Archive for the ‘Sarcasm’ Category
February it seems is a rather boring and utterly useless month. It’s two biggest holidays are Groundhog Day and Valentines Day which says a lot about relevance to me.
It’s such a slow short month that all of our overpaid politicians are forced into action to show the electorate they’ll actually are doing something, even if it’s in February. I can’t list all of the observance that have been piled up into the shortest month of the year because there are just too damn many. The following partial list contains a few weekly observances for this week that will help make my point.
Celebration of Love Week: 7-13th
Children of Alcoholics Week: 7-13th
Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Week: 7-14th
Dump Your Significant Jerk Week: 7-13th
Have A Heart for A Chained Dog Week: 7-14th
Jell-O Week: 7-13th
National Secondhand Wardrobe Week: 7-13th
Love Makes the World Go Round; But, Laughter Keeps Us From Getting Dizzy Week: 8-14th
I can just see and hear a group of politicos sitting in a local tavern on any given Friday night telling war stories to each other concerning all of their weeks accomplishments. "I finally got that ‘Dump Your Jerk Week’ observance passed. It’s been a year of hard work getting it pushed through and I was forced to call in all of my IOU’s to do it. It was exhausting work but someone had to finally get it done." His buddy sitting nearby had to do a little one-upmanship, "I had a tough week too. That observance of ‘Love Makes the World Go Round; But, Laughter Keeps Us From Getting Dizzy Week’ was a killer. I spent six months arm twisting damn near everyone to get it passed. The United States is now a better place for it."
I found only two daily observance for February 10th and they are just as stupid. I had to look up the word PLIMSOLL to discover it’s some sort of an athletic shoe. Who knew?
Plimsoll Day
All The News That’s Fit To Print Day
So a great big THANK YOU goes out to those geniuses responsible for cluttering up our lives with more useless crap. We shouldn’t be allowed to vote until we’ve been made to review all of these stupid observances to find out what politicians are responsible for them.
AND THANKS TO NH FOR KICKING HILLARY’S ASS.
‘1969 was an interesting year.’
How to kill an entire Sunday. Let me tell you how I did it. Yesterday my better-half was scheduled to work and I was looking forward to a day of peace and quiet and time to work on MY projects. How could I even dare to imagine something like that, I should have known better.
‘Who loves you Janis’
Unfortunately some months ago I made a commitment to her concerning the laptop she’d just purchased. I promised I’d help her setup the new laptop by transferring all of her photographs from the old to the new. This should teach me a valuable lesson for the future. Never volunteer for something unless you’re absolutely sure you know what your getting into. I thought I knew but apparently I was once again clueless.
‘The spooky Doors.’
I cleared off the kitchen table, fired up both computers, made a pot of coffee, and settled in for what I thought would be an hour or two of work. Oh how stupid I am. Little did I know just how many photo’s she had scattered throughout that hard drive of her old computer. She had pictures from multiple cameras going back six years. There were videos from both her IPhone and IPad and I kid you not . . . more than ten thousand pictures taken with an assortment of past and present cell phones. She apparently has never discovered the use of the delete button. It was a trash dump of photo’s placed on that laptop with absolutely no attempt at organization whatsoever.
‘Jumpin Joe Cocker’
As always I fall back to the old adage “When someone gives you lemons, make lemonade.” I found my own IPod and plugged it in, put on the headset and spent the next seven hours having a 60’s Flashback Sunday. I started out by listening to the entire three days of Woodstock with the original recordings. That required me to immediately switch from just coffee to coffee laced with Drambuie. I then cranked up Joe Cocker, The Band, The Yardbirds, The Hollies, Janis Joplin, The Doors, and even the Greatest Hits of War.
‘My favorite band, The Band. ‘RIP Levon’
At the end of the day I’d transferred no less than twenty-five thousand pictures to the new laptop and was suffering from a serious coffee buzz overlapped with a Drambuie buzz. There’s nothing better than Drambuie so after I finished transferring all the files I stopped drinking the coffee. From that point on it was Drambuie, Amy Winehouse and me. What a great way to spend the day and complete a tiresome project.
