Are you ready for another day of freaky and bizarre? Let me dig into my bag of nonsense and come up with four or five more oddities which you might find interesting. I don’t need to say anything else, here we go.
When English writer Thomas Hardy (1840-1928) died, his heart was kept apart from his body that was cremated. The idea was to bury it in Stinsford, England, the home of his beloved childhood church and his family’s burial plot. All went according to plan until his sister’s cat leaped up on her kitchen table, snatched the heart, and ran off into the woods with it.
Centuries ago, animals were often put on trial for crimes ranging from witchcraft to theft and murder. Throughout history, the animal that’s been prosecuted mostly is the pig. In 1547 France, for example, a mother pig and her six babies were sentenced to death for killing and eating a child. The sow was executed, but the piglets were pardoned because it was felt that they were led astray by the bad example of their mother.
A fortune teller told businessman Kichiro Toyoda that it would be good luck to change his company’s name to Toyota and to give the company cars names beginning with the letter “C “such as Celica and Camry.
Francesco Lentini was born in 1889 with what appeared to be a tail, but which was in fact a nearly developed foot growing from the base of his spine. Although he was treated as a disabled outcast most of his life, he found work in Italian sideshows and was quoted as having said, “I have never complained. I think life is beautiful, and I enjoy living it.” He lived to the ripe old age of 78 years.
Investigators in Tacoma, Washington, were able to identify two generations of maggots on a body that had died from a gunshot wound. In doing so, they determined the approximate date of the corpses demise, as a maggots lifecycle lasts only about three weeks. Armed with the estimated time of death, the investigators were able to trace the disease whereabouts and eventually found the killer.
With my better half’s spending a week with her grandson in California, I thought I’d enjoy this gray and rainy Maine day by supplying all of you with interesting, weird, freaky, and odd tidbits of facts and trivia. So, todays post (part 1) and Tuesdays post (part 2) should be interesting and just a bit weird.
On April 21, 1997, a rocket containing the cremated remains of 24 people was launched into space. Among the remains were those of Gene Roddenberry, Star Trek series creator. The rocket was launched by Celestis, a company formed in 1996 for the expressed purpose of launching ashes into space.
A tourist visiting San Francisco in 1964 was involved in a minor cable car accident. As a result, she sued the city of San Francisco, claiming that the incident had turned her into a nymphomaniac. She won the case and received an award of $50,000. (Only in San Francisco)
The extreme dread of thunder is called brontophobia. For brontophobes , the boom and crash of thunder has a demonic quality. Often found in people suffering from a psychoneurosis, brontophobia can also be associated with a person, often a person in a position of authority, and the fearsome thunder is their expression of disapproval.
During World War II a young woman in Germany, Emmie Marie Jones, gave birth to a daughter, despite the fact that she insisted she was a virgin. In 1955, scientists in England did genetic testing and discovered that Emmie and her daughter were genetically identical twins. The only explanation the scientists could offer was that the shock of the bombing caused parthenogenesis, the spontaneous splitting of an unfertilized egg.
Queen Mary I of England and Ireland (1516-1558) was a Catholic who had Protestants tortured and killed. Her actions inspired the nickname “Bloody Mary”, which in turn later inspired the famous cocktail.
I’m on a break right now. Not that you really care but it’s just a break from another project I’m working on. My eyes were strained beyond belief from three hours staring at that project, so I decided to lighten things up with a little humor and jokes from the 1980’s. It seems that the decade of the 80’s easily supplies silliness and nonsense to last me for many years. Let’s get started.
How did you get to see the official bird of New York City. Cut somebody off in traffic.
Is it wrong to have sex before you’re married? Only if it makes you late for the ceremony!
When should you stop masturbating? When the smoke alarm goes off!
Why don’t girls like to drink beer on the beach? Because they get sand in their Schlitz!
What did the one lesbian say to the other lesbian? “Your face or mine!”
What you get when you cross an anteater with a vibrator? And armadildo!
What’s the hardest thing about the sex change from a man to a woman? Inserting the anchovies!
What happens to boys that lie? They get girls!
How do women get minks? The same way that minks get minks!
If you have VD, what do you know for sure? Urine trouble!
This year has been flying by at supersonic speed which is why my mid-year review of my New Years Resolutions is two months late. I only listed five items this year rather than the ten I usually do because I’m old, lazy, and distracted by damn near everything.
READ MORE THAN 100 BOOKS
(Finished 74 so far as per Kindle, so far so good.)
TRY TO BE A LITTLE FRIENDLIER TOWARDS THE REST OF THE WORLD
(Try as I might, this one may never be accomplished.)
KEEP DUNKIN’ EXPENDITURES TO LESS THAN $40.00 A MONTH
(Due to my coffee addicted partner, I’m failing this one miserably.)
COMPLETE EIGHT PAINTINGS OR PRINTS
(Four down and four more to go. I may make it.)
LEARN AT LEAST FOUR NEW CUSS WORDS FROM MY GRANDSONS
(This one was the easiest one since they only curse around me.)
My score so far is 2 NO’s, 2 YES’s, and 1 NO EFFING WAY.
