Archive for the ‘Useless Crap’ Category
Here is our driveway as of this morning. Another foot of snow yesterday is starting to become a bit much, even for Maine. Unfortunately another storm is scheduled for tomorrow and Thursday but no guesses are being announced as to what the total accumulation will be.
I can once again say “adios” to my current mailbox. Those wonderful snowplower’s have struck once again costing me my third mailboxes in three years. Those bastards!
My better-half and I made a two hour safari out into the snow just after the last storm passed by. The following pictures bring the winter season here in Maine in focus.
‘This is a robust and productive apple orchard in Summer but it looks a bit forlorn now.’
One of the sports here in Maine that has always fascinated me is ice fishing. The lakes in Maine produce a myriad of ice fishing neighborhoods that survive until the Spring thaw. Little shacks spring up giving all those adventurous fisherman and women a place to escape their families, bond with friends over a beer or two, and repeat those fishing stories to each other that one believes anyway. I’ve visited many of them over the years but I can’t honestly remember ever seeing someone catch a fish. I’m sure they do or at least I hope they do. These were taken on the lake closest to our home.
‘It’s just a little too cold for me.’
We took a drive along the coast on our way home and stopped at Old Orchard Beach, Maine. It’s our favorite haunts in the Summer when it’s packed with tourists and the amusement park is in full swing. It’s a little different now.
‘The party pier in winter.’
‘No bikini babes around here today.’
We’ll be forced to wait a few more months before we can start enjoying this area once again.
My posting for this Thursday will have to wait until I return home from my colonoscopy. I’ll catch a nap for a few hours and then post my hopefully good results from that experience. I’ve decided that getting a colonoscopy at this time of the year is perfect timing. If you’re going to be house bound because of the crappy weather you might as well let the doctors have their fun too.
I’m almost fully recovered from he damn flu . . . . finally. My ability to taste food has returned and my temperature has fallen back into the normal range. I’m feeling good and looking forward to the continuing insanity that will be the remainder of my winter.
I always plan for slow times in January and February but this year isn’t cooperating. I started out with the flu in January, next a colonoscopy, then a car inspection, an annual doctors visit, a dentist appointment, and finally an eye exam. After all of those pain-in-the-ass chores it will be the end of March and winter will be almost over. Along with that list is the ongoing bathroom remodel which has been in limbo because of the flu.
The weather remains snowy and snowy and even more snowy. We already have more than three feet of snow and are expecting another foot or two within the week. If you are a skiing, skating, snowmobiling or snowboarding snow bunny then Maine is where you need to be.
My house has two feet of snow on the roof and ice hanging everywhere else. There must be ten ton of ice and snow that at some point will come crashing down behind the house. God help any living thing that happens to be roaming around when that happens. There could be deaths reported.
I hope these steps survive the ice drop in one piece this year. In years past I’ve been required to replace rails and steps after they’ve been crushed by the falling ice.
I love waking up to the winter view from the window in my bedroom but this is what I saw yesterday as I opened the curtains. More freaking ice. I suppose it could be worse and I’m almost positive it will be. My better-half and I are heading out into the snow and ice with cameras in hand to see what we can see. I’ll post any interesting pictures as soon as I can.
It’ time to gear up and get moving.
I’m really tired of talking about Maine’s winter weather and I’m just as sure your tired of hearing about it. I’ll take a few steps back into the past and try to entertain you with some unusual trivia. It’s been a while since I delved into my bag of useless crap but I feel like sharing today. I’ll try to keep things interesting and not weather related. Let’s go . . . .
-
Murphy’s Oil Soap is the chemical most commonly used to clean elephants.
-
For over forty years, Herbert Hoover gave all of his political earnings to charity, including his wages and pension as president.
-
America’s last professional bare-knuckle boxing bout, in 1889, went to seventy-five rounds. The fight was between John I. Sullivan and Jake Kilrain – Kilrain lost. The famous lawman Bat Masterson was the timekeeper.
-
Butter was the first food product allowed by law to have artificial coloring. It is totally white in it’s natural state.
-
The average person laughs thirteen times a day.
-
Forty-five percent of cat owners buy a holiday gift for their pet.
-
Honeybees maintain a temperature of 94 degrees in their hives year round.
-
Your thumb is the same length as your nose.
-
If you were locked in a completely sealed room you would die of carbon dioxide poisoning before oxygen deprivation.
-
In 1976 the swine flu vaccine caused more deaths than the illness it was intended to prevent.
-
It would take seven billion particles of fog to fill a teaspoon.
