Archive for the ‘Humor’ Tag

11/19/2022 “Weird & Fake”   Leave a comment

I’ve talked about “Fake News” in the past and it seems to be a current buzz word when talking about the politicians and media. What many people don’t realize is that fake news is nothing new. It’s been around forever. For years as I grew up, I accompanied my mother and two ex-wives on food shopping trips. While they were checking out, I had the misfortune of killing time reading some of the cheesy tabloids available at the registers. They were full of impossible news items which were funny as hell but hopefully only a fool would have thought any of them to be true. Here is a small collection of headlines from that era that will bring a smile to your face.

1993

BAT WITH A HUMAN FACE

TOWN ELECTS MIDGET POLICE CHIEF

BABY CATCHES BULLET WITH HIS GUMS

KID WITH 3 ARMS IS BASEBALL SENSATION

JUNK FOOD CAUSES TEENS TO WORSHIP THE DEVIL

MY WIFE’S GOST STILL COOKS, CLEAN & IRONS MY SHIRTS

HUMAN JELLYFISH SAYS RUB MY BELLY

WHALE EATERS UNITE

MAN KILLED BY FALLING BIBLE

SWORD SWALLOWER LAUGHED SO HARD HE SLIT HIS THROAT

GOLIATH’S SKULL FOUND IN HOLY LAND

STADIUM HAS SPECIAL AREA FOR NUDISTS

SECRET INGREDIENT IN NEW SKIN CREAM – GOBS OF HUMAN FAT

CHURCH COMMUNION CAN SPREAD AIDS

MAN GIVES GIRLFRIEND PERFUME MADE FROM HIS OWN SWEAT

THIS IS TRULY FAKE NEWS

11/18/2022 “Miscellaneous Truths”   2 comments

I am feeling extremely miscellaneous today. Here are 15 miscellaneous truths that you didn’t know you wanted to know. Enjoy!

  • Mount Baker in Washington state is the world record holder for the most snowfall in one season. In the winter of 1998-99, the ski resort recorded 1140 inches of snow.
  • The first chalkboard for classroom use was recorded in 1714.
  • The first read recorded e-mail was sent in 1972.
  • Rod Stewart once dug graves for a living.
  • Beginning with Super Bowl XXXIV in 2000, footballs used in the big game have been marked with synthetic DNA to prevent sports-memorabilia fraud. Souvenirs from the 2000 Summer Olympics were also marked with human DNA in the ink.

  • The last letter added to the English alphabet was “J”.
  • A typical American family goes through approximately 6000 pounds of food in any given year.
  • Prior to James Madison, US presidents wore knee britches instead of long pants.
  • A Twinkie contains 60% air.
  • The original name of the game volleyball was “mintonette”. It was created in 1895 when a YMCA gym teacher borrowed from basketball, tennis, and handball to create a new game.

  • Thomas Morgan and Elizabeth Caerleon were married for 81 years. When she died on January 19, 1891, their aggregate age was 209 years, 262 days.
  • Englishman were once legally barred from witnessing childbirth.
  • The stripes on a tigers face are used for identification, since no two tigers sport the same stripe pattern.
  • The first fairy tale adapted into cartoon by Walt Disney was Little Red Riding Hood, released in 1922.
  • Francis Scott Key wrote the lyrics of the Star-Spangled Banner to the tune of an 18th-century British drinking song.

THE TRUTH WILL STILL SET YOU FREE

11/16/2022 “Things You Want to Know”   Leave a comment

THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW YOU WANTED TO KNOW

SEX

  • It is illegal In Arizona for a secretary to be alone with his or her boss.
  • In Oklahoma you must be married in order to have sex legally.
  • It is illegal to kiss for more than 5 minutes In Iowa.
  • In Indiana it is illegal to be in a state of sexual arousal in public.
  • Talking dirty during sex is illegal in Oregon.
  • In Arizona it is illegal to have more than two dildos in a household.

TRANSPORTATION

  • The Lincoln Highway from New York to California was the first coast-to-coast highway in the United States. It opened for travel in 1913.
  • The last model T Ford was produced on May 26, 1927.
  • The first electric traffic light was installed in Cleveland Ohio in 1914.
  • The first parking meter in the United States was installed in 1935.
  • The first speed limit law in the United States was established in Connecticut in 1901. The limit for cars in cities was 10 miles per hour.
  • The first mountain bikes were made in the United States in 1979 by Charles Kelly and Gary Fisher.

FOOD & DRINK

  • Starbucks Coffee Company was named after Starbuck, a character in Moby Dick.
  • The hot dog was invented by Charles Feltman in 1874.
  • Hershey’s Kisses got their name because the machine that makes them looks like it’s kissing the conveyor belt.
  • There are over 5900 Dairy Queens throughout the world.
  • There are over 3000 varieties of tea.
  • Cotton Candy made its debut in 1904 at the World’s Fair in St. Louis.

