I am a lover of all things strange and odd. Over the years I’ve collected oddities and facts as well as weird little stories. Here are a couple you might enjoy.
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#1
Once upon a time in a land far far away called Boston, Massachusetts some weirdness was afoot. There was a gentleman by the name of James Ball who had a weird and morbid fear of being buried alive. In his mausoleum constructed in Boston’s Mount Auburn Cemetery, he arranged for a telephone to be installed in his crypt.
In time, Mr. Ball died. His widow, accompanied by a great crowd of relatives, friends and business associates, followed Mr. Balls body to the grand limestone tomb.
Just after dark that same night his wife was passing through a sitting room and heard the telephone ring. A maid passing outside the room heard Mrs. Ball say, “Hello?” and then she heard a bloodcurdling scream. She rushed into the room to find Mrs. Ball with a look of horror on her face clutching the telephone. The line was dead, and so was Mrs. Ball. She died of a massive coronary, but the identity of the caller remains a mystery to this day. On the day of the funeral, when the crypt was unsealed, the crowd saw that the lid of Mr. Balls casket was open, and the telephone was off the hook.
#2
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Once upon a time there was a dog lover, a husband who took his Labrador retriever on a 4 mile walk a couple of times a week after dinner. One day he came down with a bad case of the flu, so it fell to his wife to walk the dog.
After supper, she clicked on the dog’s leash, and they headed out the door. She wanted to go to large open lot at the end of the street, but the dog tugged at the leash and all but dragged her around the block to a house on the corner. The dog pulled the poor woman up the stairs and began scratching furiously at the door. The wife scolded the dog and was trying to pull away when she heard a sweet female voice inside the house call out, “You’re a little early tonight, darling! Wait just a minute.”
The next moment, the door swung wide open and there stood a pretty and buxom young woman in a sexy negligée holding a large bone in her hand.” This should keep the dog happy while we’re – Uh-oh!”
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Well, there you have it. Avoid crypts, telephones in crypts, and properly train your dog not to eat big bones from strangers.
Here I sit poolside watching my two grandsons beating my better-half in a mean and nasty game of Triple War. Losing to an eleven and eight-year-old is kind of embarrassing and I gladly told her so. Warm day, great barbecue, new puppy, cool pool, board games, and family. It doesn’t get much better for a hot August day. The sun is broiling my bald head but I’m not complaining. All too soon we’ll be shoveling that white stuff once again and I can continue complaining even more then. But for today I thought I’d offer a couple of tongue twisting limericks to challenge you.
This is my first Tibetan limerick . . .
A Tibetan made a bet on his toboggan
That his toboggan could get down the hill hot-doggin.
The Tibetan got to bettin’,
But while bettin’ kept forgettin’,
It was August, so he landed on his noggin.
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A reckless rough roofer, Ralph Rufus,
Was a ruthless fool know as a doofus,
When Rufus roofed on a roof,
No roof was found to be Ralph-proof,
Roofing roofers felt Rufus a complete and total goofus.
It seems that the great majority of people in this country love to visit our national parks. I’ve never been one to spend much time in them, but I do understand the interest. As I did my research, I stumbled upon some other interesting facts not so much about the parks but about the interesting people who visit them. We humans are an interesting lot but at times just totally and completely stupid. That statement is due primarily to the following list. It is actual questions asked of Rangers and Visitors Bureau employees who work in the parks. The questions are so silly and humorous there’s no need to post the answers. Read them and have a laugh or two.
Can you show me where the yeti lives?
How much does Mount McKinley weigh?
Did people build this, or did Indians?
Why did they build the ruins so close to the road?
How much of the cave is underground?
How do you turn Old Faithful on?
We had no trouble finding the park entrances, but where are the exits?
What is the best time of year to watch deer turn into elk?
Where can we find Amish hookers? We want to buy a quilt.
I’ve had the pleasure and misfortune to have spent nearly twenty years working in and with the criminal justice organizations in Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, and Maine. I always thought the system had its flaws, how could it not? Your days are filled with an endless supply of criminals and an endless supply of criminal attorneys. Yikes!! I always laughed when I heard some of the older police and judges say Criminal Justice was the ultimate oxymoron. I’ve since discovered they weren’t kidding. The information in today’s post was taken from the annals of numerous courts and are true. You may find them hard to believe but they are. There are a million stories in the naked city and most of them are directly related to the Criminal Justice system. When in doubt plead total ignorance.
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Attorney: What did the tissue samples taken from the victim’s vagina show?
