Archive for the ‘Just Saying’ Category
The Christmas/New Year’s holidays are now passed and are slowly being erased from my memories or so I’d hoped. Only 363 shopping days left until Christmas. How’s that for a “buzz kill”. I spent a great part of the day today removing all traces of Christmas cheer from our home. I took down the lights, the tree, the ornaments, the knick-knacks, and anything else I could think of. Packaged them all up and hid them away in the attic for another year. I shouldn’t be too negative about these holidays since it was one of the better holiday seasons I’ve had in recent years.
I’ve now experienced my first holidays without both of my parents which was certainly a struggle at times. I spent a lot of time remembering my childhood Christmases and all the good times we had. My Mom loved Christmas most of all and always did everything in her power to make it special. Just after last Christmas and as her health began to fail, it was painfully obvious to those closest to her that she knew it would be her final Christmas. With the help of my sister she insisted on keeping the Christmas tree up well into April. She was enjoying her Christmas memories for the final time.
After finishing the general Christmas cleanup I decided to begin enjoying one of my favorite gifts, the extended Blue-ray DVD set of the Lord of the Rings. It’s 15 DVD’s just filled with more information that you can possibly handle. I lounged most of the day away suffering quietly from a minor hangover and watching the movies. I made it a full five hours and have only just finished watching the second installment. Best gift ever! I lost myself in Middle Earth for the day and it was wonderful.
My better-half returns to work tomorrow and she’s been mumbling and grumbling about it all day. I tried to make her feel better but to no avail. I did get a smirk or two when I mentioned in passing we were only 31 days from Ground Hog Day. It really didn’t seem to give her the boost I’d hoped but I’ll keep trying.
Off to bed for a good nights sleep then back to our somewhat normal existence tomorrow.
Happy New Year everyone. My best laid plans for our New Years celebration was only semi-successful. We had a few friends over early in the evening for drinks and few yucks. They had children at home looking to celebrate the New Year and needed to be there to supervise, so they left a little early. It was nice for a couple of hours to kick back and relax with some friendly faces. The get-together broke up early and my better-half immediately reheated the Chinese food she’d obtained earlier in the day and as always it was yummy and really filling.
I never planned on staying awake for the standard TV celebrations but my better-half insisted she was going to bring the New Year in properly by watching the ball drop with her favorite male fantasy figure, Ryan Seacrest. I retired to the bedroom to continue my readings on Harry Potter. I just finished book #6 and I was really getting excited about finishing the final volume over the next week or so. The story has slowly evolved from a kid’s story into a rather interesting novel. I’m glad I decided to hang in there and read them all.
It was 10:00 pm and I was really getting into the book when my half asleep better-half stumbled into the room, jumped into bed, and mumbled something about waking up just before midnight. I knew she was just kidding herself but I played along. It was lights out at 10:30 and no one woke up for the ball drop (sorry Ryan). We both slept straight through the night and wished each other a happy New Year around eight the next morning. I don’t care what anyone says, it was an excellent way to celebrate the end of 2012.
After a nice breakfast of twice reheated Chinese food with an egg on top we grabbed our cameras and hit the road. We had quite a lot of snow on the roads but we decided to explore some of the more rural areas looking for those elusive Kodak moments. It was cold and crisp and some of the snow scenes we shot were spectacular. Horse farms with horses in the snow, giant pine trees nearly bent over with the snow on their branches. This was the perfect way to spend a New Years Day.
After fifty or sixty miles and over a hundred photos later we returned home to get warm and to prepare a luscious pork roast dinner with sides of sauerkraut and mashed potatoes. We ended the day snuggled up on the couch watching a movie and looking at the days photo’s. Pretty damn nice if I do say so myself.
I can only hope that all of you enjoyed your day half as much as we enjoyed ours. Bring on 2013.
Reality decided to return today and help me rid myself of all remaining holiday cheer. I just returned to the house after attempting to snow-blow approximately 10 inches of snow off the damn driveway. Being the smart fellow I thought I was, I bought a new snow blower two months ago. Mother Nature can’t get me this year! No sir! Why am I never right about these things.
I fired up the snow blower, pushed it out into the snow, plowed about ten feet and saw that my left tire was flat. I hadn’t touched the damn thing since it was delivered from Lowes and never thought to check the tires. There’s no doubt I’m going to pay for that bit of negligence. First thing, I’m going back out and try to use the snow blower even though one tire won’t cooperate. I shall return . . . .
