Archive for the ‘Just Saying’ Category
I’m feeling a little more upbeat today and I think my shopping trip yesterday may have helped a bit. I was searching diligently for my missing Christmas spirit and just when I found a little of it I lost it again immediately. An hour or two in a crowded mall getting elbowed and pushed around by damn near everyone can make that happen. People are scurrying everywhere and willing to kick your ass to get at something they want before you do. I was feeling non-combative so I stayed out of the line of fire and attempted to shop in a few stores. It does appear that common courtesy goes right out the window when it comes to Christmas shopping, especially in this Mall.
I should mention, this was the Mall that fired their Santa Clause last week because he was rude to the kids and their parents. A rude Santa in this Mall seems to me to be the ultimate irony. They should set up a kiosk here somewhere selling copies of the “Bad Santa” movie. I’m sure it would be a huge hit with all these intolerant and rude people roaming around. It’s ironic as hell that rude shoppers from this Mall caused the Santa to be fired for being rude. How utterly stupid.
I stood in Best Buy for the longest time trying to find an associate to help me but I wasn’t pissed about the wait since the place was a freaking zoo. Bad economy be damned as I watched IPods, IPads, tablets, and anything else you can think of going out the door in huge numbers. I’ve heard rumors that Best Buy has been having difficulties in this economy and closed stores that were unprofitable. In my humble opinion they’re just a showroom for all of those Internet companies like Amazon. You go on line and find the item you want. You then run to Best Buy, check out the item and get your questions answered, and then return home to order it on line where the price is cheaper. They have their work cut out for them if they want to survive as a viable company.
I went to the Mall office and attempted to fill out an application for the currently vacant position of Santa. No one took me seriously which really hurt my feelings. I explained that I have the unusual ability to tell parents and their kids to “piss off” without actually saying it. A smile and a pat on the head and off they go. They don’t realize they’ve been insulted until after they return home and even then they’re not really sure. My secret dream of being Santa just wasn’t meant to be. I’m going to try again next year after I spend a full year honing my rudeness skills to a level that will permit me to survive amongst the customers here.
HO!, HO!, EFFING HO!
The Maryland trip is now a thing of the past. We returned home last night after eight and a half wonderful hours in the car. As predicted my better-half was hung over and slept a great deal of the time. No Christmas carol singing, no annoying driving tips, and no blaring music. It was absolute heaven.
But have no fear, it wasn’t all good. Let me take you on a trip back to fifteenth century France. In those days the citizenry were permitted to use the roads in the country only with the King’s blessing. Every so often while traveling through the country side they might be ambushed by groups of highwaymen who took their money and jewels and disappeared into the woods. If they were wealthy they might have hired extra security to ride along with them for protection from such ruffians. It was a primitive system but it worked well for the rich. In those days the poor were lucky to have a two wheeled cart to get around on. It was mostly on foot since the cost to travel couldn’t be afforded by the great unwashed.
Aren’t we lucky to live in this century with all of our modern technologies to make our lives so much better than those poor schmucks from the past? We don’t have highwaymen to worry about because we now have toll booths. It’s not just the King’s men reaching out of those booths but every petty little dictatorship along the way takes their share as well. The Kings of Maryland, Delaware, New Jersey, New York, Massachusetts, New Hampshire and Maine have now made it even more painful to have our money stolen. Thievery thy name is “Easy Pass”. Now the highwaymen have made it possible to take our money and never having to dirty their hands by touching it.
My trip consisted of just over a thousand miles round-trip. I won’t even get into gas prices and the taxes they’ve been loaded up with. My grand total of tolls to make that trip to visit family was just under one hundred dollars. The most “in your face” toll goes to who else but New York. Thirteen freaking dollars to ride over a fucking bridge. Pardon the bad language but only an F-bomb aptly describes how I felt handing over that money. Let’s make it easy for you math whizzes, 1000 mile trip with $100.00 in tolls. I find it incredible that I’m being strong-armed into paying ten cents an effing mile to travel on roads I’ve already paid my hard earned taxes to build and maintain. Then they have the nerve at every Rest Area to try and sell me an Easy Pass transponder. I guess they feel if we don’t actually have to take it out of our wallet and hand it directly to a toll taker it won’t hurt quite so much. Wrong again geniuses.
