Archive for the ‘Just Saying’ Category
I suppose I could try and pull some lame April Fool’s joke but I won’t. I already got suckered once today on Facebook. Some moron sent an post that Tom Brady had announced his retirement from the Patriots. A-hole me immediately clicked to the site to read the news and got the big flashing screen with APRIL FOOL on it. It still never feels good making an ass of yourself but you’d think by now I’d be considered a certified expert.
“Sap collections continue.’
We had a new baby arrive this week and on top of all that excitement I received a formal letter from my dentist to announce his retirement. Every thing seems to balance out no matter how stupid it is. Life just continues rolling along and dragging us along as well.
‘Even the court houses allow their trees to be tapped by the locals.’
The flu and virus epidemics running rampant through the family continues apace. All of the youngsters are over the worst of it but we adults are getting hammered hard. We’re all hoping to be on the mend for Easter but who really knows. Maybe grandson #1 will bring us another dose of something from that disease factory they call Day-Care. I know it’s necessary for the kids to build a strong and healthy immune system by catching all of these viruses but c’mon. My immune system has never been required to respond to so many different things in my life. If I survive all this nonsense I should have an immune system strong enough to make me bulletproof.
‘My favorite farm stop for spices, jellies, and home grown fruit.’
The sun is shining during the day but our nights remain below twenty degrees and I’m soooooooo tired of freezing my ass off. I need some warm temps, open windows, and fresh air. I took the grill out of mothballs yesterday and cooked our first burgers and sausages for 2015. They tasted great and were cooked perfectly. I was a little worried that the tassel hat, parka, and gloves might make cooking a bit difficult. What harm can a splash of hot grease do to my new gloves?
With the better-half working an evening shift I think I’ll be chilling a bottle of my pomegranate wine. Then over to Amazon Prime for a movie or two and some total relaxation.
I’m beginning to believe that my doctor is plotting against me. During my last visit he convinced me to take a new vaccine that would assist my immune system in fending off a fairly large number of viruses. He claimed that in conjunction with my previous Pneumonia vaccination and my flu shot I’d be protected from almost everything. That was two weeks ago.
First of all as I was receiving the shot the nurse told me there might be a little muscle pain in the area where the shot was placed. What she didn’t tell me was I’d be unable to move my arm and shoulder for a week without major pain. I let it go figuring any shot in the arm will have some pain involved and finally a week later the pain subsided and movement of my arm and shoulder returned to normal. I felt better about myself and went on about my life, smiling all the way.
Why can’t we hold these medical experts responsible when everything they say seems to be just so much BS and guesswork. Get a flu shot and then immediately get the freaking flu. Get a magic vaccination to prevent illnesses and immediately get an freaking illness. For the last week or so I watched my family members and even my better-half struggling with some weird virus that caused a tremendous amount of congestion in the chest and head and caused terrible headaches. I was sympathetic and did what I could to make things better but at the same time thanking some god or another for my magical vaccination. I walked through my germ ridden house with the confidence of a really healthy and well maintained individual. My trust in my doctor was as high as it’s ever been until two days ago.
I’m lying in bed this morning wondering what the hell happened. I woke up two days ago with a minor cough and a slight fever. Then my throat started the infamous burn which always leads to something awful. My mouth was as dry as the Sahara and I needed help prying my lips apart to drink a little water. I peeled enough crust from my eyelids to fill a coffee cup and did that disgusting task between trips to the facilities that Mother Nature demanded. So far the projectile vomiting has yet to show up and I pray it stays away forever.
Two days of very little sleep, a better-half who hacked, coughed, and snored like a 400 pound truck driver, a fever to keep me warm, and a total loss of taste. Even if I wanted to eat I wouldn’t be able to taste a thing. Coffee and tea tasted like hot water and eating just about any food was like chewing and swallowing cardboard.
I can already hear my doctor, "I guess this virus wasn’t one of the ones included in the miracle vaccine." I may just be forced to kick his ass. I figure if I’m forced to pay hundreds of dollars for these shots there should be some sort of guarantee based on performance. I can be sure of only one thing it seems, there will be any effing refunds from the medical community or the drug company who’s reaping all of the monetary rewards.
Thanks for nothing doc.
The waiting is finally over and we welcomed a new family member yesterday. A 10.4 pound little boy with mother and son doing fine. I think now my better-half and I can finally get our lives back to something close to normal again.
Between babysitting grandson #1, trips to care for their cats and dogs, and then visits to the hospital, we’re both exhausted. We managed a decent nights sleep last night and are feeling much better today as is the mother. Since the birth required a C-section our little mother won’t be released until sometime Monday and I see another visit to the hospital in our immediate future today. We’ll try to keep her company for a few hours and to spend more time with grandson #2.
