Archive for the ‘Useless Crap’ Category
I really hate to admit this, I’ve turned into a raging paranoic. I’ve blogged many times about fake and biased news and while it’s being addressed nationally these days, a lot of everyday folks love believing everything they read or hear. Today’s blog is a list of random nonsense being spoken of by good old ordinary Americans who obviously don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. It scares me a little because the more you tell a lie the more likely it is that some of the boneheads you’re telling believe it without question. I can’t do anything to stop that but I’ll certainly point out some strange shit that I’ve been seeing and hearing recently.
- More than 1% of the US population is currently in jail. FALSE
- Aspirin was originally invented to treat erectile dysfunction. FALSE
- Left-handed people live an average of nine years longer than right-handed people. FALSE
- Legendary children’s show host Mr. Rogers was once a Marine sniper with thousands of killed under his belt. FALSE
- Despite being a common joke today, Robin never actually says Holy Cow (or Toledo)Batman during any episodes. FALSE
- The planet Mercury is the hottest planet in the solar system. FALSE
- If we removed every boat, ship, and submarine from the oceans, sea level would fall about 6 inches. FALSE
- The popular online rumor suggests that hippopotamus milk is pink. FALSE
- The word FUCK was once said over 1000 times in one movie. FALSE
- Humans are the only animals on earth to perform oral sex on each other. FALSE
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And my favorite FAKE news:
I’M CALLED BIG JOHN FOR ONLY ONE REASON!
(Figure it out . . .)
I thought today since its rather comfortable and cool I should leisurely look through my archives for a few dirty jokes to make you smile. We are expecting a rather nasty heat wave heading our way and I won’t be smiling much longer. Also, these are really just off-color jokes rather than the plain old filthy and dirty jokes I’ve posted previously.
A boy was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on his porch in his favorite rocking chair with nothing on from the waist down. “Grandpa, what the hell are you doing?”, he asked. The old man looked off in the distance and didn’t answer him. “Grandpa, what are you doing sitting here naked below the waist?, he asked once again. The old man slowly looked at him and said, “Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a really stiff neck. This was your grandma’s idea.”
Q. What’s the difference between your wages and a penis?
A. You don’t have to beg your girlfriend to blow your wages.
A wife went to see her therapist and said, “I’ve got a big problem, Doctor.” Every time we’re in bed and my husband has an orgasm, he lets out an earsplitting yell.” My dear, the shrink said, “that’s completely natural. I don’t see what the problem is.” The problem is dammit, it keeps waking me up.”
There are three girls, and their boyfriends who all have the same name. So in order to keep them from getting confused, they decided to give their boyfriends nicknames. The first stated, “I call my man Seven Up.” They asked her, “Why do you call your man that?” She says, “Because he has 7 inches and it’s always up.” They then asked the second girl what she calls her man. She says, “I call my man Mountain Dew.” Why on earth do you call him that?” She says, Because he likes to mount and do me.” They then asked the third girl the same question and she replied, “I like to call my man Jack Daniels.” They look at her in a puzzled way, Why do you call your man that? Jack Daniels is a hard liquor!” She stated emphatically, “EXACTLY!”
THE WORD OF THE DAY IS LEGS
Spread the word!!
Today is a good day for a little innocent and harmless pop culture trivia. Whenever I find something odd or strange that catches my interest I make note of it and today is the day that I’m going to publish some of those notes. Some are interesting and some not so much. You decide.
- Although Sean Connery played Harrison Ford’s father in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Connery is just 12 years older than Ford.
- Among the actors who auditioned for the Han Solo role in the original Star Wars were Kurt Russell, Robert Englund, and even Sylvester Stallone.
- The state of Maine is really a popular state for fictional murders. It has been used as the setting for a surprising number of mysteries and thrillers by Stephen King.
- According to legend, hard rocking band Alice Cooper chose their name after using a Ouija board to communicate with a spirit named Alice Cooper.
- Yoda from Star Wars, the cookie monster from Sesame Street, and Miss Piggy from the Muppet Show were all voiced by the same person, Frank Oz.
- Sir Paul McCartney once released an album under the name Thrills Thrillington.
- Sean Connery turned down the role of Gandalf in the Lord of the Rings because he didn’t understand the script.
- In the Wizard of Oz movie, the dog playing Toto was paid an actual salary of $125 a week. Ironically this was more money than many of the film actors were paid.
- The first interracial kiss in television history happened on Star Trek.
And last but not least . . . .
- Actor Nicolas Cage was named after the comic book hero Luke Cage. Oddly enough my youngest grandson was named Cage after Nicolas Cage.
POP GOES THE WEASEL
It’s once again time for me to justify this blog’s name. Here are twelve items of Useless Information that aren’t commonly known.
- Although the earth is 70% water, just 1% of it is considered drinkable.
- The first people to measure Mount Everest lied about tall it was. Their measurement was exactly 29,000 feet but they thought no one would believe it came to that exact measurement so they added two more feet to the total.
