Poetry is an enigma to me. I wouldn’t know good poetry if my life depended on it and even the bad poetry that I sometimes see doesn’t sound so bad. Anything that confuses me like that makes it impossible for me to take it too seriously. After a recent Bad Poetry Post, I received a few e-mails with samples from some of my readers. I assume they sent them because they thought they were bad, I don’t really know, so you figure it out. I think the first one was sent to me because I’m from Maine and someone thought I might be interested in Moose poetry. Good luck with that one. Here it is . . .
A moose is like a bull on stilts With a silly kind of head. And if one of them sat on you You’d probably be dead.
Do you really think that’s bad poetry? It seems okay to me but nothing special. It’s a little bit of truth with a little bit of silliness. Here’s the next one which I really don’t understand about a Toad. It’s a little weird but kind of funny. It seems more like a limerick than poetry but when you get right down to it there isn’t much of a difference.
The story that is told By a severely flattened toad, Is of evidential failure In attempts to cross the road.
This next poem hits home for me primarily due to my advanced age and secondly because it brings back memories of my favorite grandmother who passed away a very long time ago. See what you think.
💖
Of love and marriage who can say, which way these things can go. A loving wife, a shrieking hag, no one will ever know.
The years of youth have come and gone, with memories good and bad. The happiness of family, the love of mom and dad.
The years should teach you something, or so we’re always told. Remain yourself no matter what, and mellow when your old.
Your life is filled with happiness, and sorrows big and small, But not until your old and gray, will you understand it all.
It is a shame that through the years, this knowledge lies unused. Erring and blundering again and again, with help and advice refused.
So, think about the elder ones, grandmothers, grandfathers and such, Who’ve experienced life’s many problems, and could help you oh so much.
Their days are few in number, and once their gone it’s sad. Accept their help and listen close, to the experiences that they’ve had.
And when they’ve gone, you’ll think of them the way they used to be. The memories are all you have, but that’s enough you see.
As I sit here preparing another posting I had an interesting thought. Over the years I’ve blogged way too often about politicians and political arguments. I’ve come to the realization that I haven’t accomplished much other than making myself feel better. Politicians are an easy target but don’t think they should be allowed to escape close scrutiny. Once you decide to be a politician your fate is in your own hands. If you play by the rules, treat people properly, and not lie through your teeth, you just might become a person who the country can be proud of. Unfortunately, it’s a very short list. Today’s posting can be looked at as taking cheap shots but that’s never been a problem for me, and it will continue. Enjoy these words of wisdom from the people we’ve elected.
“Thanks for the poncho.” Stated by Bill Clinton, when presented with the Romanian tricolor flag during a visit to that country.
“Give Bill a second term, and Al Gore and I will be turned loose to do what we really want to do.” Statement made by Hillary Clinton, speaking at a 1996 Democratic fundraiser area.
“We got a strong candidate. I’m trying to think of his name.” Spoken by Sen. Christopher Dodd
“The law I sign today directs new funds . . . to the task of collecting vital intelligence . . . on weapons of mass production.” By Pres. George W. Bush
“Beginning in February 1976, your assistance benefits will be discontinued. Reason: it has been reported to our office that you expired on January 1, 1976” From a letter by Illinois Department of Public Aid
“A zebra cannot change its spots.” Al Gore
“I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.” Hillary Clinton
“I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version.” Colonel Oliver North
“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.” Dan Quayle
“When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results.” Calvin Coolidge
I’ve been a history buff for most of my life. I would prefer to sit in a corner and read a book on history than just about any other topic except for science fiction. Unfortunately, many historical facts that were being taught in the school systems weren’t exactly accurate. Here are a few examples.
LIZZIE BORDEN
Lizzie Borden’s verdict was not guilty.
The first shots of the US Civil War were not at Fort Sumter South Carolina. On January 9, 1861, a battery of Confederate soldiers on Morris Island, South Carolina – cadets from the Citadel Military College fired 17 shots at the Star of the West, a civilian union steamship hired by the federal government to transport military supplies and reinforcements to Fort Sumter. Three months later is when the Confederate army fired on the South Carolina Fort.