‘Sweet Amy’
‘Even sweeter . . . Drambuie on the lips.’
Today I’m back to what I’d call normal but still showing signs of a rather interesting hangover. For some reason my first cup of coffee this morning tasted strangely like Drambuie. How odd! I guess that’s one of the effects of time travel back to the sixties. Along with rocking out, a sore throat from all of the singing along, and being able to return home with no arrests or STD’s to show for it.
That’s what I’d call a good day in any decade.
I awakened yesterday to another snow storm that eventually dropped more than ten inches on us. It was one of those snows that seem to stick to every surface, covering trees and bushes and turning the area into a wonderland. It’s one of the few winter things that can get me to leave the house. As you can see my camera operates just fine in the snow.
Again this morning I discovered even more snow had fallen. I heard the snowplows a number of times during the night as they attempted to keep the roads clear enough to use. The last thing I did before going to bed last evening was to crank up my snowblower and clear the driveway.
My better-half was scheduled for work at 5:30 am and the last thing I wanted was to be awakened early today just to clear snow from the driveway. It’s 09:00 am now and I haven’t heard from her so I can assume you made it to work in one piece. This photo was taken early this morning just as the sun was coming up.
It’s just as beautiful out today as yesterday. The temperature dropped overnight which kept the snow sticking to the trees. Hopefully I’ll get motivated later this morning and get my butt outside for more pictures. Since I’m slowly recovering from this flu I can start getting my life back to normal once again.
I WOULD HAVE LOVED THIS WEATHER AS A KID
‘Here’s our hero.’
Day three of my third bout with a flu, a cold, or some other sort of virus. My best friend for the foreseeable future once again becomes phlegm. Sleeping has become impossible, the coughing never ending, and this fever just plain sucks. Welcome to my so-called life. I’d like to send a big THANK YOU out to all of those medical experts who told me a flu shot would solve all of my winter health problems. BS..BS..BS!!!!
Since I remain somewhat bedridden the days have been dragging along even slower than usual. I hate being even a little sick but this winter season has been the worst ever. It’s been one virus or flu after another for the last two months. I can’t take it anymore.
I do feel a little better now that I have whined to you and gotten most of the anger out of my system. My better-half has been suffering in silence (that is sarcasm) and hasn’t been getting much sleep either. I hope this virus goes away soon before she kills me in my sleep.
‘No really, he’s a good guy.’
Being bored to tears causes most people to do strange and unusual things. I decided to turn on Netflix and to watching the eight seasons of a crime drama called Dexter. If your not familiar with the show it’s about a serial killer who only kills other killers. It is one of the creepiest shows I’ve ever seen where show producers are attempting to convince the audience that the serial killer star is somehow a victim of circumstances. I guess that means if you kill somebody and you had a tough childhood, it’s understandable and the rest of us should be more sympathetic. Screw that. The show went off the air in 2013 with huge ratings and millions of viewers and good riddance to it in my opinion.
This show plays to everyone’s morbid curiosity about death and serial killers for nothing more than stupid TV ratings and money. Say what you will but anyone with children who allows them to watch this crap should be arrested. Nothing like filling the minds of a generation of young people with the thought that killing and dismembering someone is okay if they’re bad people. It’s ridiculous and morally unacceptable but continues to show the downward spiral of the entertainment industry which has been going on for some time.
Is it any wonder that many of the most popular movies on the market these days are animated and made for kids. The people in this country know what’s worth watching and what isn’t or so I thought. The fact that it hasn’t been figured out by the cynical Hollywood crowd is no big surprise either. It’s all about the money and the hell with any consequences.
I’ve criticized this show a number of times when it was being aired and will continue to do so now that Netflix insists are enlarging it’s audience by tens of millions of viewers.
This posting has been my last major rant on the subject and I still hate the show’s approach to TV and their audience.
