Archive for the ‘fun’ Tag
I’m not much of a follower of all things Hollywood but like it or not some information makes its way to me regardless. Only a few days ago I made the mistake of roaming around on Facebook. To my surprise there was a lengthy posting about female celebrities without makeup. If you think horror flicks are the scariest thing ever, you’d be wrong. There were more than a few rather famous female stars that I’ve lusted over in the past, but Facebook has ruined that forever. It still gives me cold chills if I think about it for too long. I’m not an innocent and naive blushing bride by any means. I realize that Hollywood takes its job seriously when recreating a regular human being into a “STAR”. That process requires many stars to change their names. Here are a few interesting samples which are self-explanatory.
Elton John -Reginald Dwight
Joan Rivers – Joan Molinsky
James Garner – James Baumgarner
Barry Manilow – Barry Pincus
Spike Lee – Shelton Lee
Snoop Dogg – Cordozar Broadus
Tina Turner -Annie Mae Bullock
Winona Ryder – Winona Horowitz
Sting – Gordon Summer
Stevie Wonder – Steveland Judkins
I’m now seriously thinking about changing my name. I’ve always felt that my name was as boring as it gets but picking a new one is really difficult. If I were to be a porn-star I’d probably go for I.M Lancelot, but since I’m just a normal boring person I would need something spectacular to catch everyone’s attention.
I’M CONSIDERING “ELVIS MONROE”
With September already over and cold temperatures beginning, it’s time to have some fun before the snow starts flying. With the holidays approaching I thought I’d publish a revised version of the Worker’s Prayer. This is posted for all of those people (my better-half included) that are stuck in thankless retail jobs across the country.
The Worker’s Prayer
“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off, and also help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the ass I may have to kiss tomorrow.”
And just for the hell of it I decided to author a haiku as requested by a friend. Here it is.
❤️
The sky is so blue
A dot of sunshine yellow.
Forget me never.
T.G.I.F.
Here are a few cute limericks, some are written by kids and others written for kids. I hope you enjoy them.
By Colin McNaughton
Should a beast ever hunt you and find you,
He’d certainly crush you and grind you.
But here’s nothing to fear,
There are none around here,
GOOD HEAVENS! THERE’S ONE
RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!
😊😊😊
By Reg Lynes
I’ve eaten as much as I can,
I cannot digest one more gram.
I’m leaving the chips,
And the salady bits,
And the peas, and the eggs, and the ham.
🥰🥰🥰
By Margaret Brace
Archeologists dig at their leisure,
And it gives them a great deal of pleasure,
Not to mention bad backs,
As they fill up their sacks
With all sorts of muddy old treasure.
😜😜😜
By Amanda Chew
There was a young cannibal, Ned,
Who used to eat onions in bed.
His mother said “Sonny,
It’s not very funny –
Why don’t you just eat people instead?”
😏😏😏
ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE
Once again, it’s time for a few lighthearted limericks rather than the bawdier ones we’re used to. I’ll reference the author when possible.
By Frank Jacobs
A lion whose manners weren’t nice
Played Monopoly with two white mice.
After losing, he roared,
Then devoured the board,
Marvin Gardens, both mice and the dice.
😋😋😋
By Oliver Herford
Once a grasshopper (food being scant)
Begged an ant some assistance to grant.
But the ant shook his head
“I can’t help you,” he said,
“It’s an uncle you need, not an ant.
😎😎😎
By Anon
A barber who lived in Batavia
Was known for his fearless behavia.
When a giant brown bear
Took a seat in his chair,
Said the barber, “No way will I shavia.”
😏😏😏
By Gelett Burgess
I’d rather have fingers than toes.
I’d rather have ears than a nose.
And as for my hair,
I’m glad it’s still there,
I’ll be awfully sad when it goes.
🍩🍩🍩
HAPPY MONDAY
The truth is sometimes strange and at other times ridiculous. These factoids are a little of both. They’re good for making a few bucks at bar bets on trivia night.
- The term ” soap opera” comes from the fact that shows used to work advertisements for soap powder into the plot lines.
- A champagne cork flying out of a bottle can travel as fast as 100 miles per hour.
- People who fear the number 666 suffer from hexakaosioihexekontahexaphobia.
- On November 21, 1980, 83 million Americans tuned in to watch the finale of the Dallas cliffhanger “Who Shot J.R.?” A few weeks earlier, 85.1 million Americans voted in the Reagan-Carter presidential election.
- During a 60-year life span, an average tree will produce nearly 2 tons of leaves to be raked.
- Dancing the tango was considered a sin in Paris during the early 1900s.
- Those roped off areas where boxing matches take place actually used to be round, hence the term “boxing ring”.
- Pope John XXI (1276-01277) had been in office less than a year before the ceiling on a new wing of his palace collapsed on him while he slept. He died six days later.
- Nearly 4% of American women claim that they never wear underwear.
- The Pentagon goes through more than 600 rolls of toilet paper every day.
TOO WEIRD TO BELIEVE? . . . WELL, BELIVE IT ANYWAY
Quote of the Day
“I have as much authority as the Pope. I just
don’t have as many people who believe it.”
George Carlin
As I’ve stated many times in the past, I’ve always had a fascination with graveyards and cemeteries. With that thought in mind, here are a few of my favorite humorous epithets. It’s good to have a sense of humor even after death.
