He was born at Besançon in France, near the border with Switzerland. His father, on the outbreak of the French Revolution, was appointed mayor of Besançon and consequently chief police magistrate. Charles was an influential French author and librarian who introduced a younger generation of Romanticists to the conte fantastique, gothic literature, and vampire tales. His dream related writings influenced many later authors.
Ralph Kiner, Pittsburgh Pirates Hall of Fame slugger, was the broadcast voice of the Mets in the 60’s. For all of you baseball fans out there, here are a few of his gems.
“Today is Father’s Day, so to all of you fathers out there, we’d just like to say, Happy Birthday!”
“Solo homers usually come with no one on base.”
“Tony Gwynn was named player of the year for April”
If Casey Stengel were alive today, he’d be spinning in his grave.”
Today’s been a slow day here in Maine and after two days of sunshine we’re back to our normal gray, cold, and miserable days. When trying to decide what to post today, I went back into my e-mails and discovered quite a few requests for more children’s limericks. I enjoy them myself but in truth, I love the bawdy ones just as much. Here are a few from the kids. I hope you enjoy them.
I’ve been trying to keep up with the news out of the Ukraine and Russia but as with any conflict news reports change depending on who’s doing the reporting. The bottom line for me is that Putin has been using many of the tools used against the Russian people by Germany in World War II. Everyone recalls Hitler’s move into Poland by flooding the airwaves with propaganda claiming the Poles were acting against the German people’s best interests. Now I hear that Putin has been beating the old Nazi drum, claiming the Ukraine is a Nazi regime and must be stopped. As I’ve said in previous posts, I think Putin is living in a World War II fantasy land. If he’s a student of Russian history like I assume he is, has he forgotten what happened to Germany when they attacked Russian in World War II. All the games of Hitler’s regime accomplished only one thing, they all ended up dead. An intelligent man should learn from the past, not repeat the past. Here are a few quotes from the World War II era to explain it better.
“A modern dictator with the resources of science at his disposal can easily lead the public on from day to day, destroying all persistency of thought and aim, so that memory is blurred by the multiplicity of daily news and judgment baffled by its perversion.” Winston Churchill
“Propaganda has only one object: to conquer the masses. Every means that furthers the same is good, every means that hinders it is bad,” Joseph Goebbels
“By the skillful and sustained use of propaganda, one can make a people see even heaven as hell or an extremely wretched life as paradise.” Adolf Hitler
“The propagandist operates chiefly by means of the printed word; the agitator operates with the living (spoken) word.” Lenin
“In view of the primitive simplicity of their minds, the masses more easily fall a victim to a big lie than to a little one.” Adolf Hitler
THOSE WHO FAIL TO LEARN FROM HISTORY ARE DOOMED TO REPEAT IT?
Many, many, many years ago I was a state police officer in Pennsylvania. There’s no question that being a cop is a tough job and it’s even worse these days. There’s an old saying amongst cops that police work is “Hundreds of hours of boring patrol work and the occasional 2 or 3 minutes of absolute terror”. While I agree with that there’s also something else that all cops must deal with. That is stupid criminals. We had another saying I was extremely fond of and that was “If it weren’t for stupid criminals, we’d never catch anyone”. That was meant to be funny, but some of the best laughs I’ve ever had in my life had to do with the people I met during investigations and the statements they gave in response to my questions. Here are a few examples of situations other cops have dealt with that might tickle your funny bone.
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE $2000? Army military policeman Daniel Christian Bowden, 20, was arrested at the Fort Belvoir (Va.) Federal Credit Union as he attempted to deposit almost $3,000 of cash into his account. A teller called police on Bowden because she recognized him as the very man who had robbed the credit union of nearly $5,000 two weeks earlier.
STEAL THE RIGHT THING When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had.
BATTLE OF THE BULGE Drug-possession defendant Christopher Johns, on trial in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn’t need a warrant because a “bulge” in Christopher’s jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to compose himself.
