Archive for the ‘travel’ Tag
Quote of the Day
“Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.”
Kahlil Gibran
🤪🤪🤪
Joke of the Day #1
A 75-year-old man went to his doctor’s office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow.” The next day, the 75-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, “Well, Doc, it’s like this. First, I tried with my right hand, but nothing happened. Then I tried with my left hand but still got nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing happened, then she tried with her left, but still nothing happened. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing happened. We even called up the lady next door and she tried with both hands and her mouth too but there was nothing doing.” The doctor was shocked. “You actually asked your neighbor?” the old man replied, “Yep, I did, and no matter what we all tried we still couldn’t get the lid off that goddamn jar.
☘️☘️☘️
Limerick of the Day
An erotic neurotic named Sid,
Got his Ego confused with his Id.
His errant libido
Was like a torpedo,
And that’s why he done what he did.
🤡🤡🤡
Joke of the Day #2
An old couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, “Just think, 50 years ago we were sitting here at this very same breakfast table together.” “Yeah, you’re right” she replied. The old man said, “but as I recall we were sitting here stark naked 50 years ago.” “Well,” Granny snickered, “what do you say, should we strip?” So, the two stripped to the buff and sat back down at the table. “You know, honey,” the little old lady said, “my nipples are as hot for you today as they were 50 years ago.” “I wouldn’t be surprised,” replied Gramps. “One’s in your coffee and the other is in your porridge.”
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Wisdom of the Day
Leisure is the mother of Philosophy
Quote of the Day
“Never play cards with a man called Doc. Never eat at a place called Mom’s. Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own.”
Nelson Algren
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Joke of the Day #1
A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off, and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes off to the left. The wife eventually finds her ball in a patch of beautiful buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process, she hacks the hell out of the buttercup patch. Suddenly, a magical woman appears out of nowhere, blocking her path to the golf bag. She looks her up and down and says, I’m Mother Nature, and I don’t like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you’ll be unable to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea.” The mystery woman suddenly disappears as quickly as she appeared. Shaken, the wife calls out to her husband, “Hey, where’s your ball?” “It’s over here in the pussy willows” he shouted. The wife screams back, “DON’T HIT THE BALL!!! DON’T HIT THE BALL!!!
☘️☘️☘️
Limerick of the Day
As the elevator car left our floor,
Poor old Sue caught her boobs in the door.
She yelled a great deal,
But had they been real,
She’d have hollered considerably more.
🤡🤡🤡
Joke of the Day #2
Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on television. The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their television set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part that they wanted to have healed. Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set, placed her right hand on the TV and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her so much pain. Then Grandpa slowly got up, stumbled to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his crotch. Grandma scowled at him and yelled, “I guess you just don’t get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not raise the dead.”
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Wisdom of the Day
Piss not against the wind.
Quote of the Day
“Fashions after all, are only inducted epidemics.”
George Bernard Shaw
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Joke of the Day #1
Our guy was on his honeymoon near his favorite fishing lake, and he’d been fishing from dawn till dark along with his favorite fishing guide. One day the guide, a friend of many years, mentioned that the honeymoon seems to be all about just fishing. The guy states, “Yes, but you know how much I love to fish.” The guide replied, “But aren’t you newlyweds supposed to be doing something else as well?” “Yes, but she’s got gonorrhea, and you know how much I just love to fish.” A few hours later the guide again said, “I understand, but you do know that’s not the only way to have sex.” “I know, but she’s also got diarrhea, and you know how much I just love to fish.” The guide shakes his head sadly. The guy then tells him, “She also has chlamydia, but don’t forget just how much I just love to fish.” Later that afternoon, thoroughly frustrated, the guide said, “I guess I’m not sure why you’d ever marry someone with all of these types of health problems.” The man smiled and calmly answered, “It’s because she also has worms, and you know how much I love to fish.
☘️☘️☘️
Limerick of the Day
There was a young naval cadet
Whose dreams were unusually wet.
When he dreamt of his wedding
He soaked up the bedding,
And the wedding ain’t taken place yet.
🤡🤡🤡
Joke of the Day #2
Two 5-year-old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, “Your thing doesn’t have any skin on it!” “I’ve been circumcised,” the other replies. “What’s that mean?” “It means they cut the skin off the end.” “How old were you when it was cut off?” “My mom said I was only two days old.” “Did it hurt much?”, the kid asked inquiringly. “You bet your ass it hurt – I didn’t walk for a year!”
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Wisdom of the Day
The Golden Rule: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
My better-half was able to sneak away from work a little early yesterday making it possible for us to make our first visit this summer to Old Orchard Beach, Maine, the ultimate tourist trap. The weather was sweltering at our house but when we arrived at OOB there was a beautiful ocean breeze that was grand. The beach looked beautiful and it was loaded with visiting tourists.

