It seems to me that celebrating leap year every four years makes no sense. It’s not a holiday, just another extra day they (unknown person or persons) had left over so they stuck it in February. It seems that history looks at leap year as 366 leap days and thus damns the entire year with all of this “leap” nonsense. After looking into the history books, leap year is nothing to be proud of. The following list tells you about some of the wonderful things that’ve happened during a leap year. I don’t see anything on this list that requires a celebration.
1204: the Fall of Constantinople, collapse of the Byzantine Empire.
1232: start of the Spanish Inquisition.
1400: A black plague epidemic rages, killing one in every three Europeans.
1572: St. Bartholomew’s Night happens – the mass murder of the Huguenots in France.
1896: Japan’s most devastating tsunami.
1908: the fall of the Tunguska meteorite (Tunguska event).
1912: the sinking of the Titanic.
2020: global coronavirus pandemic.
There are a few things you should avoid during a leap year, so say the so-called experts.
Life Changes Should Be Postponed
Do Not Change Jobs
Financial Difficulties
DoNot Start a New Business
Do Not Buy a Home
Tell Noone About Your Future Plans.
Do Not Adopt Pets
If Older Do Not Buy Your Funeral Clothing in Advance
All Leap Year Travel Should Be Postponed
Try Not to Plan a Pregnancy or Childbirth in a Leap Year.
On top of all these dire warnings here are a list of people born during leap years. It appears some are good, some are bad, and some are worse.
Julius Caesar
Leonardo da Vinci
Isaac Levitan
David Copperfield
Vladimir Putin
Pavel Durov
Mark Zuckerberg
After reading this post you should realize that to be safe during a Leap Year you should never leave the house because everything you do or think could be dangerous. I find it ironic that during the pandemic we were required to stay in the house and limit contact with the rest of the world. It’s even stranger that 2020 was the year that Covid-19 turned into the monster that terrorized the planet. It wasn’t slowed down all that much by all of these lame and useless Leap Year warnings or by the numerous ineffectual government requirements. Just more utter nonsense.
I thought I’d start the day off by being a wise ass. Let me set this up by explaining that I detest Country & Western music. I’m not entirely sure why but I do. My better-half is addicted to it resulting in hundreds of hours that I’ve spent gritting my teeth and cringing over the constant barrage of alleged music spewing from Alexa. I’ve been requesting for months my need for a really expensive noise-cancelling headset. Like my dad always said, “Wish in one hand and sh*t in the other, see which one fills up the quickest.” That means if I really want a noise cancelling-headset, I’ll be buying it myself. To further explain my dislike of C & W music let me supply you with a number of song titles from that genre and then ask yourself this question, “Is this real music or just a poor parody much like something from Weird Al Yankovic.
I’m, Gonna Hire a Wino to Decorate Our Home” David Frizzell
“She’s Actin’ Single (I’m Drinkin’ Doubles)” Gary Stewart
“Now I Lay Me Down to Cheat” David Allen Coe
“She got the Goldmine (I Got the Shaft)” Jerry Reed
“You’re the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly” Loretta Lynn
“I Cheated Me Right Out of You” Moe Bandy
“The Lord Knows I’m Drinkin'” Cal Smith
“You’re Out Doing What I’m Here Doing Without” Gene Watson
“Divorce Me COD” Merle Travis
“I’m the Only Hell (Momma Ever Raised” Johnny Paycheck
In my younger days I considered myself a scratch golfer. I played with many of my friends, family, and people I worked with for years and always had a great time. I thought today I’d lighten things up a little with some golfing jokes. I’m sure all of you golfers out there will appreciate these three jokes but I can honestly say they can’t compare to the experiences I actually had with my friends and family. Enjoy . . .
One day a man came home from work and was greeted by his wife dressed up in a very sexy nightie. “Tie me up,” she purred, “and you can do anything you want with me.” So, he tied her up and went golfing.
So, there are three golfers, (Bob, Max and Ted) who are looking for a fourth. Bob mentions that his friend George is a pretty good golfer, so they decide to invite him for the following Saturday. “Sure, I’d love to play, says George, but I may be about 10 minutes late, so wait for me.” So, Saturday rolls around. Bob, Max, and Ted arrive promptly at 9 AM and find George already waiting for them. He plays right-handed and beats them all. Quite pleased with their new fourth, they ask him if he’d like to play again the following Saturday. “Yeah, sounds great”, says George. “But I may be about 10 minutes late, so wait for me.” The following Saturday, again, all four golfers, show up on time, but this time George plays left-handed and beats them all. As they’re getting ready to leave, George says, “See you next Saturday, but I may be about 10 minutes late, so wait for me.” Every week, George is right on time and plays great with whichever hand he decides to use and every week, he departs with the same message. After a couple of months, Ted is pretty damn tired of this routine, so he says, “Wait a minute, George. Every week you say you may be about 10 minutes late, but you’re right on time. You then beat us either left-handed or right-handed, what’s the story? “Well,” George says, “I’m kind of superstitious. When I get up in the morning, I look over at my wife. If she’s sleeping on her left side, I play left-handed, and if she’s sleeping on her right side, I play right-handed.” “So, what do you do if she’s sleeping on her back?” “Well . . . That’s one of days I’ll be 10 minutes late.”
