Archive for the ‘gross’ Tag
I’ve always considered myself a “foodie”. I’ve always loved cooking and found it a very relaxing activity. I’ve always been willing to try just about any new dish at least once even if it initially appears disgusting. Spending two years in Japan and Korea certainly expanded my palate but not always in a good way. Today’s post will be both interesting and possibly a little disgusting. Believe me when I say I’m not recommending most of these dishes, this post is just informative.
😹😹😹
- Coconut-Cream-Marinated Dog (Indonesia) . . . Pieces of dog are marinated in a coconut cream and then broiled on skewers.
- Fried Calf’s Head (Hungarian) . . . The head is sliced, breaded, and fried.
- Grilled Rat (French) . . . The rodent is brushed with olive oil and shallots and then broiled.
- Baked Bat (Samoa) . . .First the bat is torched to “dehair” it. Then it is cleaned, and baked or fried with salt, pepper, and onions.
- Stewed Cat (Ghanaian) . . . Sliced cat is fried in peanut oil and butter then simmered in a pot with red peppers.
🐀🐀🐀
- Sun Dried Maggots (Chinese) . . . Fly larva are dried in the sun and then eaten as a snack or as a side dish with the meal.
- Pigs Face and Cabbage (Irish) . . . Then blanched face is baked with seasonings and served with boiled cabbage.
- Fried Turkey Balls (American) . . . The gonads are coated with breadcrumbs and then fried in olive oil or butter.
- Lamb Brain (Mexican) . . . The lamb’s brain is chopped up, fried with onions, tomatoes, and chilies, and then used as a taco stuffing.
- Broiled Puppy (Hawaiian) . . . The puppy is broiled flat over hot coals and served with sweet potatoes.
🐶🐶🐶
BON APPETITE
Quote of the Day
“C’mon, baby light my fire
Try to set the night on fire.”
Jim Morrison (1943-1971)
😎😎😎
Joke of the Day #1
There was an artist who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now. As usual, his model reported, and after exchanging the usual pleasantries she began to undress for the day’s work. He told her not to bother because he was feeling pretty bad with the flu he had been fighting. He told her that he would pay her for the day, but that she could just go home, he only wanted some hot tea and then to get some rest in bed. The model said, “Oh, please, let me fix it for you. It’s the least I can do.” He agreed and told her to fix herself a cup, too. They were sitting in the living room just exchanging small talk and enjoying their tea, when he heard the front door open and close, then some familiar footsteps. “Oh my God!” he whispered loudly. “It’s my wife. Quick, take all your clothes off.”
Joke of the Day #2
A 92-year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical examination. A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. At his follow-up visit the doctor talked to the old man and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?” The old man replied, “Just doing what you said, doctor: “Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.” The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said you’ve got a heart murmur and be careful.”
🤣🤣🤣
Limerick of the Day
A worried young man from Istanbul
Discovered large red spots on his tool.
Said the doctor, a cynic,
“Get out of my clinic!
Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool”
😙😙😙
What’s Grosser Than Gross
When a cheerleader jumps high into the air and lands in a split.
“AND STICKS TO THE FLOOR”
YIKES!!
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Now that the holidays are behind us, it’s time to get rolling with trivia for 2022. I decided to restock my archives with some new and exciting trivia. I’ve been trolling the web and found 6 additional books with highly interesting, weird and strange trivia items. Let’s start with these fifteen to get this year’s started.
- The German submarine, U-1206, sank in 1945 when it’s toilet was operated improperly.
- Around 1 million gladiators lost their lives in the arena.
- Nearly 1,500 different types of insects are eaten around the world.
- Surgeons were drilling holes in people’s skulls in 6,000 B.C.
- U.S. magician, Dorothy Dietrich, is the only woman to catch a fired bullet between her teeth.
- The Bombardier beetle pelts enemies with a boiling, foul smelling liquid.
- A Siamese cat in Russia weighed an astonishing 50 lbs. – the average weight of a 7-year-old girl.
- In 1894, a shower of jellyfish fell on the city of Bath in England.
- The last witch was burned in England in 1712.
- Every day you shed around 500 million skin scales, 10 million of which carry bacteria.
- Male vampire moths drill a feeding tube into human skin in order to suck up blood.
- An earthworm excretes the equivalent of its body weight every day.
- Three cyclists have died while competing in the Tour De France.
- Tonsilloliths are small, yellow, foul smelling “stones” that live around the tonsils and cause bad breath.
- Most people pass around 600 ml of gas a day in 14 farts.
I took it easy on you with these items. A have a host of others which are a bit more disgusting. I’ll send them along at a later date. Here’s an item concerning political correctness at its very best:
Roman Emperor Claudius (10 BC to AD 54) was said to have been so worried about people politely holding in their farts and being poisoned by them that he passed a law legalizing farting at feasts.
GOTTA LOVE THEM ROMANS
I’m in a mood this morning. I have yet to decide whether it’s a good mood, a bad mood, or a I-don’t-give-a-damn mood. It depends more on my interactions today with other people than anything else. Normally I look for something funny or at least a little humorous to set me on the right track for the day but I’m actually feeling like taking a trip down the wrong road. This road leads to tasteless, gross, and raunchy humor. Be warned.
