drink beer out of a bucket while you’re sitting on a curb.
- In cotton Valley, Louisiana, law forbids cows and horses from sleeping in a bakery.
- The maximum penalty for double parking in Minneapolis, Minnesota, is working on a chain gang with nothing to eat but bread and water.
- In the state of Alabama, it’s illegal to play dominoes on a Sunday.
- In Las Vegas Nevada, it’s against the law to pawn your dentures.
- If your 88 years of age or older, it’s illegal for you to ride your motorcycle in Idaho Falls, Idaho.
- In California, it’s illegal to hunt whales from your automobile. It’s also against the law to use your dirty underwear as a dust rag.
- It’s illegal to sleep with your boots on in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
- In Natoma, Kansas it’s illegal to throw knives at men wearing striped suits.
These 10 items are mild compared to some of the others I’ve seen over the years. We Americans are great at passing a law after law but very lax in eliminating silly crap like this from the rolls. I’m going to make an effort to finds a few that are even crazier than the ones you just read.
CRIMINAL JUSTICE, MY ASS
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