A man constantly and continuously talked only about golf. His angry wife threatened to leave him if he didn’t talk about something else. She: “Let’s talk about sex.” He: “I wonder if Tiger Woods got laid last night?”
During the 80’s life was pretty interesting. I was traveling a lot, meeting a lot of people, and generally enjoying my life. But it wasn’t all fun and games as compared to the lifestyles we have currently. Anyone identified as a Millennial then would have lost their effing minds. Political correctness was a rare thing and having a sense of humor required a thick skin. I’ve come upon in recent months a number of collections of humor from the 1980’s and for all of you Millennial’s out there, buckle up, the rides about to get a little bumpy.
When should you start playing with yourself in a restaurant? When there’s a sign that says, “First come, “first served!”
What would calla liberal who’s overweight and perverted? A bisexual built for two!
What did the surgeons say to the guy who wanted to do his own operation? ”Suture self!”
Why should you always travel with a sixpack in the wintertime? In case you have to leave a message in the snow!
What’s the harshest penalty for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law!
What would you call a drink made out of orange juice and milk of magnesia? A Phillips Screwdriver!
What’s a wool diaphragm? A sock in the puss!
What’s a sanitary pad that girls can wear while dancing? Diskotex!
Why are erections like elections? It can get really stinky around the polls!
When is premature ejaculation a serious problem? When it occurs between “hello” and “what’s your sign?”
My Fav:Why do farts smell? So deaf people can enjoy them, too!
Have you ever been reading a book and all of a sudden WHAM, something grabs your attention. That happened to me last night at midnight as I was reading book five of the Dune series. I read this paragraph, and it just encapsulated how I feel about the current state of the country after years of Obama and Bidens leadership. I’ll also throw in the idiot WOKE generation as well since they’re just another arm of the liberal establishment trying desperately to turn the USA into a sad copy of any number of European countries verging on socialism. Here it is . . .
“Most civilization is based on cowardice. It’s so easy to civilize by teaching cowardice. You water down the standards which would lead to bravery, you restrain the will. You regulate the appetites; you fence in the horizons. You make a law for every moment. You deny the existence of chaos. You teach even the children to breathe slowly. You tame.”
Frank Herbert
WARNING – WARNING – WARNING
WELCOME TO THE MILLENNIAL UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
If you’ve read this blog at all you know I consistently use famous quotations from famous people to help make a point. Over the years having all of those quotes available has made my life much easier. Not all quotes are complementary, and I found almost as many nasty and mean quotes as good ones. Here are some quotes that some people probably wish they hadn’t made. You be the judge…
“Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.” Bill Vaughn
“You have set up in New York Harbor a monstrous idol which you call Liberty. The only thing that remains to complete the monument is to put on its pedestal the inscription written by Dante on the gates of Hell: “All hope abandon, ye who enter here.” George Bernard Shaw
“St. Laurent has excellent taste. The more he copies me, the better taste he displays.” Coco Chanel
“Everyone wants to understand painting. Why don’t they try to understand the singing of the birds? People love the night, a flower, everything which surrounds them without trying to understand. But painting – that they must understand.” Pablo Picasso
“There are moments when art attains almost the dignity of manual labor.” Oscar Wilde
This next section concerns a prolific contributor to every subject imaginable: Anonymous. I truly enjoy these mean and nasty unidentified criticizers.
“Critics are the stupid who discuss the wise.”
“An architect is two percent gentleman and ninety-eight percent renegade car salesman.”
“The Eiffel Tower in Paris is the Empire State Building after taxes.”
“A modern artist is one who throws paint on a canvas, wipes it off with a cloth, and sells the cloth.”
“They couldn’t find the artist, so they hung the picture.”
“Poetry is living proof that rhyme doesn’t pay.”
“Dancing is the perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.”
