We’re getting down to the wire with all of the preparations for our trip. Now that we’re ready to go I just want to get going. I’ve always been a huge pain in the butt as so many family members have told me because I tend get a bit impatient and it makes me make them crazy.
I’m wrapping the last of the gifts for my family members because I’d like to get them into the mail as soon as I can. I don’t like waiting too long because my faith in the US Postal Service isn’t what it once was.
There’s one thing that I do every year which makes a great gift for a few lucky family members. I started doing it three years ago and it might be something you’d like to try. I’ve been ordering customized postage stamps through stamps.com. You upload a photograph which they then print as stamps. It’s pretty cool, really easy to do, and everyone seems to love them. I’m not doing a promo or anything for them but I think it might be worth a quick look.
Today was a first for me. I went shopping for baby clothes. OMG who knew there were so many choices. It was only recently I discovered what a onesy is. Who knew? It also appears that infants grow faster than the clothes you initially bought for them. My better-half purchased a few outfits just after the grandson was born and he’s already out grown them and they’ve never been worn. His parents have been hinting about having another child within a year or two which makes regifting a real possibility. I’ll just have to cross my fingers and hope they have another son and that the outfits we purchased haven’t gone out of style.
I just was thinking how much fun playing with, talking about, and buying clothes for babies can be when they’re not yours. There’s a lot to be said for being a step-grandparent and being able to send them home with their parents after each visit. I suspect that will change in the near future when we become the get-away spot for him when he gets pissed at his parents or vice versa. Can’t wait. My grand mother was that person for me when I was growing up so I can appreciate every little kid having a place to go for some hugs and kisses and no scolding.
Back at the computer early today since I’ve many errands to run in anticipation of our journey to the great state of Maryland. I need the car serviced and a good washing and vacuuming wouldn’t hurt much either. I have to check in with the house sitters too and make sure they arrive on time.
I thought I’d give you an quick update on “the car in the woods” incident I mentioned yesterday. I ran across across the road and found the car about fifteen feet into the trees and wedged between two of them. It appeared the driver was crossing a sheet of ice when his passenger side tire slid off onto the berm. As many people do he overcorrected to regain control, spun around and shot right back into the woods. He was uninjured but really pissed off about the whole situation. Damage to the car appeared minimal but he removed a few large pieces of bark from a tree or two with his side doors. He was really lucky not to have been injured but he sure didn’t see it that way.
My better-half and I finished decorating the house with her Christmas knick-knacks and paddy-wacks on every surface of every piece of furniture. The tree looks nice after an hour or two of attempting to get the freaking lights operational. Last year we decided to change over to the old, large, multicolor retro style lights. They look absolutely gorgeous but I’d be afraid to use them on a live tree. They throw off so much heat they’d dry a live tree out in no time. Fortunately were went artificial on the tree a few years back.
Christmas fever has consumed my better-half and she insists on taking me along for the ride. As we were decorating I was strong-armed into watching five straight hours of Christmas movies. Argggg! Who needs waterboarding? Sheer effing torture while she dances around the living room singing along with every tune. I hope she purchased that noise cancelling headset I asked her for. It’ll get more use than my car.
Well, I’m off to do my errands and maybe take a few photos along the way. Twenty-one days and counting.
I seem to be stuck in an after Thanksgiving holiday slow-motion this morning. As previously predicted I spent most of yesterday decorating the tree and being a somewhat silent helper to my better-half’s decorating efforts. Drink some wine, nob my head yes, drink some more wine, and nod my head yes again. It’s a tough job but someone has to do it. Most of my opinions are those head nods but I’ll stand up and be heard if she does sometime totally tasteless. Of course that never ever happens, honest. I have the blah’s today but this seems to occur every year around this time. I’ll eventually get a little excited about the holidays, but not too much. Christmas ceased being my favorite holiday the first year I got mostly clothes for gifts. It hasn’t felt the same since.