PLEASE ARREST ME Carlos Manuel Perez, 21, was jailed in Anniston, Ala. after a series of missteps that almost begged for his arrest. He stopped in front of a local government building in a stolen car, which had no license plate. His intention, he told the first person he saw, was to inquire about getting a non-photo identification card, since he was not carrying a driver’s license. That first person happened to be Sheriff Larry Amerson, in uniform. When pressed for ID, Perez produced a social security card with the name Matthew Nowaczewski (though Perez has a dark-skinned Hispanic complexion). He also produced a birth certificate under that name but with some information erased and rewritten in pen, including his birthplace of “MiSSSissippi.” Said Amerson later, “I know I’m from Alabama, but I’m not that stupid.”
I received this list many years ago from a very close friend. Where he came by it, I don’t have a clue. Someone obviously put a great deal of thought into it, and I guess that’s a good enough reason for me to pass it on. Do I agree with everything on it, NO WAY! But again, it’s not just about me. It’s a bit of a long read but you never know, you might find a pearl of wisdom or two in it.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE
-Eat plenty of whole rice. -Give people more than they expect and do it willfully. -Learn by heart your favorite song. -Don’t believe anything you hear and do not sleep as much as you would like to. -When you say, “I love you”, say it truthfully. -When you say, “I’m sorry”, say it with eye contact. -An engagement period of 6 months is crucial before marriage. -Believe in love at first sight. -Never mock others’ dreams. -Love deeply and passionately. You may get hurt, but this is the only way to live life to the fullest.
-Deal with discontentment, fight fairly but do not offend. -Do not judge others because of their relatives. -Talk slow, think fast. -When someone asks you a question you do not want to answer, smile and ask: “Why do you want to know?” -Remember that the greatest love and the greatest successes also hold many risks. -Call your mom. -Bless a person who has just sneezed. -When you lose, do not lose the lesson. -Remember: Respect for yourself, respect for others and responsibility for your actions. -Do not allow a small disagreement to hurt a great friendship.
-When you notice you have made a mistake, take the appropriate steps in order to correct it. -Smile when you answer the phone. Those who call can “hear” your smile. -Marry the person you love talking to the most. When you get old, conversation will be important more than anything else. -Spend some time alone. -Accept change with open arms; yet do not give up your values. -Remember that sometimes, silence is the best answer. -Read more books and watch television less. -Live a good, honorable life. Later, when you grow old and remember the past, you will enjoy them once more. -Believe and trust god, whomever / whatever you conceive God to be, but securely lock your car. -An atmosphere of love at your home is most important. Do all that you can in order to create a calm home full of love.
-Do not bring back the past. -Read in between the lines. -Share your knowledge. It is the way to live forever. -Be gentle with our Earth planet. -Pray. Prayer has incredible power. -Never interrupt someone who flatters you. -Take care of your problems. -Do not trust a man or a woman who do not close their eyes when you kiss them. -Once a year, visit a place you never did before. -If you make a lot of money, channel it so as to help others while you are alive. This is the greatest satisfaction a treasure can reward you.
-Remember that sometimes, not getting what you want is being very lucky. -Learn all the rules, and then break some. -Remember that the greatest relationships are the ones in which the love between two people is greater than the need one has of the other. -Judge your success in light of what you had to give up in order to obtain it. -Relate to love and to the kitchen completely.
“A truly great man is ever the same under all circumstances; and if his fortune varies, exalting him at one moment and oppressing him at another, he himself never varies, but always preserves a firm courage, which is so closely interwoven with his character that everyone can readily see that the fickleness of fortune has no power over him.”
In my years of working in corporate America, I made it a point to read his writings, especially “The Prince”. I couldn’t have survived as long as I did without it. Machiavelli has always had a bad name and to be “Machiavellian” is to be totally unscrupulous and cunning. But one thing most scholars are in agreement about: however bad his influence may have been, the real Machiavelli was not the wicked figure of popular tradition.
A few days ago, I posted a mish-mosh of items which included two limericks from young children. I love the fact that there are kids growing up into a new generation of limerick writers. I would hate to think limericks would fall by the wayside here in the 21st century when they’ve added so much amusement and laughter for hundreds of years. I have a collection of children’s limericks that I’ll share with you periodically because they are cute, adorable and much less bawdy than their adult counterparts. These are for those of you who are too delicate to read the real deal. I hope you enjoy them.
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