After writing this blog for so many years, I tend to write and read everything six times trying to correct my many mistakes. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to be the norm for other people to edit themselves, even those who are magazine and newspaper editors. It’s commonplace in everyday advertisements to see misspelled words, bad grammar and a general lack of concern for accuracy. It appears that our education system may be partially responsible for some of these issues, and it drives me effing crazy. Here are a few examples of “malaprops” collected from grade school, high school, and college examination papers. What do you think?
The American colonists won their Revolutionary War and no longer had to pay for taxis.
The air is thin high up in the sky, down here, it’s fat.
The flood damage was so bad they had to evaporate the city.
A horse divided against itself cannot stand.
The U.S. Constitution was adopted to secure domestic hostility.
Columbus discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic.
Brigham Young led the Morons to Utah.
Socrates died from taking a poison called wedlock.
The police surrounded the building and threw an accordion around the block.
To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray medicine into your nose.
Here’s one of my favorites:
Achilles’ mother dipped him in the River Stinks until he became immoral.
I’m about to do something I promised myself I wouldn’t ever do. Today I’m going to post three truly lewd and disgusting limericks. This is to appease a small number of readers who’ve been begging and bugging me for months to print some filth. It’s not something I want to do but I will do it albeit with a slight twist. As you read these three limericks you may notice a large number of asterisks. It’s part of the twist for you to determine the missing letters. That’s the best I can do for all you pervs out there, so enjoy.
It’s a cold and miserable day here in New England and my motivations have evaporated. I’ve been surfing the web for an hour, and something occurred to me. Regardless of how well you explain something, you’re wrong. There are just so many freaking so-called experts on every topic, who knew? That last statement was as sarcastic as I can make it without losing my mind. Never let it be said that Americans don’t have a high opinion of themselves as well as an innate ability to criticize new ideas at every turn. Social media is fine but it’s a double-edged sword. You can get your ideas out there whether they are well thought out or just plain stupid and then the backlash comes. I never really understood just how stupid I was until all of these so-called experts came out of the woodwork to explain things to me. I ‘ve always felt in my heart that many of our fellow citizens are idiots filled with misinformation and conspiracy theories but thanks to social media they now have the freedom to send their bullshit to the world and to further verify what idiots they are.
It’s nothing new because know-it-all’s have always been in the background spewing their thoughts and nonsense to the world. Here are a few samples from our illustrious past.
“Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You’re crazy.” – from workers whom Edwin L. Drake tried to hire on his project to drill for oil in Titusville, Pennsylvania in 1859
“The concept is interesting and well formed, but in order to earn better than a “C”, the idea must be feasible.” – stated a professor of Management at Yale University, commenting on the term paper by Fred Smith which earned only a “C”. The paper outlined a plan for a reliable overnight delivery service. Smith went on to create the Federal Express company in 1973.
“A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make.” – an unidentified response to Debbi Field’s plan to start Mrs. Field’s Cookies.
“If I had thought about it, I wouldn’t have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that say you can’t do this.” – a statement from Spencer Silver on the work that led to the adhesives for the 3M Post-It notepads.
“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?” – a statement from Lee Iacocca, former chairman, Ford Motor Company
“Everything that can be invented has been invented.” – a statement made by Charles H. Duell, commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899
Well, it’s Sunday and the Steeler game has been canceled until Monday due to weather concerns. It’s a little annoying but not all that surprising for anyone who’s ever been in Buffalo during the winter. In my previous life as a regional manager for a national chain I was assigned stores in Buffalo and Niagara Falls. I swear to God that every time I made a trip there during the winter, I ended up getting snowed in and spending an extra day or two in order to give the citizens time to clean up the snow, open the roads, and allow me to fly the hell out of there. Buffalo is a nice town (sarcasm) but not a place I’d like to spend any extra time in. I’ve been to Niagara Falls and unfortunately if you’ve seen one waterfall you’ve seen them all. With that being said and since my day has been interrupted, I thought I’d get a little silly. Everyone seems to love the limericks I post so I offer you a few odd ball limericks today. These are tongue twister limericks written by a gentleman named Lou Brooks in 2009 in a book of the same name. Enjoy . . .
❄️❄️❄️
Nosy Rose got closed in a closet of clothes,
The clothes closet closed on Rose’s red rosy nose,
She tweaked on her beak,
For over a week,
Rose’s nosy red nose now hangs close to her toes.
🌨️🌨️🌨️
Walt walked and talked on his wife’s walkie-talkie,
Walt’s wife’s walkie-talkie made Walt’s talky-talk squawky.
Wide awake while Walt walked,
Was what Walt was while he talked,
While Walt’s wife walked her way to Milwaukee.
Two of these should be sufficient. Trying to get a computer program to type these as I speak is ridiculous. Here’s a description of my day in a nutshell.
everyuselessthing.com 