Growing up my folks weren’t well off and money was always an issue but regardless the gifts for us kids were always cool. My first double holstered cap pistols, my first grown up bicycle, and my first chemistry set. One year my Mom painted my bedroom walls with planets and rocket ships because she knew way back then I was destined to be a science-fiction nerd. Just so you know, she was right, I still am. A few years later I got an honest to God set of paints and brushes and made my first Christmas cards. They were highly praised by all of my overly kind and biased relatives. Just so you know, hundreds of paintings, sculptures, collages, and sketches later, I’m still a happily and struggling artist.
It feels awfully good to reminisce and it helps put things back into their proper perspective as Christmas approaches. I’d like to chat further but I just heard a very loud crash from outside. It appears some NASCAR wannabe hit a sheet of ice on the road and is now sitting quietly in his car sitting in the woods across the road from my house. He appears uninjured but I’d better check. HO! HO! HO!
Christmas is really a holiday meant for the youngest of us. I get my biggest thrill out of watching the little children at this time of the year showing their genuine excitement and wonder. Those feelings only last for a few short years before they begin to wan so we should really enjoy the holiday vicariously through our kids to get that true Christmas spirit back once again. I still remember how upset I got when as a youngster I discovered there was no Santa Clause or Tooth Fairy. It’s our job as parents to keep the dream alive for them as long as possible. To help get us in the spirit I offer these “Dear Santa” letters that never seem to get old. Some are new and some are old but they’re all are cute as hell.
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Dear Santa, It’s not necessary to get me a toy, but if you do I would like a surprise (again). I’ve been some what bad so I understand if you don’t get me anything. I love what you got me last year. Thank you!
Dear Santa, Will you put a pickle ornament on my tree? How are your elves? I would like Cars 2 characters, the Cars 2 movie, the Super Mario 3D Land and Mario Kart 7 games, the 3DS, 10 notebooks, 30 random airplanes and that’s it. Have a nice Christmas. Your friend, Matthew
Dear Santa, I would like a chainsaw. Love, Keenan
I hope I am on the good list. I hope the reindeer get enough food. Please thank the elves because they have been working hard. I hope you like my cookies. For Christmas I would like an iPad. I would like an iPhone too. Have a safe trip. From, Allison
Dear Santa, I want surprise presents. I want my cousin Berta to have a puppy and my dog to have a squeezie toy and a coat to keep my dog warm. I really want my little cousin Natalia to be nice and happy and get presents. I want a PSP game and a game for the PSP.I would like a DS. I also would like this Christmas to be awesome for the whole town. Sincerely Danna
Dear Santa, For Christmas I would like everything in the whole entire world, even girl stuff. Love, Tom
Dear Santa, I take great care of the toys you got me. All I would like for Christmas is for it to snow and for it to be a happy Christmas. It’s ok if I get toys. I do want them, but I want a happy Christmas more. I saw Rudolph last year. What is your favorite kind of cookies? We’ll make sure you bring a happy Christmas. Sincerely Camrynn
Dear Santa, Please give me a doll this year. I would like her to eat, walk, do my homework, and help me clean my room.
Thank you, Jenny
Dear Santa,
Thanks for the race car last year. Can I have another one, only this time one that is faster than my best friend’s race car? Ricky
Dear Father Christmas,
I wish you could leave a puzzle under the tree for me. And a toy for my sister. Then she won’t want to play with mine and I can have it to myself.
Merry Christmas, Cassie
Dear Santa, Can you make it snow a night? How are the reindeer? Hmmm… I would like a remote control airplane. I would like the movie Rio! I would like an iPhone maybe. I would like to make people happy at Christmas. Could I have surprise gifts? Merry Christmas Santa. Sincerely Katerina
Dear Santa, I think I’ve been really good this year. I hope you like our chimney. It is very wide. I hope you have a Merry Christmas! I hope you like the cookies. Santa, the main thing on my Christmas list is Kanani the American Girl doll. I hope you like my letter. I love you Santa. From, Natalie
Dear Santa, I want you to surprise me. My mom said when she was little she got surprised by you. So I am trying it this year. I can’t wait till you come. How hard do you work in your workshop? I hope you have a great Christmas. I am going to have a great Christmas. Sincerely Abigail
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Things can’t get much cuter than this. I hope you and yours enjoy the holidays and prosper in the New Year.