I’ll be doing a final review in January 2025. Now how about a quick little dirty joke to make you smile? It’s a slow day and we always need laughter in our life.
Two women were playing golf when one sliced her shot into a men’s foursome, causing one man to collapse in agony with both of his hands in his crotch. Rushing to his aid, the culprit apologized profusely, explained that she was a physical therapist and offered to help ease his pain. “No, it’s OK,” winced the man. “No, I insist,” she said as she undid the zipper of his jeans and began massaging his genitals. “There, does that feel better?” “Yes, it feels great,” said the man. “But my thumb still hurts like hell!!”
I think today we should get a little more intellectual than the run-of-the-mill limericks and off-color jokes. After blogging for more than fifteen years I’ve become a true lover of words. Another plus about words is that they come together to form books, lots and lots of books. Every year when I make my New Year’s resolutions, I normally have one requiring that I read at least one hundred books for the year. I have never ever not accomplished that resolution. The only thing I enjoy more than writing words is reading those written by others, it’s just the coolest thing ever. So today this post will be a short trivia lesson about words, language, and books. I hope you find them interesting . . .
One of the greatest orators of all time – Demosthenes was once a stutterer who stubbornly trained himself out of it, reportedly by putting pebbles in his mouth and practicing speaking aloud.
The Polish actress Helena Modjeska was popular with audiences for her realistic and emotional style of acting. She once gave a dramatic reading in her native tongue at a dinner party of people who did know the Polish language, and her listeners were in tears when she finished. It turned out she had merely recited the Polish alphabet.
The French philosopher Rene Descartes sarcastically speculated that monkeys and apes actually have the ability to speak but choose not to.
The inhabitants of a slum called Trastevere, near Rome, speak a dialect all their own. They claim to have more than 2000 vulgar words to describe human genitalia.
The phrase “What a guy!” is a cry of derision in Great Britain and a cry of adoration in the United States.
The average daily issue of the Congressional Record carries more than 4 million words – the approximate equivalent of 20 long novels. It is printed and published overnight.
A forty-five-letter word connoting a lung disease, pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, is the longest word in Webster’s Third New International Dictionary. The longest word in the Oxford English Dictionary means the act of estimating something as worthless- floccipaucinihilipilification, which has twenty-nine letters.
The Scottish writer Robert Bontine Conningshame Graham, who had won a seat as a Liberal member of Parliament in 1886, was suspended from the House of Commons for having the audacity to use the word “damn” in a public speech.
The word “ozone” got its name from the Greek ozo, which means “I smell.” It was first officially used in 1840.
All of the world’s main alphabets have developed from an alphabet invented 3600 years ago in the Middle East and known as the North Semitic Alphabet.
I love people with a well-developed sense of humor, and I enjoy making people laugh. Since I now have a stand-up comic in the family, I pay even more than usual attention to on-line comics and what’s currently the rage. I have a number of comedians that I’ve been addicted to for years but unfortunately a few have passed on, but their comedy is alive and well and still makes me howl with laughter. I truly miss Sam Kinison and Ralphie May. Current comics Bill Burr, Brad Upton, and of course Sara Tiani are some of my USA favorites. Great Britain offers up Bob Mortimer, Jimmy Carr, Sarah Milliken, and Greg Davies, who are always laugh-out-loud funny. Yes, I love comedy so why wouldn’t I search out some humorous quotes from a few well-known stars.
“Ooooo. Ahhhhh. Get out!” Andrew Dice Clays impression of a one-night stand.
“My wife gives good headache.” Rodney Dangerfield
“Losing my virginity was a career move.” Madonna
“Sex after ninety is like shooting pool with a rope.” George Burns
“The main result of feminism has been the Dutch Treat.” Nora Ephron
“My plastic surgeon told me my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.” Phyllis Diller
*****
ANONYMOUS (Always LOL)
“Churches welcome all denominations but prefer fives and tens.”
“An optimist is someone who thinks the future is uncertain.”
“Truth is the safest lie.”
“When confronted with two evils, a man will always choose the prettier.”
“Is sex better than drugs? That depends on the pusher.”
“Love is blind, and marriage is a real eye-opener.”
I love posting interesting information and when possible, I back up those facts with quotes from a variety of people with incredible life stories. I’ve noticed over the years that the great majority of published interesting quotes are primarily made by men. I also discovered quite by accident a small paperback book published in 2000 called Womens Wit and Wisdom. I haven’t been as surprised and pleased as I was as I began reading that book. I’ll share with you a number of quotes from well-known women which are both incredible and hilarious. This book contains quite a diverse group of quotes covering any number of topics from politics, humor, to life lessons. This little book will be placed in a position of honor in my unusual collection of writings.
