“Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian.
Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.”
George Burns
Archive for the ‘Education’ Category
✨Great Quote Award✨ Leave a comment
11/18/2021 Mindbusters Answers Leave a comment
As promised, here are the answers to the questions posted a few days ago. I certainly hope someone out there was able to answer them all correctly. It’s been a long time since I found someone who did.
Answers
26 = Letters of the Alphabet
7 = Wonders of the World
1001 = Arabian Nights
12 = Signs of the Zodiac
54 = Cards in a Deck (with the Joker)
9 = Planets in the Solar System
88 = Piano Keys
18 = Holes on a Golf Course
32 = Degrees Fahrenheit at which Water Freezes
90 = Degrees in a Right Angle
200 = Dollars for Passing GO in Monopoly
8 = Sides on a Stop Sign
3 = Blind Mice (See How They Run)
4 = Quarts in a Gallon
24 = Hours in a Day
1 = Wheel on a Unicycle
5 = Digits in a Zip Code
57 = Heinz Varieties
11 = Players on a Football Team
1000 = Words that a Picture is Worth
29 = Days in February in a Leap Year
40 = Days and Nights of the Great Flood
64 = Squares on a Checkerboard
13 = Donuts in a Bakers Dozen
52 = Weeks in a Year
11/17/2021 ✨Great Quote Award✨ Leave a comment
“Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident, riches take wings, those who cheer
today will curse tomorrow; only one thing endures – character.”
Horace Greeley (1811-1872)
11/17/2021 Are You Dumb? Leave a comment
Today is DUMB day here in Maine. No, that doesn’t mean I’m going to be DUMB today but all things being considered I might be DUMB tomorrow. This word is used almost as heavily as “shit” and “fuck”. One bad move and you are immediately labeled a “DUMB shit” or a “DUMB fuck”. You may have only made a minor mistake but you’re still painted with a broad brush that identifies you as someone who screwed up in a big way. Our language is not fair and not for the faint of heart. Have you ever heard the term “dumbassary” or how about “shitheadedness”? You can build your own words and introduce them into the lexicon and pray that someone repeats them, that they then catch on, and all of a sudden you’ve been immortalized. People everywhere use the word DUMB and some even attempt to make money from its use. Here are few examples . . .
- A 1998 song by the group “Garbage” was named DUMB.
- Another group of fine upstanding musicians called “The 411” used it as a song title way back in 2004.
- And probably one of the more famous weird bands, “Nirvana”, sang their hearts out in their 1993 In Utero album to the song DUMB. Later found to be highly prophetic when Kurt Cobain, the lead singer, offed himself with a shotgun. And lucky us because of that incident the magical title of celebrity was passed onto the band “Hole” and introduced us to Courtney Love. Really, how DUMB was that?
As flexible as the word DUMB is, the language has also supplied us with dozens of words with DUMB as the underlying meaning. If you hear any of the following words used in describing you in any fashion, the speaker is in fact, calling you a DUMB ass.
cretinous, feebleminded, simpleminded; boobish, foolish, idiotic, imbecile, moronic; ignorant, illiterate, lowbrow, uneducated, uninformed, unintellectual, and untaught, unthinking; absurd, asinine, balmy, cockeyed, crackpot, crazy, cuckoo, daffy, daft, dippy, fool, half-baked, harebrained, insane, kooky, loony, lunatic, mad, nonsensical, nutty, preposterous, sappy, screwball, silly, unwise, wacky, zany; fallacious, illogical, invalid, irrational, unreasonable, and last but not least, STUPID.
So when I state that I am anti-stupid you can see just how busy I’ve really become. It’s an endless battle identifying and pointing out all of the stupid, dumb, and idiotic citizens roaming our streets right under our noses. Fortunately for all of you, I grudgingly volunteered years ago to lead the charge against DUMB and STUPID.
YOUR WELCOME
11/16/2021 Mindbusters Leave a comment
I needed a break from writing today and decided to offer something a little different than the usual.
I posted this quiz for the first time in 2008. No one was able to answer all of the questions then, not even me. Some are very easy and some are very difficult, hence the name. My best response back in the day was 21 out of 25 correct answers. Have a go at it and see how you do. I’ll post all of the answers in a few days. That will give you a little time to work on it. Have fun . . .
Each number corresponds to a common phrase.
Example: 12 = I. in a F. Answer: 12 = INCHES in a FOOT.
26 = L. of the A.
7 = W. of the W.
1001 = A.N.
12 = S. of the Z.
54 = C. in a D. (with the J.)
