This will be a fun post but not if you’re a germophobe. I can deal with just about anything, but these items still have the ability to make my skin crawl just a little. If I had to sit around and obsess about bacteria and mites infesting my body like my better-half does, I would lose my mind. Hang onto whatever you like to hang onto, this ride might get a little bumpy.
Itchiness in humans is contagious. Watching someone else itch makes your brain think it’s experiencing an itch, even when it’s not.
The average bed is home to 10,000,000 dust mites.
It goes without saying that every day you inhale thousands of you own skin flakes since you lose approximately 40,000 flakes per minute.
Your skin contains billions of individual bacteria.
The most common bacteria found in your belly button is of the same species that make your feet smell.
There are mites that live in your hair follicles, eyelashes, and eyebrows. They walk around on your skin at night before returning to their hair follicles during the day.
Tapeworms inside humans have been measured as long as 20 feet.
Fungi thrive on the protein keratin found in hair, nails, and skin.
Men and women fart approximately the same amount each day, a half-liter of gas a day.
Did you know that defecaloesiophobia is the fear of painful bowel movements.
(Did you know?)
FART IS ONE OF THE OLDEST WORDS IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
As I sit here this morning looking for inspiration for this post I received a text message from my grandson. He just received from his parents his first real phone and he immediately reached out to me with a typical text from someone his age (11). It consisted of about 60 rows of poop emojis with a short sentence, “My gift to you LOL.” I’m not sure why it is that kids love talking about farting and pooping exclusively but it seems to be something trending online as well these days. Tick-Tock is full of farting individuals blasting away in crowded street scenes. I have to admit it’s incredibly funny and apparently poop humor starts at a very young age. Hoping that the “little shit” (no pun intended) will someday read this post and learn a few more disgusting facts about poop he needs to know.
People often fart shortly after they die.
The most germ laden place on your toilet isn’t the seat or even the bowl. It’s the handle.
The average healthy adult expels between 100 and 200 grams, almost half a pound, of feces every day.
More than 6.5 million Americans have fecal incontinence – the inability to control the passage of stool – and most of them are women.
Americans used 36.5 billion rolls of toilet paper every year, which represents at least 15 million trees.
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Most people produce 1 to 4 pints of gas and pass it approximately 14 times per day.
The foul odor of flatulence comes from intestinal bacteria as it releases gases that contain sulfur and, in some cases, methane, one of the greenhouse gases responsible for global warming.
Adolf Hitler suffered from chronic flatulence, for which he took anti-gas pills.
40% of the world’s people have no toilet, and must use the bathroom in any public place they can find: bushes, roadsides, alleys, etc.
In a humid environment like the bathroom, a single bacterial cell can multiply into 1 billion cells overnight.
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Well, there you have it folks, everything you never wanted to know about poop and its related activities. And a special thanks to my grandson (the poop specialist) for his inspiration.
The human body never ceases to amaze. Just when you think you’ve heard everything you could possibly hear about human bodies and their uses and peculiarities, you find out you had no idea just how strange they can be. So, let me start your education with more facts about your human body.
Fingernails grow four times faster than toenails.
Bright light and sunshine can make you sneeze.
Right-handed people live on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
Redheads are more likely than other people to be left-handed.
Humans sweat up to a pint of fluid each night.
Humans can survive longer without food than they can without sleep.
Sleeping with an electric blanket can interrupt your sleep patterns and make it difficult to get a good night’s sleep.
Earwax is not wax.
Your belly button is home to more than 60 strains of bacteria.
The average adult toenail is home to 43 species of fungi.
And here’s an historical fun fact that is one of my favorites:
Benjamin Franklin wrote an essay about farts and flatulence called “Fart Proudly”.
During the 80’s life was pretty interesting. I was traveling a lot, meeting a lot of people, and generally enjoying my life. But it wasn’t all fun and games as compared to the lifestyles we have currently. Anyone identified as a Millennial then would have lost their effing minds. Political correctness was a rare thing and having a sense of humor required a thick skin. I’ve come upon in recent months a number of collections of humor from the 1980’s and for all of you Millennial’s out there, buckle up, the rides about to get a little bumpy.
When should you start playing with yourself in a restaurant? When there’s a sign that says, “First come, “first served!”
What would call a liberal who’s overweight and perverted? A bisexual built for two!
What did the surgeons say to the guy who wanted to do his own operation? ”Suture self!”
Why should you always travel with a sixpack in the wintertime? In case you have to leave a message in the snow!
What’s the harshest penalty for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law!
What would you call a drink made out of orange juice and milk of magnesia? A Phillips Screwdriver!
What’s a wool diaphragm? A sock in the puss!
