Archive for the ‘Trivia’ Category

🌲Christmas Limerick🌲   Leave a comment

The Bad Elf

There was an elf too tired to work,

He called Santa a big fat jerk.

He grabbed up some toys,

Making almost no noise

And fled to Club Med with a clerk.

Posted December 3, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Limericks, Sarcasm, Trivia

Tagged with , , ,

⚡Stupid Newspaper Headline⚡   Leave a comment

Deaf Mute Gets New Hearing in Killing

12/02/2021 Synchronicity ???   Leave a comment

The subject of this posting is synchronicity which is just another fancy word for coincidence. Being a former criminal investigator I was trained to believe there is no such thing as coincidence. For quite a few years I truly believed that there weren’t but one midnight shift in the summer of 1974 change all that. I’ll try to keep this as short as possible but I tend to ramble so bear with me.

It was an extremely hot August night; it was Sunday which was one of the slowest days of the week for police business. My partner and I were bored out of our minds because due to the heat there was very little activity. Around 2:30 in the morning we drove back to the state police barracks to check on the desk man who was working alone in the building. We brought him some soft drinks and lunch and we settled down to kill a few minutes.

We walked into the desk area, and it was like a bomb went off in there. He had been given an assignment on a slow night to start purging old reports from the files. We’re talking reports going back for years or more and he had three large trash barrels completely filled with pink slips. The pink slips were slips where each call was recorded and then forwarded to the appropriate officers for follow-up and reports. While both of us felt really sorry for the desk man, we didn’t feel sorry enough to jump into that nightmare. After 20 minutes of whining, we were guilted into helping the poor guy.

I was standing over one of the trash barrels that must’ve contained at least 400 old pink slips. While I was talking to the desk man I randomly picked one up and quickly read the title. Now you got to go back with me a few minutes because an hour or so prior to our visit to the barracks we’d been on a call for a suspicious vehicle at a specific residence at a specific time in the northern part of our county. I looked down at the pink slip I’d picked out of the barrel, and it was dated exactly one year ago and concerned a suspicious vehicle at a specific residence at a specific time in the northern part of the county. It was identical to the call we just completed. Exactly the same residence at exactly the same time and for the same reason. Then it got really weird because the officers assigned to the original complaint were my partner and me. To say we were stunned is an understatement.

To this day I can hardly believe the whole thing happened but it did. I have absolutely no explanation as to how that could have come about which I suppose is what keeps it interesting to this day. It’s made me wonder upon occasion if some of the weird coincidences we hear about are absolutely true.

I just finished reading a book titled Incredible Coincidences, written by Alan Vaughan. He documents dozens and dozens of cases similar to this and of course can offer no explanation for his either. It seems to me that it happens way more than we think if his book is any indicator. I’m still not a big believer in all the weirdness that people alleged is out there, but this incident gave me pause.

WEIRD!

12/01/2021 🌲Christmas Humor🌲   Leave a comment

I found this joke on line and couldn’t resist sharing it with you:

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. “In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle”, he said. “Very well, you may pass through the pearly gates,” Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.” Saint Peter said, “You may also pass through the pearly gates.”

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”

The man replied, “These are Carol’s.”

23 SHOPPING DAYS LEFT

Posted December 1, 2021 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Sarcasm, Sex, Trivia

Tagged with , , , , ,

12/01/2021 “CATS”   Leave a comment

I’ve posted many times that I was a cat person. When I was a kid, my father raised beagles and trained them for hunting. We never had less than 10 or 12 puppies scampering around the yard and it was one of my chores to feed them, play with them, and shovel up after them. I would leave the house with food and I would be mobbed by gangs of puppies and it was a lot of fun but it got old after a few years. I’ve always found dogs to be very needy to the extreme and that put me off a little bit. My parents continued after the closing of the kennel to have one or two dogs for the rest of their lives. It was just how they were raised and they could never understand why I preferred cats. I’m not about to get into a long explanation on why I prefer cats because I’m sure you’ve all heard the pros and cons. It just seems that people raised with dogs prefer dogs and people who were raised with cats prefer cats. I’m not saying that’s the way it is for everyone but that’s the way it was for the people that I knew and why I took so much grief when I refused to have dogs as pets. I’ve loved every cat that’s been in my life regardless of their quirks.