And one quote: “God gave men a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” ROBIN WILLIAMS
That’s enough for today. I do love trivia but a steady diet of it seems to be a sad commentary on my life as it currently exists. If you take these weird facts and use them properly you can amaze and surprise your friends with your vast knowledge of totally useless information. I have to say my friends were never all that impressed but the hell with them too. I can tell you one fact that you might not have figured out just yet. The last place you ever want to be is in a bar on trivia night with me sitting next to you. You’ll be so tempted to just walk over and give me a smack and truthfully I wouldn’t blame you.
I’m done for today but more of this stuff is in your future if you continue to read this blog.
The big day has finally arrived and now my better-half is one year older. I’ve never been one to celebrate my own birthdays but for her I can make an exception. We started the day off perfectly when we looked out the window of our bedroom to see the first snow fall of the year. We’d had a flurry or two a week ago but this snow covered everything just like it should and as you can see.
She was on a day-off which allowed us to be bed buddies for an hour or so. I brought her some excellent coffee and we relaxed and thoroughly enjoyed the moment. Much to her surprise I’d hidden a birthday gift or two in the closet and brought them out. Our normal routine has always been to open gifts at the end of the day but I wanted to change things up a little. She opened her gifts and read her cards (one funny and one mushy) and we planned the remainder of our day.
It wasn’t long before we were in the car and on our way to Lowe’s. What better way to start her birthday than with a snow storm and a flu shot. That little chore took five minutes and we were headed out to Portland for a day of walking around, people watching, and shopping.
You’ve got to love shopping in Portland. Let’s see if you can guess what state your in by the merchandise they have available for sale.
We made a few purchases and hallelujah, a birthday miracle, the sun came out and the skies cleared. It was still cold as hell but it was turning into a perfect Maine winter day. We were thoroughly enjoying the day and decided to stop at a little out of the way tavern for a quick drink and some French fries. They also have this great fish tank.
It was while we were there that she contacted some friends who we socialize with occasionally and agreed to meet later for drinks. We left Portland and made our way to my favorite coffee spot located inside the Maine Mall. I ordered us both some excellent Ethiopian coffee and we split one of their triple berry yogurt muffins, It was incredible.
We had our dinner at the nearby Sebago Brewery which while being a small brewery is also a restaurant and bar and usually packed with people. A Friday nite at this place is a freaking zoo and we were dropped right in the middle of it. We finished our meal and a short time later our friends arrived and the birthday celebration continued. Her day was filled with emails, messages, and the dozen or so tweets she posted on Twitter. She also received calls from her children, siblings, and other friends. She was in heaven.
We returned home at a reasonable hour, fell into bed and relaxed. That’s when I brought out her quad-chocolate layer cake. She blew out her candles, made her magical wish, cut us two slices, and we pigged out a little. What better way to finish our day right where it all started. More laughing and enjoying each other’s company and then to sleep. Isn’t that what it’s all about after all.
Happy Birthday Lovey!
I’m relaxing this morning for a number of reasons. This is the only time of the day I can really settle back and watch some NASA TV without interruptions of any kind. I always try to keep current with what they’re doing especially with the upcoming launch of this country’s next generation of space vehicle, the Orion, happening within the next three weeks. This unmanned first flight is the next step to seeing people actually visiting nearby asteroids and then on to Mars in a few years. For me it’s something that’s pretty damn exciting since I’ve been a huge space nerd for my entire life and never thought I’d live to see some of the things I’ve seen in the last few years. It also relaxes me like nothing else seems to do (do not include sex in that thought).
It’s also the time of day where I usually write my blog postings without phone calls and constant conversational interruptions. Most of my recent weeks have been a steady diet of all things computer. I posted a few weeks ago about the disaster that was my attempt to upgrade my home wireless network. After a great deal of time and effort I finally accomplished what I set out to do. Unfortunately all of those efforts were just the first and most important step in my much larger project of creating and installing my own personal Cloud system. It required a great deal of research to find the proper equipment and software as well as the training I needed to do it myself. As of this morning I’m just hours away from the completion of that project and I’m feeling damn good about it.
One of the things that made the project so easy (a relative term) was a device called the My Cloud. It’s a Western Digital product that attaches to a home network and provides a storage area for any and all devices included in that network. It sounds like a simple matter but it is anything but. Not only does it connect all of my computers, laptops, IPads, Android tablets, smart phones and printers together, it permits me to access the network with any of my wireless devices from anywhere I can find a Wi-Fi connection. We can upload photographs and videos from our cell phone and IPad cameras from just about anywhere. Everything is heavily encrypted and virus protected with layers of passwords and firewalls making access possible only by previously approved people. Unlike most commercial Cloud ventures from major computer entities, my cloud cannot be accessed by the government without my consent.
