Archive for the ‘trivia’ Tag
I’ve been called a sarcastic SOB more times than I can count, and those comments came from friends and family. Here are a few excellent examples of sarcasm for those of you who are sarcastic and those of you who wish you could be so absolutely wonderful. Enjoy!
- Conservative – Someone who hates liberals because they have, at least once, seen themselves naked.
- Hangover – A condition that makes figuring out who is next to you in bed this morning take anywhere from 5 minutes to a lifetime.
- Indictment – Something that has been handed down every 20 minutes since roughly 1986.
- In-law – A person who has the right to tell you how to live your life conferred upon him or her by marriage.
- Rent – A monthly occurrence that demonstrates how readily one can get blood from a stone.
- Slacker – A term that attempts to draft an air of coolness onto being a lazy bastard.
- Slut – A vexing example of the inherent sexism still running rampant in our society, slut is a word for which there is no male equivalent; and certainly not one that even comes close to implying the same level of skankiness.
- Swearing – Use of profanity. A vulgar and coarse way of expressing oneself that comes in really handy for everything from bumping one’s head to ending a long-term relationship.
- Implants – Things that even when you discover are fake, somehow doesn’t really matter.
- Hallmark – A company that has made untold millions off the fact that it’s a bitch to come up with something nice to say about the people you love.
- Grandparents – A couple of old farts who have decided to give you all the unconditional love they quite obviously withheld from your parents.
- Daughter – One’s female descendent. Fated to grow up and leave you for some worthless douche bag.
- Commitment – 1. The act of binding oneself to a specific path, usually as regards a relationship with a romantic partner. 2. Consignment to a mental health facility. 3. There may be no difference between one and two.
- Chaos – A state of extreme disorder. Captured perfectly in nature by the contents of a woman’s handbag.
- Chaste – Morally pure; decent. A quality known in the dating scene as a waste of your time and effort.
WHO DOESN’T JUST LOVE SARCASM?
A few days ago, I posted a mish-mosh of items which included two limericks from young children. I love the fact that there are kids growing up into a new generation of limerick writers. I would hate to think limericks would fall by the wayside here in the 21st century when they’ve added so much amusement and laughter for hundreds of years. I have a collection of children’s limericks that I’ll share with you periodically because they are cute, adorable and much less bawdy than their adult counterparts. These are for those of you who are too delicate to read the real deal. I hope you enjoy them.
👩🏻👳🏻♂️👲🏻
Consider the poor hippopotamus
His life is unduly monotonous.
He lives half sleep
At the edge of the deep,
And his face is as big as his bottom is.
👩🏻👩🏻🦰👩🏻🦳
A sea serpent saw a big tanker,
Bit hole in its side and then sank her.
He swallowed the crew
In a minute or two,
And then picked his teeth with the anchor.
👱🏻♂️👲🏻👨🏻🦳
There was a young bather from Bewes,
Who reclined on the bank of the Ouse,
His radio blared,
And passers-by stared,
For all he had on was the news!
👼🏻👱🏻♂️👳🏻♂️
“What,” said our teacher, Ms. Pink,
“Is this moth doing here in my ink?”
Said a cheeky young lass,
At the front of the class,
“The Butterfly Stroke, I should think!”
NOT TOO BAD FOR YOUNGSTERS
PORN STAR SUES OVER REAR END COLLISION
I am a constant collector of weird and unusual facts and information. During my travels if I see something that even looks a little bit interesting, I collected it. I have many books in my archives that I’ve not read as thoroughly as I’d like and information your see here is from one of those books. Hope you enjoy it.
- As the great Chicago fire of 1871 killed 300 people, an even deadlier fire was under way 200 miles to the north. It devastated Peshtigo, Wisconsin, killing 600 people; but somehow it never got the same attention.
- All of Reykjavík, the capital of Iceland, is heated by underground hot springs. Reykjavík is probably the cleanest capital city in the world.
- The first hydrogen bomb, tested in 1952, was as powerful as the total of all the bombs dropped on Germany and Japan during World War II, including both of the atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
- The African climate is not always warm. The Nile River has frozen over at least twice, in 829 A.D. and in 1010.
- For amusement, it was agreed by four friends holidaying in Switzerland that each would write a ghost story. Percy B Shelley, George Byron, and Dr. John William Polidori never finished theirs. Only 18-year-old Mary Wollstonecraft Godwin did. She published it anonymously two years later, in 1818, with a preface by her husband, Shelley. Mary Shelley’s novel about Dr. Victor Frankenstein and his monstrous creation became a classic.
- Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norkay deservedly received much praise when they were the first to climb to the summit of Mount Everest. Less known is the fact that they had a roster of 12 climbers, 40 Sherpa guides, and 700 porters.