The only place to stay cool for a few hours.
I love just walking around and people watching when I stumbled on this young lady wearing the required bikini I always look for. It was too bad she decided to stay buried in the sand.

What’s a trip to the beach without our mandatory visit to the Surf 6 bar. It’s located directly adjacent to the beach just a hop, skip, and jump from the water. I should also mention the excellent mojitos and margaritas that are available. As always laced with some excellent Patron tequila. OLE!

We took a nice walk along the beach just as the sun was setting. The cool water felt damn good our poor overheated and sweaty feet. It was heaven.

All in all it was a lot of fun and we are planning more of these outings over the next month. The food was delicious, the water was cool, the drinks were icy cold, and the people watching was the best.
SUMMER WILL CONTINUE
I’m not one to become overly excited about holidays but the 4th of July has a little extra meaning for me. Not because it’s the nations birthday, which is important, but because it was the birthday of my favorite grandfather. It’s the only day of the year that brings back in vivid detail the many memories that I have of him. So HAPPY BIRTHDAY USA and grandpa Jeff.
My better-half surprisingly started her vacation yesterday which will include the holiday weekend. Since the day was beautiful and sunny we once again took a day trip to Bridgeton, Maine located an hour east of our home. It’s located in the foothills of the White Mountains along the New Hampshire border. It’s a quaint small town filled with many interesting shops that we enjoy visiting.

Here are a few shots of the Maine street which was fairly busy with visitors. We hit our usual favorites to look for anything old and interesting. It’s always fun to people watch and roam around and not have to be concerned about the time.



If you like bells . . . they’ve got plenty.
It was very relaxing day but since we were starving we made a stop at Towanda’s Deli for a nosh. We relaxed at an outside table and had one of the freshest and most flavorful sandwiches we’ve had in a long while.

At the next table sat this handsome fellow. He lounged quietly with his owners and seemed to be enjoying his day as well. His name is “Russ” and what a sweet and friendly dog he is. He came over and said hello and goodbye as he and his family were leaving. An awesome dog.
Our drive home was pleasant and the day was a perfect start of our holiday weekend.
HAPPY FOURTH EVERYONE