This all started a few years ago when our home was burglarized. Part of that "smash and grab" crime involved the theft of my better-half’s laptop. We lost more than two years of her photographs of family and friends which could never be replaced. Also every time I have a computer problem I seem to lose data when forced to restore or recover the device. It’s not that we don’t do proper backups, it’s that we sometimes forget to do them. With this new system some of our backups will now be done automatically into the Cloud which has been installed in an area not easily discovered by marauding criminals. Between the two of us we have more than thirty thousand photographs and five thousand songs in storage that are now safe from loss. It’s easy to replace a device but some other things are just irreplaceable and require extra protection. It’ll take a day of two to copy everything completely to the new four terabyte Cloud but I’ll certainly sleep better knowing it’s finally done.
So hooray for me and it’s back to NASA and another steaming cup of hot and delicious "Midnight Velvet" coffee. That’ll get my heart started for sure.
It’s raining, it cloudy, it’s gray, and I’m suffering from a total lack of interest in just about everything. This change of seasons gets me down every year and has done so for as long as I can remember. It’s sort of become a really annoying tradition for me. I’ve always been told by others that traditions are the backbone of everything and with that in mind I guess I’ll celebrate that tradition with this new tradition.
You know what that means . . . . more totally useless information. There’s really no way to categorize this kind of stuff and I won’t even try. I’ll just put it out there for your enjoyment and you can decide if it’s worth your time or not. So, there will be no photographs today because I’m too preoccupied with being bored to be taking pictures. Let’s get started.
-
28% of Africa is wilderness while 38% of North America is wilderness.
-
On November 29, 2000, Pope John Paul II was made an honorary Harlem Globetrotter.
-
Heavyweight boxing champion, Ken Norton, was rejected for the role of Apollo Creed in the 1976 film Rocky because he made the star Sylvester Stallone look too small.
-
The largest fruit crop on earth is grapes – followed by bananas.
-
No one knows exactly why a duck’s quack doesn’t echo.
I’m on my third cup of coffee, still in bed, and munching on a miniature lemon/poppy seed muffin. I just don’t get these small versions of normal muffins. People are only kidding themselves if they think it’s healthier to only eat these tiny little useless muffins instead of the real thing. Give me a big full sized, fat, sugary, crunchy muffin with two inches of frosting on it any day of the week. If you’re going to eat something sinful don’t mess around, go for it. Revel in the wickedness of your evil deeds. Forgive me but I seem to have wandered off the reservation a little due to the influences of this destructive and dangerous sugar I just ingested. Back to the point of this posting which as you should know is "there is no point".
-
Actress Farrah Fawcett had a tap named after her – the gold plated Farrah Fawcet.
-
The snow scenes in the film It’s a Wonderful Life were shot during a record heat wave in southern California.
-
As of 2002, rats in New York outnumbered humans by twelve to one.
-
A pigs orgasm lasts for thirty minutes.
-
When press tycoon William Randolph Hearst sent a telegram to a leading astronomer asking if there was life on Mars and to please cable a thousand words on the subject, he received the reply, “Nobody knows,” repeated five hundred times.
It’s only proper when posting some useless information to end that posting with a big bang or three. There’s nothing better than a few really raunchy and bawdy limericks to kick start your day. Enjoy.
The derriere Doris displays
In the park never fails to amaze;
She flounces and bounces
Those wonderful ounces,
And old men are ecstatic for days.
* * *
There was a young virgin named Jeanie
Whose dad was an absolute meanie;
When he’d fashioned a hatch,
With a latch, for her snatch –
She could only be had by Houdini!
* * *
I’d rather have fingers than toes.
I’d rather have ears than a nose.
And, a happy erection
Brought just to perfection
Makes me terribly sad when it goes.
HAVE A GREAT DAY
This third installment of Fair day will be my last lame attempt to take you there. I wish I had some sort of smell-a-vision to really help tell the whole story but since I don’t, I’ll do the best I can with pictures.
We’ve visited the animal barns in the last installment but there was so much more to see than just that. I was extremely interested in the foods being offered since I’ve spent the last year on a rather strict eating regime. This was a day for me to misbehave a little and the choices were numerous. Here’s a brief collection of those possibilities.
Here are two of my sins for the day . . . .
“Deep fried veggies.’
‘Funnel Cake’
I was also dragged kicking and screaming by my better-half to an endless number of exhibits of things that held no interest for me. Just being a cooperative partner can be trying at times. There was no end of the shopping possibilities and she wasn’t about to miss any. Thank God we only have one grandson to buy for. If I hear or see anything with Mickey Mouse on it any time soon I may run screaming into the night.