- The animal with the longest hibernation period is a frog.
- Every planet in the solar system could fit in the space between Earth and the moon even if you include Pluto.
- Neil Armstrong claims that he actually said, “That’s one small step for a man” when he landed on the moon.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger almost missed out on the title role in Terminator to none other than O.J. Simpson.
- The mask worn by Michael Myers in the Halloween series was actually a white plastic Captain Kirk mask.
- Bill Buckner had more career hits than Ted Williams.
- No one has ever recorded a perfect March Madness bracket.
- Cleopatra’s reign was closer to the date of the moon landings than the building of the pyramids.
- The United States government once poisoned beer during prohibition.
- The first bomb dropped by the Allies on Germany during World War II killed an elephant. It fell on the Berlin zoo.
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JUST PLAIN USELESS
- The childhood nickname for advice columnist Ann Landers was “Eppie”.
- The name of the Weasley owl in the Harry Potter series of books by J.K. Rowling was “Errol”.
- The letters FTD originally stood for Florists Transworld Delivery.
- The word Pennsylvania is misspelled on the Liberty Bell as “Pensylvania”
- The 19 1/2 foot tall statue that stands atop the U.S. Capitol building in Washington D.C. was designed by Thomas Crawford, installed on December 2, 1863, and is named the Statue of Freedom.
- The letters TCB of the gold pendant often worn by Elvis Presley, stood for “Taking care of business.”
- Tokyo Tsushin Denki was the original name of the Sony Corporation.
- Woolworth is a term in bowling for a 5-10 split.
- “For breakfast it’s dandy, for snacks it’s quite handy, or eat it like candy.” was the original advertising slogan for Post Sugar Crisp Cereal.
- Eric Clapton’s last name was actually “Clapp”.
And finally something interesting from Maine.
A 15-year-old resident of Farmington Maine who invented earmuffs in 1873 was Chester Greenwood.
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EVERYUSELESSTHING RULES
I’ve complained about “fake news” a lot in recent in recent months. If anything, it’s even worse now than before. With the advent of AI’s creating photo’s and headlines that are nothing more than a teaser to get us to read all the BS normally that usually follows has become problematic. I’m all for free speech but the lack of control on the fake content and misleading headlines is ridiculous. Everyone is paranoid to the extreme for scammers and this fake BS just contributes to even more scams. Today I’ll let you determine what is fake and what isn’t. Firstly I’ll list five of the most ridiculous conspiracy theories I could find. If you’re convinced by any of these subjects, you’re in need of more help than I can offer.
Conspiracies
- Chemical trails from jet aircraft are really poisons designed by the government.
- President Obama spent time on Mars as a teenager.
- Stevie Wonder was never blind.
- The planet Venus supports life.
- Google has become self-aware, evolving into an AI that is essentially a god.
I realize these five items are truly stupid but they actually have been seriously discussed by the lunatic fringe. My all time favorite must go to those idiots who still believe the earth is flat. It pleases me that the mental health institutions will continue to have plenty of customers. I guess you could call that some sort of “job security”. Now I’m going to list ten items of which five are actual headlines and five that are not. You be the judge. The answers will be listed below.
Headlines
1. ITALIAN BANK ROBBERS WEAR TRUMP MASKS DURING HEISTS
2. TOAD TADPOLES TURN HOMEGROWN POISONS ON EACH OTHER
3. MAN ARGUES FOR ROOMBA LOVER TO BE GIVEN PERSONHOOD
4. INFAMOUS PICKPOCKET PALMS JUDGE’S WALLET IN COURT
5. SINGLE MEN ARRIVE IN DROVES AFTER PERSONALITY PROFILE ON A VASECTOMY SPECIALIST APPEARS
6. IN TRUE CANADIAN FASHION, DELAYED FLIGHT TRIGGERS A SING-ALONG.
7. MAN TAKES DISNEYLAND RIDE 10,000 TIMES
8. DRIVE-THRU WINDOW BECOMES SQUEEZE-THRU FOR A MCDONALD’S THIEF
9. PU! AIRPLANE DROPS CRATE OF STINK BUGS ON WEDDING
10.A BRITISH SURGEON WAS DISCOVERED BRANDING HIS INITIALS ON LIVERS
Answers
1,2,6,8,10 – Are True, 3,4,5,7,9 Are Fake
I have a feeling that this post will initially irritate readers depending on their ethnicity. These are what were considered funny among certain groups back in the 70’s and 80’s. I hear complaints by many of the millennials about ethnic humor in this day and age and how bad they think it is, but they really have no idea just how rough it can get. These samples were published in a small book in 1984.
- What do you say to a Puerto Rican in a three-piece suit? “Will the defendant please rise.”
- What does an Oriental use for a blindfold? “Dental Floss”
- What do you call four drowning Mexicans? “Cuatro sinko”
- What’s dumber than four Italians trying to build a house underwater? “Six Irishmen trying to lay the foundation.”
