This is my day for doing a little thinking and enjoying my few hours of quiet time. 2012 has been an interesting year for me primarily because of the pregnancy of my better-half’s daughter and the birth of her first child. It’s the first time in many years that I’ve had the pleasure of watching someone close to me develop for the full nine months and then to be present in the hospital for the birth of the child. Watching her steadily increasing size was interesting but the thing that really grabbed me was the movements of the baby during that last trimester.
I recall a sunny afternoon on our deck last summer where she and I were enjoying the day and as we were speaking I could see her shirt moving as the baby reacted to her voice. She then proceeded to push on her belly to move him around a bit to make things more more comfortable. I haven’t been closely involved with any pregnant women for more years than I care to think about and I was surprised by my own reaction. I told her that it was creepy and gave me goose-bumps. I then asked how it really felt to feel that little body moving around inside her. She gently took the time to explain to me in some detail what she was feeling and how excited she was about the upcoming birth. It takes a lot to touch me but she did. To see her so happy and excited moved me more than I thought possible. Just a short time ago she was a young, inexperienced college student trying to find her way in this world. Just a few short years later she’s a teacher, a wife, and soon to be a mother. Amazing. As we were sitting in the waiting room in the hospital a few months later I thought about that moment on the deck and just smiled. She was now in the birthing room going through something I could never experience or understand and she couldn’t wait to get there.
Our new little man made his grand entrance on schedule and he’s doing exceptionally well at the grand old age of four weeks? I’m really looking forward to the day when he and I can sit on that same deck and I can tell him this story.
And one more thing before I go. If we men were responsible for child bearing and had to go through nine months of what most women do, the planet would be free of human beings. Just saying.
Well, we’re ten days into the month of November and it’s hard to believe that just a few short weeks ago I was sitting on my deck wearing a T-shirt and shorts and enjoying the warm weather. In my attempt to be optimistic I refuse to think that for the next long, boring, and weather beaten five months I’ll be housebound.
Today is a day of odds and ends. I first went to the granddaddy of all retailers, Walmart, to pick up a few things and to enjoy a reasonably nice day. Walmart as usual is a freaking zoo. Just pulling into the parking lot is an adventure where all those years of amusement park bumper cars finally paid off. It’s a Friday morning in November at 7:15 am and I was hard-pressed to find a decent parking spot. The lot was full, people wandering everywhere, and none paying the slightest attention to the moving vehicles. It was a good morning to play “idiot hockey” and test the reflexes of all the late night partiers stumbling into the Dunkin Donuts inside the Walmart. They were pretty nimble and were still moving quickly enough to avoid a vinyl bumper up their ass. I guess I’m showing my lack of patience but I really don’t care. The only thing worse than a discourteous driver is a discourteous pedestrian and I’m surprised and shocked that more of them aren’t seriously injured on a regular basis. Oh well enough of my complaining it’s time to get into the store, do my shopping, and get the hell out.
The store was fairly crowded with the normal oddballs and yahoo’s roaming around and giving us other humans something to talk about. I needed a few dietary supplements so I wandered over towards the pharmacy. As I’m walking down the aisle near the condoms I overhear two women in a rather heated discussion about which ones were the best? Should we get ribbed or lubricated? You can’t buy that size, he’s not that big. This went on for a few minutes and I found a label to read on a nearby product because I didn’t want to miss anything. I had to chuckle a few times and try not to be too obvious but my presence didn’t seem to faze them at all. They were reading the box descriptions out loud to each other, comparing notes, and laughing hysterically. Gone are the days when we men were forced to sneak into drugstores and buy condoms on the QT. I suppose it’s only fair these days that I’m occasionally required to buy feminine hygiene products for my better-half.
I thought about those ladies and their conversation all the way home. I’ve never been a big fan of condoms and when possible I wouldn’t use them. Fortunately for me when I was acting wild and crazy STD’s weren’t as a big an issue as they are today. All I had to do then was determine if the woman I was pursuing was on the pill or not. If not, I proceeded on to the next possible partner. The way things are these days I wouldn’t attempt sex with a any partner unless I wore a body condom. Bearing all that in mind when I got home I decided to do a little research on condoms. I have a fairly extensive library of books containing tons and tons of totally useless information and trivia. It took me about 10 min. to find what I was looking for and I’m making it available to you free of charge. You just can’t have enough information about condoms.
