Over the years I’ve consistently stated that I was not a fan of organized religions. You can disagree or agree, that’s your privilege. I also don’t participate in religious holiday celebrations either. That being said, I know many of you do. Here is my contribution this year to add to your holiday cheer. We always need a little humor thrown into the mix.
Robert just graduated with a degree in Clinical Psychology and opened his first office. After some successful advertising he was astounded to have nearly 200 people wanting to be in group therapy. Robert decided to rent a large hall and invite the entire group. To break the ice, and to get the therapy started, he decided to ask for a show of hands how often the attendees had sex. He first asked for a show of hands of all the people who had sex almost every night. A modest number of hands were raised. He then asked, how many had sex once a week. This time a larger number of hands were raised. Robert then asked how many had sex once or twice a month. Again a few hands were raised. After he polled his group several more times, he noticed John sitting off to the side with this huge beaming grin on his face. He also noticed that John had never raised his hand, so he asked him how often he had sex. John stated proudly, “Once a year!” Robert then responded, “Why are you so happy getting sex only once a year??” John smiling from ear-to-ear responded, “Tonight’s the night!”
Let me start off by saying that I’m not a beer drinker. I haven’t had much use for drinking beer since my early years of college and even then, I mixed it with Seven-Up because I couldn’t stand the taste. Also, most of the girls wanted it sweetened and who was I to argue? And now I’m living with one of the greatest beer drinkers I’ve ever seen, my better-half. I would easily consider her a professional beer drinker. She knows all the brands, flavors, the history of the breweries, and that makes her an expert in my eyes.
Many years ago, I worked with a man who made her look like an amateur. This guy could sit and drink a half a case of beer, leave the bar, and drive home. I never saw him intoxicated regardless of how many beers he slugged down in the course of the evening. I consistently ragged on him about drinking too much beer because even then I didn’t have much use for it. Finally, he decided to respond to my constant badgering and gave me the list you’re about to read. He felt that I spent most of my time chasing women and that in his opinion beer was way better than women. Here we go, his list of reasons that beer is better than women.
You can enjoy beer all month long.
You don’t have to wine and dine a beer.
A beer will wait patiently for you in the car when you play sports.
Beer is never late.
Hangovers go away, beer never does.
When you go to a bar, you can always pick up a beer.
Beer never has a headache.
A beer won’t get upset if you come home with beer on your breath.
If you pour a beer just right, you’ll always get good head.
A beer always goes down easy.
You always know if you’re the first one to pop a beer.
Beer is always wet.
Beer doesn’t demand equality.
The beer doesn’t care when you come.
You don’t have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
As I was typing this list, I had a small but equally important epiphany. While I dislike beer immensely, I absolutely love bourbon. If I replace the word beer in this list with the word bourbon, it still makes perfectly good sense. I guess it’s true what they say.
I stumbled upon a stack of old books recently which were reviews of 1940, 1941, 1945, and 1946. I thought it would be kind of fun to drop back into 1940 and get a handle on how things were then right in the middle of a war. It might give us a little context that we don’t have these days except for the damn pandemic.
A couple of famous celebrities were born in 1940, Jack Nicholas on January 21, and John Hurt on January 22. In 1940, Whitman Samplers were the cats-meow for that special date. The men wore wool suits and women wore uncomfortable dresses in order to fit in with current styles. Formal dancing, accompanied by the big band sounds of the day, was always a good way to conclude a celebrity event. Also, roller skating was a popular activity as well as school and church outings. Even in those activities men usually dressed in suits and ties while women dressed a bit more casually.
Now let me supply you with a few movies of that period that were tops at the box office. Boomtown, Fantasia, His Girl Friday, Knute Rockne All American, The Mark of Zorro, The Grapes of Wrath, Northwest Passage, and a kids favorite, Pinocchio. Walt Disney’s Fantasia initially was a financial disappointment. However, in subsequent years the film was edited several times, and eventually became one of the most noted and classic of all the Disney films
Fran Tarkington, a well-known football player was born on February 3. Smokey Robinson rolled in on February 19, and Peter Fonda followed on February 23. A more infamous birthday girl was born on March 26, good old liberal Nancy Pelosi.
With the depression over, consumer food intake became more dependent on canned foods such as soup, meat, and vegetables. Before Spam there was Prem, a tasty and delicious meat made of genuine sugar-cured pork.