I hear a lot of people talking about secession and revolution these days and I’m beginning to understand why. It seems that this country has started down a really ugly road. Just remember that “Those who cannot remember the past are doomed to repeat it." The younger generations have been educated to hate this country and to ignore it’s history. Here’s something they can’t ignore, “Taxation without representation is tyranny.” It was a slogan of our past revolutionary fight and could be again if we’re not careful.
The cherry on top of the trip occurred at a McDonalds rest stop at the New York/Connecticut border. I was starving and needed gas so we stopped for a quick break. In my younger days my perfect woman would have been one who was attractive, worked at a fast food chain (free food), and smelled like greasy hamburgers and french fries. I’m here to tell you those days are officially over. The girl at the register and the entire facility fulfilled all of my past fantasies and then some. I arrived home a few hours later and had to take a long shower to get the smell of grease off my body. Of course this morning I could still taste that greasy hamburger and had the heart burn to prove it and it was steal at seven bucks. Another New York bargain.
It was a fun weekend for us both if we can forget the travel there and back. I’m sooooo glad to be home.
I thought I’d try a quick posting from my IPad this morning. Our trip to Maryland was uneventful and the weather was moderately crappy. Rain, fog, and accident delays were the norm and I’m here to tell that a trip south on the Garden State Parkway leaves a lot to be desired.
Being in New York and New Jersey gives a whole new meaning to people watching. Normally I dislike stopping too often but I’m willing to make an exception here. Just stop, have a coffee, and observe. It could easily become a full time job.
Well, I need to get moving this morning to prepare for the evenings festivities. I’m already ahead of the game today because I find myself hangover free. Who knew that would happen. A few low octane margaritas are a good way to go where you can have that little taste of tequila without the normal devastating consequences.
Tonight should be interesting since my better-half purchased for me a bright red Christmas T-shirt I’m expected to wear. I only like making an ass of myself if I’m properly inebriated so I’ll have to work on that I suppose. Enjoy the rest of your weekend because the Christmas countdown continues unabated
I’ve spent a few Christmases away from home while in the Army and unless you’ve experienced it personally, it can be a real heart breaker. This year we have more of our men and women overseas than ever and they have our sincerest thanks and sympathies. It’s a tough job to serve and the separation from family and friends makes it even tougher. I was sent this poem a few years ago and it’s still a good read. If I remember correctly the author, Mr. Jones, was on active duty when it was written. It still poignant and will help us all “Remember the Troops”.
They Won’t Be Home For Christmas
– by Del “Abe” Jones
Another year, American Heroes
Are fighting in a foreign land
But hopefully, with an end in sight
To this part of life they hadn’t planned.
They do their duty without question
And they all stand proud and tall
They are placed there in harm’s way
As they answer, our Country’s call.
They’ll get by the best they can
And improvise ingenious ways
To find a way to celebrate
The meaning of the Holidays.
Peace on Earth, good will towards men
Is really, kinda hard to do
When all around, there are folks
Whose only wish, is to kill you.
There are far too many families
Who will never again know the joy
That the Christmastime can bring
And cruel, wartime can destroy.
The lucky will return back home
But lives will never be the same
Forever changed in heart and mind
By humankind’s unholy game.
They won’t be home for Christmas
And sadly, some will never be
But all of them will share one thing
That’s the war Hero’s legacy.
So as you gather ’round the tree
With your loved ones by your side
Think about those, over there?
While you enjoy, your Yuletide.
Well, today’s the big day. We’ll be on the road to Maryland in just a few minutes. I’ll be posting today and tomorrows entries now since I won’t be able to blog while traveling. I certainly hope that I’m able to do so after my arrival in Maryland and I may finally get a chance to blog with the new IPad. This holiday visit coupled with my better-half’s Mom’s birthday bash will surely jump start the Christmas season for us both.