I was just getting readjusted to my so-called normal life after the Christmas insanity ended and was really hoping for some quiet downtime. Oh how stupid I must be. It just never seems to work out the way I plan. All of the unseasonably warm weather abruptly ended yesterday with a beautiful yet annoying snow storm.
Yesterday was spent getting up close and personal with my snowblower once again. The final snow amounts have yet to be determined since it’s still snowing but my better-half shoveled at least five inches off the deck last night so the total will be a bit more than that.
Today will be spent looking out the window while our last holiday visitor tries to make travel arrangements to get out of here. It appears he’ll be taking a short bus ride to Boston, staying there for a day, and then a flight back to Los Angeles. I have a feeling he’ll be really happy about getting back to the surf and sun of California.
We’re planning on a reasonably quiet night for our New Years celebration with Chinese takeout and hopefully a movie or two. I’m sure my better-half is already having day dreams of watching all of the vacuous celebrities strutting their stuff in New York. Watching the ball drop with her is for me is much like getting a root canal without anesthesia. I’m hoping she’ll come to her senses but I’ve been hoping for that for years and I’m still waiting.
So I’ll just sit around today waiting for the snow to get deep enough to require me to fire up the snowblower. I suppose the remainder of the day can be spent reading, painting, or possibly even napping. Since the house is still filled with every kind of cake, cookie, and candy you can possibly think of, I need to stay busy and away from all the junk food.
Enjoy your New Year’s celebration but be smart about it. Don’t drink and drive. Find a boring sober friend and give him your keys.
HAPPY 2016
P.S. Good news! We made it through the first snow storm without the snowplow operators destroying our mailbox. Maybe that’s a sign from God or just dumb luck.

Ten shopping days left till the big day arrives. Time always loves playing tricks on us and even more so at this time of the year. If we’re doing something we really enjoy the time flies by quickly but if it’s something we dislike it seems to drag on forever. That for me is Christmas in a nut shell. The more tasks that we’re required to complete to celebrate the holiday causes time to speed up in a big way when we don’t think we can finish them all. Then time slows to a dead crawl as we wait for the final day to arrive after the tasks have been completed.
This week for me is all of that and then some. Within a few days the first of the visitors will begin arriving and that’s exciting right up until the time they actually get here. They’re excited as well but that feeling wanes in just a day or so. Then they start missing their regular life and routines and each day that passes makes those feelings grow. That’s when time begins to play it’s tricks. None of us want the gathering to end so it feels like time is flying but all of us wish it would end to some degree making time drag on a little. It’s a real conundrum.

‘It can’t be Christmas without a skinny Elvis picture.’
Believe me I’m not complaining, it’s just one of those weird facts of life we must deal with and appreciate at the same time. I’m wishing right now that time would speed up so the festivities can begin. As a family grows and it’s members pursue their individual lives these holidays become more special. In most cases all of the participants make some sort of sacrifice to gather like this. We all need to acknowledge that fact and truly try to appreciate each other’s efforts.
I’m lying here in bed, it’s 5 am, and I’m already excited to get today started but this effing waiting is brutal. My tasks are completed but the better-half is racing around the house in a swirl of wrapping paper, ribbons, and rolls of tape. It’s actually fun to watch her but I’d better not be enjoying myself too much or there’ll be hell to pay.
MERRY CHRISTMAS – 10 MORE DAYS

There’s a chill in the night air these days and I certainly know what that means. It means we have just a month or so before we start dismantling the garden, cleaning and inspecting the heating system, and unpacking all of our Winter clothing. This summer came and went much too quickly.
This week the better-half had two days-off which means only one thing . . . Road Trip! We made our way westward across Maine and entered New Hampshire just north of Lake Winnipesaukee and proceeded north through the lakes region. We traveled mostly on the back roads where the traffic is light and the scenery is spectacular.
Of course as you can imagine, my better-half required numerous pee stops, coffee breaks, and an obsession to stop at every dirty and filthy antique shop (her term, not mine). This was the nicest one we saw the entire day.

The roads we chose wound in and around the numerous small lakes and ponds and made for a great ride. All the while we could see the White Mountains slowly approaching in the distance.

