Archive for the ‘bawdy’ Tag
Just what you’ve all been clamoring for – more limericks. I made a lucky discovery a few weeks ago when I purchased a book containing 1700 limericks dated between 1810 and 1950. Instead of printing a few here and there I decided to pick a few selections from each decade. They’ll give us a good flavor of the times in which they were written. Many are crass and bawdy and there’s a host of them from the war years in the 1940’s. Just a warning . . . some of these are not for children or anyone whose overly religious or just plain naive. Let’s get to it . . .
There was a young girl in Berlin
Who was fucked by an elderly Finn.
Though he diddled his best,
And fucked her with zest,
She kept asking, “Hey, Pop, is it in?” 1927
Winter is here with his grouch,
The time when you sneeze and you slouch.
You can’t take you’re women
Canoe’in or swimm’in,
But a lot can be done on a couch. 1927
There was a young man named Hughs
Who swore off all kinds of booze,
He said,”When I’m muddled
My senses get fuddled,
And I pass up too many screws.” 1926
There was a young plumber of Leigh
Who was plumbing a girl by the sea.
She said,”Stop your plumbing,
There’s somebody coming!”
Said the plumber, still plumbing, “It’s me.” 1923
There was a young lady named May
Who strolled in a park by the way,
And she met a young man
Who fucked her and ran,
Now she goes to the park every day. 1924
What do you think? It seems the same sense of humor required to write limericks doesn’t change much from one generation to another.
Thank God!
With Christmas now in my rear-view mirror, I can get ready for the coming New Year holiday and celebrations. I won’t be out-and-about myself, but I will have a toast at midnight with my better-half. That being said let me move onto something else that I happen to enjoy, limericks and Isaac Azimov.
I have always been a huge fan of Isaac Asimov. I’ve been reading his novels and articles for most of my adult life. Fortunately for me most of them are science fiction which is my absolute favorite material to read. Asimov was one of the most prolific writers in history. If I recall correctly, he wrote more than 200 novels and thousands upon thousands of novelettes, short stories, and articles in many areas of study. In short, he was amazing.
It wasn’t until 10 years ago that I discovered that one of his hobbies was writing rude and bawdy limericks. After finding that out, I was determined to obtain some of his limericks. I found a thrift bookstore online and after some searching through their inventory discovered a book published in 1978 that contained dozens and dozens of limericks by Azimov and his friend John Ciardi. The book is split into two sections, limericks by Asimov, and the other half are limericks by John Ciardi. It’s a battle of the limerick monsters and makes for some really enjoyable and hilarious reading. I’ll offer up for your entertainment today four of Asimov’s more sexy limericks. I hope you enjoy them because I sure did.
😁😁😁
Sex need not be at all conversational,
Without talking, it’s still inspirational.
But mind you’re not burned
For many have learned
The act can be baby-creational
😜😜😜
Said the husband, with smiling urbanity,
I possess penile super humanity.”
Said his wife,” But the score
Of his inches is four.
The rest of it’s just his insanity.”
😉😉😉
There was a young woman named Cora Lee
Who said,” I will do it immorally
On top and on bottom,
Any way that I’ve got’em,
Vaginally, anally, orally.”
❤❤❤
There once was an eager young nurse
Who felt that she had to rehearse
Every sexual joy,
Every hot little ploy,
To succeed in becoming perverse.
What better way to prepare for New Year’s than a few raunchy limericks? There’ll be many more to come in the new year.
2022 IS COMING – HELP! HELP! HELP!
It’s raining, it cloudy, it’s gray, and I’m suffering from a total lack of interest in just about everything. This change of seasons gets me down every year and has done so for as long as I can remember. It’s sort of become a really annoying tradition for me. I’ve always been told by others that traditions are the backbone of everything and with that in mind I guess I’ll celebrate that tradition with this new tradition.
You know what that means . . . . more totally useless information. There’s really no way to categorize this kind of stuff and I won’t even try. I’ll just put it out there for your enjoyment and you can decide if it’s worth your time or not. So, there will be no photographs today because I’m too preoccupied with being bored to be taking pictures. Let’s get started.
-
28% of Africa is wilderness while 38% of North America is wilderness.
-
On November 29, 2000, Pope John Paul II was made an honorary Harlem Globetrotter.
-
Heavyweight boxing champion, Ken Norton, was rejected for the role of Apollo Creed in the 1976 film Rocky because he made the star Sylvester Stallone look too small.