What’s a sanitary pad that girls can wear while dancing? Diskotex!
Why are erections like elections? It can get really stinky around the polls!
When is premature ejaculation a serious problem?  When it occurs between “hello” and “what’s your sign?”
 My Fav:Why do farts smell? So deaf people can enjoy them, too!
Once again, it’s time for a small collection of somewhat strange riddles from my favorite raunchy decade the 1980’s. That decade wasn’t near as bad as the 1960’s but it’s a damn close second for raunchiness. Enjoy this short retro trip down mammary lane . . .
Why is a virgin like a balloon? One prick and it’s all over!
Why was the bisexual prizefighter undefeated? He could lick anyone!
Why do girls fart after they pee? They can’t shake it, so they blow it dry!
How can you tell if Dolly Parton forgot to wear her bra? There are no wrinkles in her face!
What did Adam say when he woke up and was missing a rib? “Something smells fishy around here!”
What does the Lone Ranger do in the men’s room after a big meal? Take a dump, take a dump, take a dump dump dump!
What do you call oral sex in a national park? Old faceful!
What’s a prophylactic? A planned parent hood!
What’s the definition of trust? Two cannibals having oral sex!
How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Four. One to screw it in, and three to discuss how it’s so much more gratifying than with a man!
I haven’t posted too many limericks of late and I’m going to correct that immediately. After having two young grandsons visiting, I was once again made aware just how funny fart humor is. I’m not sure why but the young lads love talking about farts and farting. It started when they were around two years old, and it continues apace. With that in mind here are a few fart related limericks to make us all smile a little.
It’s seems to be an appropriate time for a few truths. We get so much BS from the Media and advertisers that many times we really aren’t sure what’s true and what’s not. Let me lay some truths on you today for a change. These are listed in no particular order.
Most American car horns honk in the key of F.
Silly Putty was the result of a failed attempt by General Electric to create a synthetic rubber for use in World War II.
A bank in Vernal, Utah, was built from bricks delivered by the U.S. Postal Service in 1916. The builders discovered that it was cheaper to mail them then to ship them from Salt Lake City.
Carl Hubbard is the only person inducted into three different sports halls of fame: baseball, college football, and Pro football.
The final resting place of Dr. Eugene Shoemaker, a geologist, is the moon. He arranged to have his ashes placed on board the Lunar Prospector spacecraft that was launched on January 6, 1998.
The “Too T TrappeR” is a charcoal filter shaped like a seat cushion that’s designed to silence and deodorizing any unwanted fart’s. It comes in gray or black and makes a rather awkward Christmas gift.
In days past, the term boner referred to a person who was a textile worker who inserted stays into women’s corsets and brassieres.
The only marsupial that is native to North America is the Virginia opossum.
Americans drink 50 times more soda now than they did a century ago.
It takes about 2,893 licks to get to the center of a typical Tootsie Pop.
The longest overdue book in the United States is 145 years (in Ohio). The longest in the world is 288 years (in Germany).
Breast reduction is the fifth most popular plastic surgery procedure for men.
QUOTATION OF THE DAY
“Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans.
It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.”
Now that the holidays are behind us, it’s time to get rolling with trivia for 2022. I decided to restock my archives with some new and exciting trivia. I’ve been trolling the web and found 6 additional books with highly interesting, weird and strange trivia items. Let’s start with these fifteen to get this year’s started.
The German submarine, U-1206, sank in 1945 when it’s toilet was operated improperly.
Around 1 million gladiators lost their lives in the arena.
Nearly 1,500 different types of insects are eaten around the world.
Surgeons were drilling holes in people’s skulls in 6,000 B.C.
U.S. magician, Dorothy Dietrich, is the only woman to catch a fired bullet between her teeth.
The Bombardier beetle pelts enemies with a boiling, foul smelling liquid.
A Siamese cat in Russia weighed an astonishing 50 lbs. – the average weight of a 7-year-old girl.
In 1894, a shower of jellyfish fell on the city of Bath in England.
The last witch was burned in England in 1712.
Every day you shed around 500 million skin scales, 10 million of which carry bacteria.
Male vampire moths drill a feeding tube into human skin in order to suck up blood.
An earthworm excretes the equivalent of its body weight every day.
Three cyclists have died while competing in the Tour De France.
Tonsilloliths are small, yellow, foul smelling “stones” that live around the tonsils and cause bad breath.
Most people pass around 600 ml of gas a day in 14 farts.
I took it easy on you with these items. A have a host of others which are a bit more disgusting. I’ll send them along at a later date. Here’s an item concerning political correctness at its very best:
Roman Emperor Claudius (10 BC to AD 54) was said to have been so worried about people politely holding in their farts and being poisoned by them that he passed a law legalizing farting at feasts.
