Archive for the ‘Stupidity’ Category
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12/29/2021 New Year’s Quotes Leave a comment
Happy New Year! I’m a little embarrassed at this point after surfing the net and reading through some books trying to find quotations that were based on the start of the new year. I couldn’t have been more disappointed. The following few quotations are just samples of the drivel and worthless quotes I discovered in my search. I sincerely apologize. We’d be better off making up our own quotations because no matter how bad we thought they might be, they’d be better than these. Read them and weep. If this is the best we can do, were in deep trouble.
- “Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365-page book. Write a good one.” Brad Paisley
- “Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.” Oprah Winfrey
- “Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.” Benjamin Franklin
- “We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.” Edith Lovejoy Pierce
- “May the New Year bring you courage to break your resolutions early! My own plan is to swear off every kind of virtue, so that I triumph even when I fall!” Aleister Crowley
- “The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose, new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. Unless a particular man-made New Year resolution, he would make no resolutions. Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective.”  G.K. Chesterton
Now that I’ve given it some thought, here’s my quote:
“HERE WE GO AGAIN, keep your head down, make no eye contact with anyone, maintain your social distance, and wear a freaking mask.“
HAPPY COVID NEW YEAR
12/28/2021 New Year’s Eve -Public Service Announcement Leave a comment
First of all, I’d like to wish all of you out there a Happy New Year. I’m also going to pass along some information concerning deaths that occurred on New Year’s past due to excessive alcohol consumption and the misuse of fireworks and guns. This information was collected from numerous sources in the USA and Europe. Enjoy the holiday but don’t become famous as another stupid-death statistic.
During the study period (2020), we found that over 1,000 people were killed in fatal collisions across the United States on New Year’s Eve or Day. In fact, there were:
- 916 total fatal crashes
- 1,004 fatalities
- 341 fatal crashes involving drunk drivers
- 377 people killed in drunk driving crash
In terms of total crashes, Texas (188), Florida (167) and California (154) had by far the highest number. However, these three states are also the states with the highest population. When looking at fatal crashes per 100,000 licensed drivers, the safest and most dangerous states were much different.
The five states with the highest crash rates (most dangerous states) were:
- Mississippi
- Oklahoma
- South Carolina
- Wyoming
- Texas
Without a doubt, the hours between 1 am and 3 am are the most dangerous during the New Year’s holiday. These hours were numbers 1 and 2 for total fatal crashes involving a drunk driver. Interestingly, fatal crashes drop significantly during the midnight to 1 am, as people everywhere likely stay where they are to enjoy watching the ball drop.
The National Safety Council (NSC) estimates that 384 people may die on U.S. roads this New Year’s Day holiday period. Holidays traditionally are a time of travel for families across the United States and many choose car travel, which has the highest fatality rate of any major form of transportation based on fatalities per passenger mile.
If celebrating and dying on New Year’s Eve in the USA isn’t scary enough, read the following. Europeans are just as crazy as we are. They apparently prefer killing themselves with fireworks rather than vehicular homicides. New Year’s Eve data from 2020.
- In Germany, at least one death was reported early on Friday of a 24-year-old man in the eastern town of Rietz-Neuendorf, who died when homemade fireworks detonated shortly after midnight.
- Another case of improvised firework’s explosion left one man’s life in danger and two others injured near the western German city of OsnabrĂĽck. They were working with explosives, trying to create a pyrotechnic, when there was an explosion shortly after midnight.
- After they were barred from setting off fireworks in public spaces, some Berliners instead tried to launch them from their homes on New Year’s Eve, leading to dozens of fires across the German capital. Between midnight and just six minutes later, the Berlin fire service said it was called to 18 fires, with more following deeper into the night. No one reported any immediate serious injuries.
And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention those fun-loving Arabs in Iraq. What’s New Years without mowing down a few of your fellow citizens with meaningless gunfire.
- At least one civilian was killed and 25 injured in celebratory gunfire and fireworks marking the New Year in different parts of Iraq, a health official said on Friday. Fireworks were set off in several parts of the country despite a government ban on mass gatherings to contain the spread of the coronavirus.
PLEASE HAVE A HAPPY AND SAFE NEW YEARS CELEBRATION
***Stay Out of Iraq***
12/23/2021 Bizzaro New Year’s Resolutions Leave a comment
After posting my resolutions yesterday I found this list on a website (www.ba-bamail.com) that’s loaded with all sorts of humorous jokes, gags, and limericks. Their list of resolutions was funny, but I thought it needed a little of my tweaking. Here is my modified version of their list, a list I know I can really accomplish. I’ll try to complete yesterday’s list, but it’ll be much more difficult than this one.