9 = P. in the S.S.
88 = P.K.
18 = H. on a G.C.
32 = D.F. at which W.F.
90 = D. in a R.A.
200 = D. for P.G. in M.
8 = S. on a S.S.
3 = B.M. (S.H.T.R.)
4 = Q. in a G.
24 = H. in a D.
1 = W. on a U.
5 = D. in a Z.C.
57 = H.V. 11 = P. on a F.T.
1000 = W. that a P. is W.
29 = D. in F. in a L.Y.
40 =D. and N. of the G.F.
64 = S. on a C.
13 = D. in a B.D.
52 = W. in a Y.
POST YOUR NUMBER IN THE COMMENT LINE
11/14/2021 Trivia Day Leave a comment
Today is Sunday, a day to relax and enjoy some trivia. It’s also necessary for me to help celebrate a family birthday, so I too can relax and enjoy this little bit of sunshine we’re having. It won’t be long before the snow flies. Enjoy . . .
- A Crocodiles tongue is attached to the roof of its mouth.
- A group of larks is called an exaltation.
- A kangaroo can’t jump unless its tail is touching the ground.
- A male emperor moth can smell a female emperor moth up to 7 miles away.
- A man had the hiccups for 69 years.
- A millipede has 4 legs on each segment of it’s body.
- A mole can dig over 250 feet of tunnel in a single night.
- A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, Indiana.
- A noisy restaurant is 100,000 times as loud as a watch ticking. Rock Concert 1,000,000,000 times as loud. Loud headphones 10,000,000,000. Shotgun blast 1,000,000,000,000
- A person at rest generates as much heat as a 100watt light bulb
- A group of owls is called a parliament.
- A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
- A quarter of Russia is covered by forest.
- A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continually from the bottom of the glass to the top.
- A rat can last longer without water than a camel.
- A rhinoceros’ horn is made of compacted hair.
- A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn’t give her coffee
- A shark can detect one part of blood in 100 million parts of water.
- A group of ravens is called a murder.
- A shark can grow a new set of teeth in a week
- A silicon chip a quarter inch square has the capacity of the orignal 1949 ENIAC computer, which occupied a city block.
- A sizable oak tree, during the typical growing season, gives off 28,000 gallons of moisture.
- A snail can have about 25,000 teeth
- A group of toads is called a knot.
- About 300 million cells die in your body every minute.
HAVE A RELAXING SUNDAY
11/13/2021 Nakedness is Happiness Leave a comment
I’m sitting here today and enjoying my weekend. With winter bearing down on us and those delicious cold winter nights in my immediate future, I’m excited. Today I want to talk about sleeping naked. Sleeping naked is something that I’ve done my entire life except for a couple of years in the Army and a month here and there while in training as a police officer. I absolutely love it but I’ve been unable to do it for the last 18 months. Following my many issues with my cancer diagnosis I’ve been forced to sleep in a pair of shorts. I don’t think I need to explain why. Since most of my medical nightmares are ending my body is finally returning to normal and I’m about to give up the shorts and really enjoy this winter and the cold nights the way they ought to be enjoyed.
Over the years I’ve wasted many hours attempting to explain to certain individuals that sleeping naked is the only way to go. Why is it that most people become so set in their ways they can’t change no matter how good the argument might be for them to do so. Sleeping naked just seems to me to be the most natural and comfortable way to become completely rested. I’ve known some people who came to bed dressed for battle. One in particular loves wearing a long-sleeved T-shirt, full-length sweatpants, and usually a pair of totally unfashionable and ugly socks. Who in God’s name could possibly relax and get a good nights sleep dressed in an outfit like that? It’s even more of an issue if you’re coming to bed expecting a sexual encounter. It would take 20 minutes to find everything you’re looking for.
Nudity is the main issue I suppose. Why are people so repressed sexually and consumed with body image? I’ve known drop-dead gorgeous women who were so attractive they could’ve have any man they wanted for a sexual partner. They still choose to hide under the covers and are fearful of being seen naked. The old saying “if you’ve got it, flaunt it.” apparently doesn’t apply to everyone. On the reverse side of this issue I’ve known a few women who were anything but runway models and they spent more time naked than I did. Don’t even get me started about the arguments I’ve had about whether the lights in the bedroom should be on or off. It’s just nuts!