Condoms have been with us much longer than you might have imagined. Condoms are supposedly named after the apocryphal,”Dr. Condom”, or Conton, who is supposed to have made them for Charles II, out of lamb’s intestines, which were dried and then well oiled. The mail sheath, however, had been around long before the time of Charles II. Before the time of Christ, the Chinese made them with oiled silk paper (the first lubricated condoms). It is rumored that Roman soldiers would make condoms from the muscle tissue of their defeated foes. By mid-evil times, the spread of syphilis increased the use of condoms greatly. In the 1800s condoms were made from animal intestines that were soaked in an alkaline solution, scraped, disinfected with the vapor of burning brimstone, washed, insulated, dried, cut to approximately 7 inches, and fitted with a ribbon on the open end. The Catholic Church wasn’t too crazy about this prophylactic profusion and in 1826 Pope Leo the XIII condemned their use. Despite the objections of his Holiness, condoms were here to stay!
Making this detailed history of condoms available should be considered my November public service announcement.
You’re very welcome.
Well the first winter storm has come and gone with no appreciable damage to our home or property. It’s been sleeting and raining off and on for most of the night but the plus side to that is the snow will be gone in a short time. It’s a reasonably good start to the 2012/2013 winter when we’ve had 4 inches of snow which required no shoveling.
I spent most of my evening yesterday lounging with my better-half watching a little TV. I’m not sure who’s responsible for giving television the nickname “boob tube” but they certainly hit that nail right on the head. I was reading and TV watching and finally finished the first Harry Potter book. A short time after my better-half went off to bed I turned off the “tube” and opened up book number two. It was an enjoyable read but it didn’t last very long. I become so relaxed when I read that if I’m not careful I can easily doze off. My solution is to sit in an uncomfortable chair in an uncomfortable position and just read. I stay awake longer and in the long run read much more.
Today’s a new day and I’ve got a lot of errands to run and a list of tasks that need to be taken care of. I was happy to finally receive yesterday afternoon a really nice set of wood carving tools that I ordered from Amazon a week or so ago. I like carving but without the proper tools it’s just a waste of time and energy. I spent an hour or two on an old piece of wood learning what each tool will do and what they won’t do. It may take me a little time to get the feel for these tools but I think any carvings that I do in the future will be much cleaner and crisper than in the past. I may actually try to do something I’ve been wanting to do for quite some time and that is to attempt wood block printing. It’s been a number of years since the last time but it’s a little like sex and bicycle riding, you never forget the basics. That will be another one of my winter projects for this year and should keep me busy in January and February.
Well, I’m finally dressed with my camera in hand and I’m out the door in five minutes. I need to make a quick stop at a local business that supplies me with winemaking equipment. We have three batches of wine underway and it won’t be long before the bottling will begin. I’m in need of corks and a few other odds and ends. I’ve been experimenting this year with my wines and I’ll find out soon enough if it worked. I’m a huge fan of Gin but drinking too much of it is not a good idea. I decided to gather the ingredients used to make Gin and attempt to create a Gin Wine. I had juniper berries shipped in from California and in combination with other herbs and spices made a three gallon batch. Making wine is always an adventure because you never really have any idea how it will turn out even if your following a good recipe. This experiment has Gin’s aroma but it’s the taste that has me concerned. Our other batches of Blueberry and Triple Berry (Blueberry, Blackberry, and Strawberry) are in their final stages and I’ve given them my first taste test. So far so good.
I’m out the door, let the day begin.
It looks like this is going to be another day of surprises for me. I woke up bright and early this morning and stumbled from the bedroom barely conscious. The house was chilly, the cat was hungry, and my kidneys were screaming. Being the organized guy that I am I immediately prioritized. I turned up the thermostat, kicked the cat out of the way, and headed for my favorite room of the house. It was still dark as hell but as I walked past our large picture window I couldn’t have been more surprised. Four inches of freaking snow piled up on the deck and everywhere else. It’s what I get for not paying attention to the weather forecasts over the last few days. These inconvenient and inevitable weather changes are a pain in the ass but we must roll with the punches. My immediate response to the snow was to get a cup of coffee and make a beeline for my nice warm and toasty bed. I did feed the cat on the way only because I knew he’d nag me to death to get fed if I didn’t.
