Author Archive
I’ll be diving deep into the past for some nasty and funny limericks categorized under the label of “Chamber of Horrors”. These are all dated between 1938 and 1944 and reflect a reference or two about the war. Enjoy . . .
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It was on the seventh of December
That Franklin D. took out his member.
He said, like the bard,
“It will be long and very hard,
Pearl Harbor has given me something to remember.”
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It’s a helluva fix that we’re in
When the geographical spread of the urges to sin
Causes juvenile delinquency
With increasing frequency
By the Army, the Navy, and Errol Flynn.
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Said a platinum blonde from Warsaw,
As she looked at herself in the raw,
“Neath my umbilicus
(And as like Mike as Ike is)
There’s a picture of George Bernard Shaw.”
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When the Nazis landed in Crete,
This young harlot had to compete
With many Storm Troopers
Who were using their poopers
For other things than to excrete.
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WAR IS HELL BUT PEACE TIME IS A MOTHERF**KER
Once again my searching through online used-book stores has paid off. I know how much most of you enjoy these quizzes that I occasionally post, so here’s another. This quiz concerns a decade I remember well, the 1970’s. I was living in Columbus, Ohio and working as a private investigator. It was a wild and crazy time that should be remembered because everything seemed much freer and easier than we have it these days. From what I can determine this quiz was created by a gentleman named Bill O’Neill. I scored a measly 6 correct out of ten and I’m forced to hang my head in shame. Let’s see how some of you do. As always the answers will be below.
1. What year did the blockbuster film Star Wars hit the theaters?
2. The Keep On Truckin’ cartoon/meme was first written by _____________?
3. What was the name of the New York City disco club that became world-famous in the 70’s?
4. _______________was the “inventor” of the pet rock?
5. What old sci-fi character inspired George Lucas to write Star Wars?
6. Who was the television producer who created many “socially conscious” sitcoms in the 1970’s?
7. What was one of the problems with 8-track tapes ______________?
8. What band performed the hit disco tune “Get Down Tonight”?
9. Who was one of the two veteran British actors who had a role in Star Wars?
10. What was Star Wars’ budget?
Answers
1977, Robert Crumb, Studio 54, Gary Dahl, Flash Gordan, Norman Lear, The tracks would change mid-song, KC and the Sunshine Band, Peter Cush or Alec Guinness, $11 million.
LOVED THAT 70’S SHOW TOO!
I’ve complained about “fake news” a lot in recent in recent months. If anything, it’s even worse now than before. With the advent of AI’s creating photo’s and headlines that are nothing more than a teaser to get us to read all the BS normally that usually follows has become problematic. I’m all for free speech but the lack of control on the fake content and misleading headlines is ridiculous. Everyone is paranoid to the extreme for scammers and this fake BS just contributes to even more scams. Today I’ll let you determine what is fake and what isn’t. Firstly I’ll list five of the most ridiculous conspiracy theories I could find. If you’re convinced by any of these subjects, you’re in need of more help than I can offer.
Conspiracies
- Chemical trails from jet aircraft are really poisons designed by the government.
- President Obama spent time on Mars as a teenager.
- Stevie Wonder was never blind.
- The planet Venus supports life.
- Google has become self-aware, evolving into an AI that is essentially a god.
I realize these five items are truly stupid but they actually have been seriously discussed by the lunatic fringe. My all time favorite must go to those idiots who still believe the earth is flat. It pleases me that the mental health institutions will continue to have plenty of customers. I guess you could call that some sort of “job security”. Now I’m going to list ten items of which five are actual headlines and five that are not. You be the judge. The answers will be listed below.
Headlines
1. ITALIAN BANK ROBBERS WEAR TRUMP MASKS DURING HEISTS
2. TOAD TADPOLES TURN HOMEGROWN POISONS ON EACH OTHER
3. MAN ARGUES FOR ROOMBA LOVER TO BE GIVEN PERSONHOOD
4. INFAMOUS PICKPOCKET PALMS JUDGE’S WALLET IN COURT
5. SINGLE MEN ARRIVE IN DROVES AFTER PERSONALITY PROFILE ON A VASECTOMY SPECIALIST APPEARS
6. IN TRUE CANADIAN FASHION, DELAYED FLIGHT TRIGGERS A SING-ALONG.
7. MAN TAKES DISNEYLAND RIDE 10,000 TIMES
8. DRIVE-THRU WINDOW BECOMES SQUEEZE-THRU FOR A MCDONALD’S THIEF
9. PU! AIRPLANE DROPS CRATE OF STINK BUGS ON WEDDING
10.A BRITISH SURGEON WAS DISCOVERED BRANDING HIS INITIALS ON LIVERS
Answers
1,2,6,8,10 – Are True, 3,4,5,7,9 Are Fake
How well do you know your presidents? We’ll see. As always the answers are listed below.