HO! HO! HO!
Hello from the newly christened Christmas elf. I mentioned yesterday that I was thinking about setting up the Christmas tree as a surprise for my better-half. She wasn’t only surprised but stunned. As I predicted things began to happen as we talked all nite about getting into the attic tomorrow and unloading a few dozen boxes of decorations. Guess what we’re doing today. That’s right, putting them up. I’ll be needing a lot of D&D coffee for sure and quite possible a toddy or two later this evening. Christmas is fun but after a straight eight hours of it I get quite the headache.
Now that I’ve been made an official elf I plan on spreading more Christmas cheer among my readers by supplying them with information that is rarely publically admitted. I’m all for giving and donating doing the holidays and I’m a huge supporter of any organization that makes an effort to help the less fortunate. I’m also realistic enough to be somewhat skeptical as to where my donations go and whose reaping the benefits from them. The following list might help you decide what organizations will get your donated dollars in the future. As you open your pocketbooks for the next natural disaster, or the Christmas season, please keep these facts in mind:
The American Red Cross President and CEO Marsha J. Evans’ salary for the 2011 was $951,957 plus expenses.
The United Way President Brian Gallagher receives a $675,000 base salary along with numerous expense benefits.
UNICEF CEO Caryl M. Stern receives $1,900,000 per year (158K) per month, plus all expenses including a ROLLS ROYCE.
That list of money-grubbing bureaucrat salaries should shock you a little. Now for the list that really matters.
The Salvation Army’s Commissioner Todd Bassett receives a salary of only $13,000 per year (plus housing) for managing this $2 billion dollar organization.
The American Legion National Commander receives a $0.00 salary. Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!
The Veterans of Foreign Wars National Commander receives a $0.00 salary. Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!
The Disabled American Veterans National Commander receives a $0.00 salary.
The Military Order of Purple Hearts National Commander receives a $0.00 salary.
The Vietnam Veterans Association National Commander receives a $0.00 salary.
I know that you work as hard for you money as I do and you really care enough to help when you can. Bear this information in mind when your donating. It’s much more important for donated funds to actually help less fortunate people than to pay bloated salaries to a bunch of bureaucrats.
Frigid cold last night and a very thin blanket of snow covering everything this morning. I walked outside for a few minutes and the air has that snap in it that I miss so much sometimes. When I can feel my nose hairs freezing and my face being chapped by the cold wind. These are some of the insane reasons I thoroughly enjoy Winter.
The thing I really don’t enjoy is the garbage that’s frozen to my driveway after a rather sloppy pickup by the local trash company yesterday. I needed a freaking ice pick and a shovel just to break it’s hold on the asphalt. Another of life’s little annoyances to kick you in the butt and to help you forget just how sentimental and emotionally sloppy your becoming over a little cold air and a brisk wind. I worry about myself a little when I begin waxing philosophic about weather changes.
Maybe it’s just this junior league hangover I’m sporting this morning. A few too many glasses of a reasonably good Chardonnay will do it to you every time.
I’m being forced by the passing days to complete my Christmas shopping but I can’t seem to get motivated about the holidays thus far. I’ve been avoiding the crowds and the all of the Christmas related decorations and music just through a total lack of interest. I’m hoping for a minor miracle that will somehow infuse me with that hard to find spirit just to keep my better-half happy.