There’ve been famous people throughout history who loved being naked and weren’t afraid to admit it. Even one of our illustrious forefathers, Benjamin Franklin, when ambassador to France, was known to take on a daily basis what he called an “air bath”. He once wrote to the French physician, Jacques Barbeu-Duborg, describing it: “I rise early almost every morning and sit in my chamber, without any clothes whatever, half an hour or an hour, according to the season, either reading or writing.” On more than one occasion over the years I’ve tested his theory and I’m here to tell you he was absolutely right. It’s just a simple fact that doing things naked is way better than doing it clothed.
Let me throw a few quotes into the mix just to make things interesting:
- “What spirit is so empty and blind, that it cannot recognize the fact that the foot is more noble than the shoe, and skin more beautiful than the garment with which it is clothed?” Michelangelo
- “I come from a country where you don’t wear clothes most of the year. Nudity is the most natural state. I was born nude and I hope to be buried nude.” Elle MacPherson
- “Government, like dress, is the badge of lost innocence.” Thomas Paine, ‘Common Sense
- “I get it, man, I do. Sleeping next to a naked woman is one of the best things about being a man, if not the best. But as a woman I don’t want to do it. I need a barrier of pajamas. When I woke up this morning naked, I just felt gross. Men sleep naked, I think, because they are sweaty human beings who perspire like a Tour de France cyclist through the night. Have you ever smelled a guys sweaty sheets?” Anonymous
I suppose that last quote embodies everything I disagree with in one paragraph. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but OMG could that opinion reflect any more inaccuracies and biases? I’m willing to stand up and say “Men are not sweatier or grosser than women .”Have you ever smelled a guys sweaty sheets?” What arrogance. Women smell the same as men and if they’re the least bit concerned with their partner’s body odor, tell them to get up and take a shower. Join them if you must and have a little fun while you’re at it. If everyone takes a bath or shower and then “stinky” is no longer an issue. You make love, roll your butt out of bed and take another shower if you must. Common courtesy is the most important thing when sharing your bed and a bit of bodily fluid whether clothed or unclothed.
GET NAKED, SLEEP NAKED, PLAY NAKED
WHO COULD AS FOR ANYTHING MORE?
11/12/2021 Who Doesn’t Love Maine? Leave a comment
I am a proud citizen of the great state of Maine. I’ve lived here now for 21 years and it’s even more interesting than you might think. As in every other state in the United States, Maine has its peculiarities. Some people may think they’re stupid and others might consider them quaint but that’s just an individual’s judgment call. The state of Maine has been around a long time and has many laws on the books that are absolutely ridiculous. Fortunately most of the ones I’m going to introduce you to now are not enforced. Thank god.
- In Maine, it’s illegal to step out of an airplane once it’s in flight.
- In Maine you will be fined if your holiday lights are left up any later than January 14.
- In Augusta, it is illegal to walk down the street playing the violin.
- In Freeport, don’t you dare “expectorate” out of any second story window.
- In Wells, Maine, you may not place an advertisement in the cemetery.
- In Maine, it is illegal to keep an armadillo as a pet.
- In Waterville, it’s illegal to blow your nose in public.
- In Portland, you better not use a feather duster to tickle under the chin of a woman.
- In Rumford, it is illegal to bite a landlord under any circumstances.
- In Portland, shoe laces must be tied when walking down the street.
- In Hollowell, it is illegal to park your horse “up wind” on a windy day.
- In South Berwick, it is illegal to park in front of Dunkin’ Donuts.
- In Waterboro, dog leashes may not be over 8 feet in length.
So much for their host of stupid laws, let’s look now at what some Mainers consider tourist attractions. Who am I to dispute these kind of crazy claims. If nothing else these tourist attractions are worth a few yucks.
- Maine experiences the first sunrise in the US, you should go to Mars Hill, Cadillac Mountain, or Lubek to properly start your day..
- Maine is the closest state to Africa.
- A giant boot outside L.L. Bean in Freeport, Maine is a size 400 (Extra Wide).
- On US Route 1, 7 miles south of the intersection with US Route 2 in Houlton, you’ll find a tree decked out with pairs of hanging shoes.
- The world’s largest Paul Bunyan statue is a roadside attraction in Bangor, Maine.
- On Peaks Island, there is an entire museum devoted to umbrella covers.
Well, I think that’s enough excitement for me for a while. You should rush right out and make reservations to come to this glorious state next summer to seek out these incredibly silly tourist attractions. Having that much fun could be hazardous to your health.