Well that wasn’t much fun. Not being well versed in using a snow blower with two wheels it took a while for me to get the hang of operating it with just one. Unfortunately as I made my first turn through the snow I forgot to disengage the thrower. I shot about 200 lbs of snow directly into my garage onto my car. Lesson #1 was check the damn tires. Lesson #2 was close the damn garage door when your outside playing with the snow blower. I don’t think I’ll be able to use the snow blower again with just the one tire, it’s too difficult. It’s still snowing like hell and I’m going to be forced to dig out the old trusty snow shovel to do the rest of this. Let me tell you that just sucks. Back outside one more time . . . .
Well I was able to clean up the driveway a bit more but at the rate it’s snowing I’ll out there a few more times before morning. This is what I get for wishing for a White Christmas. I really hoped I’d never be forced to unretire that snow shovel. Karma, thou art a vicious bitch.
The final report shows 16 inches of snow, two sore arms, two sore legs, one sore back, and one flat tire. Just great, right?
This may be the best Christmas morning I’ve ever had. My better-half with help from my nagging stayed in bed until ten o’clock. We left the bedroom only for calls from Mother Nature and to refill our coffee mugs. We laid there like two fat, dumb, and happy morons celebrating the fact that the holiday was over for us. It was lightly snowing at the time but by days end we had our traditional White Christmas. I think we could have stayed in that warm and toasty bed all day but my better-half had her engine running early and was getting a bit antsy. She forced me from the bed and the room which kind of “harshed my Christmas morning buzz” a bit. Dammit!
For most of the day we were on the phones, on the computers, or on the IPads wishing good cheer to the whole damn planet. She spent a few hours reviewing all of the photographs that she’d taken over the holiday (about 600), erasing the bad, and burning the good to CD’s for other family members. It was still a lazy and relaxing day, it was great.
It took me a little longer than I thought to clear the Christmas debris from the house because I was busy eating goodies left over from last night. I’ll tell you right now, it’s going to take me a few months to get rid of all this Christmas cheer that showed up just north of my belt buckle. We had a quiet dinner, just the two of us, where we devoured a rib roast that was to die for. Fat and sassy after the meal we repaired to the living room for movie night.
Here’s my take on the movies we watched. Katherine Heigl in ‘One for the Money’ wasn’t too shabby. She was supposed to be a bounty hunter which took a real stretch of my imagination to believe but then seeing her semi-nude made it almost worth the wait. I give it a C+ for story, B- for nudity.
Then we fired up the movie (using the term loosely) ‘Horrible Bosses’. It was well named because it was really horrible. How anyone convinced Kevin Spacey and Jennifer Anniston to even consider being in it was beyond me. Dumb, and Dumber meets Police Squad. I give it an F- for story and an A- for nudity when I got to see a little more of brunette Jen than ever before. Trust me, if anyone tries to give you a gift of that movie, give it back, and remove them from your list of friends. Just freaking awful.
The better-half was in bed early with a 4:00 am wakeup call looming. I found it necessary to stay up for a while longer and to kick Tiger Woods ass in an eighteen hole X-box tournament. It felt good to crawl into bed finally and to put another Christmas behind us.
Onward to New Years and 2013.
It’s finally Christmas Day. I’m still lounging around in bed and I plan on staying here as long as humanly possible. We had a great holiday celebration last night and the kids and their new son are now on their way to northern Maine to celebrate with his family. Snow has started and I’m sure we can expect quite a few inches over the next two days. I hope they get there safely.
Last night was fun with really excellent food and great company. We drank liberally, ate shrimp until we couldn’t eat anymore, and even got in a few hands of cutthroat Hearts. I suffered an embarrassing alcohol induced loss that I’ll never hear the end of.
The new grandson behaved like a little angel. Except for a couple of feeding trips to Mom he slept the entire evening. I was strong-armed into wearing a ridiculous red Santa shirt with matching hat and was officially dubbed a member of the Santa Helper’s Brigade. It was the baby’s first Christmas and my first time being Santa. There were enough really embarrassing pictures taken with the baby to haunt me for years to come.
I have to say we all received everything we could have ever wanted and then some. I probably won’t have any meaningful conversations any time soon with my better-half since she’s huddled over in the corner taking sweetly and softly to her new IPad. Now she won’t give me so much grief about paying more attention to my IPad than to her.
It may take a better part of the day to clean up the wrapping debris that seems to be everywhere. We heard the cat a number of times through the night rummaging through wrapping paper and having a great old time. He even received a few gifts which he appears to like a lot. He now has two mechanical mice to chase through the house when he becomes bored with playing with us.
We’re both looking forward to a lazy day of relaxation and a really nice standing rib roast for our dinner this evening. All in all it was a great holiday and well worth the time spent in preparing for it.