I’m patiently awaiting the arrival of our house sitters and their dogs. A few further instructions and the house is theirs for a few days. I only hope their dogs don’t piss off my cat too much or he’ll be hell to live with when we return. He not real good about change especially when dogs are involved.
The weather reports are looking good for the trip and the likelihood of snow is slim. I’m also taking a new route to avoid New York City altogether. That will mean more actual driving and less time sitting in those NYC perennial traffic jams.
We should arrive back home late Sunday nite, knock on wood. Have a great weekend and the countdown to Christmas is now eighteen.
Back at the computer early today since I’ve many errands to run in anticipation of our journey to the great state of Maryland. I need the car serviced and a good washing and vacuuming wouldn’t hurt much either. I have to check in with the house sitters too and make sure they arrive on time.
I thought I’d give you an quick update on “the car in the woods” incident I mentioned yesterday. I ran across across the road and found the car about fifteen feet into the trees and wedged between two of them. It appeared the driver was crossing a sheet of ice when his passenger side tire slid off onto the berm. As many people do he overcorrected to regain control, spun around and shot right back into the woods. He was uninjured but really pissed off about the whole situation. Damage to the car appeared minimal but he removed a few large pieces of bark from a tree or two with his side doors. He was really lucky not to have been injured but he sure didn’t see it that way.
My better-half and I finished decorating the house with her Christmas knick-knacks and paddy-wacks on every surface of every piece of furniture. The tree looks nice after an hour or two of attempting to get the freaking lights operational. Last year we decided to change over to the old, large, multicolor retro style lights. They look absolutely gorgeous but I’d be afraid to use them on a live tree. They throw off so much heat they’d dry a live tree out in no time. Fortunately were went artificial on the tree a few years back.
Christmas fever has consumed my better-half and she insists on taking me along for the ride. As we were decorating I was strong-armed into watching five straight hours of Christmas movies. Argggg! Who needs waterboarding? Sheer effing torture while she dances around the living room singing along with every tune. I hope she purchased that noise cancelling headset I asked her for. It’ll get more use than my car.
Well, I’m off to do my errands and maybe take a few photos along the way. Twenty-one days and counting.
Frigid cold last night and a very thin blanket of snow covering everything this morning. I walked outside for a few minutes and the air has that snap in it that I miss so much sometimes. When I can feel my nose hairs freezing and my face being chapped by the cold wind. These are some of the insane reasons I thoroughly enjoy Winter.
The thing I really don’t enjoy is the garbage that’s frozen to my driveway after a rather sloppy pickup by the local trash company yesterday. I needed a freaking ice pick and a shovel just to break it’s hold on the asphalt. Another of life’s little annoyances to kick you in the butt and to help you forget just how sentimental and emotionally sloppy your becoming over a little cold air and a brisk wind. I worry about myself a little when I begin waxing philosophic about weather changes.
Maybe it’s just this junior league hangover I’m sporting this morning. A few too many glasses of a reasonably good Chardonnay will do it to you every time.
I’m being forced by the passing days to complete my Christmas shopping but I can’t seem to get motivated about the holidays thus far. I’ve been avoiding the crowds and the all of the Christmas related decorations and music just through a total lack of interest. I’m hoping for a minor miracle that will somehow infuse me with that hard to find spirit just to keep my better-half happy.
I may be forced to surprise her when she gets home later today. I’ll unpack that beautiful eight foot fake Christmas tree and get it set up for her. I’ll need EMT’s standing by if I do because the shock might kill her. But . . . If I’m foolish enough to set up that tree then chaos will certainly follow. Before she goes to work tomorrow there will be boxes of ornaments, strings of lights, and dozens of feet of tinsel awaiting me. “You were so sweet to put up the tree for me, how about finishing the rest of the decorating today?”. I may have to take a short break, have a coffee, and then have my freaking head examined. Why in Gods name would I do that to myself. Wait just a second . . . .