-
The largest fruit crop on earth is grapes – followed by bananas.
-
No one knows exactly why a duck’s quack doesn’t echo.
I’m on my third cup of coffee, still in bed, and munching on a miniature lemon/poppy seed muffin. I just don’t get these small versions of normal muffins. People are only kidding themselves if they think it’s healthier to only eat these tiny little useless muffins instead of the real thing. Give me a big full sized, fat, sugary, crunchy muffin with two inches of frosting on it any day of the week. If you’re going to eat something sinful don’t mess around, go for it. Revel in the wickedness of your evil deeds. Forgive me but I seem to have wandered off the reservation a little due to the influences of this destructive and dangerous sugar I just ingested. Back to the point of this posting which as you should know is "there is no point".
-
Actress Farrah Fawcett had a tap named after her – the gold plated Farrah Fawcet.
-
The snow scenes in the film It’s a Wonderful Life were shot during a record heat wave in southern California.
-
As of 2002, rats in New York outnumbered humans by twelve to one.
-
A pigs orgasm lasts for thirty minutes.
-
When press tycoon William Randolph Hearst sent a telegram to a leading astronomer asking if there was life on Mars and to please cable a thousand words on the subject, he received the reply, “Nobody knows,” repeated five hundred times.
It’s only proper when posting some useless information to end that posting with a big bang or three. There’s nothing better than a few really raunchy and bawdy limericks to kick start your day. Enjoy.
The derriere Doris displays
In the park never fails to amaze;
She flounces and bounces
Those wonderful ounces,
And old men are ecstatic for days.
* * *
There was a young virgin named Jeanie
Whose dad was an absolute meanie;
When he’d fashioned a hatch,
With a latch, for her snatch –
She could only be had by Houdini!
* * *
I’d rather have fingers than toes.
I’d rather have ears than a nose.
And, a happy erection
Brought just to perfection
Makes me terribly sad when it goes.
HAVE A GREAT DAY
I’d like to lighten things up today with a short discussion about some of my favorite things, limericks. I’ve been a huge fan from an early age and unfortunately I like my limericks as dirty as possible. I had an relative years ago who had a huge book of really filthy limericks which he would bring out a parties to read a few and get the place rocking a bit.
I’ve written my fair share of limericks and it’s actually a fun thing to do. There are literally hundreds of thousands of them out there and if you don’t find them funny as hell your really missing out.
I have some favorites but I would never attempt to blog them because my better-half would kill me. Fortunately there are so many others available in so many categories I hopefully can keep it somewhat clean. I make no promises because limericks are meant to be dirty. Here’s one I’ve been saving for my better-half’s daughter who just happens to be an middle school math teacher.
-
‘Tis a favourite project of mine,
A new value of pi to assign.
I would fix it at 3,
For it’s simpler, you see,
Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9
Of course some limericks convey thoughts and comments about religion and the good and evil we all must learn to deal with.
I could put a few more of these boring limericks but let’s cut to the chase for a few sexually oriented ones.
-
There was a Young Man from Kent
Whose Rod was so long it bent.
So to save himself trouble
He bent it in double,
And instead of coming, he went!
-
An epileptic young woman named Camp
Was seduced on her couch by a tramp
But the first time he squeezed her
She had a Grand Mal seizure
And broke both his balls and a lamp.
-
There was a young lady from Nizes
whose breasts were two different sizes.
One was so small
it was nothing at all,
but the other was huge and won prizes.
-
There was a young lady named Hilda
Who went driving one night with a builda.
He said that he should
That he could and he would,
And he did and it pretty near killda.
Those were examples of a few mildly sexual limericks. I won’t be taking you any further down the limerick’s road to depravity today but possibly at a later date I’ll post a few of the more disgusting ones I’ve found. I’ll have to post them late at night from a darkened computer room to avoid complications with my somewhat prudish better-half.
Here are two I wrote this morning just to show you how easy it can be if you’d like to explore your creative side.
-
There once was a man from Maine
To whom life seemed a mere game
He blogged and he blogged
Till his brain became clogged
With comments received from the lame
-
Every Useless Thing is a fun blog
But the author’s been in a real fog
The writing comes easy
But at times can turn sleazy
Like having sex with a ‘ho’ and her dog
If I can stumble my way through the process then anyone can. Give it your best shot and make it as filthy as you’d like. Send it over and I’ll be sure to post it.
everyuselessthing.com 