From Enosburg, Vermont
Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
☠️☠️☠️
From Bayfield, Mississippi
Stranger pause. my tale attend,
And learn the cause of Hannah’s end.
Across the world the wind did blow,
She ketched a cold that laid her low.
We shed a lot of tears ’tis true,
But life is short – aged 82.
☠️☠️☠️
From Medway, Massachusetts
Beneath this stone, this lump of clay,
Lies Uncle Peter Daniels,
Who too early in the month of May
Took off his winter flannels.
☠️☠️☠️
From Canterbury, Kent, England
Of children in all she bore twenty-four:
Thank the Lord there will be no more.
☠️☠️☠️
From Chelmsford, Essex, England
Herer lies the man Richard,
And Mary his wife.
Their surname was Pritchard,
They lived without strife.
And the reason was plain,
They abounded in riches,
They had no care or pain,
And his wife wore the breeches.
HAVE YOU WRITTEN YOURS YET?
Over the years and after many mergers the Mainstream Media has become an arm of the corporations that seem to have their fingers into everything. It’s become painfully clear that many media types have become TV stars in their own right. You would think that those under public scrutiny would be more careful than most about the articles and headlines they post or print. I guess that folks who control what we see and read could at times be less than careful. To prove my point read these wonderfully lame and stupid headlines that made their way through writers and editors to amuse and annoy the rest of us.
Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
War Dims Hope for Peace
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Smokers Are Productive, But Death Cuts Efficiency
Whatever Their Motives, Moms Who Kill Kids Still Shock Us
Lawyer Says Client Is Not That Guilty
This kind of carelessness is unbelievable. Lots of people are being paid lots of money to create these ridiculous headlines. Hopefully going forward the newspapers and websites will at least make some effort to stop the madness.
DON’T HOLD YOUR BREATH
- Did you know that the nationality of Warner Oland, the actor who appeared as Charlie Chan, was Swedish.
- Humphrey Bogart’s urn contains his ashes and a small gold whistle. The whistle was a gift from Lauren Bacall engraved with “If you need anything, just whistle.”
- Did you know that William Claude Dunkenfield was the real name of comedian W. C. Fields.
- Singer Bob Dylan appeared as a character named Alias in the 1973 Sam Peckinpah film Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid.
- Actress Joan Collins pose semi-nude in a 1983 issue of Playboy at the age of 50. The issue sold out.
- Actor Hal Holbrook played the Watergate cover-up informant Deep Throat in the 1976 film All the Presidents Men.
- Elizabeth Taylor published a book at the age of 14 in 1946. It was a story about her childhood pet chipmunk named Nibbles.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger made his screen debut in a 1970 Italian TV film called Hercules in New York. His name in the credits was Arnold Strong.
- The real first name for actor Chevy Chase is Cornelius.
- In the 1968 Otto Preminger film Skidoo, Groucho Marx starred as God.
- Under the Motion Picture Censorship Code in effect from 1934 to 1968, a kiss had to last more than 30 seconds to be judged “indecent”.
MORE TO COME – EVENTUALLY
It’s time once again for a few silly limericks circa 1960. These are fun limericks, and the creators will be listed if possible.
A cheerful old bear at the zoo
Could always find something to do.
When it bored him to go
On a walk to and fro,
He reversed it and walked fro and to.
😜😜😜
By Ogden Nash
A Bugler named Dougal MacDougal
Found ingenious ways to be frugal.
He learned how to sneeze
In various keys,
Thus, saving the price of a bugle.
😊😊😊
By Al Graham
A Martian named Harrison Harris
Decided he’d like to see Paris.
In space (so we learn)
He forgot where to turn
And that’s why he’s now on Polaris.
😏😏😏
By Berton Braley
Young Frankenstein’s robot invention
Caused trouble too awful to mention.
Its actions were ghoulish,
Which proves it is foolish
To monkey with Natures intention.
🥰🥰🥰
IT’S GOOD TO START A WEEK WITH SILLINESS
I’m a huge fan of baseball primarily because I played it for so many years. It’s the best! However, I will continue to poke the baseball bear in the eye whenever possible. The game is sacred to me, but the individual players are not. So, let’s have a little fun today.
“Any pitcher who throws at a batter and deliberately tries to hit him is a Communist.” Alvin Dark, New York Giants Infielder
“Even Napoleon had his Watergate.” Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies manager
“Folks, this is perfect weather for today’s game. Not a breath of air.” Curt Gowdy, sports commentator
“All I said was that the trades were stupid and dumb, and they took that and blew it all out of proportion.” Ron Davis, Minnesota Twins pitcher
“I am throwing twice as hard as I ever did. It’s just not getting there as fast.” Lefty Gomez, New York Yankee pitcher
“I prefer fast foods.” Infielder Rocky Bridges, when asked why he wouldn’t eat snails
“I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf.” Tug McGraw, National League pitcher, when asked whether he preferred grass or Astroturf
“Raise the urinals.” Darrel Chaney, Atlanta Braves infielder, on how to keep the Braves on their toes
“Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean.” Pedro Guerrero, National League player
“I lost it in the sun.” Billy Loes, Brooklyn Dodger pitcher after fumbling a grounder
PLAY BALL!
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