I slide back under the covers, turned on the TV and guess what, no satellite signal. I can’t ever seem to get a damn break. We hadn’t lost power, thank God, but looking out the window I could see a shimmer of sleet and immediately knew why the signal had been lost. Effing ice build up on the dish requiring my personal touch. I sat for a moment hoping against hope the damn thing will recover on it’s own. Fat chance. I was being forced to leave my warm snuggly bed to venture out into the cold cruel storm. I threw on a robe, grabbed a broom, and made my way to the door. Shit!
You must realize I’m an accident waiting to happen when there’s snow or ice anywhere nearby. I’ve fallen so many times in my life it’s ridiculous. In the last twenty years I’ve fractured my knee, thrown out my back, and fell to the driveway directly on top of my hand breaking my little finger. With a record like that it’s no wonder I’m extra careful at all times. I got to the door with my broom and unfortunately for me the only pair of available shoes were a pair of Crocs made for summer beach wear. Being a good soldier I put my bare feet into those stupid Crocs, opened the door and stepped out into the snow. Believe me when I tell you it was freaking cold. I only took a few steps before balance became an immediate issue but thank God for the broom. That stupid broom turned from a cleaning device to a walking stick and saved my ass from a tumble. I knocked the snow and ice from the satellite dish and safely returned to the house. I was really proud of myself for avoiding an injury but I’ve got to remember not to get too cocky. This was just the first in any number of snow storms and we have four more months of winter before I’ll feel safe again.
I love Winter and the change of seasons but these are perilous times for me and all of the other really clumsy people out there.
I guess I must be suffering from post election withdrawal. It’s such a relief to have the election and all of the associated nonsense over with. So I’ll start this day enjoying my breakfast of eggs, bacon, toast, and coffee. I guess as long as the simple things I enjoy stay the same it helps me deal with the bigger things that suck. I stayed up late last night reading more of Harry Potter and occasionally surfing to Fox News to check on the election returns. Needless to say I slept in a little later than usual this morning because I knew what I was going to wake up to.
This little breakfast nook of ours is on the second floor overlooking the road that passes by the house. We seem to be on the route for a continuing stream of bicyclists, runners, and soccer moms with their kids and dogs. It’s an easy way for me to people watching from a safe distance without alarming anyone. People these days are very nervous, and rightly so.
I’ve noticed one thing in recent months about the runners that jog by here. They all look like they want to die with their red flushed faces and wobbly knees. I thought running was supposed to be a good thing. All I’ve ever heard from the obsessed runners that I know is how this huge rush of endorphins surges through their skinny yet healthy bodies. I hate to be the one to tell them that I can also get a huge rush of endorphins by smacking myself on the hand with a hammer. Truth be told I’d rather have the smack with that hammer than to be running all over God’s creation. Let me tell you a story I was told from my late father a few years ago. Listen to the story and then get back to me about how healthy jogging can be. Here we go.
My father worked a blue-collar job all of his life and for most of those years his job was extremely physical so he never was into lifting weights, hitting the gym, or running. His boss’s name was Mr. White and he worked primarily in an office position that required almost no physical activity. Mr. White lived a few miles from our home and every morning as my dad was driving to work he’d see Mr. White jogging along in his cute little running outfit. He’d give my Dad a nod or a wave and continue on down the road. Now you must understand this, Mr. White was not overweight or in need of bodybuilding and appeared to be a healthy individual who was using running for stress relief. One morning as my father’s work day began he was called to the office and told that Mr. White had passed away. He asked under what circumstances and was told that Mr. White had been found lying along a road approximately a half mile from his home, dressed in his jogging outfit, and dead from a heart attack. What’s the moral of the story you ask. That’s an easy one for me, don’t freaking jog.