Relationship between cats and humans goes back as far as you can imagine. Most historians believe it all began in ancient Egypt where cats were worshiped and, according to legend, were responsible for eliminating a plague of rats in Egypt. Egyptians not only mummified their dead pharaohs, but also mummified their dead cats. Over the centuries many superstitions have developed concerning cats and I think I’d like to review a few of them now especially for those of you who are dog people. Let’s go…

  • In the dark ages cats were mistrusted and believed to consort with witches and warlocks. They allegedly brought evil and bad luck as well. Some folks reason that the bubonic plague that killed thousands of people in Europe during the medieval ages was caused by killing the then believed “evil cats.” In killing the cats, they were killing the natural predator of rats – the creatures who actually were spreading the plague with their fleas.
  • Most superstitions about cats have been passed down from generation to generation and most are utter nonsense but believed nonetheless. To this day many people actually believe that if your path is crossed by a black cat, you are in for some bad luck.
  • If a cat washes it’s ears, then bad weather is on its way. Or if the cat licks its tail, it is sure to rain. Of course, this has to be nonsense since that’s about all cats do is constantly wash their ears and tails. Cats are always cleaning themselves and are known to be exceptionally fastidious.
  • If the first person a cat looks at after washing itself is young and single that person will marry soon. For this superstition to work, you have to be young and single. You middle-aged people can forget about it.
  • It is said that if a cat is present at the marriage of a couple, they will have good luck in that marriage.
  • For those of you cat haters, don’t throw a cat overboard while on a boat. It is said that will cause a storm to blow up. And honestly if you throw a cat into the sea, you deserve to have a storm blow up.
  • Black cats spawned a variety of superstitions. If a black cat comes to your door, you will soon have a lover in your life. If a black cat adopts you, you will have bad luck, so send it away. If a black cat lies on a grave, it means the dead person’s soul is being possessed by the devil. And last but not least if you stroke a black cat’s tail seven times you will have good luck in cards.
  • If you see a white cat, that means poverty, just seeing a black cat means wealth. And if during a full moon you see a white cat it means you’ll be married soon.
  • The superstition that cats “suck” a baby’s breath away comes from the Dark Ages. A cat cannot and does not “take” a baby’s breath away. In fact, cats like babies and will often sleep at the bottom of their cribs the way they will sleep at the end of their masters or mistress’s bed.
  • Many people are frustrated in dealing with cats because they are not obedient. They obey no one unless they feel like it. In some circles they have a bad reputation similar to those given to independent women. What kind of a world would it be without cats or independent women? Think about it.

I’ve owned seven cats in my life, some good and a few not so good. I would never ever be happy unless I had a cat at my side. In my opinion they are absolutely the best pets ever. As with any pets if you rescue them from a shelter, you could get some surprises. Cats like any other animals if treated badly or abused never forget it. If you adopt from a shelter, be prepared to deal with the issues they bring into the relationship. If you spend the time, you can bring them around and you’ll be even closer to them than you would’ve been without all of those problems. I’ll recommend to anyone a shelter cat and would never turn one way. Pets are to be enjoyed but as with anything you must put forth the appropriate effort to welcome them into your family.

DOGS ARE COOL BUT CATS RULE

⚡Stupid Newspaper Headline⚡ 1   Leave a comment

Male Infertility Can Be Passed on to Children

11/28/2021 Animal Trivia   Leave a comment

I thought we should post a little trivia today about our friends in the animal kingdom. As weird as people can be animals are way worse. Read and be enlightened.

  • A bird has to fly at a minimum speed of 11 miles per hour to be able to keep itself aloft.
  • More than 1000 birds a year die from smashing into windows.
  • Baby robins eat 14 feet of earthworms a day.
  • A whales penis is called a dork.
  • A humpback whales milk is 54% fat.
  • If the eggs spawned by all the female cod in one season survived, they would fill the oceans from seabed to surface. Cod lay between four and 5 million eggs at a time – but usually only about five survive.
  • Crocodiles cannot stick their tongues out.
  • Most elephants weigh less than the tongue of the blue whale.
  • Neither horses nor rabbits can vomit.
  • A rat can survive longer without water than a camel.
  • It is illegal in Alaska to give a moose an alcoholic drink.
  • A pig always sleeps on its right side.
  • A lion’s roar can be heard from 5 miles away.
  • Human birth control pills work on gorillas.
  • A cat has four rows of whiskers.
  • The pet ferret was domesticated more than 500 years before the house cat.
  • Twelve or more cows are known as a flink.

Everything you ever wanted to know about animal trivia. There’s a lot more available and you can be sure I’ll be posting it in the future.

ENJOY YOUR DAY

. . . 26 More Shopping Days . . .