- What do you call an Armenian with lots of girlfriends? “A shepherd.”
- How do Germans tie their shoes? “In little Nazis.”
- What do the Chinese call 69? “Two Can Chew”
- How can you tell when a Pakistani has matured? “He takes his diaper off his ass and puts it on his head.”
- What’s it called when you hit a white man over the head? “A honkey-tonk.”
- Did you hear what happened to the Polish water polo team? “The horse drowned.”
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A Fav
Did you hear about the new Japanese-Jewish restaurant? “It’s called So-Sue-Mi.”
HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED
Yesterday was a less than a spectacular day. My better-half was diagnosed with Covid after returning from her safari to the northern wilds of Maine. It effectively required that the cat and I sleep alone for a few days until she recovers. Today started off when the Maine Medical System decided to charge me an out-of-pocket charge of $117.30 to appear at their office to have my blood pressure checked. I said, “Hell No!” and immediately cancelled the appointment. I hate it when people in any organization think of me as just another revenue stream rather than a real patient. Well, I think that’s enough of my bitching and complaining for today. This post is trivia related but contains much more obscure information than my normal facts. Enjoy!
- Shaquille O’Neal wears a size 52XXXXL (extra-extra-extra-extra-long) jersey.
- 20.41 pounds is the weight of $1,000,000 worth of U.S. $100.00 dollar bills.
- It is 14 miles distance from the Batcave to Gotham City.
- There is an average of 512 plain M&M’s per pound.
- Jimy Olsen’s middle name was Bartholomew.
- The movie Roots was originally titled “Before This Anger”.
- The original family surname of John Cleese was Cheese.
- “Et one, Brute?” was the advertising slogan for Lay’s Potatoe Chips in the 60’s.
- “JoJo” is Bart Simpson’s middle name.
- Kelcy’s Bar was Archie Bunkers favorite hangout.
ONE OF MY FAVS
Manfred was the oldest of the Marx Brothers who died before his first birthday.
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ARREST THE LAWBREAKERS
I’ve had a number of readers requesting another batch of jokes and humor from the 1980’s. As I compile these lists, I’ve discovered that they’re funnier today than they were when originally written. It just verifies that even low class and nasty humor lasts forever. Enjoy!
- What is a barroom? An elephant farting in an elevator shaft.
- How do you get even with the guy who’s trying to steal your wife? Let him have her.
- What happens when you sit on wet cement? You get hardening of the farteries.
- What does a gynecologist do when he’s feeling sentimental? Looks up an old girlfriend.
- What do you call a lesbian who drives a delivery truck full of dildoes? A dick van dyke.
- What’s worse than a piano that’s out of tune? An organ that stops working in the middle of a piece.
- Why did the girl fail Sex Education? She couldn’t come for the oral exam.
- How many straight New York waiters does it take to change a light bulb? Both of them.
- Why is a fat girl like a moped? They’re both fun to ride until your friends see you.
- What do you do when your girlfriend tells you to “kiss her where it smells?” Drive her to New Jersey.
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Here’s one that really hits home for those of us who grew up during the 60’s and 70’s.
What’s the one most important rule at an orgy?
To come with the person who brought you.
It’s “Weird Facts” Day here at Everyuselessthing. I’m offering a few odd and strange truisms you’ve probably never heard of before. Just another public service for those of you interested in the unusual. Some of this information was collected from a book authored by Dan Lewis in 2013. This is my homage to him, a fellow lover of the weirdness that is the human race.
- In August 1962, American singer Bobby “Boris” Pickett released a novelty Halloween song “Monster Mash”. The song (his only hit) reached the top of the US Billboard charts in October of that year. But it took more than ten years for it to have any success in the UK. In 1962, the BBC banned the song from the airwaves, claiming it was “too morbid.” When the song was finally rereleased in 1973, the BBC saw it immediately rise to number three on the UK charts.
- The Mona Lisa is not painted on canvas, but on three pieces of wood roughly an inch and a half thick.
- Major League Baseball pitcher Jim Abbott was born without a right hand. Nevertheless, he had a ten-year career in the league, and on September 4, 1993, threw a no-hitter.
- New York City is filled with carts selling hotdogs, pretzels, cold drinks, etc., with the core products running just a few bucks, depending on location. Central Park spots can earn as much as $175,000.00 annually, says Yahoo.com, and in 2008, one vendor bid more than $600,000.00 for the exclusive rights to sell wieners outside the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
- Toilet paper is not the greatest thing since sliced bread. It can’t be, because TP predated slice bread by more than 50 years. Commercial TP was invented in 1857 by a New Yorker named Joseph Gayetty, who sold packs of 500 sheets for $.50. It’s marketing language called the product “the greatest necessity of the age,” so perhaps, sliced bread is the greatest thing since toilet paper.
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY
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