Lobsters, Lighthouses, Scenic Shorelines, and one small Amusement Park
THE WAY LIFE OUGHT TO BE
11/10/2021 My Terrible Two’s – 1948 Leave a comment
I know that some of you are going to find this hard to believe but as a child of two I was a serious problem for my mother and father. The term “Terrible Two’s” really meant something to them as they reminded me so often over the years. I was a bit rebellious even then and stayed that way for most of my adult life. In 1948 I was two years old and it was also a year of transition for the country due to the end of World War II. Here are a few facts and figures from 1948 for your amusement.
- Harry S. Truman was named President of the United States but never appointed a vice president when he first took over the office after the death of FDR. The population of the United States at the time was 146,631,000.
- The number of births recorded in that year were 3,637,000.
- There were 563,000 males graduated from high school as did 627,000 females.
- Average salary for a full-time employee was $2900.00 and the minimum wage per hour was $.40.
- The Cleveland Indians defeated the Boston Braves in the World Series.
- And in NFL news, the Philadelphia Eagles defeated the Chicago Cardinals to win the championship..
- The PGA championship was won by Ben Hogan.
- The popular word game Scrabble made its debut in 1948 and soon became the source of stimulation and fun for families on cold winter nights. Many of the favorite toys of the time were interactive and included Lincoln Logs, the game Cootie, Jack-in-the-Box, model airplanes, and electric trains.
- The Hallicrafter Company developed and marketed a small television with a 4 inch screen (B&W Only) that was more affordable and convenient for some families.
- Terry Bradshaw, of the Pittsburgh Steelers, was born on September 2. Ozzy Osbourne, rock singer and musician, was born on December 3. Samuel L Jackson, actor, was born on December 21 and Orville Wright, aviation pioneer, died on January 30, 1948.
- Here are some prices you can hardly believe: a loaf of bread-$.14, a pound of bacon-$.77, a pound of butter-$.87, a dozen eggs-$.72, a gallon of milk-$.44, 10 pounds of potatoes-$.57, a pound of coffee-$.51, 5 pounds of sugar-$.47, 1 gallon of gasoline-$.26, movie tickets-$.36, postage stamps-three cents, and average family car-$1250, and last but not least a single-family home-$7700.00
- During a Yankee Stadium anniversary event on June 13, 1948, Babe Ruth stepped to the microphone, thanked friends and fans for their support, and retired. On August 16, at 8:01 p.m. he passed away.
- The 1948 Winter Olympics were held in St. Moritz, Switzerland, and were the first Olympics since 1936, due to World War II.
- The Summer Olympics were also revived, with London hosting the games. For the first time the games were televised allowing Americans to view athletes from the United States and 58 other nations. Germany and Japan however were barred from participating. The United States closed the games with 84 medals, 38 of which were gold, making America by far the top medal winning nation.
- On May 14, 1948, Israel declared its independence, technically ending it’s civil war, but the conflict between Arab and Israeli groups continued.
- The World Health Organization was established on April 7, 1948.
- The Lone Ranger, The Green Hornet, The Adventures of Sam Spade, and Inner Sanctum, were some of the favorite radio stars and shows of 1948.
- The top hit song of the year was “Buttons and Bows” by Dinah Shore.
- Some of the most popular movies for the year were Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, Fort Apache, Key Largo, The Three Musketeers, and The Treasure of Sierra Madre.
So ended my Terrible Two’s which allowed me to move up to my Terrible Three’s and then my Terrible Fours. I pretty much stayed “Terrible” until Monday of last week.
SAY GOODBYE TO 1948
11/09/2021 Needed, Insurance Claim Translators Leave a comment
Once upon a time in a galaxy far far away I was required to work eight hours a day, 40 hours a week, with insurance companies. Truthfully it wasn’t much fun and after talking to literally hundreds of insurance company employees, they agreed. I was forced to read hundreds of accident reports and then pass them on to the insurance carriers. Some information contained in those reports was incredible to say the least. The following list of quotations is taken from actual submitted insurance claims concerning automobile accidents. You can read them, take your time, and try to figure out exactly what they mean. Here we go . . .
- “I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found that I had a fractured skull.”
- “Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have. The other car collided with mine without giving me warning of its intention.”
- “I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.”
- “I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.”
- “The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve several times before I hit him.”
- “I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.”
- “In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.”
- “As I approached the intersection a sign appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.”
- “The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run. So I ran over him.”
- “I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.”
- “The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.”
- “I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.”
- “An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car, and vanished.”
- “The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week.”
- “I had been shopping for a plant all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision, and I did not see the other car.”
I give thanks everyday that I know longer have to deal with this nonsense. The only thing worse than dealing with insurance companies is dealing with their customers.
BEWARE! THEIR EVERYWHERE
everyuselessthing.com 