Wikipedia defines satire as a genre of the visual, literary, and performing arts, usually in the form of fiction and less frequently non-fiction, in which vices, follies, abuses, and shortcomings are held up to ridicule, often with the intent of shaming or exposing the perceived flaws of individuals, corporations, governments, or society itself into improvement. Although satire is usually meant to be humorous, its greater purpose is often constructive social criticism, using wit to draw attention to both particular and wider issues in our society.
All that being said, I love satire and consider it as another arm of sarcasm. The Onion is currently a website dedicated to ridiculing just about everything. It sports ridiculous stories and headlines that make you want to die laughing. The history of The Onion goes back to 1900 which makes the book I just obtained all the more interesting. I now have a huge photo selection of front pages of The Onion dating from January 1, 1900, to January 1, 2000. What better way for a lover of history like myself to chronicle our country, but with satirical headlines from The Onion.
I’ll be starting with the edition dated January 1, 1900. It’s the start of a new century and the headlines are crazy funny and thick with satire.
A NEW CENTURY DAWNS
MCKINLEY USHERS IN BOLD NEW COAL AGE
NATIONS SKIES FILLED WITH BEAUTIFUL, BLACK SMOKE
OUR NATIONS FORESTS MUST BE MINED FOR COAL
WILL MAN-MADE GRIME REACH THE VAULTS OF HEAVEN?
DEATH BY CORSET RATES STABILIZE AT ONE IN SIX
GROWING USE OF DR. SCHEIDT’S PATENTED SAFETY CORSET
AFRICAN SAVAGES TAUGHT WAYS OF CHRIST BY KINDLY BRITISH
BRITISH MISSIONARIES ARE SPREADING CHRISTIAN WISDOM
I’m reasonably sure that the powers-that-be at the time were thrilled with these satirical headlines. Who doesn’t love the freedom of the press and their ability to make politicians and governments in general wet themselves? Thanks goes out to The Onion for making the information available for me to play with.
With Christmas now in my rear-view mirror, I can get ready for the coming New Year holiday and celebrations. I won’t be out-and-about myself, but I will have a toast at midnight with my better-half. That being said let me move onto something else that I happen to enjoy, limericks and Isaac Azimov.
I have always been a huge fan of Isaac Asimov. I’ve been reading his novels and articles for most of my adult life. Fortunately for me most of them are science fiction which is my absolute favorite material to read. Asimov was one of the most prolific writers in history. If I recall correctly, he wrote more than 200 novels and thousands upon thousands of novelettes, short stories, and articles in many areas of study. In short, he was amazing.
It wasn’t until 10 years ago that I discovered that one of his hobbies was writing rude and bawdy limericks. After finding that out, I was determined to obtain some of his limericks. I found a thrift bookstore online and after some searching through their inventory discovered a book published in 1978 that contained dozens and dozens of limericks by Azimov and his friend John Ciardi. The book is split into two sections, limericks by Asimov, and the other half are limericks by John Ciardi. It’s a battle of the limerick monsters and makes for some really enjoyable and hilarious reading. I’ll offer up for your entertainment today four of Asimov’s more sexy limericks. I hope you enjoy them because I sure did.
😁😁😁
Sex need not be at all conversational,
Without talking, it’s still inspirational.
But mind you’re not burned
For many have learned
The act can be baby-creational
😜😜😜
Said the husband, with smiling urbanity,
I possess penile super humanity.”
Said his wife,” But the score
Of his inches is four.
The rest of it’s just his insanity.”
😉😉😉
There was a young woman named Cora Lee
Who said,” I will do it immorally
On top and on bottom,
Any way that I’ve got’em,
Vaginally, anally, orally.”
❤❤❤
There once was an eager young nurse
Who felt that she had to rehearse
Every sexual joy,
Every hot little ploy,
To succeed in becoming perverse.
What better way to prepare for New Year’s than a few raunchy limericks? There’ll be many more to come in the new year.
After posting my resolutions yesterday I found this list on a website (www.ba-bamail.com) that’s loaded with all sorts of humorous jokes, gags, and limericks. Their list of resolutions was funny, but I thought it needed a little of my tweaking. Here is my modified version of their list, a list I know I can really accomplish. I’ll try to complete yesterday’s list, but it’ll be much more difficult than this one.
Put on at least 30 pounds, more if someone pisses me off.
Start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.
Go commando at all times.
Stop exercising forever.
Let the hair in my nose and ears grow unchecked.
Shave just twice a week, the face is optional.
Watch more pornography.
Never again load the dishwasher.
Procrastinate more.
Do less laundry and use more deodorant.
Drink more – my liver needs the exercise.
Buy more on-line junk from China. I need to be scammed more often.
everyuselessthing.com 