We hope yours was the same.
The countdown is at two days. In 48 hours I can stop writing about all of this Christmas happiness for another year. Today was a continuation of our traditions in the preparation for Christmas eve dinner. We’ll get together around mid-day to relax a while, watch some X-mas movies, and generally enjoy each others company.
Our Christmas dinner is to be a little untraditional and will be served in the early afternoon. The menu is varied and consists of a pot full of (clean & eat) shrimp, vegetable platters with dips, and crescent rolls filled with jalapenos and cheese. Next a sheet of walnuts wrapped with dates, then wrapped in bacon strips and broiled until crispy. Yum! Other scrumptious desserts and high calorie goodies will follow because “pigging out” is required to show proper appreciation and respect for the chef.
Today requires running errands to collect of all the items and their ingredients needed for tomorrow. We were up early and on our way to IHOP for a hot and filling breakfast of pancakes, bacon, eggs, toast and coffee. We took our time eating in order for our next stop to be open for business. A short leisurely ride to the Portland docks to buy a few pounds of a shrimp fresh off the boat. Thank God it was high tide which helps keep that wonderful Christmas harbor smell from wafting over the city.
Another quick stop for a bottle of really good French brandy, a few groceries, and were on our way back home. This is the best part of Christmas for both of us. She turns on her Christmas carols nice and loud and begins to preheat the oven for the baking marathon to follow. She’s trying something new this year, an apple and raspberry tart, which I’m really looking forward to. Calories be damned, it’s freaking Christmas.
The kitchen is smelling wonderful, the tree looks great, and the brandy is even better than I’d hoped. Things are looking good for tonight and tomorrow will be even better.
Three shopping days left. Are you finished with your preparations yet? This posting was my valiant attempt to find a culture that celebrates Christmas in the most traditional fashion. That being said you should also be aware that my better-half was born Ohhhh so may years ago in Corpus Christy, TX and is extremely proud of her Texas upbringing. Corpus Christi is just a stones throw from Mexico so the Mexican influences are deeply ingrained in her. One of the things I initially loved about her was her passion for all things Mexican since I love hot food and many of their traditions. Since we’ve been together I’ve eaten more Mexican food than most actual Mexicans. Years ago my favorite snack was potato chips but that has long since changed. It’s now tortilla chips covered in cheese and slices of jalapenos. My repertoire of Mexican dishes has been greatly expanded and there are times when I’m begging for a traditional American home cooked meal.
I’ve always been a huge fan of hot peppers and extra super hot salsa but she’s taken me to whole new level. I go for weeks at a time where my mouth never stops burning and I won’t even mention the other things that burn regularly as well. I hear reports that people who regularly eat hot and spicy food are healthier and have less of a chance of heart attack. That might be BS but if it’s true I should live to be two hundred.
It’s time for a visit to Mexico and a look at their Christmas traditions. The Mexican people seem to have a rich religious tradition for their Christmas celebrations which is something that been lost in many parts of this country. The Nine Days of Posadas is a perfect example.
The celebrations begin nine days before Christmas and include a reenactment of Mary and Joseph’s search for lodging in Bethlehem. Neighborhood families take turns hosting a night at their home. At each home, visitors will chant asking for lodging as they carry an image of Mary and Joseph with candles. After three such stops, a family will be let in to join that household in saying the Rosary, singing holiday songs, and a nightly party for the children complete with a piñata that will be filled with fruit and other treats. Nine days of visiting and fun especially for the kids.
Noche Buena (Christmas Eve) most families attend a midnight mass, followed by a dinner at home which makes for a very late meal. They then place an image of the baby Jesus into the Nativity.
In most Mexican families, Christmas itself is celebrated not with gifts as in other cultures. Instead, Christmas in Mexico is more about being with family and eating, eating, eating, than with gift giving.
Gifts are exchanged in Mexico on January 6th, which is called Día de los reyes, or Kings’ Day. And they’re delivered by none other than the Three Wise Men themselves. Children place their shoes near a window so the Magi can leave a gift and many children actually receive new shoes. Some Mexican families also have a Christmas tree but that is an individual families preference.
The Poinsettia is a common Christmas decoration. This beautiful plant is native to Mexico and unlike in most of the world, in Mexico the poinsettia is not simply decorative, it has been used for thousands of years in Mexican folk remedies.
Many Mexican families will have an egg bread wreath, called a rosca de reyes. Usually, this bread wreath also features a small, baked-in representation of the Baby Jesus. This wreath is also then used in the celebration of Candlemas on February 2nd and whoever gets the piece of bread bearing the image of Baby Jesus must care for it the whole year until the next Christmas celebration.