GREEDY HOLLYWOOD BASTARDS
I’ve been hearing weather rumors that we might be getting a few days of warmer temperatures. I hope it’s true because being housebound is starting to make me crazier than usual. My better-half and I have been out a few times just to run errands but it’s been too cold to take those long walks on the beach or in the woods that we like so much.
After just a few weeks of freezing temps the house is already covered in ice and the build-up on the eaves has begun. If we’re lucky this warm-up might just be enough to get the ice melting and dropping to the ground. As you can see by these photo’s there is ice hanging everywhere.
The snow hasn’t melted off much yet and a few inches still remain. From the amount of tracks in our backyard there appears to be quite an assortment of wildlife roaming around after dark. Some of the tracks are a little unusual making me wonder exactly what I’ve been missing. Maybe we have a Bigfoot or two hiding in the woods or just one helluva big dog, bear, or deer. Who knows?
If the weather gods agree I hope to get back into the woods for a few hours this week. Since the snow is only a few inches deep it won’t be necessary to unpack the snow shoes from storage. There always seems to be plenty of interesting things to photograph at this time of the year and some hearty wildlife to chase around for an hour or two.
We’re about three months from getting back outside to begin some of the garden preparations prior to planting. This winter has sped by so fast and Spring will be here before we know it. Then it will be back to work.
CAN’T WAIT!
Can this non-sports fanatic make the grand announcement today? The New England Patriots rolled down the old NFL drain last night against a team from somewhere in Colorado. Not that I really care all that much but it really succeeded in turning my better-half into an insane basket case. We have a agreement on nights when these games are scheduled. She moves to the upstairs family room to yell, scream, and cheer on whatever teams she thinks she supports. I remain downstairs watching whatever I please on Netflix well out of reach of the denigrating influences of professional sports.
‘Ugly Sports Fans?’
I’m not entirely sure where along the way I lost all interest in almost every kind of sporting event. I played many different sports as I grew up and was pretty damn successful in all of them. I had a lot of natural ability and I knew if I became good enough I might just get laid occasionally. Why women and girls are drawn to sports figures is beyond me but it’s a fact of life.
‘Oversized Sports Fan?’
The only sporting events that even remotely interest me these days is the Little League World Series and it’s accompanying playoffs. It’s much more honest and upstanding than what professional sports has turned into. Money is power and absolute power corrupts absolutely . . . so welcome to professional sports. Don’t forget the performance enhancers, steroids, the lying, the dishonesty, and the too many to count criminal indictments.
‘Oversexed Sports Fan?’
I even lost interest in the Olympics decades ago. Patriotism be damned. The political overtones became a constant turn off and I now make a point of religiously avoiding any and all events on any network related to the Olympics. The point of the Olympics originally was to promote a non-violent means for countries to compete and to develops a better understanding of each other. Just think about it for a minute and you’ll realize just how much of a failure that has been. Take a look back to Munich and ask the Israelis what they think about it.
‘Rainbow Coalition Sports Fans?’
Over the last few years I’ve even been forced to give up my small addiction to talk radio. The airways are now dominated by the two things which make my blood curdle, sports and politics. Listening to sports experts 24/7 is akin to having your teeth drilled near the nerve with no Novocain. Even worse than sports are the endless shows of talking heads who claim some sort of expertise and understanding about all things politic. Of course their political views directly coincide with their networks agenda and the possibilities of career advancement if they agree to prostitute themselves and tow the company line.
Welcome to life in the good old U. S. of A. here in 2016.
I’m just lying in bed this morning having my coffee and catching up on the state of our civilization here in the United States. Don’t let that intimidate you, that just means I’m perusing the Drudge Report. I’m not a drudgeaholic but as news goes it’s better than some and worse than others. Unfortunately Drudge like all of the other news outlets seems to have his own agenda at times which puts me off a little when it doesn’t agree with me.
The first thing I noticed was all of the panic and horror being brought on by this world ending 30 inches of snow expected soon in the mid-Atlantic states. Oh yeah, they’ll be severe flooding as well but I’m certain that Obama and FEMA will have things totally under control.