- Put on at least 30 pounds, more if someone pisses me off.
- Start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.
- Go commando at all times.
- Stop exercising forever.
- Let the hair in my nose and ears grow unchecked.
- Shave just twice a week, the face is optional.
- Watch more pornography.
- Never again load the dishwasher.
- Procrastinate more.
- Do less laundry and use more deodorant.
- Drink more – my liver needs the exercise.
- Buy more on-line junk from China. I need to be scammed more often.
- Take up a new habit: maybe try smoking again.
- Swear more.
- More car sex.
HAPPY NEW YEAR
2022 CAN’T BE ANY WORSE THAN THE LAST TWO YEARS
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MY WIFES OTHER CAR IS A BROOM
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Enfield Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
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Low Wages Said Key to Poverty
12/20/2021 Christmas Humor Leave a comment
Three garbage men were doing their Christmas rounds and collecting their well-earned Xmas tips and gifts from the grateful householders when they arrived at a pleasant house at the end of a cul-de-sac.
The first garbage collector went up to the door to be met by the lady of the house in very revealing attire, who said, “Oh yes, I know what you want!” as she dragged him upstairs to the bedroom to have her wicked way with him.
A short while later he returned bedraggled to the garbage truck and told his colleague what had happened.
His mate like the idea of some of that so he went to the house where once again the lady appeared, this time in even more revealing attire. “Oh yes, I know what you want!” she said as she dragged him upstairs to the bedroom to have her wicked way with him as well.
Afterwards, he also returned bedraggled to the lorry and told the driver what had happened.
“Hmmm, I’ll have a bit of that!” thought the driver and walked up to the house. The lady opened the door and gave him $5. “Hey!” said the driver, “What about the fun and games you gave my colleagues?” Oh that,” said the woman “You can blame my husband for that.” “What’s he got to do with it?” asked the driver.
The lady answered, “Well, he said to give $5 to the driver and screw the other two.”
4 SHOPPING DAYS LEFT
HO! HO! HO!
12/19/2021 Meaningless Question #2 1 comment
Why Quit Smoking?
While we are all waiting for Christmas to arrive, let me rant on for a few minutes. I’ve been reading a book called Number Freaking. It’s a book of statistics about things you would never normally think about. It allows you to discover how far you might have walked in your lifetime, how many people have lived since the beginning of time, and how to cure the world debt. I’m going to use some of the information gleaned from that book to convince anyone in their right mind to never smoke.
I began smoking cigarettes at age 14. I never bought cigarettes, but I stole most of them from my parents who were both fairly heavy smokers. I did it to look cool because it was the thing to do in high school at that time. I continued smoking more than two packs a day from the time I attended college until 1983. That was the last time I ever held a cigarette which makes me a former smoker who hasn’t smoked for 38 years. As always, I seem to be arriving late to the game, but good sense finally prevailed. Here are a few facts you might find interesting or maybe not, but here goes anyway.
The average smoker in America smokes 13 cigarettes a day. One of the maxims of the anti-smoking lobby is that every cigarette smoked knocks 11 min. off your life. Based on this truism, about one year will be lost for every 10 years that the average smoker smokes.
95% of smokers start at or near the age of 16. The average life expectancy at birth in the United States is approximately 78 years, i.e., 62 years after the age of 16. We’ll assume the life lost due to smoking is deducted from these 62 years. Here are three questions to make things a little clearer.
- Question: How much life does an average American smoker lose per year of smoking. Answer: 36 days, six hours, 30 min., and 45 seconds
- Question: At what age, approximately, will average American smokers who start smoking at age 16 reach the age that the habit is predicted to kill them? Answer: 71 years and six months.
- Question: At what age, approximately, will 40-a-day American smoker, starting at age 16, reach the age that the habit is predicted to kill them? Answer: 62 years and nine months.
? ? ? ? ?
By this calculation even one cigarette a day would cost you nearly 6 months of your life.
If the nicotine in 200 cigarettes were to be taken as a single dose, you would die.
IF YOU’RE A SMOKER, DO THE MATH
OH YEAH, 6 SHOPPING DAYS LEFT
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