The war in Europe continued. 1940 was a pivotal year for England when on July 10, Britain’s factories and military facilities were being bombed by Hitler’s Air Force. The ban on bombing British cities was lifted by Hitler and the blitz began and continued off and on throughout the year, destroying many parts of the cities. Hitler also began marching west and slowly but surely began taking over most of Europe. The British troops were contained at Dunkirk and due to aid from a massive flotilla of private boats were able to be saved from destruction and returned to Britain.
The 1939-1940 World’s Fair was held at Flushing Meadows in New York and was the largest world’s fair of all-time. It featured exhibits like a keyboard operated speech synthesizer, color photography, nylon, air-conditioning, the View Master and the later unsuccessful Smell-O-Vision, among many others.
Sports checking revealed the National Football League, where the Chicago Bears of the Western division defeated the Washington Redskins of the Eastern division 73-0, in one of the most one-sided games in professional football history.
Alex Trebek was born on July 22 and Ringo Starr was born on July 7. The Saturday Evening Post magazine was the biggest seller in those days.
Roadways would be constructed at a fast pace. The Pennsylvania Turnpike, the first tunneled United States superhighway, opened on October 1, 1940. The Arroyo-Seco Parkway was dedicated in December and became the first Los Angeles freeway. The Queens-Midtown Tunnel in New York opened on November 15. Unfortunately, it was also the year that the Tacoma Narrows bridge collapsed only months after its completion, earning the nickname of “Galloping Gertie”.
Last but not least let’s address some food issues. On May 15 the first McDonald’s restaurant opened in San Bernardino, California by brothers Dick and Mac McDonald. A loaf of bread cost $.08 cents, bacon $.27 a pound, butter was $.36 a pound, and eggs $.33 a dozen. A 5-pound bag of sugar was $.26, gasoline was $.11 a gallon, postage stamps were $.03, a new car averaged $990, and last but not least a single-family home listed at $2938.00. The average salary for a full-time employee was $1200.00 a year with a minimum wage of $.30 an hour. The US population at that time was 132,122,000 and FDR was our president.
Three garbage men were doing their Christmas rounds and collecting their well-earned Xmas tips and gifts from the grateful householders when they arrived at a pleasant house at the end of a cul-de-sac.
The first garbage collector went up to the door to be met by the lady of the house in very revealing attire, who said, “Oh yes, I know what you want!” as she dragged him upstairs to the bedroom to have her wicked way with him.
A short while later he returned bedraggled to the garbage truck and told his colleague what had happened.
His mate like the idea of some of that so he went to the house where once again the lady appeared, this time in even more revealing attire. “Oh yes, I know what you want!” she said as she dragged him upstairs to the bedroom to have her wicked way with him as well.
Afterwards, he also returned bedraggled to the lorry and told the driver what had happened.
“Hmmm, I’ll have a bit of that!” thought the driver and walked up to the house. The lady opened the door and gave him $5. “Hey!” said the driver, “What about the fun and games you gave my colleagues?” Oh that,” said the woman “You can blame my husband for that.” “What’s he got to do with it?” asked the driver.
The lady answered, “Well, he said to give $5 to the driver and screw the other two.”
Today I was sitting quietly at home thinking seriously about our previous night’s dinner. As a last resort, when my better-half and I disagree on our evening meal, we have hamburgers and fries. We’ve become quite creative with that meal whether it’s cooked on the grill, in the air-fryer, pan fried or on the grill on the deck. I’m not a big red meat eater and under normal circumstances (not birthdays or holidays) I prefer chicken and fish. Burgers are my go-to meal or comfort food if you prefer, and yes, there is no ham in hamburgers . . . Ever!
Due to my idle curiosity, I did some searching to be sure I was correct, here’s what I found:
The popular book The Art of Cookery Made Plain and Easy by Hannah Glasse included a recipe in 1758 as “Hamburgh sausage”, which suggested to serve it “roasted with toasted bread under it”. A similar snack was also popular in Hamburg, Germany, by the name “Rundstück warm” (“bread roll warm”) in 1869 or earlier, and supposedly eaten by many emigrants on their way to America.
There always seems to be a rush by dozens of Americans to claim they invented the “burger” and everything else for that matter. Don’t forget the Russians and French who always insist they’ve invented or created just about anything you can think of. Too bad boys, Germany wins this contest.
My own favorite is a one-half pound well-seasoned burger on a whole grain toasted bun. Medium rare, topped with hot pickled jalapenos, mayo, a layer of mushrooms, a layer of sharp cheddar cheese, a slab of red onion, and hold the lettuce. Old school fries on the side, hot and crispy with Heinz 57. I’ll have that just about any time.
