Archive for the ‘fun’ Tag
03/05/2022 👁🗨Stupid Headline👁🗨 2 comments
03/03/2022 🚚Stupid Bumper Sticker Alert🚛 Leave a comment
After receiving a few requests, it’s time for more retro bumper stickers. I’ve actually found a number of them that I’m in the process of having reprinted for my own use. I could be convinced to stick them on a few cars whose drivers have aggravated me. I’m also working on one for people who park inappropriately, to stick on their windshields. I’m a baaaad man.
IF YOU’RE RICH, I’M SINGLE
I CAME, I SAW, I SHOPPED
WELCOME TO CALIFORNIA; NOW GO HOME
TRUST ME. I’M A LAWYER
MY OTHER CAR IS A BROOM
GO AHEAD, HIT ME. I’M NOT INSURED
NO NUKES IS GOOD NUKES
JUST SAY NO TO INNUENDO
I CAN’T DRIVE 55
HELP BEAUTIFY AMERICA, GET A HAIR CUT
MAKE POLAND OUR 51ST STATE
THE WEATHER IS HERE. WISH YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL
TV EVANGELISTS DO MORE THAN LAY PEOPLE
HUGS ARE BETTER THAN DRUGS
NEVER PLAY LEAP FROG WITH A UNICORN
And Here’s My Favorite:
REALLY NICE GUYS FINISH LAST. I FINISH FIRST
03/03/2022 💤Limerick Alert💤 2 comments
I’m sending these rather bawdy limericks along after receiving a few requests for a raunchier selection. I’m nothing if not a people pleaser, so here they are. That’s right, you know who you are!!
A fair-haired young damsel named Grace
Thought it very, very foolish to place
Her hand on your cock
When it turned hard as a rock,
For fear it would explode in her face.
😎😎😎
An innocent boy from Lapland
Was told that fucking was grand.
But at his first trial
He said with a smile,
“I’ve had the same feeling by hand.”
😋😋😋
A nymphomaniacal Italian nurse
With a curse that was worse than perverse
She stuck a rotary drill
Up her twat, for a thrill . . .
And they carted her off in a hearse.
😁😁😁
There once was a young man of Savannah,
Who met his end in a curious manner.
He diddled a hole
In a telephone pole
And electrified his banana.
🤬🤬🤬
Under the spreading chestnut tree
The village smithy he sat,
Amusing himself
By abusing himself
And catching the load in his hat.
02/27/2022 😖Stupid Headline🤓 Leave a comment
ONE ARMED MAN APPLAUDS
THE KINDNESS OF STRANGERS
02/24/2022 More Isaac Azimov Leave a comment
As I stated on so many occasions, I am a rabid science-fiction fan. I’ve been reading science fiction material since I was a kid when I found a copy of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea in a box of trash near a neighbor’s home. While admittedly there’s a lot of crap out there calling itself science-fiction, the classics remain the classics. Two days ago, I started reading the Foundation Series by Isaac Asimov again. As a young man I read it the first time but to understand it at that age was difficult. I’ve read the entire series three times since and every time I find more things I missed. As I began to read it again my thoughts came back to Isaac Asimov himself and the fact that he was not only an incredible writer but also wrote many outrageous and bawdy limericks. I thought I pass a few of those along to you today because he really knew how to craft limericks. Here are a few . . .
A gourmet’s delight is Priscilla
For her breath’s a distinct sarsaparilla.
One breast tastes of thyme
The other of lime
And her vaginal flavor’s vanilla.
💥💥💥
There was a young lady named Lynne
Who said,” I’m prepared to begin
Any sort of activity
That suits my proclivity
Provided it counts as a sin.”
💥💥💥
As a poet, a young man named Buck
Was utterly lacking in luck.
He tried limericks (lecherous)
But found rhyming quite treacherous
And to rhyme “Buck” and “Luck” left him stuck.
💥💥💥
To her lover said pretty young Julie,
“I don’t want to alarm you unduly.
I don’t intend blame
And yet, all the same,
You’ve produced a small pregnancy, Truly!”
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE AZIMOV
02/22/2022 Retro Bumper Stickers Leave a comment
I thought a good way to start a Tuesday would be to offer for your entertainment a few retro bumper stickers dating back to the 1980’s. The first one I’ll mention was on an orange Gremlin that I owned. It garnered a lot attention or so my mother told me on the day she borrowed my car. She was so naive, she thought all of those people honking were just being friendly. LOL Here is my first:
HONK IF YOUR HORNY
VINTAGE LOVER – AGED TO PERFECTION
LIFE’S TOO SHORT TO DANCE WITH UGLY MEN
RECYCLERS DO IT MORE THAN ONCE
BEER ISN’T JUST FOR BREAKFAST ANYMORE
I AM WOMAN. I AM INVINCIBLE. I AM TIRED
ANSWER MY PRAYERS. STEAL THIS CAR
JAPANESE CADILLAC
NOBODY’S UGLY AFTER 2 A.M.