On February 2nd the family puts the Nativity scene carefully back into its holding and then enjoys a meal of tamales which marks the official end of the Nativity season.
All in all I think the Mexican approach to Christmas is rich and meaningful and something we can all learn from. I understand that the food is to die for and includes such traditional dishes as Mexican Spiked Cider served with tamales on the side. It is sometimes called "Ponche con Piquete" (punch with sting), which can be as simple as a big simmering pot of cider to which rum and spices are added.
My other favorite would be Sweet Rice Pudding (Arroz con Leche). It’s simple to make and very, very tasty.
There you have it. An old style Christmas approach with a large religious component. While I’m not all that religious myself their approach takes me back to my early years when my family’s approach to Christmas was of a similar nature.
Maybe next year we can take some of the Mexican traditions and mix them with our own. We’ve already collected a number of strings of red chili pepper Christmas lights. It could get interesting and I’m sure I’ll let you know how it goes.
Well it’s now official, Christmas is here. Do you know how I know? My back is sore and my butt cheeks are screaming at me. That’s what snow shoveling can do to a person. I’ve mentioned a number of times how much I love the snow which upon occasion allows me to take some really beautiful photographs. Unfortunately the snow that’s currently clogging my driveway is a double-edged sword. It’s making everything look so nice and white and at the same time makes walking for me a real hazard. For most of my life I’ve been known as one of those people who can’t walk and talk at the same time on ice. It’s not such a beautiful thing when you’re laying on your back in the driveway looking up at the sky, ho;ping and praying you didn’t just break something.
We here in Maine are in the process of receiving approximately 8-10 inches of snow making this the first real snowfall of the winter. It’ll make for a white Christmas if the snow lasts but I’m almost certain that within 48 hours it will be looking more like dirty brown. In Maine we get loads of snow every year and also loads of SNIRT. SNIRT is a mixture of snow and dirt that rapidly piles up each winter leaving us with huge frozen piles in April that take until May to melt. That’s the double edged sword of beautiful snow; beautiful yet dangerous, white yet dirty, snow yet slush. I happen to be one of those unlucky individuals who can slip, slide, and fall in every one of those circumstances.
I’ve gone so far as to purchase snowshoes, walking sticks, and special shoe clamps to avoid breaking my neck or other important body parts. I’ve got scars in all the wrong places from past injuries suffered while putting my life at risk to shovel the driveway.
I’m sitting here looking out the window at my neighbor bundled up to the point of being unrecognizable and attempting to clear a path for his wife’s car. He looks thrilled to death at having a “White Christmas” and I know he whistling a Christmas carol or two as his boots fill with freezing cold and melted snow.
I’m not entirely sure where the term “White Christmas” originated. It intrigued me enough that I decided to find out. We have Irving Berlin and Bing Crosby to thank for the whole deal. I can’t find any other mention of that term anywhere. It’s just another child born of war.
"It was a peaceful song that became a wartime classic. Its unorthodox, melancholy melody—and mere 54 words, expressing the simple yearning for a return to happier times—sounded instantly familiar when sung by America’s favorite crooner. But 67 years after its introduction, some still are surprised to learn that Bing Crosby’s recording of the Irving Berlin ballad "White Christmas" became not only the runaway smash-hit for the World War II holidays, but the best-selling record of all time."
Since both Bing Crosby and Irving Berlin have long since passed on I can’t send them the “thanks for nothing” email I have bouncing around in my skull. I’d love somehow to get their freaking song out of my head just once during one Christmas season. It’s brainwashing I tell you, it’s a government plot, and it’s infected generations of us into becoming Christmas junkies. And just so you know, that damn “Silent Night” is running a close second.
As I head back out into the snow to complete my shoveling I’ll be thinking of those two gentlemen as I’m slipping, sliding, falling, and humming that damn song. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Are you depressed about Christmas yet? Are you beginning to feel run down from all the shopping, the kids pestering about gifts, and all of the hoop-la we’ve come to expect? Me too!
With that in mind I’m going to make an exception today. Instead of my normal bitching about Christmas, the holidays in general, or crowded stores and malls, I’ve decided to cheer everyone up with a little non-dirty Christmas humor. If you like corn (that’s CORN not PORN) then this will cheer you right up. These jokes are so corny I’m certain your kids, if they’re young enough, will enjoy them. If they’re older that seven all you’ll receive for telling these jokes is a rolling of the eyes and shake of the head.
Knock Knock
Who’s there ?
Avery
Avery who ?
Avery Merry Christmas!
