Any day that starts with a visit to an Oncologist is a day that has to get better. Doctors still give me the willies even after all of my cancer related BS. I got a clean bill of health but I still have to go through their annoying little requirements each time I visit. Screw it, no more doctors talk. Let’s smile just a little with a few retro bumper stickers to get started today. Welcome back to the 60’s and 70’s.
EAT YOUR HEART OUT. I’M MARRIED.
LIFE’S TO SHORT TO FEEL GUILTY
BUMPER STICKERS ARE JUST NOT ENOUGH
I’M SO BROKE I CAN’T EVEN PAY ATTENTION
GOD IS COMING AND SHE’S PISSED OFF
Look Out Ladies – Here I come.
I think I had one or two of those on my 1973 orange Gremlin. I sure miss that car. And just for the hell of it here is a rather lengthy epithet from a fine poet in Wolverhampton, Straffordshire, England. I’m guessing this was written sometime between 1845-1855. It’s obvious that the author was no Longfellow.
I’ve worked closely for a variety of people over the years and I thought I’d heard every stupid question imaginable. Then I began reading about questions asked at National Parks and Tourist Visitor bureaus. Boy was I ever mistaken that I’ve heard it all. You just can’t make this stuff up.
*****
Which beach is closest to the water?
Do you have a map of the Iditarod Trail? We’d like to go for a walk now.
Have we made peace with the Indians?
What is the best time of the year to watch deer turn into elk?
Where are Scarlet and Rhett buried and are they buried together?
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If you go into a restaurant in Idaho and you don’t want any kind of potato with your meal, will they ask you to leave?
I am trying to build a flying saucer. Where do I go for help?
Where can I find a listing of jazz funerals for the month?
What is the official language of Alaska?
Where can we find Amish hookers? We want to buy a quilt.
*****
Do you know of any undiscovered ruins?
So whats in the unexplored part of the cage?
We had no trouble finding the park entrances, but where are the exits?
In the past I’ve been criticized for being somewhat unhappy with almost every organized religious group. I calmly sat by quietly accepting quit a number of less than Christian comments. They didn’t make me angry as you might think but in fact they made me smile. They just convinced me and others that I was probably accurate in my opinions. Today I will further defend my position by quoting some fairly well known individuals. They, like everyone else have opinions on damn near everything.
“Science without religion is lame, religion with science is blind.” Albert Einstein
“If men are so wicked with religion, what would they be without it?” Benjamin Franklin
“In all ages, hypocrites, called priests, have put crowns upon the heads of thieves, called kings.” Robert G. Ingersoll
“An archbishop is a Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.” H.L. Mencken
“Religion is induced insanity.” Madalyn Murray O’Hair
“Unlike Christianity, which preached a peace that it never achieved, Islam unashamedly came with a sword.” Steven Runciman
“The Catholic faith is confession on Saturday. Absolution on Sunday. At it again on Monday.” H.G. Wells
“If I had been the Virgin Mary, I’d have said, “No!” Stevie Smith
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So many people, so many opinions. As the old saying goes, “Opinions are like assholes, everybody’s got one.” It remains a truth regardless of what religion or lack of religion you believe in.
I thought I would supply all of my female readers with a few interesting historical facts from the early days of women’s rights. These women were the steppingstones that your gender walked on to get where it’s at today. Enjoy the history lesson.
To prove that girls could master such subjects as mathematics and philosophy without detracting from their health or charm, Emma Hart Willard founded the Troy (NY) Female Seminary, in 1821.
Not until 1932 was a woman elected to the Senate. She was Hatty Caraway, Arkansas Democrat. The first appointed woman senator was Rebecca Felton, a Georgia Democrat, in 1922.
No woman held a Presidential cabinet position until 1933, when Francis Perkins became Secretary of Labor and she served a dozen years. Before her appointment in Washington, Ms. Perkins was an industrial commissioner for New York State.
Mercy Otis Warren ( 1728 – 1814), at a time when women rarely played any part in public life, she became a propagandist for the US revolutionary cause, a confidant of John Adams, and an admired ally of most of the Massachusetts rebel leaders. She was a pioneer feminist who argued that women’s alleged weaknesses were due simply to inferior education.
At a time when the education of girls in most prominent families which concentrated on needlework, music, dancing, and languages, Aaron Burr insisted that his daughter, Theodosia, learn serious subjects rather than ornamental ones “to convince the world what neither sex appears to believe – that women have souls!”
For founding a birth-control clinic, in 1917, Margaret Sanger was jailed for a month in a workhouse.
I would hate to even try to come up with the number of words I’ve written in my life. Even talking about it boggles my mind. Language and words are everything. Without them both chaos would ensue. I know, I know, there’s plenty of chaos anyway but without communication chaos becomes something visceral and sometimes dangerous. Today I’ll be talking about words that I will write and you will read. Ta! Da!, communication without chaos.
Did you know that the word stewardesses is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
William Shakespeare invented more than 1700 words including assassination and bump.
The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
If you mouth the word colorful to someone, it looks like you are saying, “I love you.”
Dreamt is the only English word that ends in the letters mt.
The name Jeep came from the abbreviation GP, used in the U.S. Army for general-purpose vehicle.
The word bigwig takes its name from King Louis IV of France, who used to wear really big wigs.