GET OFF MY ASS, MORON
That’s enough for today. I need to find a website that prints custom made bumper stickers. Some of these need to be brought back to life here in the 21st century.
02/21/2022 Monday Humor Leave a comment
It’s a cold Monday in February which means “Hurry Up Spring” I’m tired of waiting for you to get here. With that thought in mind I feel the need for something humorous on this drab Monday. I’ll try to keep my posted jokes no worse than PG, but I make no absolute guarantees. Unfortunately, I love bawdy humor thye most but I’m screening as best I can.
“One spring day two men were out in the woods hunting. Feeling a sudden need to relieve himself, George went over to the nearby clump of bushes, unzipped his fly, and started in when a poisonous snake lunged out of the greenery and bite him on his penis. Hearing George’s howl of pain and fright, his friend Fred came running up and told him to lie still while he rushed into town for a doctor. “There’s only one way to save your friends life,” said the doctor gravely. “If you cut an X over the bite and then suck all the poison out, you’ll probably be okay, but otherwise there’s not much hope.” Hearing Fred’s footsteps, George rose weakly up on one elbow and cried out, “Fred, what’d he say? What did the doctor say?” “George, old friend, “said Fred sadly, “he said you’re going to die.”
😋😋😋
A woman went into the neighborhood grocery store and ask the grocer for a can of cat food. The grocer knew the woman and knew that she didn’t have a cat. So, he asked why she was buying the cat food. The woman replied, “It’s for my husband’s lunch. “The grocer was shocked and said, “You can’t feed the cat food to your husband! It will kill him.” “I’ve been giving it to him for a week now, and he really likes it!” she replied. And so, each day, the woman would come in and buy a can of cat food for her husband’s lunch. One day the grocer happened to be scanning the obituary columns of the local newspaper and noticed that the woman’s husband had passed away. When she came into the store a few days later, he said to her, “I’m sorry to hear about your husband, but I told you that if you kept giving him cat food it would kill him.” The woman replied, “It wasn’t the cat food that killed them. He broke his neck trying to lick his ass!”
So much for my Monday humor. I firmly believe they would’ve been much funnier if I had posted some really dirty jokes. I’ll bear that in mind for future postings. Here’s one final joke for all of you sports fans out there.
Why did the Detroit Lions hire two nuns and a prostitute for next season? A: Because they’re in dire need of two tight ends and a wide receiver.
I KNOW . . . IT’S A LITTLE LAME
2/20/2022 Virginity Limericks Leave a comment
It’s time for another day of limericks. I’ve been lucky enough to have most of the limericks in my files categorized by type. The list of types involves thousands of limericks and today’s topic will be “Virginity”. Since everyone has been a virgin at one time in their life, we should all enjoy these little tidbits of bawdy rhymes.
🏆🏆🏆
“Competition is keen, you agree,”
Said an ancient old flapper from Dee,
So, she dyed her gray tresses,
Chopped a foot from her dresses,
And her reason you plainly can see.
🥇🥇🥇
The bride went up the aisle
In traditional virginal style,
But they say she was nary
An innocent charity,
But a whore from the banks of the Nile.
🎖🎖🎖
There was a young girl named Anheuser
Who said that no man could surprise her.
But Pabst took a chance,
Found Schlitz in her pants,
And now she is sadder Budweiser.
❤❤❤
A lisping young lady named Beth
Was saved from a fate worse than death.
Seven times in a row,
Which unsettled her so
That she quit saying “No” and said “Yeth”.
🥉🥉🥉
You just can’t beat those old-style limericks. I think I actually enjoy them more than most of the newer versions.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
02/18/2022 What is Funny? Leave a comment
I have what I think is a healthy sense of humor. It can be bawdy at times, unfunny at times, but well used at all times. I love people who can make me laugh and I love making others laugh. It’s one of the few joys I have, and I try to use it as often as possible. I have a new appreciation for standup comedians since I now have one in the family. Being funny all the time is extremely hard work but it’s really worth the time spent. It’s been said that laughter is the “best medicine” and while that is true it also serves many other purposes. The following paragraph was written by George Orwell the well-known author of 1984. It makes for some thought-provoking ideas. Every aspiring comedian should read this before each show. Enjoy . . .
“A thing is funny when – in some way that is not actually offensive or frightening – it upsets the established order. Every joke is a tiny revolution . . . Whatever destroys dignity and brings down the mighty from their seats, preferably with a bump, is funny.”
Eric Arthur Blair (25 June 1903 – 21 January 1950), known by his pen name George Orwell, was an English novelist, essayist, journalist and critic. His work is characterized by lucid prose, biting social criticism, and a total opposition to totalitarianism.
I GUESS THAT MEANS 1984 WAS ACTUALLY FUNNY
02/17/2022 😁Stupid Quote😆 Leave a comment
everyuselessthing.com 