I may be forced to surprise her when she gets home later today. I’ll unpack that beautiful eight foot fake Christmas tree and get it set up for her. I’ll need EMT’s standing by if I do because the shock might kill her. But . . . If I’m foolish enough to set up that tree then chaos will certainly follow. Before she goes to work tomorrow there will be boxes of ornaments, strings of lights, and dozens of feet of tinsel awaiting me. “You were so sweet to put up the tree for me, how about finishing the rest of the decorating today?”. I may have to take a short break, have a coffee, and then have my freaking head examined. Why in Gods name would I do that to myself. Wait just a second . . . .
. . . . OK I’m back. I went away for a while to a happy place where my inner voices told me to shut up, forget the damn decorations, and stop being stupid. Thank God for them. I’m getting in my car and taking my camera to begin another search for a few of those elusive Kodak moments anywhere but where Christmas music is playing.
FA, LA, LA, LA ,LA . . . .. LA ,LA, LA, LA!
Another month has screamed by at warp speed and winter has arrived here in Maine. We haven’t received much snow yet but the temps are in the mid twenties at night and low forties during the day. It always takes me a few weeks to adjust my body to the winter temperatures but once that’s over it’s smooth sailing for the next five months.
I’d like to thank those of you who persuaded me into sticking with my goal of reading all of the Harry Potter books. As I thought, the books tell a better story than the films but the films special effects really do bring the stories to life in a different way. It’s hard to deny how important special effects can be when making movies about witches and wizards and a host of really strange creatures. If I were to make a recommendation I’d still suggest reading the books before seeing the movies. That’s almost impossible I know but it’s what I think. Since the films have been released to TV I’m sure just about everyone on the planet has seen most of them. That’s OK but if you’re a real fan then sit down and read them, you’ll love it.
I finished book three a few days ago, took a breath and immediately started on book four. I’m only a few chapters into it but can already see the changeover to a more adult approach to the story. A couple of early murders and a little sexual innuendo go a long way to making that point. I’m actually looking forward to finishing the remainder of the books which shouldn’t take more than a few more weeks after my return from Maryland.
I’m sitting here this morning trying to solve a problem I’ve seen having recently. We live in a very rural area filled with forests, farm fields, a few neighbors, and a plethora of animals roaming in and around the property. I need to preface this with a tidbit of information to help you understand. A number of months ago we had an unknown number of fucking thieves enter our home while we were out and they stole everything that wasn’t nailed down. The details are unimportant but the effect it had on us was profound. I’ve since turned my home into a fortress with lock replacements, industrial strength deadbolts, a top of the line alarm system, and sensor controlled lights surrounding the house. If you even fart within two hundred feet of my house the place will light up like Rockefeller Center and you’ll likely get to meet me and my Smith & Wesson. The police should arrive just in time to save you.
Your asking I know, “What’s the big problem then?”. Sounds great right? Not so much. The problem began shortly after the lights were installed when I was in a much more paranoid place than I am now. I was lying in bed at two in the morning and all of a sudden the entire rear of the house lit up. I grabbed my gun and headed down stairs to investigate. I looked out the windows and could see nothing so I opened the back door to look around and almost stepped on one of the largest skunks I’ve ever seen. He was sitting almost against the door and I was one step away from a smelling and disgusting disaster. Of course, I retreated immediately but that SOB hung around for another half hour keeping all of the lights lit. A few times every week now I’m awakened not just by roaming wild animals but also my neighbors cat. He loves patrolling around my house in the wee hours and might even get some kind of a feline related thrill by turning on all my lights every so often.
“It’s a pickle I tell ya!”, to quote Frank Barone. How do I take steps to deal with that cat? Maybe I shoot him in the ass with a BB gun? I really don’t want to harm the little bastard because he’s been keeping the chipmunk population under control for a few years now. I’m afraid there’s just no solution. I’ll have to get darker curtains on my bedroom windows and just let it go. My other problem is that I’m not very good at letting things go.
Time to go and enjoy the day.
