Archive for the ‘Stupidity’ Category
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War Dims Hope for Peace
01/08/2022 More PC Nonsense 2 comments
I’m about to do something I don’t normally do. That is to distribute information received from what might be considered a disgruntled and unhappy reader. A while ago I received an e-mail from this reader accusing me of being a neoconservative Neanderthal because he disagreed with me on some of my comments concerning political correctness running amok. I can’t argue the Neanderthal crack, but I’m no neoconservative, nor am I an independent, Republican or Democrat. I’m just a regular guy who believes in the spirit of fairness and freedom of speech. With that in mind here’s the list he emailed me (tongue-in-cheek, I hope) of politically correct terminology I should be using. If he truly used any of these nonsensical terms, he is no doubt a friendless New Age moron. Oh, sorry if I’m being too harsh. What can you expect from an effing Neanderthal? Here they are, I hope you enjoy them as much as I didn’t.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MAN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
- He does not have a BEER GUT – he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
- He is not a BAD DANCER – he is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
- He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME – he INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
- He is not BALDING – he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
- He is not a CRADLE ROBBER – he prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
- He does not get FALLING DOWN DRUNK – he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
- He does not ACT LIKE A TOTAL ASS – he develops a case of RECTAL CRANIAL INVERSION.
- He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG – he has SWINE EMPATHY.
- He is not AFRAID OF COMMITTMENT – he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
- She is not a BABE OR A CHICK – she is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
- She is not a SCREAMER OR MOANER – she is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
- She is not EASY – she is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
- She is not DUMB – she is ON A DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
- She has not BEEN AROUND – she is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
- She is not an AIRHEAD – she is REALITY IMPAIRED.
- She does not get DRUNK OR TIPSY – she gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
- She is not HORNY – she is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
- She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS – she is PHYSICALLY ENHANCED.
- She does not NAG YOU – she becomes OVERLY REPETITIVE.
- She is not a SLUT – she is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
- She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS – she is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
- She is not a TWO BIT WHORE – she is a LOW-COST PROVIDER.
Well, there you have it. A collection of foolish politically correct nonsense from a A-hole Millennial before he knew he was one. Hard to believe he actually spent time compiling this crap although he probably just got it from one of his Millennial buddies. Standing up for free speech can sometimes get you stuck doing something like this. I do apologize.
ALL HAIL THE FIRST AMENDMENT
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New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
01/02/2022 Future Predictions Leave a comment
It would be a wonderful thing to have the ability to predict the future. I’m not one to predict anything because my range of knowledge on many things is severely lacking. In the past I’ve taken the lead from science fiction writers whose ability to predict many future things is scary and all too accurate. These following seven items from Time magazine are a little bizarre and show that any of us can make ridiculous predictions and be as wrong as everyone else has been.
In 1992, TIME magazine offered up an article predicting what to expect in the new millennium. Lance Morrow, a writer, quoting political scientist Michael Barkun, wrote, “The human mind abhors a vacuum … Where certainties are absent, we make do with probabilities, and where probabilities are beyond our power to calculate, we seek refuge from insupportable ignorance in a future of our own imagining.” Here is a roundup of some of the looniest predictions since the advent of TIME — the magazine, not the concept — in 1923:
- The future human will be a Cyclops. “In distant centuries or millenaries man will be a Cyclops, a Polyphemus, a being with one eye only.” So said Dr. Thomas Hall Shastid in a 1933 article.” This future eye, explained Shastid, would be in the center of the face, below a high forehead, where the bridge of the nose once rested.
- Grandchildren of the television age won’t be able to read. TIME addressed the potential downsides of a newly television-obsessed culture. “By the 21st Century our people doubtless will be squint-eyed, hunchbacked and fond of the dark,” the writer predicted. “But why am I carrying on like this? Chances are that the grandchild of the Television Age won’t know how to read this.”
- Every medical malady will be treatable with a miracle pill.
- “Frogmen” will live in underseas bunkers and tend to kelp farms. One way to address food shortages of the future, according to the RAND Corp. in 1966: imagined that “Huge fields of kelp and other kinds of seaweed will be tended by undersea ‘farmers’ — frogmen who will live for months at a time in submerged bunkhouses.”
- Spouses will be able to secretly control one another’s moods with “grouch pills”. RAND predicted that if one spouse is in a particularly cantankerous mood, his or her partner, “will be able to pop down to the corner drugstore, buy some anti-grouch pills, and slip them into the coffee.”
- Tomatoes will be square. The mechanization of agriculture during the middle decades of the 20th century will drastically change the face of farming. “Another phenomenon in the not-too-distant future,” envisioned the Research and Development Chief at Deere & Co., “is square tomatoes, which, after all, could be more easily packaged by machine — and fit better in sandwiches.”
- We will be able to feel and smell whatever’s on our television sets. According to Nicholas Negroponte, then director of M.I.T.’s Media Lab, the 21st century will bring “full-color, large-scale, holographic TV with force feedback and olfactory output.” The images on your TV, in other words, will be feelable and smellable.
It boggles the mind that trustworthy publications and think-tanks would dare to put these crazy ideas into print. I suppose some people insist on getting their names and ideas out there for the public to ponder over. Any publicity is good publicity and helps them to attain their 15 minutes of fame.