No word in the English language rhymes with orange, silver or month.
The word chunder comes from convict ships bound for Australia: when people were going to vomit, they used to shout, “watch under”.
The expression rule of thumb derives from the old English law that said you couldn’t beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
I love reading limericks written in a totally different time and place. Today’s selection is from the war years in England. Even with all of the violence and mayhem going on they took time to maintain a sense of humor. Thank god for sex and it’s related activities, it’s all they had.
Johan Sebastian Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on the old spinster which he kept up in the attic.
The government of Athens was Democratic because the people took the law into their own hands.
Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.
People have sex, while nouns have genders.
The American colonists won the Revolutionary war and no longer had to pay for taxis.
The bowels are A, E, I, O, U, and sometimes Y.
He worked in the government as a civil serpent.
ISN’T EDUCATION WONDERFUL?
A horse divided against itself cannot stand.
The climate of the Sahara desert is so hot that certain areas are cultivated by irritation.
Charles Darwin wrote The Organ of the Species.
When a baby is born, the doctor cuts its biblical chord.
The Greeks invented three kinds of columns: Corinthian, Doric, and Ironic.
It’s hard these days tell tell if what we’re being told is true. Most companies and politicians have developed lying and fake news to new levels of confusion. We spend more time trying to determine if what we’re being told is a lie while the question we originally asked never gets answered. That’s always the grand plan for prevaricators of all kinds, misdirection and the parsing of words and phrases. It’s become an ugly art form for some people. Today’s post contains “true blue” facts collected from my archives with no manipulations or fake and misleading information. Here we go.
The telephone has been one of the most profitable inventions in the history of the United States.
One million threads of fiber optic cable can fit a tube 1/2 inch in diameter.
In 1956, Johnny Mathis decided to record an album instead of answering an invitation to try out for the US Olympic team as a high jumper. It turned out to be a fortuitous choice.
One ounce of pure gold can be made into a wire 50 miles long.
President John Quincy Adams started each summer day with an early morning skinny-dipping in the Potomac River.
America’s modern interstate highway system was designed in the 1950s during the Eisenhower administration. It’s primary purpose was not to enhance casual driving over long distances but to provide for the efficient movement of military vehicles if and when necessary.
The human eye blinks an average of 3.7 million times per year.
Terminal velocity for a human being is approximately 124 mph. To reach this speed, you would have to fall from a height of at least 158 yards or about 1 1/2 football fields.
The Bible contains 32 references to dogs, none to cats.
The word “nerd”comes from Dr. Seuss, who first used the term in his 1950 book If I Ran the Zoo.
I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this information that has not been edited, exaggerated, or just plain covered in BS. Real truths are much more interesting than most of the nonsense we’re being fed by corporate American and the politicians.
It’s officially Fall here in Maine. The temperature has fallen and the winter clothing and extra blankets have been unpacked. I’m sure there are snowblowers all over the state being readied for what is sure to be coming. If that doesn’t depress you a little then nothing will. Today’s post contains limericks written in the late sixties and early seventies and should be considered poetry of a sort. They’ve even been categorized to make it easier for me to choose. Today’s theme will be “Virgins”. Enjoy!
As I’ve repeated so man times in the past, I have little or no use for most politicians. Anyone with half a brain knows that they cause way more trouble than their worth. Look back as far as you’d like into history and the descriptions and excuses made then are identical to those made now. It seems that trusting a politician is much like sticking your hand into a meat grinder and hoping you won’t get injured. It’s just pure unadulterated foolishness. Lets drop back a few decades and check it out.
Residential, economic, educational qualification gave half a million Englishmen more than one vote in England in 1885A university graduate who also owned a business in the city of London voted three times – once at his home, once for his university, and once in the city.
When he resigned in 1923 because of illegal behavior in the Teapot Dome Affair, Secretary of the Interior Albert Fall was offered an appointment to the Supreme Court by President Harding. In 1931, Paul was tried and found guilty of conspiracy to defraud the government.
Daniel Webster, a leading US political figure 35 years in the 19th century, was ” on the take” from Nicholas Biddle and Biddle’s second Bank of the United States. Webster once wrote to Biddle to complain that “my retainer has not been renewed, or refreshed as usual.”
The first and only Congressman be jailed for criticizing the President was Matthew Lyon of Vermont, in 1798. He had attacked President John Adams’s plainly unconstitutional Sedition Act, which forbade the defamation of the government or its officers. The law was repealed during the Jefferson Administration.
Richard M. Nixon got his start in national politics indirectly through a newspaper appeal. Republicans in the Twelfth Congressional District of California needed a sacrificial candidate to run in 1946, and Nixon responded to the help wanted announcement.
William March “Boss” We were so corrupt as the head of Tammany Hall, the organization that controlled New York City politics after the Civil War, that he may have cost the city as much as $200 million through padded and fictitious charges and through tax favors.
In its effort to help the United States win the hearts and minds of the people of North Vietnam, in 1972,Committee to Reelect the President (Richard Nixon) put together thousands of “Democracy Kits” for parachuting into North Vietnam. The kit included a pen and pencil set decorated with the presidential seal and the signature of the President. The sets were similar to those presented to generous political contributors. The kits were never dropped into North Vietnam.
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