The better-half as always is already preparing for her numerous shopping forays to insure the little guy has everything he may possibly need and then some. That should keep her busy for a few years. My only contribution to the little mother was the can of Guinness I managed to smuggle into the hospital. After nine months of no beer I had a feeling it was high on her list of priorities.
We should all have an interesting summer with the new addition to the family group and we’ll need all of our remaining energy to keep up with grandson #1 who’s growing like a weed. The sibling rivalry took no more than two minutes to arrive when he was taken to visit his new little brother. It’s going to get more interesting as time goes on and they’re in for many years of fun competition with each other.
I normally don’t have photographs of family members on this blog but in this case I’ll make an exception. He ‘s too young to tell me not to and I’m too old to care anyway. This one picture is worth a thousand words.
I just finished allowing the federal government and the IRS to peek into my business as they so love to do. The only people worse than them is Google. I figure in just a few years Google will take over the entire earth and make information slaves of us all. But that’s a topic for another day.
Each and every time I file a tax return I become moody, disrespectful, and rebellious and today is no different. I’m not motivated to do do much else so you will be inundated with a truckload of useless crap. I haven’t done this for some time so all complaints will be trash-canned.
Here goes nothing . . . .
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The first name of of TV detective Lieutenant Columbo was Phillip.
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The Flintstones lawyer who never lost a case was called Perry Masonry.
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Rita Hayworth’s real name was Margarita Cansino.
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Spencer Tracy said he would only take the part of the Penquin in the Batman TV series if he were allowed to kill Batman.
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Sylvester Stallone used to sweep the lion cages in New York’s Central Park Zoo to pay his way while trying to break into acting.
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Sean Connery once worked as a coffin polisher.
Are you captivated yet with this stream of meaningless nonsense. Don’t get up and walk away because I have a few more tidbits.
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After Harrison Ford’s brief 1966 appearance as a bell-boy in Dead Heat on a Merry-Go-Round he was told, “Kid, you aint got it.”
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Johnny Mathis dubbed Miss Piggy’s singing voice in The Muppet Movie.
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Liquid Paper was invented by the mother of Mike Nesmith of Monkee fame.
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Don McLean’s song “American Pie” is not named after the plane in which Buddy Holly died – the plane had no name, only a registration number: N3794N.
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Popeye’s girlfriend, Olive Oyl, wore a size 14A shoe.
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The Muppet Show was banned from TV in Saudi Arabia because one of it’s stars was Miss Piggy. Pigs are forbidden to Muslims.
And in keeping with the upcoming tax day . . .
Americans Use Sixteen Thousand Tons of Aspirin Each Year.
I had a feeling when I woke up this morning that this day would be more than a little strange. It was another late night of reading for me and I was awakened at 6:00 am for no apparent reason. The better-half was gone off to work, the cat was missing in action, and the bed looked like twenty people had been in it. Blankets thrown around on the bed and on the floor with pillows everywhere. Don’t even ask! I’ve got a thing for pillows and I love having a lot of them on the bed. Not for decoration but to crawl into and curl up with.
I felt like I had hangover but I hadn’t had anything to drink for days. I had things to do but I couldn’t seem to get my ass off that bed and get moving. A coffee helped but not all that much. One of my main tasks for the day was to do a little food shopping because dinner was on me tonight and I wanted it to be just perfect. It took forever for me to get dressed but I managed, then I set the house alarm, jumped in my car, and pulled out of the driveway.
I live approximately five miles from the closest supermarket and it requires that I drive through a few neighborhoods and across two main roads to get there. Easy enough right? I drove for a mile and noticed something strange happening. I hadn’t seen a single car, person, animal, or another human being since leaving the house. The further I drove the more bizarre it became and I was starting to have flashbacks of the the movie “Legend” with Will Smith. Another mile and still nothing. I stopped at an intersection with a main road that normally requires me to wait for an opening in traffic before pulling out. I didn’t see a single vehicle in either direction. The only living things I saw as I made the turn onto that highway were two large black crows sitting in a tree nearby and they seemed to be watching me.
I’m not a believer in the occult or any of that nonsense but this entire drive really creeped me out. The first living person I finally saw was in the parking lot of the supermarket and it was a rather obese man eating a donut as he walked to his car. The entire drive felt like a really weird dream. I kept thinking to myself that all of a sudden I’d awaken and still be at home in my bed. But I wasn’t.
I finished my shopping and returned home and observed a normal amount of traffic and a few folks walking around. As I pulled into my driveway I looked up and there were two large black crows sitting in a tree right next to my house. I sure hope it was just a weird coincidence and that there aren’t any more strange occurrences today. I want my surprise meal for the better-half tonight to go as planned.