“This was the only place that convinced me to spend my money.’
Now here’s a montage of photo’s of a host of other things that piqued my interest as we roamed around.
This one last photo will further explain just how I felt after ten hours of walking, sweating, and rubbing elbows with those huge crowds of other hot, sweaty and smelly human beings. I was totally exhausted and was just about done with Fair Day for this year.
‘Suicide by hippo.’
But there’s always next year to do it all over again . . . . . .
I’m not entirely sure how to handle all this beautiful weather. I suppose this is what used to be called an “Indian Summer”. I don’t know why it’s so damn nice but I certainly intend to enjoy it.
The better-half and I decided to make a day of it after her early morning doctors appointment. She received loads of good news about her health which put us both in a great mood. As we were leaving the doctors office I had a brainstorm that was totally not something I would ever do. I spontaneously headed north from Portland to take her shopping in Freeport, Maine, known for it’s endless supply of outlet stores and L.L.Bean.
Freeport is a place I’ve always tried to avoid but I figured what the hell. I gave her control of our day and followed along like the good little boy that I am. We visited a thrift shop and a number of ridiculous tourist traps looking at all things Moose. Not only are the gifts a little lame the prices are ridiculous. I remember a time when visiting outlets meant cheaper than normal prices and it’s too bad that tradition has slowly faded away.
‘One of My Favorites’
We made the obligatory stop at L.L. Bean’s to look around a bit. It’s quite the place to visit but if you intend to shop there bring lots of credit cards. It’ll be a cold day in hell when I spend $90.00 for a pair of jeans or $350.00 for a plain brown leather bomber jacket. Insanity from the front door all the way through the huge building. I decided not to spend any money there and just cruised around the buildings and grounds snapping a few pictures.
As lunch time rolled around I was starving. We stopped at a little hole-in-the-wall restaurant that specializes in seafood and chowder. The better-half settled for clam chowder while I dug into a plate of fish & chips. It was incredibly good and that lunch stop became the best part of our day. We left feeling good and ready for a quick walk through town and then a long and leisurely ride home.
The remainder of the day was kind of blah. The weather was sunny but the day was what could be called "in between". The trees have started to change color but aren’t quite there yet for those vivid colors everyone loves. While it’s sunny it’s also very chilly verging on uncomfortable. We’ll have to try this trip again in a few weeks when the foliage is worth photographing. Her are a few blah photos from that ride home.
Just another day here in paradise. Hanging around waiting for the leaves to change and the snow to fly.
I’ve been a coffee addict in a serious way since my time in the U.S. Army. During those years my Army buddies and I drank a great quantity of what was called coffee. It was strong and thick and black as night. It was really just a poor man’s substitute for “speed. It would keep you alert for hours on end while patrolling or carousing in the nearby villages until all hours. It was as important to us as the food we ate and there was an endless supply available in the mess hall around the clock.
I returned to the states to resume my civilian life and within a short time became a member of the Pennsylvania State Police. The coffee was a little weaker but we drank it constantly as we patrolled both at night and during the day. And no, donuts weren’t as prevalent as the media and stand-up up comics would lead you to believe. It was all about the caffeine.
I come by my coffee addiction honestly and it still remains an important part of my existence to this day. Just as a point of information I feel the need to reiterate; I hate Starbucks. They’ve made coffee a yuppie joke to those of us who are real coffee drinkers.
With International Coffee Day approaching on September 29 I thought you might find a little coffee trivia interesting since it’s been an important commodity for millions of people throughout the centuries. Here we go. . .
* * *
Once in the past, coffee was believed to be the devil’s drink. Pope Vincent III heard about it and decided to taste it. He enjoyed it so much he baptized it, saying "Coffee is so delicious it would be a pity to let the infidels (Muslims) have exclusive use of it."
Both the American Revolution and the French Revolution were born in coffee houses. The American Revolution was developed by patriots who were customers in the Green Dragon (some say it was the Green Lion) Public House in London. The infamous French Revolution in 1789 was spurred on by Camille Desmoulins’s verbal campaign in coffeehouses.
-
Vincent Van Gogh was a big frequenter of the café society and famously said “I have tried to show the café as a place where one can go mad.”
-
An interesting Turkish law decreed that it was quite acceptable for a woman to ask for a divorce if her husband failed to provide her with adequate coffee rations.
-
Coffee was denounced by many religious leaders as the drink of Satan. Coffee houses were known as “hotbeds of sedition”. In the 1700’s many coffee houses were ordered to close.
-
There are 900 different flavors of Arabica. Complex and very volatile, they deteriorate if exposed to air and light.