Witness: There were traces of semen.
Attorney: Male semen?
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Attorney: Did you ever sleep with him in New York?
Witness: I refuse to answer that question.
Attorney: Did you ever sleep with him in Chicago?
Witness: I refuse to answer that question.
Attorney: Did you ever sleep with him in Miami?
Witness: No.
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Attorney: What is your date of birth?
Witness: July fifteenth.
Attorney: What year?
Witness: Every year.
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Attorney: So, the date of your baby’s conception was August 8th?
The mistaken use of a word in place of a similar sounding one, often with unintentionally
amusing effect, as in, for example, “dance a flamingo” (instead of flamenco).
Today’s posting will be a shout out to all of those educators that spend so much of their time attempting to teach our younger generations anything. It’s a difficult job on the good days and it’s even worse on the bad days. I thought I’d list a selection of what are called malaprops taken from actual test papers and essays from some grade schoolers, high schoolers, and selected college examinations. These are things of beauty.
Women like to do things in circles, where they sew, talk, and do their meddling.
“Don’t” is a contraption.
Italics are what Italians write in.
The government of Athens was Democratic because the people took the law into their own hands.
Antarctica is like the regular Arctic, but ritzier.
He worked in the government as a civil serpent.
You purify water by filtering it and then forcing it through an aviator.
The doctor felt the man’s purse and said there was no hope.
The government of England is a limited mockery.
The first book of the Bible is a book of Guinness’s.
I’m not entirely sure why being “first” is so important to so many of us. Everyone wants to be “first” not just in sporting events, but damn near everything. I was the “first” kid in my family to go to college, and it gave my parents something they used to impress their friends. I was also the “first” in the family to drop out of college and join the Army. I sure didn’t get any kudos for that move. Today I decided to research some “firsts” not just from the United States but worldwide. This is also the “first” time I’ve written about “firsts” on this blog. Let me be the “first” to congratulate myself for that.
Barbra Streisand’s first performance was as a chocolate chip cookie.
The first song Bruce Springsteen ever learned to play on the guitar was The Rolling Stones, “It’s All Over Now.”
The first ready to eat breakfast cereal was Shredded Wheat in 1893 (it beat Kellogg’s Corn Flakes by just five years).
The first scientifically planned slimming diet was devised in 1862 by Dr. Harvey, an ear specialist, for an overweight undertaker. At that time dieting was initially something that only men did, and women didn’t start to do it until they stopped wearing figure-altering corsets.
The first dry cleaning was done in 1849 by a Monsieur Jolly-Bellin of France, who discovered the process by mistake when he upset a lamp over a newly laundered tablecloth and found that the part that was covered with alcohol from the lamp was cleaner than the rest.
Peter Sellers was the first male to ever be featured on the cover of Playboy.
Cuba Gooding Jr’s first job was as a dancer for Lionel Richie at the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics.
The world’s first traffic island was installed – at his own expense – by Colonel Pierrepoint outside his London club. It’s also ironic that he was later killed crossing over to it.
Courtney Cox was the first person on U.S. TV ever to use the word period in an ad for Tampax.
Gustav Mahler composed his first piece of music at the age of four, Sergei Prokofiev composed his first piece of music at age five, and Wolfgang Mozart was just eight when he composed his first symphony.
I was recently watching an English comedian who had me laughing until I cried. His whole shtick was pointing out how badly people misinterpret lyrics in songs. It was truly ingenious, and I thought today I would pass along a few of those samples to help you to determine how badly you’ve been hearing them. The highlighted quotes are the incorrect lyrics most commonly misheard followed by the performer and the album or song. It’s all just fun and games so enjoy.
“Sleep in heavenly peas.” The Christmas Carol, Silent Night.
“There’s a bathroom on the right.” Creedence Clearwater Revival, Bad Moon Rising
“Excuse me while I kiss this guy.” Jimi Hendrix, Purple Haze
“Dead ants are my friends, they’re blowing in the wind.” Bob Dylan, Blowing in the Wind
“Donuts make my Brown eyes blue.” Crystal Gale, Don’t It Make My Brown Eyes Blue
“Midnight after your wasted.” Maria Muldaur, Midnight at the Oasis
“She’s got a chicken to ride.” The Beatles, Ticket to Ride
“You and me and Leslie.” The Rascals, Groovin’
“Baking carrot biscuits.” Bachman-Turner Overdrive, Taking Care of Business
“Just brush my teeth before you leave me.” Juice Newton, Angel of the Morning
Everyone seems to love weird facts and even weirder trivia. I try to distribute as much of that nonsense as I possibly can, and today will be no different. The following facts you may know, or you may have heard of before but in general they’re a little different.