- Three pairs of common English rabbits were let loose in Australia, in the middle of the 19th century. Within a decade, the six rabbits had multiplied into millions, menacing the country’s agriculture.
- Japan did not send an ambassador to another nation until it sent Niimi Masaoki to the US for a few weeks in 1860.
- The daughters of a mother who is colorblind and a father who has normal vision will have normal vision. The sons will be colorblind, however.
- Up to 150 tons of meteorite fragments slammed into the Earth each year. As far as is known, only seven people have been struck by such rocks from space.
- By “deciphering” the Book of Revelations, a minister in Lochau in East Germany proclaimed that the world would end on October 18, 1533. When it didn’t happen, the minister, Michael Stiftel, was given a thorough thrashing by the townspeople.
I certainly hope you enjoy reading these obscure facts. It’s almost as much fun as actually collecting them. More are certain to follow because I barely scratched the surface of books I haven’t thoroughly read yet.
WHEN IN DOUBT, READ A BOOK
Everyone seems to love animals. Here are a few facts that are interesting, and some that are a bit disgusting. Read on . . .
- Squid have the largest eyes of any animal on earth.
- Giraffes sleep the least of any mammal.
- Many lipsticks contain fish scales.
- Sharks, including hammerheads, as well as mackerels have the ability to skip sleep altogether.
- Thirty-two pigeons, twenty-eight dogs, three horses, and one cat have received medals for bravery in wartime.
- 99.9% of all species that have existed on the earth are now extinct.
- An ostrich’s eye is larger than its brain.
- Hangfish can fill a gallon sized bucket with slime in less than 1 minute.
- Catfish have a better sense of taste than humans.
- Cat urine glows under a black light.
- Dogs generally prefer to eat the protein-rich poop of cats.
- Cow’s milk gives most cats a case of diarrhea.
- Fish, jellyfish, frogs, and toads have all been known to fall out of the sky.
Who knew that animals could be so bizarre? Maybe next time I’ll come up with a list of oddities from us humans. It’s likely they’ll be even stranger than the ones about animals.
NOAH’S ARK MUST HAVE BEEN A HOOT
The English language has flourished over the centuries and new words and expressions have creeped into the lexicon all the time. I’ve been fortunate, I think, to have traveled across the United States many times during my career. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the sayings or clichés that were the same but had totally different meanings depending on the area of the country. I’m going to give you a few examples today that you’ve likely heard many times in your life but never knew the origins of them. I found some of this information really interesting, I hope you did too.
“ANOTHER NAIL IN THE COFFIN”
This depressing phrase is applied to a development that makes the situation progressively worse. The “final nail” can also be compared with the “last straw”, but the meaning remains the same. This saying was originally adopted by smokers as early as the 1920s. They referred to cigarettes as “coffin nails” and this expression became the stock response when someone accepted yet another cigarette. At the time they were referring to the hazards of a smoker’s cough; the links between smoking, cancer and heart disease were only recognized later (when cigarettes earned another wonderful nickname, “cancer sticks”).
“ANTS IN ONE’S PANTS“
This cliché is said to describe an excessively restless or over-eager person. The US Army General, Hugh S. Johnson, was in charge of the National Recovery Administration (NRA) In 1933 for FDR. He said of the NRA general counsel, Donald Richburg: “Donald’s agitation is just a symptom of the ants of conscience in his pants.”
“THE BOTTOM LINE“
It is the main point of an argument, the basic characteristic of something, the actual value of a financial deal, or the truth of the matter. The phrase itself was originally an accounting term and referred to the figure at the end of a financial statement, indicating the net profit or loss of the company. The term gained wide usage during the 1970s, possibly because of its frequent use by Secretary of State, Henry Kissinger. He often spoke of “the bottom line” as the eventual outcome of a negotiation – ignoring the distraction of any incidental details.
MORE OF THESE COMING SOON
After receiving a few requests, it’s time for more retro bumper stickers. I’ve actually found a number of them that I’m in the process of having reprinted for my own use. I could be convinced to stick them on a few cars whose drivers have aggravated me. I’m also working on one for people who park inappropriately, to stick on their windshields. I’m a baaaad man.
IF YOU’RE RICH, I’M SINGLE
I CAME, I SAW, I SHOPPED
WELCOME TO CALIFORNIA; NOW GO HOME
TRUST ME. I’M A LAWYER
MY OTHER CAR IS A BROOM
GO AHEAD, HIT ME. I’M NOT INSURED
NO NUKES IS GOOD NUKES
JUST SAY NO TO INNUENDO
I CAN’T DRIVE 55
HELP BEAUTIFY AMERICA, GET A HAIR CUT
MAKE POLAND OUR 51ST STATE
THE WEATHER IS HERE. WISH YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL
TV EVANGELISTS DO MORE THAN LAY PEOPLE
HUGS ARE BETTER THAN DRUGS
NEVER PLAY LEAP FROG WITH A UNICORN
And Here’s My Favorite:
REALLY NICE GUYS FINISH LAST. I FINISH FIRST
I normally don’t like to write about politics. Years ago, that’s all I was interested in, but finally common sense prevailed. Today my post will be a little political but coming from a completely new direction. I’m going to talk today about presidents and some of the statistics and trivial facts that aren’t readily known.
- We’ve has 47 presidents (counting Grover Cleveland twice).
- The average age of our presidents at the date of Inauguration was 56.23 years.
- The average life expectancy of the presidents has been 72.2 years.
- George Washington wanted Americans to address him as “His Mightiness the President.”
- While he was president, Franklin Pierce was arrested for running down an elderly woman in his carriage. He was later found not guilty.
- President Warren G. Harding exercised regularly by playing ping-pong.
- Herbert Hoover was the first president to have a telephone in his office. Earlier, presidents who wanted to use the phone had to use the one in the hall.
- Grover Cleveland, 22nd president, was the first one to leave the country while in office. But he didn’t go far. He sailed into international waters 3 miles off the United States coast and did a little fishing and then returned.
- Andrew Jackson, known for his colorful language, apparently taught his pet parrot to curse. When Jackson died in 1845, the parrot was brought to his funeral. It swore at him through the entire service.
- It was so cold at Ulysses S. Grant’s inauguration that the canaries that were supposed to sing during the inaugural ball froze to death.
THERE’S YOUR HISTORY LESSON FOR TODAY
I’ve been an animal lover all of my life. I’ve had all sorts of pets from ferrets, snakes, dogs, cats, and the list goes on and on. Today I thought I’d share with you some odd and trivia type facts on the animal kingdom. With this started . . .
- A group of apes is called a shrewdness.
- A group of alligators is called a congregation.
- The blue whale has the largest penis of any organism on earth (8-10 ft).
- The female barkfly has a penis, which is used to extract sperm from the male barkfly’s vagina.
- A group of cockroaches is called an intrusion.
- Boars can ejaculate continuously for up to 7 min.
- A severed cockroach head can survive for hours.
- The decapitated cockroach can live for weeks before it starves to death.
- Fleas can survive for up to 100 days without a meal (without sucking your blood).
- Cats are more popular pets and dogs.
- The canine nose has more than four times as many scent receptors as the average cat nose (and more than 14 times as many as the human nose).
- A dog on average has 42 teeth, compared to 30 teeth for domestic cats.
- Each year nearly 4,000,000 cats are eaten in China as a delicacy.
- Electric eels generate enough electric charge to kill a horse or a human.
I think that’s enough for today and I’m sure you learned more than you ever cared about knowing of the weird and wonderful world of animals.
I’m too much of a cynic to be a big believer in superstitions. They’re fun to talk about and laugh about but only a small percentage of people actually believe most of that nonsense. We’ve all heard about “don’t walk under ladders” or “black cats crossing our path”, and dozens more. I happened upon some additional information that I’d never heard before concerning the everyday common egg. You can believe what you will, I’m just spreading the word for fun.
- Superstitions about eggs are still held, particularly in rural farming areas. One such belief is that if you see many broken eggs, you will soon have a lawsuit on your hands.
- If you find a snake’s egg in a hen’s nest, your friends are really your enemies.
- It is bad luck to bring a wild bird’s egg into the house.
- If a woman dreams of eggs, she will quarrel with her friends.
- Two yolks in one egg means good luck for the one who eats them. Folks who only buy eggs fresh from the farm will have the opportunity to find these. Factory examinations these days usually eliminate double yellow yolkers.
- Eggs laid on Friday will cure stomach aches. Of course, only folks who keep laying hens know when the eggs are actually laid. This superstition is impossible to follow in heavily populated urban areas.
- In some parts of the Middle East if you buy a new car, you have to kill a chicken and pour the blood on it. The chickens’ blood was thought to ward off any evil spirits that may be lurking in the vehicle.
- Throughout human history, more eggs have been eaten raw rather than cooked! Eggs have always been a chief source of protein for primal humans and still are in most cultures. Americans often drink raw eggs in eggnog, flavored with a taste of vanilla and doused with whipped cream, another source of protein.
As I’m sure you can recall over the last few decades eggs were first vilified as being unhealthy and a few years later some illustrious scientists changed their minds. All of a sudden eggs became a healthy addition to our diet. So much for the credibility of governmental and scientific experts. I simply love eggs, always have and always will. If eating large numbers of eggs is going to kill me, so be it (I think the bad water and air will get me first). At least I’ll die with a smile on my face because I just love eggs (with lots of bacon, of course).
WHO DOESN’T LOVE HEN FRUIT??
everyuselessthing.com 