I TOLD YOU, YOU’D WANT TO KNOW

11/15/2022 “Female Wisdom”   Leave a comment

I collect many books of odd and interesting information but a few weeks ago I found something in a box that surprised me. Stuck between two other stacks of papers was a small paperback book of only 63 pages. It is titled Womens Wit and Wisdom and was published in 2000. One chapter caught my eye concerning quotations from various women from various years with their thoughts on Life. Here are a few.

  • “Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you’re aboard there’s nothing you can do.” Golda Meir 1973
  • “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” Lucille Ball 1989
  • “I was thirty-seven when I went to work writing my column. I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security, and too tired for an affair.” Erma Bombeck 1979
  • “Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; it is up to you to merit the face you have at fifty.” Coco Chanel 1956
  • “It is better to be looked over than overlooked.” Mae West 1967

  • “Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth.” Lillian Hellman 1939
  • “At the end of your life you will never regret not having passed one more test, winning one more verdict or not closing one more deal. You will regret the time not spent with a husband, a child, a friend or parent.” Barbara Bush 1990
  • “Adolescence is just one big walking pimple.” Carol Burnett 1986
  • “Suddenly you find at the age of fifty, that a whole new life has opened before you, as if a fresh sap of ideas and thoughts was rising in you.” Agatha Christie 1977″
  • “My friends have made the story of my life. In a thousand ways they have turned my limitations into beautiful privileges and enabled me to walk serene and happy in a shadow cast by my deprivation.” Helen Keller 1903

I’M GLAD I FOUND THIS BOOK

11/13/2022 Are You an Animal Lover?   Leave a comment

I’ve been an animal lover my entire life centering mainly on cats. I’ve had just about every animal you can think of from snakes to ferrets, guinea pigs, and many others. Since today is a slow Sunday, it’s rainy and gray, and I have two grandchildren coming to visit in a few hours, I won’t be able to get much accomplished once they arrive. Today’s post will be short and sweet. If you like or love animals here are a collection of odd facts which you might find interesting.

  • Besides humans, the only animal it can stand on its head is the elephant.
  • A newborn panda is smaller than a mouse.
  • The heads of a freak two-headed snake will fight over food despite sharing the same stomach.
  • The armadillo is the only animal apart from man that can catch leprosy.
  • A giraffe can go without water longer than a camel.

  • A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
  • A donkey will sink in quicksand, but a mule won’t.
  • Polar bears can smell a human being from 20 miles away.
  • The world’s biggest frog is bigger than the world’s smallest antelope.
  • Deer sleep only 5 minutes a day.

  • Kangaroos can’t walk backward.
  • It takes a male horse only 14 seconds to copulate.
  • The normal temperature of a cat is 101.5°.
  • Camel milk does not curdle.
  • There are more goats than people in Somalia.

CAT’S RULE!!

And . . . HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVEY!

11/08/2022 “Strange History”   Leave a comment

Today is a good a day as any to look back through history to find some strange rules, laws or customs. In the past I’ve shown some seriously strange laws still on the books in this country. Now let’s take a trip back into history look at some of their foibles because in truth some of theirs are way stranger than ours.

  • It was once proposed in the Rhode Island legislature in the 1970s that there be enacted a two-dollar tax on every act of sexual intercourse.
  • A law was passed in England requiring all corpses to be buried in a wool shroud, thereby extorting support for Britain’s flagging wool trade. The act was repealed 148 years later, in 1814.
  • The average age of Elizabethan and Jacobean brides was about 24 and their bridegrooms around 27. The primary reason for delayed marriages was to limit births among poor people. The higher the social status, however, the younger the age at marriage.
  • As in Abraham’s time, it was the custom among men in Rome, when swearing to tell the truth, to place one’s right hand on one’s testicles. The English word testimony is related to this custom.

  • When a Chinese bystander ashore was killed accidentally by a cannon salvo of greeting from an English ship, during the early days of the China-Western trade, the English were forced to turn over to China the hapless gunner, who was promptly strangled.
  • The Tinguian people of the Philippines have their own way of kissing. They put their lives close to each other’s face and quickly inhale.
  • In 1853 Illinois passed a law that required any black entering the state and staying more than 10 days to pay a fine of $50. If he could not pay, the black could be sold into slavery for a period commensurate with the fine.
  • Over the centuries, playing cards have been put to strange uses. They became the first paper currency of Canada when the French governor, in 1685, use them to pay off some war debts. In 1765, the year of the Stamp Act, when every pack of playing cards was being taxed one shilling, they were also used for class admission at the University of Pennsylvania. Napoleon even used them as a ration cards during the French Revolution.
  • The town of High Wycombe in Buckinghamshire, England, carries on the multi-century custom called the “Weighing-in Ceremony.” In early May, the town’s mayor, mayoress, deputy town mayor, deputy mayoress, town clerk, and district counselors representing wards in the town’s boundaries are weighed in order to learn if they have grown fat at the public trough.

ISN’T HISTORY ENLIGHTENING?

11/06/2022 💥💥Kid Limericks💥💥   Leave a comment

It’s Sunday which is supposed to be a day of rest. Short and sweet today with a few limericks written by kids and for kids.

😎😎😎

Consider the poor hippopotamus,

His life is unduly monotonous.