⚡Stupid Newspaper Headline⚡   Leave a comment

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

11/27/2021 Celebrity Body Count   Leave a comment

Celebrities are once again the subject of a post. I’m still amazed at how many people in this country live and die or gossip about celebrities. I suppose the quotation “get a life” no longer has much meaning. If I wanted to bore you by listing celebrities who died young from drug overdoses, plane crashes, or sheer stupidity, I’d be here writing forever. Today’s topic is the amount of death that seems to follow celebrities on a regular basis. There are times when being around a celebrity is also life-threatening as you’ll see as you review this list of interesting facts and how dangerous it can be as a hanger-on. Here we go . . .

  • In 2003 a rapper named Big Lurch was convicted of the murder and partial consumption of his roommate while under the influence of PCP.
  • In 1978, Oscar-winning actor Gig Young shot his fourth wife to death in their New York City apartment and then turned the gun on himself.
  • In 2001 actress Rebecca Gayheart struck and killed a nine-year-old pedestrian with her car in Los Angeles. She pled no contest to vehicular manslaughter and was sentenced to three years probation and a fine
  • In 1963, future first lady Laura Welsh Bush ran a stop sign and accidentally crashed her car into the vehicle of a 17-year-old man, killing him.
  • In 1936, eccentric billionaire-to-be Howard Hughes struck and killed a pedestrian in Los Angeles.
  • In 1984, Motley Crue lead singer Vince Neil was arrested for drunk driving and vehicular manslaughter after he crashed into an oncoming car his passenger was killed and two occupants of the other vehicle were injured.
  • At age 12, future Illinois governor and presidential candidate Adlai Stevenson shot and killed a 16-year-old girl when his gun went off accidentally.
  • Boxing promoter Don King killed two people. One murder was ruled justifiable because King was being robbed at the time. He spent four years in prison for the stomping death of a second man.
  • In 1978 punk rocker Sid vicious of the group, Sex Pistols, stabbed to death his girlfriend, Nancy Spungen, Vicious died of a heroin overdose before he could be brought to trial.
  • In 2009, famed record producer Phil Spector was convicted of the murder of Alanna Clarkson. He is currently serving a prison term of 19 years to life.
  • In 2002 a wrapper C-Murder, a.k.a. Cory Miller, was found guilty for beating and shooting a 16-year-old boy who had allegedly embarrassed Miller during a club’s rap contest.
  • In 1987, actor Matthew Broderick killed two women in Northern Ireland when his car veered into the oncoming lane.
  • In 1951 writer William S Burroughs shot and killed his common-law wife, Joan Vollmer. He claimed he was trying to shoot a glass off of Vollmer’s head and missed. He was found guilty of manslaughter and sentenced to two years but only served two weeks behind bars.
  • In 1927 Tony award-winning actor Paul Kelly spent more than two years in prison after beating another man to death with a club. Kelly later married the dead man’s widow.
  • In 1970 Keith Moon, the late drummer of The Who, accidentally ran over and killed his bodyguard while fleeing attackers. Moon was not charged.

I could go on and on but there’ve been so many others it would take forever to list them all but my point has been made. If you’re going to idolize and worship the never-ending supply of celebrities and those who are seeking their 15 min. of fame, do it from a distance. It’s much safer that way.

FAMOUS OR INFAMOUS, YOU CHOOSE

11/22/2021 Thanksgiving Myth?   Leave a comment

As I’ve repeatedly stated I am a huge fan of Thanksgiving. I am also a huge fan of debunking silly and unusual superstitions when I find them. I found one about Thanksgiving after reading a book in my collection. For most of my life I looked forward to Thanksgiving dinner and always made a point of collecting the wishbone. I was told as a kid by people who I trusted, Mom and Dad, that if I won the larger half of the wishbone after it was broken I would have good luck. I did it year after year and we made quite a thing of it but now I come to discover I was lied to. Here’s the truth of the matter . . .

Two people make a wish, and then grab the two long ends of the wishbone and pull. The one who breaks off the larger piece of the bone gets his or her wish. You must be sure the bone is dry – a day in the sun or on the stove dries it perfectly. The bone must be from the collarbone of a hen or a rooster. All of my family loved the routine of pulling the wishbone of the turkey after their meal. “Spoiler Alert”, turkey collarbones don’t work. I know this is devastating news to all of you but the truth will out. Here’s a short history lesson . . .

The Etruscans, those folks that came before the Romans, had a Hen Oracle. That person was often called upon to reveal hidden and magical knowledge. A hen or rooster was killed, the entrails examined – for what, no one can fathom – and the birds collarbone put in the sun to dry. The wishbone was then pulled apart as it is today. The Romans actually stole this custom from the Etruscans and it then spread throughout the Roman Empire and where did it end up, on this blog today.

THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE