I really do try to avoid writing about politics and politicians. No matter what you write your going to piss off a great many people. I’ve always found politics to be a necessary evil but I avoid political discussions religiously and religious discussions politically. It can be a great source of humor which is it’s biggest selling point for me. I do miss the days of Marion Barry in DC and his constant stream of misstatements and BS. I prayed that he would eventually run for Congress and be elected because the shit-storm he could have caused would’ve had me laughing for years. In his honor I dedicate this post of some of his most incredibly stupid quotes and nose-sniffing behavior. It makes me very nostalgic.
“I’m providing you with a copulation of answers to several questions raised . . .”
“The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather.”
“I promise you a police car on every sidewalk.”
“I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria, or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?”
“What we have here is an egregemous miscarriagement of taxitude.”
“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.”
“There are two kinds of truth. There are real truths, and there are made-up truths.”
I am a great mayor, I am an outstanding Christian man, I am an intelligent man, I am a deeply educated man, and I’m a humble man.”
I’m feeling a bit rambunctious this morning which doesn’t happen as much as I’d like. There are lots of topics to discuss every day it seems but most aren’t worth my time. Since every person on the internet seems to be an effing expert on everything, I decided to step back and watch the fun as they continue to make fools of themselves. With that thought in mind I decided to share some rather borderline off-color humor today because I can. The online experts can kiss my ass and if what I post displeases them they can piss off and stop reading my blog. Enjoy . . .
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Two guys were getting drunk and horny at a bar. One said: “When I get home I want to give my woman a different kind of sex that’ll blow her mind”. The other suggested: “Why don’t you try rodeo sex?” “Rodeo sex, what’s that?” It’s when you mount your woman from behind, start going nice and slowly, take her hair, pull her head back slightly and whisper quietly in her ear, “Your sister was better at this than you . . . and then try to hold on for the full 8 seconds!
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A guy had been dating a girl for over a year when he decided it was time to take their relationship to the next level. “How do you feel about sex?” he asked cautiously. “It’s fine,” she said, “as long as it’s infrequent.” He looked at her a bit puzzled.” Is that one word or two?”
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A girl picked up a guy at a nightclub and with her parents being out of town, seized the opportunity to invite him back to her home. When they got to her bedroom, he noticed that the room was filled with fluffy stuffed animals. There were hundreds of them: fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the window sill, fluffy toys on the floor, fluffy toys all over the bed, and fluffy toys on three rows of shelves. Later, after they had sex, he turned to her and asked: “So how was it for you?” She said: “You can take anything from the bottom shelf.”
It’s time for a short quiz to challenge all of you sports fanatics on sports other than the big three, NFL, NBA, and MLB. These questions are extremely random but I still found them interesting. Maybe you will as well. As always the answers will be listed below.
1. What card game gave us the term bilk?
2. What popular sport did Joe Sobek invent at the Greenwich, Connecticut, YMCA in 1950?
3. How many world records did swimmer Mark Spitz set when he won seven gold medals at the 1972 Olympics?
4. In cross-country bike racing, what the initials BMX represent?
5. Who was the first Olympic gold medalist to win a professional world boxing title?
SUPER POLO
6. In the very first Boston Marathon, 15 runners competed. How many finished?
7. What professional ice hockey star didn’t hang up his skates until he was 52?
8. What was a fitting name of the first miniature golf course in the United States?
9. What popular sport was known in ancient Germany as Heidenwerfen?
10. In what sport is a stimpmeter used, and what does it measure?
AUSSIE HORSE RACING
Answers
Cribbage, Racquetball, 7, Bicycle Moto X, Floyd Patterson, 10, Gordy Howe, The Tom Thumb Golf Course, Bowling, Green Speed in Golf.
I’ll be diving deep into the past for some nasty and funny limericks categorized under the label of “Chamber of Horrors”. These are all dated between 1938 and 1944 and reflect a reference or two about the war. Enjoy . . .
I acquired a joke book from an online thrift bookstore recently. It was a book titled “The Official Country & Western Joke Book”. I was looking forward to reading it and when it arrived I immediately dove right into it. It became painfully obvious within a few pages that the book was freaking awful. I searched through another eighty pages and couldn’t find one joke that made me even grin a little. That book was immediately removed from my archives and relegated to a paper bag located next to the trashcan. Todays post is PLAN B. Enjoy this mish/mosh of trivia.
The iconic theme song of the X-Files was created by accident when a producer accidentally hit the “echo” button on the control panel.
James Earl Jones was offered the lead in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine which eventually went to Avery Brooks.
Samuel L. Jackson once held Martin Luther King Sr. hostage during a college demonstration at Morehead College.
Shaquille O’Neal made just one three point shot in his entire career. He only attempted 22 three-pointers for a 4.5% shooting percentage.
For 43 years the NFL’s record for the longest field goal was held by Tom Dempsey who was born with no toes on his kicking foot. His record setting 63 yard field goal in 1970 wasn’t broken until 2013.
At the height of his power, Pablo Escobar, spent $2500.00 a week on rubber bands that were needed to band the money he was bringing in.
At one time, the United States Rock-Paper-Scissors League was a real thing. The winning prize was $50,000.00.
It’s been a hectic week with life once again getting in the way. I thought a few tidbits of unusual trivia would keep everyone interested and entertained for a few minutes. Now I can return to my life such as it is.
The original name of Scrabble was “Lexico“. It was later called “Criss-Cross” before eventually becoming Scrabble.
During WWI sauerkraut was called “Liberty Cabbage” by the Americans. Hamburgers were called “Liberty Steaks“.
“Meetinghouse” was the WWII Allied codename for Tokyo.
The spacecraft Gemini 3 was nicknamed the “Molly Brown” by the astronauts Grissom and Young because in 1961 it sank upon reentry.
Alvin Karpus AKA “Old Creepy” was arrested by J. Edgar Hoover and sentenced to serve time in Alcatraz. He spent 26 years there from 1936-1952, more than any other inmate.
“Professor Tigwissel’s Burglar Alarm” was the first comic strip to appear in a newspaper, the New York Graphic, on September 11, 1875.
Betty Boop’s pet dog was named “Pudgy“.
The 1948 tune by Muddy Waters, “Rollin” Stone“, inspired the name of the rock group, the Rolling Stones.
Steve Trachsel was the Chicago pitcher who gave up Mark McGwire’s 62nd homerun in 1998 in Busch Stadium.
“A Wild Hare” was the 1940 Warner Brothers cartoon in which Bugs Bunny first said, “What’s Up Doc?”
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One of My Fav’s
“Manhattan Melodrama” was last movie watched by John Dillinger at the Biograph
Theatre in Chicago in 1934 just minutes before being gunned down by FBI agents.
I’m pretty sure the title of this post will catch the attention of most readers. Sex seems to be the one unifying subject that everyone wants to hear about and discuss endlessly. I can only speak for myself, but I just love dirty jokes, the dirtier the better. I normally have less fondness for the milder sexual humor, but I plan on sharing some of that with you today. It’s not often that go “mild” so all of you overly sensitive types should enjoy these one-liners. I may never ever go this “mild” again so enjoy them if you can. I see a plethora of really dirty jokes in our immediate future so be patient.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
The couple next door has recently made a sex tape. Obviously, they don’t know that yet.
My ex-girlfriend would always ask me to text her when I got in. That’s how small my penis is.
Sex is like air. It’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.
I’m hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to have orgasms. If you can’t come, let me know.
I always call out my wife’s name during sex . . . just to make sure she’s not around.
Men have only two emotions – hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
What’s the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot? The amount of time you’ll spend looking for it.
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
My wife told me “Sex is better on vacation”. That wasn’t a very nice postcard to receive.
A man got onto a train and sat next to a woman reading a magazine on “Sexual Statistics. “Any good?” he asked. “Fascinating” she replied. “American Indians have the thickest penises and Polish men have the longest.” “Bye the way, I’m Jane.” “Hi” he said “I’m Tonto Kaminski.”
I’m an avid reader and have been one for as long as I can remember. I was able to use that reading skill over the years to learn a lot of things about a lot of things. Subjects that were important when I was in school were English, History, and Science and were meant to give us a good start with important information needed to learn and build upon in the future. After reading the hundreds of complaints online from parents disgusted with and in total disagreement with the present education systems rules, I feel confident in saying that it seems my educational experience was better. Try this 1960’s Science Quiz and see how you do. The answers will be listed at the end of the post.
What was the brand name of the first publicly available birth control pill?
What was the number of the Apollo mission that landed on the moon?
The world’s most powerful earthquake happened in what country?
In _________ Kevlar was invented.
Dr. ________ performed the first human-to-human heart transplant.
Dr. Benjamin Spock was known for what field of science?
In _________ Soviet cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin became the first human in space.
The world’s first heart transplant involved putting the heart of what animal into a person?
In scientific terms, Kevlar is a __________.
Who said: “One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind?”
How did you do? Give this test to your kids, your friends, your neighbors, and anyone else you can think of and see how you compare.
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(Answers)
Enovid, 11, Chile, 1965, Christian Barnard, Child Psychology, 1961, Chimpanzee, Polymer, Neil Armstrong
Now that Easter has come and gone, things can get back to normal (scary thought). What better way to follow up an Easter celebration than with a posting of a few rude and borderline bawdy limericks. I would rate these four limericks PG because I certainly wouldn’t want to shock any of those innocent children out there as well as the many prudes who love to comment on them. Here we go.
My father always insisted that I learn as much American history as I could. He felt that any real citizen of this country should learn as much about it as possible. I’ve always loved learning American history and todays quiz takes it to another level. This is presidential trivia that most people are unaware of but I’m sure you’ll still find it very interesting. It’s my great pleasure to share it with you. As always, the answers are listed below.
Which American president has the greatest number of cities and towns in the US named after him?
What salary did Ben Franklin advocate for the presidency during debates in 1787?
How short was George Washington’s second inaugural address – the shortest in US history?
Who was the first President to receive a salary of $100,000?
What American President had an electric horse installed in his White House bedroom and rode it almost daily?
Who was the first President elected when women nationwide had the right to vote?
What First Lady was edited out of her movie debut?
President Nixon kept a music box in his Oval Office desk. What song did it play?
Both President John Tyler Jr. and his father John Tyler Sr. served as governor in what state?
Who was the only President born in Illinois, the “Land of Lincoln”?
After Spiro T. Agnew resigned from office in 1973 what entertainer loaned him $230,000 for living expenses and payment of Internal Revenue Service fees?
(Answers)
James Madison with 27, None, 135 words, Harry S. Truman, Calvin Coolidge, Warren G. Harding in 1920, Pat Nixon, Hail to the Chief, Virginia, Ronald Reagan, Frank Sinatra.
everyuselessthing.com 