. . . . OK I’m back. I went away for a while to a happy place where my inner voices told me to shut up, forget the damn decorations, and stop being stupid. Thank God for them. I’m getting in my car and taking my camera to begin another search for a few of those elusive Kodak moments anywhere but where Christmas music is playing.
FA, LA, LA, LA ,LA . . . .. LA ,LA, LA, LA!
Another month has screamed by at warp speed and winter has arrived here in Maine. We haven’t received much snow yet but the temps are in the mid twenties at night and low forties during the day. It always takes me a few weeks to adjust my body to the winter temperatures but once that’s over it’s smooth sailing for the next five months.
I’d like to thank those of you who persuaded me into sticking with my goal of reading all of the Harry Potter books. As I thought, the books tell a better story than the films but the films special effects really do bring the stories to life in a different way. It’s hard to deny how important special effects can be when making movies about witches and wizards and a host of really strange creatures. If I were to make a recommendation I’d still suggest reading the books before seeing the movies. That’s almost impossible I know but it’s what I think. Since the films have been released to TV I’m sure just about everyone on the planet has seen most of them. That’s OK but if you’re a real fan then sit down and read them, you’ll love it.
I finished book three a few days ago, took a breath and immediately started on book four. I’m only a few chapters into it but can already see the changeover to a more adult approach to the story. A couple of early murders and a little sexual innuendo go a long way to making that point. I’m actually looking forward to finishing the remainder of the books which shouldn’t take more than a few more weeks after my return from Maryland.
I’m sitting here this morning trying to solve a problem I’ve seen having recently. We live in a very rural area filled with forests, farm fields, a few neighbors, and a plethora of animals roaming in and around the property. I need to preface this with a tidbit of information to help you understand. A number of months ago we had an unknown number of fucking thieves enter our home while we were out and they stole everything that wasn’t nailed down. The details are unimportant but the effect it had on us was profound. I’ve since turned my home into a fortress with lock replacements, industrial strength deadbolts, a top of the line alarm system, and sensor controlled lights surrounding the house. If you even fart within two hundred feet of my house the place will light up like Rockefeller Center and you’ll likely get to meet me and my Smith & Wesson. The police should arrive just in time to save you.
Your asking I know, “What’s the big problem then?”. Sounds great right? Not so much. The problem began shortly after the lights were installed when I was in a much more paranoid place than I am now. I was lying in bed at two in the morning and all of a sudden the entire rear of the house lit up. I grabbed my gun and headed down stairs to investigate. I looked out the windows and could see nothing so I opened the back door to look around and almost stepped on one of the largest skunks I’ve ever seen. He was sitting almost against the door and I was one step away from a smelling and disgusting disaster. Of course, I retreated immediately but that SOB hung around for another half hour keeping all of the lights lit. A few times every week now I’m awakened not just by roaming wild animals but also my neighbors cat. He loves patrolling around my house in the wee hours and might even get some kind of a feline related thrill by turning on all my lights every so often.
“It’s a pickle I tell ya!”, to quote Frank Barone. How do I take steps to deal with that cat? Maybe I shoot him in the ass with a BB gun? I really don’t want to harm the little bastard because he’s been keeping the chipmunk population under control for a few years now. I’m afraid there’s just no solution. I’ll have to get darker curtains on my bedroom windows and just let it go. My other problem is that I’m not very good at letting things go.
Time to go and enjoy the day.
I mentioned yesterday about my favorite blogger, Rob “Acidman” Smith, who passed away in 2006. I visited his site again yesterday, Gut Rumbles, for a trip down memory lane. With Christmas coming I’m always at a loss for stories that don’t end up being tear-jerkers about some family member or friend who has passed away. I’ve decided to again introduce all of you to Rob by reposting one of his favorite Christmas stories posted on the last Christmas before his untimely death. Nothing else could possibly explain to you how he felt about things except this sample of his great sense of humor. Read and enjoy it like I did yesterday.