Pres. Lyndon B. Johnson enjoyed the soft drink Fresca so much that he had a special tap installed in the White House for his use.
The ideal knuckleball should complete less than one single rotation on its way to home plate. Its erratic path is created by the difference in air molecules traveling over the baseball seams and smooth surfaces.
Ice skaters skate on water, not ice. At 32°F, ice has a liquid surface measuring 400 billionths of a meter thick. Below -31°F, the liquid layer becomes so thin that the skater’s blades would stick rather than glide across the ice.
The Puritans founded America’s first college, bookstore, and newspaper.
The percentage of American men who say they would marry the same woman if they had to do it all over again is 80%. The percentage of American women who say the same is 50%.
There are 2,598,960 possible hands in Texas Hold’em.
The word salary comes from the Latin “salarium” meaning “payment in salt.” Roman soldiers were paid partially in salt, a highly valuable commodity at the time.
High quality crystal produces a clear ringing sound when struck, hence the phrase “crystal clear.”
To actually see a rainbow, you must have your back to the sun.
Human foreskins discarded after circumcision are sold to biomedical companies for use in artificial skin manufacture. One foreskin contains enough genetic material to grow 250,000 ft.² of new skin. They are also used as a “secret ingredient” in popular anti-wrinkle gels.
I’ve never really understood or cared why the Fourth of July is called Independence Day. I know it’s the celebration of the signing of the Declaration of Independence but in this day and age who really cares? It’s just become another excuse to have a long weekend and a day off and to drink and party and be foolish. It seems to me that only a very small percentage of the country really understands what is being celebrated on the Fourth of July.
Many years ago, while on a long weekend to Cape Cod I purchased a T-shirt in a shop in Provincetown. The minute I saw the shirt I knew I had to have it. I continued to wear it for years until it fell apart. I have since purchased another and wear it proudly. It’s a short statement of fact that I’m proud to wear across my chest, “I love my country and fear our government.” A simple yet true statement and even truer today than when I bought it. Mixing politics with patriotism is a dangerous thing and it still scares the hell out of me. Relying on our current crop of inept politicians to keep this county secure and on the right path is frightening at best. For me the Fourth of July is a bogus holiday. We should celebrate it on February 29 (Leap Year), every four years. Here is sample of how one of the Founding Fathers felt about it.
Did you know? John Adams believed that July 2nd was the correct date on which to celebrate the birth of American independence, and would reportedly turn down invitations to appear at July 4th events in protest.
It apparently wasn’t considered an American Holy Day back then. Those poor politicians hadn’t yet discovered the essentials needed to celebrate properly, charcoal brickettes, gas grills, and an endless supply of alcohol and weed. Mix all of that together with a few idiot politicians and you’ve got a real current-day Independence Day celebration.
I’m really not an educated weatherman but I do know one thing for sure, this rain sucks. I’m so sick of these gray and dreary days that only allow us 15 minutes of sunshine a day before the next downpour begins. It’s no wonder that all those smiling and happy folks in Seattle (sarcasm) are so much fun to be around. They have this kind crap weather on a regular basis and that’s bound to have a derogatory effect on them. With that thought in mind I thought I’d throw some additionalWeird Sh*t your way. It won’t stop the rain from continuing but it might make you smile a little.
Bacon affects the brain in the same way as cocaine and heroin, overloading pleasure centers and requiring increasing amounts to be satisfied.
New York City is estimated to have at least 8 million rats, or one rat per person.
In 2006, William Shatner was paid $25,000 from an online casino for a kidney stone he had recently passed.
Benjamin Franklin almost killed himself while trying to electrocute a turkey.
In 1799 a vigilante mob hunted down killer Micajah Harpe and placed his severed head on a pike at a crossroads in Western Kentucky still known as “Harpe’s Head”.
In South Korea, 11% of school-aged youth are considered at high risk for Internet addiction.
In the winter of 1952-53, Thompson Pass near Valdez, Alaska, got 975 inches of snow.
Women can go topless in public in New York City as long as they are not charging money for it.
In 1976, a 7.5 magnitude earthquake killed 23,000 Guatemalans.
During his 1989 appearance on the TV talk show Larry King Live, Donald Trump asked King, “Do you mind if I sit back a little bit because your breath is very bad. It really is.”
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