Knock Knock
Who’s there ?
Rudolph
Rudolph who ?
Money is the Rudolph of all evil !
Knock Knock
Who’s there ?
Wenceslas
Wenceslas who ?
Wenceslas train home ?
Knock Knock
Who’s there ?
Wayne
Wayne who ?
Wayne in a manger… !
Knock Knock
Who’s there ?
Donut
Donut who ?
Donut open till Christmas !
Knock Knock
Who’s there ?
Oakham
Oakham who ?
Oakham all ye faithful … !
Knock Knock
Who’s there ?
Snow
Snow who ?
Snow business like show business !
Knock Knock
Who’s there ?
Igloo
Igloo who ?
Igloo Suzie like I knew Suzie… !
Knock Knock
Who’s there ?
Mary
Mary who ?
Mary Christmas
Those jokes were so bad I’m almost ashamed to have posted them. Those were the jokes for the little ones, now it’s time for a few for the adults. First for the women out there. Why Christmas Trees are better than Men:
MEN vs CHRISTMAS TREES
- A Christmas tree is always erect.
- Even small ones give satisfaction.
- A Christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights.
- A Christmas tree always looks good – even with the lights on.
- A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.
- A Christmas tree has cute balls.
- A Christmas tree doesn’t get mad if you break one of its balls.
- You can throw a Christmas tree out when it’s past its ‘sell by’ date.
- You don’t have to put up with a Christmas tree all year
I don’t want you men out there to feel left out so here are your reasons why a Christmas Tree is better than a woman.
WOMEN vs CHRISTMAS TREES
- A Christmas tree doesn’t care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.
- Christmas trees don’t get mad if you use exotic electrical devices.
- A Christmas tree doesn’t care if you have an artificial one in the closet.
- A Christmas tree doesn’t get mad if you break one of its balls.
- You can feel a Christmas tree before you take it home.
- A Christmas tree doesn’t get mad if you look up underneath it.
- A Christmas tree doesn’t get jealous around other Christmas trees.
- A Christmas tree doesn’t care if you watch football all day.
- A Christmas tree doesn’t get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your pickup truck.
I guess that’s enough stupid humor for today. I have to ration it out carefully until Christmas because I wouldn’t want any of you rushed to the hospital with your “sides splitting”. HO! HO! HO!
I’ve never been accused of being overly sentimental but on a number of occasions I’ve been told by friends and family members that I was anti-Santa and had no Christmas spirit. I never took those kinds of criticisms to heart because I know they weren’t always factual. Unless you’ve been in an intimate relationship with someone you just can”t honestly make those kind of assumptions or so I thought.
Since it’s the Christmas season and everyone is alleged to be happy and jolly I thought I would pass some of my happy and jolly along to the rest of you to explain those terrible but true accusations.
I was accused many years ago of being a Bah Humbug and a holiday hater. Unfortunately at that time I was. I worked during at that time for a national toy company and Christmas was considered our life blood, it was a freaking nightmare. We began planning for Christmas in early June every year and it was the constant drumbeat every effing day until the following January. It lasted until January because that was when all of the phony people returned the so-so gifts they were given because they sucked and they just wanted cash. I worked there for thirteen long, long, long, Christmas seasons.
Normal people spend approximately one month a year with the holidays constantly on their minds and almost all of them are exhausted in January and glad to have them over with for another year. So in my thirteen years with the Child World\/Children’s Palace chain I was blessed with effing Christmas cheer for a total of 104 months. For you math majors in the audience that equates to over a century of Christmases that I’ve been blessed with. Red and green ribbons, gifts, toys, pissed off customers, bratty little shits, drunken Santa’s, and a long stream of six day work weeks. You bet your ass I hated Christmas. My skin would actually crawl when I heard Silent Night or Deck the Freaking Halls.
I don’t remember most Februaries during that time because I was asleep. It took me until April to get back to normal just in time to begin preparations for the next Christmas. It was a Holly Jolly hell and I felt I was being punished for something awful I did in another life. I’d been convinced by karma that I was at one time, some where, in another life, a no good bastard whose was still paying for all of his misdeeds.
Now to the present. I still suffer through Christmas but every once in a while I feel a stab of sentimentality. When my better-half runs crazily through the house wearing stupid reindeer antlers or when her kids show up unexpectedly to surprise her with a Christmas visit, I feel the love. This year will be extra special and I’m already feeling the tug on my heart strings for the new grand child. To me Christmas has always been for the young children. Having this new young family member will most certainly keep the true spirit of Christmas alive for us for many years to come.
So to you all, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and a great big BAH HUMBUG from me.