After yesterdays rant I found myself feeling somewhat better about the upcoming holidays. Now for the next week we will be preparing for our trip to Maryland. It’s going to be a long week because we’re already fighting and arguing with each other over preparations.
Part of those preparations include topping off the home heating oil tank so we don’t run out of fuel while we’re away. We had the tank filled up today and what a bargain, only five hundred and fifty dollars to keep the house at an uncomfortably cold sixty-two degrees until late January. I guess I shouldn’t complain because last winter we maintained the house in the range of 55-65 degrees for the entire season and let me tell you a little secret. It’s really hard to get a good nights sleep when your wearing long johns, socks, a tassel hat, and two layers of clothing. That’s the conundrum, not spending the money you save by keeping the house cooler for extra clothing to keep your body warmer. The bottom line is this, winter is expensive and you can’t avoid paying through the nose for it.
The government energy experts love advising people to use alternative sources of energy. Wood burning, solar power, and wind power are their favorites. After doing my research I come to find out it pretty much is a huge load of manure. To equip my home with just a basic solar system would cost ten to twenty thousand dollars. If I saved just $20.00 a month based on a fifteen thousand dollar expenditure it would require 62.5 years to recoup my money. What a deal. Pellet stoves are cheaper but not by much. If I wanted wind power it could cost in the area of four thousand dollars and would give me the ability to light a limited number of lights in a few rooms of my home. So much for the alternative energy sources. They may become economical at some time in the future but unfortunately I’ll probably be dead for twenty years.
I’m leaving in a few minutes to visit the local tire store for maintenance on my vehicle before the trip. I been having issues with a slow leak that’s been driving me crazy for over a month. Hopefully it won’t cost me an arm and a leg for repairs but as always expect the worst and when it doesn’t happen, celebrate.
I also need to do a little shopping for clothes that pass my better-half’s inspection. I wouldn’t want to show up at any gathering with her family looking like my normal self. I’ve been told to clean up my act, cut my hair, shave my face, and scrub my filthy body. I’m not only required to look good but to smell good as well. I won’t be permitted to make the trip if I have one freaking hair out of place. This get together is just going to be “the cats ass”. Deck the effing halls!
First we had Black Friday and the week long barrage of advertisements that preceded it. The bombardment was brutal as always and made it virtually impossible for me to comfortably watch TV, listen to the radio, or read my emails. Spam was worse than usual on the net and there was just no let up. Some time Friday afternoon I expected some relief when the end of Black Friday was in sight. Wrong! Visiting a few stores during that week was a huge disappointment for me too. In years past the Christmas holiday really didn’t take off until the weekend following Black Friday, but no more. For example, Lowes was setting Christmas displays two weeks before Black Friday and I can only assume they were following the example set by the Big Daddy retailer, Walmart. I was already sick of the Christmas season in late September with their slashed prices, great deals, giveaways, and enough coupons mailed to kill off a large forest. It was just plain stupid but I was certain it would soon decline in frequency. Wrong again.
I wake up bright and early on Sunday and the barrage had changed focus. It’s now the beginning of the ramp up to Cyber Monday. I wonder what genius thought up that pain-in-the-ass promotion. Chances are good it was a combination of people from Best Buy, Apple, and of course Amazon. My mail box was suddenly filled anew with another round of nonsense. The old Circuit City brand that closed it’s retail establishments five years ago is now alive and well as an internet business and returned once more to bother me. Prices were being lowered again and again with the drumbeat continuing on both television and radio. I was forced to abandon electronic media for a day or two and just sit quietly and read a good book.
Monday arrived and again I was hoping for a reprieve from the advertising onslaught with the end of the Cyber Monday debacle. Wrong again. Late Monday I began hearing a new phrase being bandied about, Cyber Week! These effing people are relentless in their need to make most of us as miserable and brainwashed as possible. Maybe next year November can become Cyber Month and Christmas resets can begin in August. This country is on advertising overload and has been for quite some time. I recall a time when cable TV was first introduced and they called it Pay TV. We were assured that with the advent of cable we could watch television commercial-free for just a small monthly payment. That claim lasted about a week before they began to clog the new cable airways with ads and began jacking up the monthly fee.