Obama will soon begin his campaign of directing the rest of the country into having community prayer meetings begging whatever God they believe in to save Washington DC from total destruction. Then the media will begin it’s never ending assault on our consciences with heart rendering pictures of overturned cars, children in snow up to their waist, and a recount of all the homeless people forced to stay in shelters. Then the special interest groups will step in and have their web sites ready to go to accept any and all donations to save these poor innocent victims of this horrific "Storm of the Century. If you aren’t reading sarcasm in this, wake up.
As I continued my review of Drudge I came upon an item which pretty much tells the whole story about where things have gotten to culturally in this country. It was a blurb out of the Sundance Film Festival about a much acclaimed movie, The Swiss Army Man. It’s a story based entirely on one man’s relationship with a farting and rotting corpse. It apparently caused many people to just get up and leave the theatre but also as disturbingly many did not. The star, Daniel Radcliffe, of Harry Potter fame should be ashamed of himself. There’s a fine line between avant-garde and just plain disgusting. He apparently hasn’t figured out just where that line is.
Reading that story was enough for me. It motivated me to get the hell out of bed, get dressed, and get on my way to do just about anything else. That certainly doesn’t include reading more about celebrities and pop culture idiots doing their best to show the rest of the word just how far we’ve come. It’s apparent that we in this country have forgotten our history lessons about the all powerful Roman Empire that crumbled and disappeared when their limits of decency and morality were ignored.
I don’t think we’re quite there yet but it seems we’re getting closer and closer each year to their level of idiocy.
HAVE A HAPPY STORM WEEK
I filled up the gas tank of my car yesterday and spent $18.00. I also ordered a heating oil delivery of 100 gallons at $1.30 per. What the hell is really going on? We have all this good news happening and still the stock market is yo-yoing hundreds of points up and down. I’m certainly glad I pulled all of my IRA funds out of the market and bought Certificates of Deposit.
It’s been a number of years since we’ve seen these low prices but I’m not getting my hopes up just yet. Being the cynical SOB that I am I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. There’s no way in hell the powers-that-be can let this go on for much longer. Don’t you know it’s the job of the citizenry to pay more taxes, more surcharges, more fees, and to give, give, give, until it hurts. If you don’t do that or even complain just a little then you’ll be branded as selfish and of course racist. I’ll just keep holding my breath until it’s time to pay the piper for all this temporary good fortune.
‘The end of life as we know it . . . NOT’
I see again that the next gigantic, horrific, and dangerous "Storm of the Century" is making it’s way across the country. I’m supposed to feel bad for all those folks living in the mid-Atlantic states who’ve have mild winters almost every year for as long as I can remember. While we in the north are up to our asses in snow drifts they are posting about the flowers they just planted and closing their schools when they get an inch of snow. Boo-hoo folks. Suck it up, shovel some snow, and fall on your ass a few times. Actually go to a store and buy a snow shovel. See what it feels like to have a little bit of winter to deal with.
Am I being too harsh? Am I not feeling their pain? That would be a big YES. I can sit back for the foreseeable future and listen to every weather person, news commentator, and politician who can get some face-time on TV as they whine on and on about this terrible storm.
‘Hurry, get to the store for bread, milk, and TP.’
I have only one more thing to say. I just don’t care. The government in it’s infinite wisdom should invest it’s money to buy every illegal alien a snow shovel and bus fare to the east coast. They should be able to have everyone shoveled out in just a day or two. Rumor has it that our racist citizens really don’t like all that manual labor so let’s give that job to the illegals too. Make them earn all the free benefits we are all being forced to pay for.
Have a wonderful and snowy winter you poor bastards.
U. S.A. . . . U. S. A. . . . U. S. A.
It appears that yesterday’s sleet and snow storm has finally abated. It created quite a mess with an early morning ice shower that virtually shut down the surrounding area. It was bad enough that my better-half wasn’t able to get to work. Of course, you know what that means, right! A whole day of quality time with me.