It’s the Twilight Zone all over again or at least it felt that way. If she arrives home from work tonight eating a big fat donut then I may have to rethink my somewhat shaky belief system.
During all of my working life I prayed for a slow news day. A day where I could sit on my butt and do absolutely northing except relax. I’ve finally reached a point in my life where I have days like that and I just don’t appreciate them like I once did. Shame on me I guess.
Two days ago my better-half surprised me when she arrived home from work at 11 am, four hours early. It was a good surprise and definitely not what you first thought when you read that. We had half a day to just kick back and do whatever we wanted. Since it was a sunny and freezing cold day we decided a quiet drive with our cameras would be perfect. We made our way to the coast but taking pictures there in the winter is a major yawn. Dirty snow and ice just isn’t anything I need more pictures of.
‘Snore’
‘Yawn’
After a half-hour passed we decided to just drive straight north to Portland for a visit to a few of our favorite pubs. Our first stop was a tavern along the waterfront called Three Dollar Dewey’s. This is a regular watering hole for us where the better-half can have her Shipyard beer and a side of fries and I can have an ice cold vodka-tonic with onion rings. The drinks were grand and the food was even better.
This is the official T-shirt logo for Dewey’s which explains where and how the name of the bar was created. Maybe next trip I’ll try for a $2 Feelie. Then we walked a quarter mile down the street to our second favorite place, The Dry Dock Tavern.
The Dry Dock is a warm and cozy place to spend an hour or so in the cold Maine winter but it’s even better in the summer. They have a large second floor deck which offers an unbelievable view of Portland harbor where you can relax and sip a cool margarita or two and catch a few rays.
We had a great day even though it was as cold as hell. The snow melt continues and in just a few weeks Spring will actually arrive.
I hope to make this summer one to remember.
The waiting has begun in earnest here. The lives of my better-half and I are in slow-motion and will remain so for at least another week. Our grandson who just turned two and a half is only a week away from becoming someone’s big brother. My better-half’s daughter came to visit two days ago and OMG is she ever pregnant. She’s a small and petit woman normally who appears to be carrying a child who’s as big as she is.
‘This was taken two months ago, so you can just imagine her current size.’
Her last few visits had me a little nervous to say the least. I sat patiently watching and waiting and expecting her to give birth right in my living room. She’s at that point in the pregnancy where she’s uncomfortable, tired, worn out, and ready for this nine month project to come to an end. As are we all.
Fortunately the grandson has been kept in the loop throughout the pregnancy and as with other first born children appears excited about having a new sibling. I also suspect that like many other first born children he isn’t at all prepared for the competition that is to follow. For the rest of his life he’ll be one of two instead of THE ONE. His life is about to change dramatically and forever.
Once the birthing process begins and she’s on her way to the hospital the little guy will be spending a few days with us until things have progressed to the point where he can meet his new brother or sister. They’re keeping themselves and the rest of us in the dark as to the sex of the child for some inexplicable reason. I’m really looking forward to the moment when he’s introduced to the new baby to see his reaction and to watch the bonding process begin. He’s fortunate to live in a time where this can happen under the best of circumstances rather than the way it was done in the past.
Secretly I’ve been hoping for a girl but will be thrilled with either. I’m not at all sure if being a big brother to a sister or a brother is preferable but we’ll find out soon enough. I’m just praying that everything goes well and the result is a healthy, happy baby, and mother.
The countdown continues.
Today has turned into a throw away day. It started late last night when I got caught up reading another Jack Reacher adventure novel and before I knew it it was 3 am. I crawled into bed finally and was just about asleep when my better-half’s alarm went off at 4 am. I stumbled into the kitchen and poured myself a large mug of coffee but it barely helped at all. As I groggily passed my better-half in the hallway I kissed her on the forehead entered the bedroom and fell into bed once again. I set my alarm for 830 am because I was sure my eye doctor would be patiently waiting for my arrival in his office at 930 am.
I fell asleep for a half hour and then was forced to get dressed and get moving. I left the house three times and returned within minutes each time. It doesn’t sound like a big deal normally but since the installation of our security system it’s become a real pain in the ass. I returned first when I forgot my camera and left again, then I returned once more when I forgot my Kindle and left again, and lastly I returned because I forgot to turn off the alarm on my beside clock. All that screwing around was making me a little crazy and the alarm system was talking to me the entire time and sending me emails for fifteen minutes. Oh, the price we pay for protection.
I arrived at the Mall of Maine with time to spare but since the stores don’t open until 10 am I couldn’t do any window shopping. I was forced into the food court for a coffee and a little people watching. I try never to go near malls but this trip became very educational very quickly. As I sat drinking my coffee and killing a little time the herds of senior citizens began circling. A continuous stream of blue hairs with walkers, canes, and even wheelchairs went flowing by like a river of old farts. These people are the early morning mall rats who eventually will turn over custody of the mall to the teenage mall rats who like to sleep until early afternoon. Just two moderately interesting social groups with their own little routines and pecking orders.