I sat with a stop watch one evening earlier this year and decided to determine how much time was spent on actual TV programming. In a standard one half hour sitcom we’re being force-fed approximately ten minutes of boring, annoying, and stupid advertisements. That means for a two hour movie special we are fed forty minutes of ads. It won’t be long before what used to be an hour special will become a three and a half hour advertising fiasco. When will it end? I think the answer to that would be “Never”.
We aren’t permitted any ad free time to sit and think about anything but spend, spend, spend. Walmart seems to be the trend setter in all things retail and it doesn’t take long for Target, Best Buy, and all of the others to follow suit. Walmart is constantly in our face on TV and upon arrival at their stores you’ll find endless numbers of signs posted everywhere. You enter the building and there are signs for the Donut Shop, Pharmacy, Bank, Eyeglasses, Beauty Shop and even Nail Salons. The entire building is covered in signs for just about every product they carry. Their latest and greatest devices to drive me crazy are those little LCD screens located on end-caps that activate as you approach. Another sales pitch for some bullshit useless product I didn’t want to begin with. My first introduction to those little devices scared the crap out of me as I was walking along minding my own business and all of a sudden I have a female voice bellowing at me to buy some stupid product I really didn’t need. Criminally annoying.
My rant is over for now. The problem with all of these advertisements is two fold. First, they seem to work which gives the companies incentive to continue using them and second, it gives them the power to manipulate large numbers of the population to do their bidding. As always my bitch about the Media in general is their constant attempts to control not only politics in this country but everything else as well. If that doesn’t give you pause and scare you a little then we’ve already lost the battle.
I’m leaving now because I feel the need to scream and then run to Walmart and buy something stupid. Merry Effing Christmas!
I mentioned yesterday about my favorite blogger, Rob “Acidman” Smith, who passed away in 2006. I visited his site again yesterday, Gut Rumbles, for a trip down memory lane. With Christmas coming I’m always at a loss for stories that don’t end up being tear-jerkers about some family member or friend who has passed away. I’ve decided to again introduce all of you to Rob by reposting one of his favorite Christmas stories posted on the last Christmas before his untimely death. Nothing else could possibly explain to you how he felt about things except this sample of his great sense of humor. Read and enjoy it like I did yesterday.
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December 23, 2005
A Christmas Story:
INFANT DISCOVERED IN BARN, CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES LAUNCH PROBE
Nazareth Carpenter Being Held On Charges Involving Underage Mother
Bethlehem, Judea – Authorities were today alerted by a concerned citizen who noticed a family living in a barn. Upon arrival, Family Protective Service personnel, accompanied by police, took into protective care an infant child named Jesus, who had been wrapped in strips of cloth and placed in a feeding trough by his 14-year old mother, Mary of Nazareth. During the confrontation, a man identified as Joseph, also of Nazareth, attempted to stop the social workers. Joseph, aided by several local shepherds and some unidentified foreigners, tried to forestall efforts to take the child, but were restrained by the police.
Also being held for questioning are the three foreigners who allege to be wise men from an eastern country. The INS and Homeland Security officials are seeking information about these who may be in the country illegally. A source with the INS states that they had no passports, but were in possession of gold and other possibly illegal substances. They resisted arrest saying that they had been warned by God to avoid officials in Jerusalem and to return quickly to their own country. The chemical substances in their possession will be tested.
Yeah, it’s funny, but only because we can see something like that actually happening today.
Posted by Acidman @ 12:51 AM
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His common sense approach to life made him all the more interesting to read. He could make you laugh, make you cry, and make you scratch your head and think. He’s still missed but his site lives on. Lucky us.
everyuselessthing.com 