The feminists did not burn their bras but wore them. The closest thing to bra burning happened at the 1968 Miss America pageant. On September 7, 1968, protesters of the pageant filled a “freedom trashcan” with bras, girdles, false eyelashes, men’s magazines, and other items they considered instruments of torture. Some people wanted to burn the items, but they were unable to obtain a burn permit.
President Lincoln’s first choice to lead the union armies was not General Grant but Robert E Lee, who rejected his offer because of his loyalty to Virginia.
President Andrew Jackson was called Old Hickory because of his walking stick.
George Washington’s false teeth were not made of wood but of hippopotamus and elephant ivory held together with gold springs. Real human teeth and bits of horse and donkey teeth were inserted into an ivory plate. By the way, his dentures are on display in the Smithsonian Institution’s National Museum of History and Technology.
GEORGE’S TEETH
Contrary to the image of Daniel Boone popularized by actor Fess Parker on TV, the real Daniel Boone didn’t wear a coonskin hat, which he thought looked uncivilized. Instead, he wore a beaver felt hunters’ hat, a wide brimmed, Pennsylvania-style hat, which resembled the hat depicted on a box of Quaker Oats.
DANIEL BOONE
Just when I thought I had a good handle on our history I stumbled upon hundreds of items that needed clarification. I’ll send along more in the future because the more I find the more interesting they become.
No matter what day of the week or month of the year, there’s always time for some of Mr. Asimov’s finely crafted limericks. These will tend to be a bit more off-color than the ones I usually post so keep your kids and prudish spouses clear. This is a really good way to kick off your week. Here we go . . .
As most of you already know I am a lover of trivia. I’ve been collecting trivia and books on trivia for as long as I can remember. Most trivia are fun and interesting and humorous but not today. Today’s trivia is a little more scary than usual but trivia, nonetheless. I thought mixing it up a bit might catch your interest quicker than just another ‘trivial trivia list’. Let’s get started . . .
FOODS
Peanut allergies afflict an estimated 4 million Americans and can be life-threatening. Almost half of annual emergency room visits and two thirds of deaths due to anaphylaxis are the result of peanut allergies.
A medium fruit-and-yogurt smoothie at Dunkin’ Donuts contains four times as much sugar as a chocolate frosted cake donut.
One in five office coffee mugs contains fecal bacteria and E. coli, which can cause diarrhea, food poisoning, and infections.
Almost 99% of imported food is never inspected by the FDA or the USDA, two agencies responsible for protecting Americans from tainted products.
Long a staple of the American diet and the US economy, corn is a high-carbohydrate, high-glycemic food that fattens up cattle and does the same to humans who consume it in excess.
DRUGS
The United States has only 4% of the world’s population but consumes 65% of its supply of hard drugs.
About 14 million Americans fit the criteria for alcoholism or alcohol abuse.
Smoking causes acute myeloid leukemia, as well as cancer in other areas of the body, including the bladder, mouth, larynx, cervix, kidneys, lungs, esophagus, pancreas, and stomach.
Among women, cigarette use correlates with level of education. Smoking estimates are highest for women without traditional high school diplomas and lowest for women with college degrees.
Caffeine is more addictive than marijuana.
CRIME AND PUNISHMENT
10% of the U.S. states now spend as much money or more on corrections than on higher education.
Misidentified eyewitness testimony was a factor in 77% of DNA exoneration cases, making it the leading cause of wrongful convictions in the United States. In 40% of the cases, cross-racial identification was a factor. Studies show that people are less likely to recognize faces of a different race, making race a factor in wrongful convictions.
By law, all citizens must take a bath at least once a year in Kentucky.
I’ll be following up on this list within the next couple of weeks because I have an abundance of interesting trivia about just any topic you can think of. I promise to pass along as much as I can as soon as I can.
I’ve decided to delve into a topic which most people try not to think about. That topic is war. The horrors that are raining down on the Ukraine population are more than terrible. It’s a little surprising to me that Russians would begin a war and immediately repeat many of the atrocities they suffered from in WW II on their former allies. The ironic twist is that the people of the Ukraine fought alongside the Russians in defense against the Germans. Putin is no military genius as we can plainly see but killing one’s former allies sends a scary message to their current allies. The Chinese must be a little nervous as well as some others. Don’t turn your back gentlemen, Putin is apparently losing his effing mind. I decided to dig into my endless supply of quotes from some of our favorite German and Russian leaders with their thoughts on war. They are a little scary as well.