- George Washington only left America’s shores one time. Where did he go?
- Who said, “Let us begin by committing ourselves to the truth – to see it like it is, and tell it like it is – to find the truth, to speak the truth, and live the truth?”
- What American President owned dogs named Drunkard, Tipler, and Tipsy?
- Who was the first American President to win the Nobel Prize?
- Who was the first President born outside the original 13 states?
- Where was the first presidential mansion located?
- What three animals were party symbols in the 1912 presidential race?
- What two brothers were nominated for president at the convention in 1884?
- What president won election after three unsuccessful bids for the nomination?
- What was George Washington’s shoe size?
- Who was honored with the first ever toast made at a White House dinner?
HAIL TO THE CHIEF
Answers
Barbados, West Indies in 1751, Richard M. Nixon 1968, George Washington, Franklin D. Roosevelt in 1906, Abraham Lincoln, At 1 Cherry Street in NYC, Elephant, Donkey, and Bull (For the Bull Moose Party), General Tecumseh Sherman and Senator John Sherman of Ohio, James Buchanan in 1856, Thirteen., and last: Lafayette on September 6, 1825.
I acquired a joke book from an online thrift bookstore recently. It was a book titled “The Official Country & Western Joke Book”. I was looking forward to reading it and when it arrived I immediately dove right into it. It became painfully obvious within a few pages that the book was freaking awful. I searched through another eighty pages and couldn’t find one joke that made me even grin a little. That book was immediately removed from my archives and relegated to a paper bag located next to the trashcan. Todays post is PLAN B. Enjoy this mish/mosh of trivia.
- The iconic theme song of the X-Files was created by accident when a producer accidentally hit the “echo” button on the control panel.
- James Earl Jones was offered the lead in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine which eventually went to Avery Brooks.
- Samuel L. Jackson once held Martin Luther King Sr. hostage during a college demonstration at Morehead College.
- Shaquille O’Neal made just one three point shot in his entire career. He only attempted 22 three-pointers for a 4.5% shooting percentage.
- For 43 years the NFL’s record for the longest field goal was held by Tom Dempsey who was born with no toes on his kicking foot. His record setting 63 yard field goal in 1970 wasn’t broken until 2013.
- At the height of his power, Pablo Escobar, spent $2500.00 a week on rubber bands that were needed to band the money he was bringing in.
- At one time, the United States Rock-Paper-Scissors League was a real thing. The winning prize was $50,000.00.
AND THE FUN CONTINUES
I have a feeling that this post will initially irritate readers depending on their ethnicity. These are what were considered funny among certain groups back in the 70’s and 80’s. I hear complaints by many of the millennials about ethnic humor in this day and age and how bad they think it is, but they really have no idea just how rough it can get. These samples were published in a small book in 1984.
- What do you say to a Puerto Rican in a three-piece suit? “Will the defendant please rise.”
- What does an Oriental use for a blindfold? “Dental Floss”
- What do you call four drowning Mexicans? “Cuatro sinko”
- What’s dumber than four Italians trying to build a house underwater? “Six Irishmen trying to lay the foundation.”
- What do you call an Armenian with lots of girlfriends? “A shepherd.”
- How do Germans tie their shoes? “In little Nazis.”
- What do the Chinese call 69? “Two Can Chew”
- How can you tell when a Pakistani has matured? “He takes his diaper off his ass and puts it on his head.”
- What’s it called when you hit a white man over the head? “A honkey-tonk.”
- Did you hear what happened to the Polish water polo team? “The horse drowned.”
🎉🎉🎉
A Fav
Did you hear about the new Japanese-Jewish restaurant? “It’s called So-Sue-Mi.”
HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED
It’s been a hectic week with life once again getting in the way. I thought a few tidbits of unusual trivia would keep everyone interested and entertained for a few minutes. Now I can return to my life such as it is.
- The original name of Scrabble was “Lexico“. It was later called “Criss-Cross” before eventually becoming Scrabble.
- During WWI sauerkraut was called “Liberty Cabbage” by the Americans. Hamburgers were called “Liberty Steaks“.
- “Meetinghouse” was the WWII Allied codename for Tokyo.
- The spacecraft Gemini 3 was nicknamed the “Molly Brown” by the astronauts Grissom and Young because in 1961 it sank upon reentry.
- Alvin Karpus AKA “Old Creepy” was arrested by J. Edgar Hoover and sentenced to serve time in Alcatraz. He spent 26 years there from 1936-1952, more than any other inmate.