WHAT PREDITIONS WOULD YOU MAKE ? ? ?
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12/29/2021 New Year’s Quotes Leave a comment
Happy New Year! I’m a little embarrassed at this point after surfing the net and reading through some books trying to find quotations that were based on the start of the new year. I couldn’t have been more disappointed. The following few quotations are just samples of the drivel and worthless quotes I discovered in my search. I sincerely apologize. We’d be better off making up our own quotations because no matter how bad we thought they might be, they’d be better than these. Read them and weep. If this is the best we can do, were in deep trouble.
- “Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365-page book. Write a good one.” Brad Paisley
- “Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.” Oprah Winfrey
- “Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.” Benjamin Franklin
- “We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.” Edith Lovejoy Pierce
- “May the New Year bring you courage to break your resolutions early! My own plan is to swear off every kind of virtue, so that I triumph even when I fall!” Aleister Crowley
- “The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose, new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. Unless a particular man-made New Year resolution, he would make no resolutions. Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective.” G.K. Chesterton
Now that I’ve given it some thought, here’s my quote:
“HERE WE GO AGAIN, keep your head down, make no eye contact with anyone, maintain your social distance, and wear a freaking mask.“
HAPPY COVID NEW YEAR
12/28/2021 New Year’s Eve -Public Service Announcement Leave a comment
First of all, I’d like to wish all of you out there a Happy New Year. I’m also going to pass along some information concerning deaths that occurred on New Year’s past due to excessive alcohol consumption and the misuse of fireworks and guns. This information was collected from numerous sources in the USA and Europe. Enjoy the holiday but don’t become famous as another stupid-death statistic.
During the study period (2020), we found that over 1,000 people were killed in fatal collisions across the United States on New Year’s Eve or Day. In fact, there were:
- 916 total fatal crashes
- 1,004 fatalities
- 341 fatal crashes involving drunk drivers
- 377 people killed in drunk driving crash
In terms of total crashes, Texas (188), Florida (167) and California (154) had by far the highest number. However, these three states are also the states with the highest population. When looking at fatal crashes per 100,000 licensed drivers, the safest and most dangerous states were much different.
The five states with the highest crash rates (most dangerous states) were:
- Mississippi
- Oklahoma
- South Carolina
- Wyoming
- Texas
Without a doubt, the hours between 1 am and 3 am are the most dangerous during the New Year’s holiday. These hours were numbers 1 and 2 for total fatal crashes involving a drunk driver. Interestingly, fatal crashes drop significantly during the midnight to 1 am, as people everywhere likely stay where they are to enjoy watching the ball drop.
The National Safety Council (NSC) estimates that 384 people may die on U.S. roads this New Year’s Day holiday period. Holidays traditionally are a time of travel for families across the United States and many choose car travel, which has the highest fatality rate of any major form of transportation based on fatalities per passenger mile.
If celebrating and dying on New Year’s Eve in the USA isn’t scary enough, read the following. Europeans are just as crazy as we are. They apparently prefer killing themselves with fireworks rather than vehicular homicides. New Year’s Eve data from 2020.
- In Germany, at least one death was reported early on Friday of a 24-year-old man in the eastern town of Rietz-Neuendorf, who died when homemade fireworks detonated shortly after midnight.
- Another case of improvised firework’s explosion left one man’s life in danger and two others injured near the western German city of Osnabrück. They were working with explosives, trying to create a pyrotechnic, when there was an explosion shortly after midnight.
- After they were barred from setting off fireworks in public spaces, some Berliners instead tried to launch them from their homes on New Year’s Eve, leading to dozens of fires across the German capital. Between midnight and just six minutes later, the Berlin fire service said it was called to 18 fires, with more following deeper into the night. No one reported any immediate serious injuries.
And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention those fun-loving Arabs in Iraq. What’s New Years without mowing down a few of your fellow citizens with meaningless gunfire.
- At least one civilian was killed and 25 injured in celebratory gunfire and fireworks marking the New Year in different parts of Iraq, a health official said on Friday. Fireworks were set off in several parts of the country despite a government ban on mass gatherings to contain the spread of the coronavirus.
PLEASE HAVE A HAPPY AND SAFE NEW YEARS CELEBRATION
***Stay Out of Iraq***
12/23/2021 Bizzaro New Year’s Resolutions Leave a comment
After posting my resolutions yesterday I found this list on a website (www.ba-bamail.com) that’s loaded with all sorts of humorous jokes, gags, and limericks. Their list of resolutions was funny, but I thought it needed a little of my tweaking. Here is my modified version of their list, a list I know I can really accomplish. I’ll try to complete yesterday’s list, but it’ll be much more difficult than this one.
- Put on at least 30 pounds, more if someone pisses me off.
- Start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.
- Go commando at all times.
- Stop exercising forever.
- Let the hair in my nose and ears grow unchecked.
- Shave just twice a week, the face is optional.
- Watch more pornography.
- Never again load the dishwasher.
- Procrastinate more.
- Do less laundry and use more deodorant.
- Drink more – my liver needs the exercise.
- Buy more on-line junk from China. I need to be scammed more often.
- Take up a new habit: maybe try smoking again.
- Swear more.
- More car sex.
HAPPY NEW YEAR
2022 CAN’T BE ANY WORSE THAN THE LAST TWO YEARS
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