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December 23, 2005
A Christmas Story:
INFANT DISCOVERED IN BARN, CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES LAUNCH PROBE
Nazareth Carpenter Being Held On Charges Involving Underage Mother
Bethlehem, Judea – Authorities were today alerted by a concerned citizen who noticed a family living in a barn. Upon arrival, Family Protective Service personnel, accompanied by police, took into protective care an infant child named Jesus, who had been wrapped in strips of cloth and placed in a feeding trough by his 14-year old mother, Mary of Nazareth. During the confrontation, a man identified as Joseph, also of Nazareth, attempted to stop the social workers. Joseph, aided by several local shepherds and some unidentified foreigners, tried to forestall efforts to take the child, but were restrained by the police.
Also being held for questioning are the three foreigners who allege to be wise men from an eastern country. The INS and Homeland Security officials are seeking information about these who may be in the country illegally. A source with the INS states that they had no passports, but were in possession of gold and other possibly illegal substances. They resisted arrest saying that they had been warned by God to avoid officials in Jerusalem and to return quickly to their own country. The chemical substances in their possession will be tested.
Yeah, it’s funny, but only because we can see something like that actually happening today.
Posted by Acidman @ 12:51 AM
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His common sense approach to life made him all the more interesting to read. He could make you laugh, make you cry, and make you scratch your head and think. He’s still missed but his site lives on. Lucky us.
They’ll be no more mentions of Thanksgiving and related food topics. I’ve eaten enough turkey, turkey pies, turkey soup, and turkey sandwiches for this year. It’s onward and upward to the next step on the stairway to 2013. My better-half and I have begun planning another of our annual holiday visits to faraway family members. Since my mom passed this year a trip to western Pennsylvania won’t be happening. Instead we’ll be on our way to the state of Maryland for a birthday bash/holiday visit for my better-half’s mom who is turning eighty. Her many siblings and their spouses, partners, and significant others will also be in attendance for the festivities. I’m not at all thrilled about traveling during the Christmas season because it seems every time we do something bad happens. In years past I’ve had two near-death experiences in unexpected blizzards where we played bumper cars in the snow. I’m beginning to appreciate all of those years I lived in Pennsylvania and was within driving distance of most of my relatives.
My better-half has been in great spirits for the last few days and I suspect she’s suffering from Pre-Vacation Silliness Syndrome. She has a vacation scheduled to start in fours days but mentally she’s already checked out. Combining that with her never ending Christmas cheer might be enough to drive me “over the edge”. How would you like to drive for eight and a half hours through possible snowy conditions with a tone deal Christmas elf singing carols in your ear. I hope her sister and brother-in-law have a good supply of alcoholic refreshments chilled and waiting my arrival. I’m going to try my best to hide those stupid red antlers she soooo loves to wear because I just know the first police officer that sees her in that outfit will most likely what me to stop and chat so he can smell my breath. I hope and pray the weather cooperates and we get there and back without incident.
Now for some new business. I received a message from Matthew Ryan at A Toast to Dragons nominating me for the coveted and spectacular, Very Inspiring Blog Award. As part of my acceptance I ‘m told I need to list 15 of my favorite blogs. Since I ‘m a very discerning reader fifteen is out of the question. Here are five in addition to Matt that I read religiously. For sweetness and poetry – Don’t Quote Lily, for sexy – Snarky Snatch, for our military – Brain Rants, and for an Australian perspective – Polly Woffle. I have one last blog that I’ve read for years even though the blogger passed away in 2006. His family maintains the blog and it’s archives and I still visit it every chance I get. Go to Gut Rumbles as written by the late great Rob “Acidman” Smith. He’s the only reason I’m blogging today. Any one of these blogs is well worth your time.
I’d like to continue this but I’ve been assigned repair duties today. Fix the kitchen light, put out the Christmas flag, take down the screens, and blah blah blah. Just another day in this paradise that is my life. Tomorrow is another day.