For me it was a day of writing, movies, sketching, and reading. Doing those activities allows me to escape all the dreariness of the day and to get lost in my own head for a few hours. That kind of total focus is a real gift and I’ve always appreciated having the ability. I can actually shut everything out completely which can be a real blessing most of the time. Sometimes not so much.
My better-half just asked me what I’d be doing today. How can I explain that to her? I guess I’ll give it a try so here goes . . . .
Honey, I’m in the process of creating a painting of sorts and the first step for me is to create it first in my head before even picking up a brush or touching a canvas. I can visualize the entire project as it will appear when completed and then I can begin to slowly dismantle it. I break the images into layers of color and perspective to determine the order in which they must be addressed. It sounds a lot more complicated than it actually is.
This process takes a different length of time depending on the complexity of the subject matter. I enjoy completing these things in my head almost as much as actually doing them on canvas or paper. It sounds a little strange but I don’t know any other way to get the results I want.
There are times when you think I’m ignoring or being rude to you but I’m really not. I’m so far into visualizing a project I just can’t take any time out to really listen to you. I’m afraid of losing my momentary focus and be forced to start from scratch once again. This is the way I’ve been doing creative things since I was old enough to remember and don’t see it changing any time soon.
With all of that being said, that’s what I’ll being doing for a few hours today. I have the completed image in my head, the color blocking determined, and I’m only days away from actually starting the necessary pencil sketching. I’m going to try something new this time that is definitely outside my comfort zone and it’s will be a cross between Salvatore Dali with just a hint of Pablo Picasso. It’s going to be way outside my comfort level and will be fun to see what the final result will be.
There you go darling . . . that’s some of what I’ll be doing today as I sit quietly next to you in the living room. Don’t take it as a personal slight, I’m not ignoring you . . . it’s just me being mentally creative.
Who loves you baby?
My better-half had two days off this week and that almost always means another shopping foray somewhere in Maine and a quiet enjoyable lunch off the beaten path. The day was frigid but bright and sunny which required a minimum of two layers of clothing to keep from freezing. After much discussion it was left up to me to decide as to where we’d be spending our day. I plugged in the GPS and were soon on our way to Bridgeton, Maine.
Bridgeton is a small town located along the New Hampshire border in the foothills of the White Mountains. It’s was almost an hours drive on windy snow covered roads through an area with minimal population.
* * *
Comment: I need to make a note of something here. On these day trips our car conversation can get a little strange. My better-half has an ability much like the late Yogi Berra. She has her own vocabulary which she constantly uses to confuse me. We were quietly talking about the flu season and how we both have had a nagging cough at night brought on phlegm in the throat. She looked over at me and serious asked, “My phlegm is green and tastes boogery, does yours? Now you can see why I find it necessary to keep these day trips to under a hour travel time. It’s to avoid these strange conversations and questions. Now let’s get back to Bridgeton.
* * *
A little music and a lot of conversation later we arrived in the town and decided food was our first priority.
The restaurant was small and tucked away between two businesses along Main Street. We ate here last summer during another visit and were suitably impressed with the food, coffee, and the variety of artisan breads. The place was overrun with ski team members from UNH (University of New Hampshire) who were visiting from a nearby ski resort.
I had my standard breakfast with bacon, sunny side up egg, home fries, toast, and an amazing mug of Jamaican coffee. I have to say I’m a bit of a coffee addict and this coffee was unbelievable.
My better-half dug into a breakfast Stromboli that was well worth the long trip to Bridgeton.
We did a little shopping in a few stores not closed for the winter and I even stumbled upon quite the bargain. I found a soap stone sculpture of an Mayan soldier hidden away in a pile of items in the back corner of the shop. It’s the best $12.00 purchase I’ve made in years and will have a special place of honor in my man-cave.
We even discovered a die-hard artist bundled up and painting along a nearby brook. Crazy, crazy, crazy!
We returned home refreshed from the trip, well fed, and ready for the forecasted freezing rain storm expected soon. Just another day in this Maine paradise.
I SURE COULD STAND SOME MORE OF THAN JAMAICAN COFFEE.
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