After a few hours we arrived in Conway, New Hampshire which is a town known for it’s never-ending supply of outlet stores. Normally the better-half could spend an entire day roaming around this area and shopping . . . but not today. Fortunately for me we both received matching text messages from our home alarm system that reported a motion alarm on our enclosed and locked rear porch. It was the perfect excuse to leave immediately for home which we did.
Luckily it was just a false alarm that actually saved me from an addition two or three hours of shopping. All in all it was a great day with a lot of sunshine and the discovery of a little jewel of a pizza shop in the bustling metropolis of Cornish, ME. If you’re in the area and you like pizza, stop and have lunch at Susie Q’s. Good food, good prices, and friendly people.
The Maryland trip is now a thing of the past. We returned home last night after eight and a half wonderful hours in the car. As predicted my better-half was hung over and slept a great deal of the time. No Christmas carol singing, no annoying driving tips, and no blaring music. It was absolute heaven.
But have no fear, it wasn’t all good. Let me take you on a trip back to fifteenth century France. In those days the citizenry were permitted to use the roads in the country only with the King’s blessing. Every so often while traveling through the country side they might be ambushed by groups of highwaymen who took their money and jewels and disappeared into the woods. If they were wealthy they might have hired extra security to ride along with them for protection from such ruffians. It was a primitive system but it worked well for the rich. In those days the poor were lucky to have a two wheeled cart to get around on. It was mostly on foot since the cost to travel couldn’t be afforded by the great unwashed.
Aren’t we lucky to live in this century with all of our modern technologies to make our lives so much better than those poor schmucks from the past? We don’t have highwaymen to worry about because we now have toll booths. It’s not just the King’s men reaching out of those booths but every petty little dictatorship along the way takes their share as well. The Kings of Maryland, Delaware, New Jersey, New York, Massachusetts, New Hampshire and Maine have now made it even more painful to have our money stolen. Thievery thy name is “Easy Pass”. Now the highwaymen have made it possible to take our money and never having to dirty their hands by touching it.
My trip consisted of just over a thousand miles round-trip. I won’t even get into gas prices and the taxes they’ve been loaded up with. My grand total of tolls to make that trip to visit family was just under one hundred dollars. The most “in your face” toll goes to who else but New York. Thirteen freaking dollars to ride over a fucking bridge. Pardon the bad language but only an F-bomb aptly describes how I felt handing over that money. Let’s make it easy for you math whizzes, 1000 mile trip with $100.00 in tolls. I find it incredible that I’m being strong-armed into paying ten cents an effing mile to travel on roads I’ve already paid my hard earned taxes to build and maintain. Then they have the nerve at every Rest Area to try and sell me an Easy Pass transponder. I guess they feel if we don’t actually have to take it out of our wallet and hand it directly to a toll taker it won’t hurt quite so much. Wrong again geniuses.
I hear a lot of people talking about secession and revolution these days and I’m beginning to understand why. It seems that this country has started down a really ugly road. Just remember that “Those who cannot remember the past are doomed to repeat it." The younger generations have been educated to hate this country and to ignore it’s history. Here’s something they can’t ignore, “Taxation without representation is tyranny.” It was a slogan of our past revolutionary fight and could be again if we’re not careful.
The cherry on top of the trip occurred at a McDonalds rest stop at the New York/Connecticut border. I was starving and needed gas so we stopped for a quick break. In my younger days my perfect woman would have been one who was attractive, worked at a fast food chain (free food), and smelled like greasy hamburgers and french fries. I’m here to tell you those days are officially over. The girl at the register and the entire facility fulfilled all of my past fantasies and then some. I arrived home a few hours later and had to take a long shower to get the smell of grease off my body. Of course this morning I could still taste that greasy hamburger and had the heart burn to prove it and it was steal at seven bucks. Another New York bargain.
It was a fun weekend for us both if we can forget the travel there and back. I’m sooooo glad to be home.
Our whirlwind weekend is just about over and hopefully we’ll be on the road back to Maine in an hour or so. Luckily I bailed out on the party early so I would be rested for the drive back. I suspect my drive back will be much quieter than the ride down. My better-half will be recuperating from last nite for at least two or three hours.
It was all-in-all a fun weekend and a great way to kick off the rest of the holidays. Now it’s back to Maine and some good old winter weather. It was close to sixty degrees yesterday and that just isn’t right. I need a little frost on my pumpkin in the second week of December.
Back to normal blogging tomorrow once we get this drive out of the way.