The original blend called "Maxwell House" got its name from The Maxwell House Hotel, where it was first served in Nashville Tennessee in 1886 (also where Teddy Roosevelt was heard to say "good to the last drop", creating the Maxwell House slogan).
In 1732, at the height of his creative genius, Johann Sebastian Bach wrote the Cantata No. 211 or Coffee Cantata. It is considered by many to be a work of perfection.
In Turkey, bridegrooms were once required to make a promise during their wedding ceremonies to always provide their new wives with coffee. Failure to do so would be grounds for divorce (no pun intended).
-
The second most widely used product in the world after oil.
-
It is a living to more than 100 million people.
-
It is consumed at the rate of 1400 million cups per day.
-
The world’s second most popular drink after water.
Beethoven, a known coffee lover, was not only particular about his music. He was also particular about his coffee brew. He always wanted 60 beans for each cup of his coffee.
Today, there must be 10,000 coffee shops in Venice alone! (In the year 1763, there were already over 200 coffee shops in Venice)
Cappuccino derived its name due to its similarity in color to the robes of an order of Monks called the Capuchins.
Well-known performers such as Joan Baez and Bob Dylan began their careers performing in coffeehouses. Another singer, Lightnin’ Hopkins, complained about his woman’s neglect with her domestic situation because of her coffeehouse socializing in his 1969 song, Coffeehouse Blues.
* * *
Well there you have it. Every thing you always wanted to know about coffee but were afraid to ask. It’s now time for me to get back to my new friend, the K-Kup coffee maker, for a hot and sweet cup of vanilla/biscotti. Man that’s the cats ass.
I’m sitting up in my bed and the electric blanket has been resurrected once again. The nights are chilling down dramatically as reflected by my new morning wardrobe. A heavy robe, wool socks, sweat pants, and an extra cup of steaming hot coffee. Things like that can only be properly appreciated while sitting up in bed at a minimum of level 4 on the electric blanket. Just saying.
Last night no one really wanted to cook the evening meal so we made a trek to the Maine Mall to window shop, eat some almost nutritious food at the food court, and possibly spend a little money. Forgetting that it was a Saturday night was mistake number one. The place was packed with large numbers of rude people all rushing around, pushing, shoving, and generally being ridiculous. I also realized something else as we walked around observing many groups of teenagers huddled here and there looking for things to do. I’m truly glad I’m not married and don’t have any young daughters to worry about.
Any parent that permits their daughter to loiter around any mall just boggles my mind. If any daughter of mine insisted on hanging out at a mall with her friends I’m afraid of what my reaction might be. I can see myself in a tacky disguise scurrying around the mall, hiding behind plants, just to keep an eye on the activities of her and her friends. There are way too many unthinkable possibilities just waiting to happen in this kind of atmosphere.
I was in dire need of a few new T-shirts and was intent on finding some. We visited a store called ‘The Hot Topic’ where we seemed to be a little out of place. It’s very much like a ‘Spencer’s’ without all of the sexual paraphernalia. My better-half and I were the only people in that crowded store over the age of 25. I made my way to the back wall because I’d been told they have offer quite the collection of T-Shirts made with images of vintage rock groups.
I decided some time ago to make a few changes to my boring wardrobe. I concocted a few new rules to help make my life a little easier when it comes to making a personal fashion statement.
-
No more white T-shirts of any kind. Being as clumsy as I am makes white t-shirts a nightmare. Everything I eat eventually leaves it’s mark somewhere on the front of the shirt..
-
No more stupid or cute sayings on my shirts. It make me either look stupid or uncute.
-
Buy only T-shirts about classic musical groups. There aren’t any current groups I’d allowed to be displayed on this body.
-
No more extra-large shirts. I’m now just a large and proud of it.
I found a few shirts (see the photo’s) I absolutely loved, made my purchases and we headed to the food court.
It’s a place with long lines, plastic sporks, and borderline delicious foods. There were representative kiosks from most Asians cultures as well as many of the standard American calorie and fat factories. We pigged out on a selection or two from Arby’s because the lines for Chinese food were too damn long.
I think it’s quite possible the decline of this county was part of a well planned attack initiated many decades ago by the Chinese. I’ll bet years ago they decided as a first step towards invasion to build as many Chinese restaurants as they could in the US and get a large majority of the population addicted to their food. If by chance over the next decade we begin to see Islamic restaurants springing up everywhere it could mean only one thing. Eventually this country will be the prize that goes to the winner of the Chinese/Muslim food wars.
With indigestion in our near future we left the confines of the mall and headed home. That Arby’s feast was so good it keep coming back up all night reminding us just how good it really wasn’t.
Lesson learned, no more fast food from the food court.
everyuselessthing.com 