He lives half-asleep

At the edge of the deep,

And his face is as big as his bottom is.

🙄🙄🙄

There was an old man of Peru

Who dreamt he was eating a shoe.

He awoke in the night

With a terrible fright,

And found it was perfectly true.

🙃🙃🙃

A visitor from Outer Space

On arriving presented his case.

“Earthlings? Inferior!

My race? Superior!”

Tripped up and fell flat on his face.

🤪🤪🤪

An elephant never forgets,

Neither messages, shopping nor debts.

He can hold in his trunk

A whole cartload of junk,

And the little ones make super pets.

11/05/2022 “Sports Experts”   Leave a comment

I can’t tell you how many times in my life that I’ve been assured by so-called experts that things were good and ten minutes later another so-called expert is screaming “doom and gloom”, it’s damn confusing. It’s amazes me how many experts or so-called experts exist especially when discussing sports. Let’s look into sports a little and listen to the real experts.

BASEBALL

  • “If Jesus were on the field he’d be pitching inside and breaking up double plays. He’d be giving high fives to the other guys.” Tim Burke, Montréal Expos pitcher
  • “They shouldn’t throw at me. I’m the father of five or six kids.” Tito Fuentes, National League infielder
  • “I am a four-wheel-drive pickup type of guy. So is my wife.” Mike Greenwell, Boston Red Sox outfielder

FOOTBALL

  • “Man, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl.” Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
  • “I don’t care what the tape says. I didn’t say it.” Ray Malavasi, St. Louis Rams coach
  • “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” Joe Theismann, player/commentator

BASKETBALL

  • “Left-hand, right-hand, it doesn’t matter. I’m amphibious.” Charles Shackleford, North Carolina State player
  • “I have won at every level, except college and pro.” Shaquille O’Neal, former Los Angeles Laker player
  • “A lot is said about defense, but at the end of the game, the team with the most points wins- the other team loses.” Isaiah Thomas

SOCCER

  • “If we play like that every week, we wouldn’t be so inconsistent.” Bryan Robeson
  • “I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.” Unnamed senior, University of Pittsburgh
  • “What I said to them at halftime would be unprintable on the radio.” Gerry Francis
  • “He’s one of those footballers whose brains are in his head.” Derek Johnstone

YOU KNOW, I THINK I’M AN EXPERT TOO!

11/03/2022 💥💥Limerick Alert💥💥   Leave a comment

I thought all of you would appreciate a few relatively harmless limericks mainly concerned with anatomical issues. The weekend is in sight and maybe these little ditties will help get you through until then.

There was a young lady of Kent,

Whose nose was most awfully bent.

One day, I suppose,

She followed her nose,

For no one knew which way she went.

🥰🥰🥰

There was an old man of Blackheath,

Who sat on his set of false teeth.

Said he, with a start,

“O Lord, bless my heart!

I’ve bitten myself underneath.

😜😜😜

There was an old man of Tarentum

Who gnashed his false teeth ’til he bent’em.

When they asked him the cost

Of what he had lost,

He replied, “I can’t say, for I rent’em.”

😏😏😏

A girl who weighed many an oz.

Used language I dared not pronoz.

For a fellow unkind

Pulled her chair out behind

Just to see (so he said) if she’d boz.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

11/01/2022 “Facts”   Leave a comment

I am constantly amazed as I do my research for this blog. So many facts exist that are different and sometimes strange. It seems that the stranger facts regularly turn out to be true. Here are ten interesting facts you might enjoy.

  • The Puritans brought beer to America. According to Mourt’s Relation (1622), the Mayflower Pilgrims settled at Plymouth because supplies, especially beer, were running low. Beer was a dietary mainstay on long voyages because, having been boiled, it was purer than water.
  • Despite being made famous by Dutch paintings and Spain’s Don Quixote, windmills originated in Persia before the 10th century.
  • At -90°F, your breath will freeze in midair and fall to the ground.
  • The word “deadline” originated in Civil War prisons, where lines were drawn that prisoners passed only at the risk of being shot.
  • On March 15, 1985, Symbolic.com became the first registered Internet domain. Science-fiction writer William Gibson had coined the term “cyberspace” in his novel Neuromancer only the year before.

  • The first film version of Frankenstein was a 15-minute silent film produced by Thomas Edison.
  • Inventions that changed how we shop: the cash register (1884), the shopping cart (1936), and the scannable barcode (1952).
  • Warren Buffett, legendary investor and self-made multibillionaire, filed his first income tax return at age 13, reporting revenue from a newspaper delivery job. He claimed a $35 deduction for his bicycle.
  • Shakespeare coined thousands of new words, or “neologisms” in his plays and sonnets. Among these are: amaze, bedroom, excellent, fitful, majestic, radiance, and summit.
  • Dolly the sheep – the first cloned mammal – was named after country singer Dolly Parton. Stockmen dubbed the sheep “Dolly “because she was cloned from a mammary cell.

How many of the ten were you aware of before reading this post? I’m just a little curious. I’ll just bet the real Dolly was so proud she was popping her buttons off. LOL

START NOVEMBER WITH A GIGGLE