It was a fashion experience I could have done without. Walking outfits of bright colored spandex were everywhere and I have to say there’s nothing like a seventy-five year old pear shaped cutie in a pink fluorescent body suit strutting her stuff. And believe me she had a lot of stuff to strut. The longer I sat there the more looks I was getting because I was a new face in the crowd. Before I knew it two apparently single ladies plopped down at my table and offered to buy me a coffee refill. Many people say that the girls of our younger generations are somewhat more aggressive than the young girls of the past. I think that’s true to a degree but they have nothing on these single, spry, and sexually interested older women. Man it was a just little scary since I haven’t been hit on like that for quite some time.
Fortunately I was able to sneak away after telling them I was late for my eye doctor appointment. I heard a few "we’ll see you tomorrow’s" as I walked quickly away and made a note to myself on my phone: No more freaking morning mall visits.
Yikes!!!
The snow is finally trying to melt and with a week of temperatures in the high thirties we could see a lot of it go away. Believe me I won’t be the least bit upset if it does.
The better-half and I made our way out into the countryside this week when we were lucky enough to have a bright, clear, and sunny day. It was cold as hell but that wouldn’t effect the picture taking at all. We agreed that this trip would be to find and photograph many of the older deserted homes and out buildings that seem to dot the landscape here in farm country. With the amount of snow we received this year I expected to find at least one that had been crushed from the weight of the snow. Each year many of these old building are lost to Mother Nature and I want as many pictures of them as I can get before that happens. The first one we happened upon had a collapsed roof and lots of damage.
‘Another one bites the dust.’
I do love the photo’s they provide me with. They have much more character now than when they were newly built.
They just look so cool with trees growing up through the walls and roof. I kind of hate to see them go by the wayside but they won’t be forgotten. As of today they’ve officially been immortalized.
Here’s another one that couldn’t take the weight of snow. It will probably end up as a large bonfire some time in the early Spring. We had a really fun afternoon during a wintry and freezing cold February. Here’s one last photo from our house. When the icicles begin to drop Spring can’t be too far off.
Today is that day that occurs every six weeks or so and honestly it’s not one of my favorites. Let me explain.
First, regardless of what you know or think you know I’m not a fanatical environmentalist. I’m a former Greenpeace member who bailed out on them when they decided to turn their attentions to banning nuclear power. I’m a former Sierra Club member who decided that any organization that puts the needs of animals before humans regardless of the consequences is too extreme for me. I’m also militantly against organizations like PETA and the idiots that run them.
Now let me confuse you further. Up until 8 years ago I NEVER recycled anything. It wasn’t that I didn’t care about the environment but I just didn’t see any long term benefits that required an investment of my time. I understand the need for it now but for the most part I didn’t take it seriously then.
When I met my better-half and after we decided to be together FOREVER my brainwashing began. In any relationship it’s mandatory that each participant be willing to compromise on certain things to maintain harmony. My better-half is convinced that by recycling she will save the world. Totally naïve but understandable. Unfortunately the town of Saco, Maine where we live apparently agrees with her. We’re now forced to recycle by the local government which in turn gives her even more ammunition to use against me. Separate the paper and plastic into the brown container and all of that good old fashioned trash into the green container. If you don’t obey the rules the town will refuse to pick up your trash. Heil Hitler to you too.
All of my working life experiences and accomplishments have now been turned on their head. Every six weeks or so I’m required to make a trip to a local recycling center to cash in bags of bottle and cans. I was coerced into maintaining those containers at our residence where each days bottles and cans can be collected and stored. Now part of my garage smells suspicious like that dumpy recycling center. If you like the smell of stale beer and garbage you too can be an environmentalist.
We live in a rural area and use a well as our primary source of water. Unfortunately well water is notorious for heavy mineral content and the occasional smell of rotten eggs. So for cooking, coffee making, and normal consumption we use bottled water purchased from local retailers. My new career as forced upon me by my better-half has reduced me to the level of a homeless guy wandering the streets collecting bottles and cans to save a nickel or two.
So every six to eight weeks I bundle up bags of bottles and cans, put the stinky crap in my car, and head out to collect my seven dollars. It supplies me with just enough money to pay for my cat’s needs. His food, treats, and litter are now paid for by my endless recycling efforts. To tell you the truth I’d much rather just pay for it myself and stop all this madness but this is the compromise I must make to maintain this Garden of Eden we live in and all of the benefits it provides.
Oh yeah, I’m also saving the freaking world too. Brother !!!
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