“War is not merely a political act, but also a real political instrument, a continuation of political commerce, carrying out of the same by other means.” Karl von Clausewitz
“War is a part of a whole, that whole is politics.” Lenin
“War is sacred; it is instituted by God; it is one of the divine laws of the world; it upholds in men all the great and noble sentiments – honor, self-sacrifice, virtue and encourage. It is war alone that saves man from falling into the grossest materialism.” Hellmuth von Moltkey
“Wars are inevitable as long as society is divided into classes, so long as the exploitation of man by man exists.” Lenin
“War is a continuation of politics by every means.” Anonymous German Saying
“A great war leaves a country with three armies: an army of cripples, an army of mourners, and an army of thieves.” Anonymous German Saying
And finally, for those of us who served in Southeast Asia who heard this quote so many times.
I’ve always wondered about certain things that’ve become part of the human experience. But why is the question. Why is the middle finger such a bad thing? Why is breaking a mirror bad luck? Why does anyone pay attention to such nonsense? I suppose that’s the main question for all of these superstitious types of things.
I’ve always been drawn to the number three for some reason, but I haven’t a clue as to why. I honestly could care less why, it’s just something I picked up as a kid and it’s still with me. Just like all these other things. One of them that really confuses me is the number “13”. What causes world famous, highly educated architects to build buildings worth millions of dollars but refuse to post a 13th floor. There really is a 13th floor but they choose to call it the 14th floor. How stupid is that? I decided to check out the number “13” and its history and here are a handful of odd and silly explanations. The number actually began as a good thing with some of the pagan religions but became a bad thing during the Middle Ages.
Judas, the betrayer, made it 13 at the last supper.
The Jews murmured 13 times against God during the exodus from Egypt.
The 13th psalm concerns wickedness and corruption.
The circumcision of Israel occurred in the 13th year.
In a twelve-month period, there are 13 full moons, and a woman on a 28-day menstrual cycle will be “unclean” as stated by Leviticus, 13 times a year.
There are 13 zodiac signs (Gemini is counted as two)
The Christ child received the three Magi on the thirteenth day of his life.
And there is also “triskaidekaphobia”.
I read all this ridiculousness (mostly religious claptrap) and just shake my head until occasionally when I’m put in a position where I need to make a decision between options. I look them over carefully, study them carefully, discuss them with trusted friends, and then I almost always choose the third one. I guess I’m as screwed-up as everyone else, but you need to know that I also step on sidewalk cracks and walk under ladders as often as I possibly can to convince myself that superstitions are just plain silly. But you should also know that if there’s a black cat nearby, I still tread carefully.
I was watching Peacock Network last night and made the mistake of tuning in a show where Snoop Dog and three moron friends reviewed videos of stupid people, both criminal and criminally stupid. Between all of the F-Bombs and gratuitous crap about weed, I was bored to tears. So today I’ll give you my written version of that and nary an F-Bomb will be heard. Stream this Doggy boy!
DONT ASK R.C. Gaitlin, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officers asked him for a piece of identification. Gaitlin gave them his driver’s license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlin because information on the screen showed that Gaitlin was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.
THIS WOULD BE ME The judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon Crook. The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called, “Crook, come forward.” Five of the prisoners entered the courtroom.
WRONG ALIBI In Springfield, Mo. Vernon Wayne Richmond, 18, stood up in court to give the details of his crime as part of a plea bargain to cocaine possession. Richmond said he found cocaine, put it in his pocket, and then was arrested by police after a Wal-Mart guard detained him. Unfortunately, Richmond had misunderstood which of his cases the plea was for. Actually, the district attorney was prosecuting him for an earlier arrest for having cocaine in his car and was unaware of the Wal-Mart arrest.
LAY THAT PISTOL DOWN, BABE In Annapolis, Md., during a celebration of Gregory Johnson’s 32nd birthday, his cousin Darwin Derwood Coates, 21, tucked a .22-caliber handgun into the waistband of his trousers and accidentally shot himself in the groin. As guests tried to assist Coates, Johnson relieved him of the gun and stuck it in the most convenient place he could find, which was the waistband of his own trousers. The gun fired again, striking Johnson in the buttocks. Both men were hospitalized.
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