I’m not criticizing those people who love running but I just thought it was ironic as hell that a guy that appeared to be as healthy as Mr. White dropped dead while jogging. You can be sure of one thing, you’ll never see me running along a road anywhere unless there’s a guy close behind me with a gun. Just saying.
I’m rambling on and on because I truthfully don’t want to get off my ass and do anything today. Maybe another coffee and some loud kick-ass music might do the trick. We’ll see.
Here’s a short blurb on last nights election results. My congratulations to the biased media in this country that spent four years campaigning and propagandizing for Obama. They ignored their constitutional responsibility to be fair and balanced and to be a serious political watchdog for the rest of the citizenry. Another first for America, the first Main Steam Media President.
Did you hear that? I just felt a huge thud as the power shifted from the political parties and electorate to the MSM. Now we finally know who the actual power brokers really are.
Good job America. Manipulated and screwed but still stupid enough to be cheering about it. You get what you deserve and brother do you deserve this President.
Well it’s election day, aren’t you excited? I don’t think so because I don’t know anybody that is. I’ve listened to talk radio today, local news on both radio and TV, and everybody’s “shoveling it” hard and fast. The liberal stations are telling me that Obama is the man and he’s going to kick Romney’s ass. The conservative stations are saying that Romney is the man and he’s going to kick Obama’s ass. If I had my druthers I’d like to take them both out behind the woodshed and kick both their asses.
The last two years has been been unbearable with the constant stream of biased propaganda from everyone under the sun. First off, both candidates should all be arrested for felony Criminal Annoyance and sentenced to 20 years locked in a cell with each other. That just might be what “cruel and unusual” is all about.
I’m not getting too excited until later this evening when the only thing that really matters takes place. The vote count. Everyone’s reciting poll results which are just so much hogwash. The polls always seem to reflect the opinion of the pollster whether liberal or conservative. If as many people in this country are as tired of the constant polling as I am, they’ll lie to any pollster just to be ornery. I’ve been polled a number of times by telephone over the last few years and I absolutely lied through my teeth every damn time. The vote is a secret in this country and I’d like to keep the tradition alive. I’m not telling a soul who or what I’m voting for or against, it’s none of their damn business. It’s a freaking secret ballot.
If I have one more person talk to me like I’m a some idiot wrapped in a moron and try to explain to me why the way I want to vote is incorrect, I could be persuaded to violence. So if there’s anyone out there who’s reading this who enjoys making phone calls for candidates and visiting homes to irritate the residents, here’s a little bit of advice. Stay the hell away from my home and don’t think about calling me again. You’ve spent two years preaching to me and I’m “burned out”.
A few cups of coffee, an hour on the computer, and then back to the serious work of remodeling our spare room. I’m in the process of combining our master bedroom with an adjacent unused room and I’ve pretty much gutted the room to include removal of all the drywall from the walls and ceiling. I’ve pulled up and removed the carpeting and pads and removed the old electrical outlets and switches. Thank god it’s not a huge room but its still a lot of work and preparation.
Today I’m beginning to rewire some of the outlets and taking measurements for the laminate flooring. Small but important steps in the process. Next week Ill be reframing the closet and deciding how much of the wall to remove to make the new opening into our bedroom. Good old Lowe’s delivered the new drywall and studs last week and I’m almost ready to get serious about this project. I’m tempted to just call a contractor but my better half insists I do some of the heavy lifting. She’s just so frugal at times it makes me crazy.
I stayed up a little too late last night reading book number one of the Harry Potter series. I was surprised how closely the movie followed the story line but there were a few things in it that were edited out of the movie. Hagrid in the movie came across much differently than in the book. He was a big loveable hulk in the movie but was portrayed as something of a loser in the book. It’s those subtle little things that allows books to remain true to the authors original story. Hollywood has a way of editing stories in a lot of little ways that can sometimes change the entire story. I’ll stick to my books thank you very much. Unfortunately I got so caught up in the story I lost track of time and the next thing I know it was one o’clock. Obviously I need all the beauty sleep I can get so off to bed I went.
As I walked into the bathroom this morning the mirror was very unkind to me. I looked like “forty mile of bad road” and felt just about that good. I’m still tired as hell but I’m up and finally motivating.