It seems that everyone finds a great deal of humor in the smells and sounds of human bodily functions. I’m not exactly sure why it’s so damn funny but it really is. Anyone who tells me that they don’t see the humor in it is either lying or absolutely clueless.
It all started for me as a small child. Early on my father taught me the real meaning of the term “smell my finger” and believe me it’s a lesson not soon forgotten. Another of his favorites was “pull my finger” which normally resulted in a loud, disgusting, and eye watering fart. My dad wasn’t the least bit shy and would even pull stunts on my friends who were visiting. At first it was embarrassing but I soon learned to appreciate the humor as long as he was doing his thing to someone else.
Every young boy I knew took pleasure in grossing out their friends at every opportunity. School bus farting contests were our favorite because it involved grossing out the girls as well as the bus driver. We couldn’t pass that up.
Another practice was to burp as loudly as you could during a quiet study hall and then place the blame on someone else. My friend Dick had an almost supernatural ability to burp and throw his voice like a ventriloquist. He’d make a cute girl nearby turn cherry red when everyone thought she was the culprit. I hate to admit it but it was an uncanny talent that he used often and well into adulthood.
Church was the best place to maximize our unusual talents. All those prim and proper parents with their well behaved children being oh so pious. Nothing would crack us up like two rows of God-fearing Catholics smelling an SBD (Silent But Deadly) that was so bad it would curl their nose hairs. You have to realize how much acting talent and restraint it takes to appear shocked and disgusted and still be laughing like crazy on the inside. It actually made church bearable for those of us who were only there for the fun.
The other church related scene was in the confessional during confession. It did my heart good to confess my sins, say an Act of Contrition, and then leave a nasty smelling fart for the next sinner and secondarily grossing out the priest as well. Aren’t old memories the best?
I suppose you’re wondering what prompted this entire conversation. Well I was in Walgreens recently, masked as usual and minding my own business while shopping. As I walked into the rear of the store in a back corner I passed two young ladies who couldn’t have been more than 13 years old. They were laughing and giggling as most young kids do and were just as cute as a button. It was only a few seconds later I discovered why they were laughing so hard. I walked into a cloud of the worst smelling methane in history. I normally have a strong stomach but this was almost more than I can handle. I stood there trying to catch my breath while they stood nearby laughing hysterically. They ran off giggling all the way while I took a moment or two to regain my composure. Karmic paybacks really are a bitch. That damn mask might stop Covid-19 but not farts like these.
I hear people talking all the time about how a certain song takes them back. I’ve had that experience on many occasions myself and it’s enjoyable and comforting for just an instant. Music can be a trigger to the past for some but I find that my sense of smell works better for me. A certain smell can capture me and move me to a different time and place. It can be so vivid to a specific incident that I can close my eyes and see the exact spot, smell the exact smells, and see the people who were there. It’s an amazing transition and it usually happens when I least expect it.
If I pick up a baseball glove in Walmart, the smell of the leather sends me back in 1955 as I was driving with my father to my first Little League practice. Interestingly enough Elvis Pressley was singing Heartbreak Hotel on the radio at the time.
Over the years I’ve frequently spent time on shooting ranges to stay proficient with my pistol. On certain wet and rainy days coupled with the smell of gunpowder, takes me immediately back to the summer of 1968 and my time in the Korean DMZ for the Army. I still break out in a cold sweat because it seems so damn real.
There’s one other memory I’d like to recall but I do so cautiously. My father was something of a farting professional. He enjoyed nothing better than to take me food shopping with him which was always a bit embarrassing for me. He was a phantom farter who would leave SBD’s in an aisle and then walk to an adjacent aisle to enjoy the reactions. I can’t tell you on how many occasions I was blamed for being the culprit as he hid laughing hilariously nearby. Still after all these years if I smell a fart in any food store I automatically think of my Dad.
How about the smell of Jean Nate. My first real tongue-on-tongue kiss was done to the smell of Jean Nate. It was 1961 and we were at the Friday night dance at St. Ladislaus Church. We kissed briefly in the alley behind the church and believe me it was memorable. Unfortunately for me my mother came to love Jean Nate a year of so later which created a lot of confusion for me. That smell still takes me back to that alley for that incredible kiss but I keep thinking my mother’s sneaking around somewhere and will unexpectedly show up. It’s a little disconcerting and a major distraction to a wonderful memory. By the way Kathy G., it still remains a wonderful kiss.
So for those of you who are moved by music, and those of us who are moved by smell, we’re the lucky ones. I fear there are many people out there who aren’t moved by much of anything. Links to their past are either too painful to relive and they’ve blocked them or they just don’t care at all.
everyuselessthing.com 