“My friends have made the story of my life. In a thousand ways they have turned my limitations into beautiful privileges and enabled me to walk serene and happy in the shadow cast by my deprivation.” Helen Keller
“The loneliest woman in the world is a woman without a close woman friend.” Toni Morrison
“Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once your aboard there’s nothing you can do.” Golda Meir
“I was thirty-seven when I went to work writing the column. I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security, and too tired for an affair.” Erma Bombeck
👩🏻🦰👩🏻👱🏻♀️
“The naked truth is always better than the best-dressed lie.” Ann Landers
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt
“I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is two weeks.” Totie Fields
“My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.” Indira Gandhi
“Please know that I am aware of the hazards. I want to do it because I want to do it. Women must try to do things as men have tried. When they fail, their failure must be but a challenge to others.” Amelia Earhart
Over the last month I’ve posted a few times about the decade of the 1980’s. Those posts seemed to grab the attention of quite a few people, and I didn’t really understand why. I lived through the eighties, but I was a little disconnected from reality at the time (thanks to marijuana) and a seven-day work week. I had just started a new business and wasn’t paying much attention to the people and the goings-on of the country. To say I’m an expert on the 1980’s would be a lie but being the nosy person that I am I decided to do a little research into that time period. I also decided to test myself with a ten question 1980’s trivia challenge. To be honest, I failed miserably. Here are the ten questions of which I was able to correctly answer just four. I guess it just doesn’t pay to be oblivious to the world around you. I’m listing the answers so even if you cheat, no one will ever know. Enjoy!
What was the last number one song of the 1980’s? “Another Day in Paradise” by Phil Collins
What company advertised its denim jeans as “for the American way of life”? Zena, by Zena Gilbert
What was the name of Al Pacino’s character in the 1983 Brian de Palma film Scarface? Tony Montana
What actress starred opposite the title character in the 1986 film Howard the Duck? Leah Thompson
What is the A in TV’s ALF stand for? Alien
Which of these NASA space shuttles did not fly in the 1980’s? Endeavor
What was the name of the boat involved in the Donna Rice scandal that sank Gary Harts 1988 presidential run? Monkey Business
What product was introduced with an Orwellian TV commercial entitled “1984”? Apple Macintosh
Who hosted the syndicated game show Love Connection when it debuted in 1983? Chuck Woolery
What pain reliever was pulled from store shelves in 1982 after a Chicago-area tampering case killed seven? Tylenol
“The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.”
I thought I should lighten things up a bit since my last two posts were a wee bit negative. It always helps to clear some of that negativity with humor (especially off-color humor). Enjoy . . .
Q. What do bungee jumping, and prostitutes have in common? A. They both cost two hundred dollars and if the rubber breaks your screwed.
The young man has been dating his girlfriend for over a year, and so they decided to finally get married. His parents, family and friends helped him in every way possible. There was only one thing really bothering him, and that was his fiancée’s younger sister. She was twenty years old, and constantly wore extremely tight miniskirts and low-cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near him and he had many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day, little sister called and asked him to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when he got there and she whispered to him quietly that soon he was to be married, but she had feelings and desires for him that she couldn’t overcome. She told him that she wanted to make love to him just once before he got married and committed his life to her sister. He was in total shock and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me.” He was stunned as he watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down her red panties and threw them down the stairs to him. He stood there for a moment, then turned around and ran for the front door. He opened the door, stepped out of the house. and ran straight towards his car. Without warning his future father-in-law was standing behind a shrub. With tears in his eyes, her father hugged him and said, “We are very happy that you’ve passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family son.” The moral of the story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car!
Q. What’s the difference between sin and shame? A. It’s a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out.
Tarzan and Jane are preparing to make love for the first time, but Tarzan tell Jane that he doesn’t know how to do it. Jane says, “Look, it’s really very easy.” Tarzan tells her, “Tarzan usually does it in tree trunk hole”. Jane advises, “You’ve got it all wrong, you just stick it in this hole,” motioning to her crotch. Tarzan and Jane then get naked and Jane motions for Tarzan to put it in. Tarzan slowly walks over to Jane and kicks her very hard in her crotch. Jane, twitching with terrible pain, asks Tarzan, “What the hell was that for?” Tarzan says, “Tarzan checks for squirrels.“
Q. What has 100 balls and screws old ladies? A. Bingo!
Are you happy? Living in the 21st century can be confusing at times and utterly ridiculous almost always. I can’t even wrap my head around how people are raising children these days. It’s when my frustration gets to be too much, I revert to other times that were also screwy but not near as strange as right now. The following humor was based entirely on the 1980’s so bear that in mind as you read them. Everything is always about context. Hop on the time travel train for a few minutes and enjoy 1984. Orwell didn’t have a clue.
When should you stop fucking your girlfriend doggie style? When you catch her chasing cars.
What’s the difference between a peeping tom and a pickpocket? A pickpocket snatches watches.
What’s the difference between mono and herpes? You get mono from snatching a kiss.
What do you find at the bottom of girls’ undies? Clitty litter.
What’s the difference between a fox and a pig? About six beers.
What’s a box spring? An I. U. D.
Why did the stupid girl think there was something wrong with her birth control pills? They kept falling out.
Why was 6 mad at 7? Because 7-8-9
What’s Helen Keller’s favorite color? Corduroy
Who are the three most famous Chinese virgins? “Tu Yung Tu”, Tu Dum Tu”, and “No Yen Tu.
Why don’t chickens wear underwear? Because they would look fucking stupid.
What’s the difference between an epileptic corn husker and a hooker with diarrhea? An epileptic corn husker shucks between fits.
everyuselessthing.com 