My better-half is working today and has meetings scheduled well into the late afternoon. I can finish my tasks and still have time for a hour or two with my camera along the coast somewhere north of here.
Back to work. No more procrastinating
Are you as sick as I am with all this political nonsense? I decided to get out of the house for a few hours with my better-half to take a short hike through the woods, in a non-hunting area of course, to just enjoy the clean air and the sunny day. The area where we wanted to walk is approximately seven miles from our home and we took the round-about-way of getting there.
I decided just for the hell of it to count all of those annoying political signs that seem to pop up at every intersection and clutter the landscape during every election cycle. I stopped counting at three hundred but it was easily twice that.
I realize there are some rather loosely enforced rules about where those signs can be placed and how many can be placed there but that’s not really my point. It’s just another way for politicians of both parties to irritate the hell out of people. It’s bad enough that we have to listen to a barrage of advertisements on television but now they’re calling on my cell phone. I’m sure I’m not the only person in this country whose made an attempt to contact every no-contact list imaginable to stop these annoying intrusions. Whatever rules they’ve set up for this kind of political crap just aren’t being enforced. Why am I acting so surprised? Everyone knows the rules don’t apply to the political elites.
I’m not a big fan of things political and I’ve lost a great deal of respect for many of the people who insist on living that lifestyle. I can respect a blue-collar worker much more than a smooth talking, word parsing, political hack. These feelings aren’t restricted to any specific political party because the differences between the two have become so blurred in the last few years it’s all the same damn thing. I know it doesn’t do much good to bitch and complain but it certainly makes me feel a little better.
As I mentioned in an earlier posting this week, I was able to make a little progress on that sculpture I been working on. It felt good to zone out for a few hours and concentrate on something interesting instead of the normal everyday humdrum nonsense. It still won’t be ready for Christmas but at least I’m back working at it. I love working with unusual materials and this project has taken it further than I normally go. Trying to create or re-create a woman’s hairdo out of white caulking compound has been a true challenge. I know exactly how I wanted it done and how I wanted it to look but getting there has become quite a challenge. I’ll keep slaving away and hopefully see an end to this project sometime after the holidays. Maybe I’ll be forced to make it a Valentine’s Day gift.
I did little shopping earlier today at a local store that sells used CDs, books, and video games. I love reading and I’ve been wanting for the longest time to eventually read the entire Harry Potter book series. I got extremely lucky and was able to purchase the first six books of that series at a reasonable price. Hopefully I’ll be able to finish the book I’m currently reading and be able to get into the first book of Harry Potter sometime this evening. The books are always better than the movies, at least in my experience.
Today has been a relaxing and nice day. I accomplished more than I was anticipating which is always a pleasant surprise. I attempted to take a short walk earlier but good sense prevailed. I’ve never seen so many hunters in our area before. Cars are parked along the roads and the poor hunters must be having a terrible time of it. I haven’t heard a single gun shot all day which isn’t a good sign for them.
I’ve never been much of a hunter but I come from a family who celebrated deer hunting season like it was a religious holiday. In western Pennsylvania the schools are virtually empty on the first day of deer season and students aren’t even penalized for missing classes.
My father made his pilgrimage to the wilds of northern PA every year for a week of male bonding with his buddies, some good camp chili, a keg of beer, and if they were lucky a couple of deer corpses. I was invited once when I was a teenager but declined for ever after. I just never saw the point. From that day forward I was officially an outcast from all hunting discussions and related war stories at our family gatherings. Thank God my nephew Mike loved hunting and was able to join my father and the boys on their annual safari and I was forever off the hook.
I was reintroduced to the lifestyle of the hunter about five minutes after I arrived in Maine with my moving van. I stopped to gas up the U-Haul and when I walked into the gas station the first thing I saw were hundreds of photo’s tacked to the walls of customers with their deer kill. The owner saw me looking and I had to smile nicely and listen to his favorite deer killing saga with him directing me to the appropriate photo of him in his camo outfit.
This indoctrination continued nonstop for quite a few years until I finally gave up the fight. I still refuse to hunt but I can now talk about it up with best of them. My dad would have been so proud.
everyuselessthing.com 