Archive for the ‘funny’ Tag

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JB was a naive little shit

Because no-one would tickle her tit.

It would’ve made her so glad

To be had by a lad,

Her panties moistened at the mere thought of it.

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Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

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“Between two evils, I always pick

the one I never tried before.”

Mae West (August 17, 1893 – November 22, 1980) was an American actress who worked in vaudeville and later in movies. She is best remembered for her dirty jokes and comedy movies. Her name when she was born was Mary Jane West. She was born in Brooklyn, New York City, and died in Hollywood, California.

01/29/2022 Yogi Knows All   2 comments

Let’s have a little fun today. While I’m not the greatest sports fan who’s ever lived, I have a deep and abiding passion for baseball. Not listening to or watching games on television (other than the Little League World Series) but actual playing at it for many years. I find watching sports these days is as much fun as watching paint dry. They’re not the same games as they were when I was growing up. All that being said there are certain things about sports that are universal and forever and one of those is the words of wisdom spoken by Yogi Berra. He was a great ballplayer, but his little tidbits of wisdom made him more famous than baseball. I’ve picked up a few of them here and there over the years and then I discovered a gold mine of them in recent weeks. These are the ones I like the best and here they are for your enjoyment. Let’s go…

  • “This is like déjà vu all over again.”
  • “You got to be very careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.”
  • In reference to movie star Steve Queen, “He must’ve made that movie before he died.”
  • When asked what he would do if he found $1 million, he stated, “I’d find the fellow who lost it and if he was poor, I’d return it.”
  • “Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical.”
  • “A nickel isn’t worth a dime today.”
  • When asked for the time, he stated, “Do you mean now?”
  • “If you come to a fork in the road, take it.”
  • “I never blame myself when I’m not hitting. I just blame the bat, and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it wasn’t my fault that I’m not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?”
  • “It ain’t the heat, it’s the humility.”
  • When asked about his hat size he stated, ” I don’t know. I’m not in shape yet.”
  • “You should always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise, they won’t come to yours.”
  • “I take a two-hour nap, from one o’clock to four.”
  • “You give 100% in the first half of the game, and if that isn’t enough, in the second half you give what’s left.”
  • “I didn’t really say everything I said.”

Well, there you have it folks. The sport of baseball hasn’t been the same since Yogi retired and passed away. We need more like him in all of today’s sports to keep us aware that it’s just a game for kids. That’s how it was before it became nothing but agents, money, negotiations, social media, media interviews, and a few hundred talking heads who think they have all the answers. They’ve all done their best to ruin “Americas Pastime” and it’s a damn shame.

STRIKE 1, STRIKE 2, STRIKE 3

YOUR OUT!

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Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway

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Police Find Crack in Man’s Buttocks

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1941

There’s an oversexed lady named Whyte

Who insists on a dozen a night?

A fellow named Cheddar

Had the brashness to wed her,

His chance of survival is slight.

1946

It’s only human nature after all

If a fellow puts a girl against the wall

And his inclination

Into her accommodation

To increase the population

Of the rising generation –

Why, it’s only human nature after all.

Posted January 26, 2022 by Every Useless Thing in Humor, Kill Me, I'm Begging You, Limericks, Sarcasm, Sex

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