I think I’ll throw in a few filthy limericks, a dirty joke or two, some raunchy riddles, and anything else I can think of. Some of these items and photos might even gross you out a little but hopefully not too too much. Over the years I’ve purchased a number of books in old book stores filled with questionable humor and today I intend to share some of their contents with you. So let’s get started.
Riddles
Q. What’s the difference between frustration and panic?
A. Frustration is the first time you find out you can’t do it the second time, and panic is the second time you find out you can’t do it the first time.
Q. When do you know you’ve had the world’s best head?
A. You have to pull the sheets out of your ass!
Q. What’s the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?
A. A rooster clucks defiance!
Q. Who’s the world’s greatest athlete?
A. The guy who finishes first and third in the masturbation contest!
Jokes
A young up-and-coming executive was informed that he would be forced to take a thirty percent pay cut. Later that evening he was discussing with his wife ways in which they could trim some fat from their household budget. “Honey,” he said, “if you could learn to prepare a few meals, we could fire the cook.” “Well, dear,” she replied, “if you could learn to fuck, we could fire the gardener.”
A urologist claimed that he could find any disease just by testing a person’s urine. One man, who had tennis elbow, decided to fool the doctor. He made an appointment, received his specimen bottle, and was told to come back the next day. That night he urinated in the bottle, then his wife did, followed by his daughter, and the the family dog. Then he masturbated into it as well. He returned the next day with his sample and gave it to the doctor for testing. Four hours later the doctor returned. “You know,” he said, “it took me a long time, but I think I’ve finally got it. Your wife has VD, your daughter is pregnant, your dog has mange, and if you’d quit beating off, you wouldn’t have tennis elbow.”
Limericks
All these small cocks (of which we won’t dwell)
Looked no bigger encouraged to swell; I’ve endured the tedium
Of others, classed medium,
But at last – I’ve discovered XL.
Said a President prone to give pecks,
To those areas other than necks:
“Although this is sultry,
It is not adultery –
I’m not even sure if it’s sex!”
-dedicated to Bill Clinton
A well-endowed chap with a cock,
Several sizes too big for his jock,
Eventually found
It was far better wound
Round one leg and tucked into his sock!
In the Garden of Eden lay Adam,
Complacently stroking his madam;
And loud was his mirth
For he knew that, on earth,
There were only two balls – and he had’em.
Well there you have it. What better way to start off your day and the weekend. These were just a rather tame samples of what’s to come (no pun intended). The next time I’ll use the harsher and crazier stuff.
“This is a courtesy warning for those of you with weak stomachs. What you are about to read was written while under the influence of twenty different cold and flu medications. Proceed at your own risk.”
As my better-half and I lay here in bed this morning coughing and sniffling, I had a major epiphany. Basically the human body is a complex, disgusting, and disturbing mess. Let’s run down the list of my favorites things. We have farts, body odor, bad breath, smelly feet, and a host other smells that are best forgotten. We are easy infected with every virus imaginable and the medical research community is hard at work (so they say) to come up with answers and remedies for them. That doesn’t include the common cold of course. Nothing or no one seems to be able to find that super drug that will conquer that sneaky little disease.
Let’s not forget the biggest two items we first learned about as children, #1 and #2. Let’s call them what they are, urine and poop. I’m not sure what genius started the #1 and #2 nonsense but I’d bet it was some goody-two shoes afraid to say those two disgusting words. While he was standing around being disgusted he made a critical error. He forgot the all important #3, Phlegm aka mucus aka sputum. While urine and poop are smelly and disgusting phlegm rules. It comes in multiple colors and multiple textures and it never stops being produced. At least with urine and poop, you go once and your good for a while. With phlegm there’s no end. I could probably fill an Olympic size swimming pool with all of the phlegm my body has produced in my lifetime. In just the last twelve hours my better-half and I have produced at least twenty gallons each without even trying.
I actually prefer the term sputum rather than phlegm or mucus. It sounds much more sophisticated and medical. If someone says the word phlegm to me it immediately brings to mind a pearly little lugie. Lugies are even more disgusting because you can be targeted accidentally or purposely by one of those mean spirited and accurate lugie spitters. If someone says "I have a build up of sputum in my throat." It sounds a little less disgusting and more official.
So, what have we learned so far. First there should a #3 added to the lexicon to identify Sputum or phlegm or mucus. I’m really just trying to class things up a little for a change but no one wants to cooperate.
I see in our future a new national observance for Sputum Day. This substance has become as big a part of our miserable lives as #1 and #2 and in January and February may even surpass them. It deserves to be recognized and celebrated with parades and parties not just in the US but across the world. We already have Earth Day and I think it’s time for Sputum Day. The drink of the day can be green beer (stolen from St. Paddy’s Day) and laced with mayonnaise. A thick and repugnant drink that can really bring back memories of colds and flu from your childhood. There’s nothing better than a disgusting trip down Memory Lane.
Enough! This post is actually beginning to turn my stomach too. I’ll clean up my act when and only when I start to feel a little better. Meanwhile I’ll just keep producing all this phlegm and sucking down all these miracle cold and flu remedies that don’t really work. All they do is create more Sputum.
Don’t even get me started on Smegma.
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