- “Professor Tigwissel’s Burglar Alarm” was the first comic strip to appear in a newspaper, the New York Graphic, on September 11, 1875.
- Betty Boop’s pet dog was named “Pudgy“.
- The 1948 tune by Muddy Waters, “Rollin” Stone“, inspired the name of the rock group, the Rolling Stones.
- Steve Trachsel was the Chicago pitcher who gave up Mark McGwire’s 62nd homerun in 1998 in Busch Stadium.
- “A Wild Hare” was the 1940 Warner Brothers cartoon in which Bugs Bunny first said, “What’s Up Doc?”
👮🏻♂️👮🏻♂️👮🏻♂️
One of My Fav’s
“Manhattan Melodrama” was last movie watched by John Dillinger at the Biograph
Theatre in Chicago in 1934 just minutes before being gunned down by FBI agents.
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ANOTHER DAY HERE IN PARADISE
I’m pretty sure the title of this post will catch the attention of most readers. Sex seems to be the one unifying subject that everyone wants to hear about and discuss endlessly. I can only speak for myself, but I just love dirty jokes, the dirtier the better. I normally have less fondness for the milder sexual humor, but I plan on sharing some of that with you today. It’s not often that go “mild” so all of you overly sensitive types should enjoy these one-liners. I may never ever go this “mild” again so enjoy them if you can. I see a plethora of really dirty jokes in our immediate future so be patient.
- Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
- The couple next door has recently made a sex tape. Obviously, they don’t know that yet.
- My ex-girlfriend would always ask me to text her when I got in. That’s how small my penis is.
- Sex is like air. It’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.
- I’m hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to have orgasms. If you can’t come, let me know.
- I always call out my wife’s name during sex . . . just to make sure she’s not around.
- Men have only two emotions – hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
- What’s the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot? The amount of time you’ll spend looking for it.
- My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
- My wife told me “Sex is better on vacation”. That wasn’t a very nice postcard to receive.
A man got onto a train and sat next to a woman reading a magazine on “Sexual Statistics. “Any good?” he asked. “Fascinating” she replied. “American Indians have the thickest penises and Polish men have the longest.” “Bye the way, I’m Jane.” “Hi” he said “I’m Tonto Kaminski.”
PRUDES AREN’T HOT BUT THEY WANT TO BE.
- The Stanley Cup has a number of misspelled words engraved on it. “BOSTON BRUINS” is spelled as “BQSTQN BRUINS”. “TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS” is “TORONTO MAPLE LEAES” and a number of misspelled players names have been added over the years.
- Before Babe Ruth, the MLB’s career home run record was 138. When he retired the record was 714.
- Nolan Ryan had seven no-hitters in his career but never a perfect game. His 2795 career walks are almost 1,000 more than the next closet pitcher.
- The credit for breaking the racial barrier was not really Jackie Robinson. In 1879, Moses Fleetwood Walker played a full season in 1884, 63 years before Robinson.
- The only team in the NFL to score three TD’s in a minute was the New England Patriots and they’ve done it twice.
- The very first pick in the NFL draft never played a single game in the league. Jay Berwanger never signed with any team due to salary concerns.
- Major League Baseball uses approximately 900,000 balls every season.
- Wilt Chamberlain once averaged over 50 points a game for an entire season.
20,000 WOMEN (YIKES)
I haven’t had much of a response from readers about the 1960’s Science Test I posted two days ago. I can only assume that many of you had some difficulty answering the questions. Today I’ll try and make it a little easier for all of you. Today’s quiz involves a test of your history knowledge from the 1970’s. As always, the answers are below.
- In what country did the Jonestown Massacre take Place?
- What happened to President Nixon once the Watergate scandal went public?
- _________is the name of the organization/cartel of some of the world’s leading oil producers and exporters?
- Most Iranians are ethnically ________ and ________ Muslims.
- What did Americans celebrate in 1976?
- Who was the US Congressman that was assassinated by members of the Jim Jones Peoples Temple in 1978?
- The _______ war set off the 1973 oil embargo?
- The terrorist group that took the Israeli athletes as hostages during the 1972 Summer Olympics was.
- The men who carried out dirty work for President Nixon were known as the _________.
- Where were the 1972 Summer Olympics held?
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Answers
Guyana, Impeached in 1973, OPEC, Shia and Shiite, The Bicentennial, Leo Ryan, Yom Kippur, Black September, The Plumbers, Munich, Germany
I SCORED 8 CORRECT – HOW ABOUT YOU
(HAPPY MAY DAY)
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