Since posting the real letters of a real Pilgrim yesterday I thought I’d covered the holiday rather well. Today I did a little net surfing and made the mistake of reading the Wikipedia entry on the history of Thanksgiving. It irritates me a little when they spend so much time telling me about some meaningless conflict over where Thanksgiving originated. In their opinion 36 colonists arriving in Virginia in 1619 gave thanks that they survived the crossing and years later it was claimed by some Virginians as the birth place of Thanksgiving. I just don’t see that as the real Thanksgiving. Did they celebrate with the native Americans? Who knows? Did any of them survive that first winter? Who knows? Maybe in 1000 A.D. Leif Ericson and a few Vikings landed in northern Maine and were thankful for not running out of food and water. Was that the real Thanksgiving? Now that I think about it, how about Ponce de Leon. He landed in Florida in late March of 1513, near present-day St. Augustine. He claimed this beautiful land for Spain and I’m sure he gave thanks for surviving his arrival. Then we must of course celebrate Thanksgiving as a Spanish holiday in March. Really, I think I’d prefer to celebrate that Viking holiday in Maine as the real one compared something Spanish. These kinds of arguments are all so much hogwash and an entire waste of everyone’s time.
I wasn’t planning a rant against Wikipedia but once again I want it understood I’m skeptical of a lot of their information, but that’s just my humble opinion.
Why I’m even bothering to rant is the real question. Well, I once lived in Kingston, Massachusetts, just a few short miles from where the Mayflower is berthed in Plymouth harbor. A few of my friends were actual descendants of the Wampanoag Indian tribe who assisted the Pilgrims back in the day. I was lucky enough to hear from them about their version of Thanksgiving. I’ve visited the Plimouth Plantation on many occasions and once even ate Thanksgiving dinner there with some family and friends. Screw Wikipedia and their politically correct nonsense.
The traditional celebration is one of the few holidays left that has actual meaning for me. I just can’t allow that tradition to be watered down with a lot of political nonsense. Enjoy your holiday with your friends and family. Give thanks for every good thing you can think of. Have a great meal and a pleasant day and hug your kids.
Just as a side note. I won’t be posting tomorrow because I’ll be doing all of those things myself.
I can only assume that all of you are as sick of this pandemic lifestyle we’ve been forced into. I know I’ve made some rather harsh remarks recently about people who refuse to get vaccinations but being a problem solver forced me to find a workable solution to possibly help those folks.
The coronavirus is one of a group of viruses which includes the common cold. I decided to check around to see if I can find anything that might assist the anti-vaxers to battle viruses without compromising their principles. What I’m about to tell you is nothing new but we’re running out of options and this may be the final one available for you undecided folks. Most of the symptoms of Covid-19 are similar to those of the common cold. With vaccines out of the mix I found this ancient remedy that may be worth a try. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. IMO
Make sure to wrap it tightly around your neck for best results.
CURE #1
A woolen sock, yes you heard me, I said, a woolen sock. But you must use a woolen sock – not a synthetic, “nasty” fiber sock. The wool sock must be dirty – worn by someone else, preferably someone who is strong and healthy. It’s best for a woman with symptoms to use a healthy man’s soiled sock and vice versa.
The dirty sock should be turned inside out – with the grungy part on the outside. Wrap the sock around your neck and be sure the foot part of the sock covers the sorest spot of your throat. Leave it there all night. Be warned – you will smell, and it won’t be a good smell. Your partner most assuredly will insist you sleep on the sofa. But try to get a good nights sleep despite the terrible odor. In the morning, remove the sock and Ta Da! Your symptoms should be better.
The magic in this cure is the moisture of the dirty sock. The moisture from the healthy person is absorbed while he or she is wearing it. When that same sock is placed on a sore throat, the moisture is magically absorbed by the sick person and the illness is cured.
Woman holding a dirty vinegary sock with a disgusted look on her face.
CURE #2
Another sock cure is to soak clean cotton socks – again, no synthetic fibers – in vinegar. Squeeze out the excess vinegar and put on the socks. Get a good nights sleep and upon wakening wash your feet. You also may want to open the windows and air out the bedroom! The vinegar in the socks supposedly draws out the illness. Where the symptoms go is anyone’s guess. So be on the safe side, don’t hang around folks who wear vinegar soaked socks. Make sure they’re at least 6 to 8 feet away at all-times. I’m assuming that social distancing isn’t something you object to on moral grounds.
Well there you have it. Two alternate solutions to avoid getting vaccinated and letting the scary government run your life.
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