Archive for the ‘limericks’ Tag
I’ve rounded up a few more limericks written exclusively by the youngest generation. I’m constantly amazed just how well they construct their limericks. When I was their age, I’m sure I wouldn’t have been able to match their skills. Enjoy . . .
Belinda Kellett – Age 8
There was a young lad he named Tony
Who ate plates of fried macaroni.
He got very fat,
But he didn’t mind that,
‘Cos, he bounced when he sat on his pony.
☘☘☘
Audrey Freeland – Age 12
There was a young fellow called Fred
Had an elephant sit on his head.
Where the elephant sat,
Fred’s head grew quite flat,
But Fred didn’t care, he was dead!
☘☘☘
Christine Tailby – Age 7
There was a young lady of Leeds
Who was constantly doing good deeds.
As she bit her young brother,
She said to her mother
“I’ll bind up the wound if it bleeds!”
☘☘☘
Ron Rubin (Unk Age)
As he shrugged and made room on her tuffet,
He whooped: “You’re my lunch, dear Ms. Muffet!”.
Then the monstrous tarantula
Began to dismantle her,
And that’s how Ms. M came to snuff it.
😃😂😁😀😉🙂😛
If any of you happen to have a favorite limerick, email it to me at (everyuselessthing2@yahoo.com) and I’ll post it. Better yet, if you write your own just sent it along and get credit for your work. Don’t be shy, everything here is done just for the fun of it.
MORE TO COME
Now that Mother’s Day has come and gone, let’s look into something a bit more musical. Everyone seems to love music of one sort or another, so why don’t we all try to enjoy some music related limericks.
🎵🎵🎵
A small hairy dog from Pirbright
Would sit at the organ all night.
And in his shrewd way,
He kept burglars at bay,
For his Bach was much worse than his bite.
🤥🤥🤥
Tchaikovsky composed his “Swan Lake”,
With his grand reputation at stake,
So, he wasn’t too fond
Of its nickname “Duck Pond”,
He considered that name a mistake.
😝😝😝
There is a musician named Long
Who’s composed a new popular song.
I’m convinced it’s the croon
Of a lovesick baboon,
With occasional thumps on a gong.
😇😇😇
There was a composer named Liszt
Whose music was hard to resist.
When he swept the keyboard,
Not a listener was bored,
And now that he’s gone, he is mizst.
🥴🥴🥴
HUM ALONG IF YOU MUST
No matter what day of the week or month of the year, there’s always time for some of Mr. Asimov’s finely crafted limericks. These will tend to be a bit more off-color than the ones I usually post so keep your kids and prudish spouses clear. This is a really good way to kick off your week. Here we go . . .
Breathed a tender young man from Australia,
“My darling, please let me unveilia,
And then, oh, my own,
If you’ll kindly lie prone,
I will endeavor, my sweet, to impalia.”
😄😄😄
Said a certain young girl of Madrid
Who kept her vagina well hid,
“For a lousy peseta,
I am no fornicata,
But I’ll spring for an adequate bid.”
😲😲😲
“Adultery,” said Joseph, “is nice”.
If once is all right, better twice.
This doubling of rations
Improves my sensations
For the plural of spouse, friend, is “spice.”
😎😎😎
At a nudist camp, sweet little Lillian
Was slated to lead the cotillion.
This made her so proud
That to shine in the crowd
She painted Her nipples vermilion.
😈😈😈
ENJOY YOUR WEEK
Most of you readers enjoy the limericks I post but even more seem to enjoy the limericks created by kids. Here are a few more selections for your amusement.
Violet McDonald – Age 11
Thr wnce ws a grl fr, SX
Who cdnt stp usin hr txt:
She ws gtin a bor,
I cud nt take no mor,
So I fd hr phn 2my dg Rx
😍😍😍
Celia McMaster – Age 12
A hungry old goat name Heather
Was tied up with an old piece of leather.
In a minute or two
She had chewed it right through,
And that was end of her tether!
🤪🤪🤪
David McDermott – Age 13
There is a young boxer named Walter,
Who comes from the island of Malta.
One day in the ring
He stepped on a spring,
And bounced all the way to Gibraltar.
😛😛😛
Brian Bell – Age 5
My brother’s name is Keith.
He hates to clean his teeth.
His dirty face
Is a real disgrace,
But he’s lovely underneath!
💩
As someone who’s crazy for limericks of all kinds, I thought I’d introduce a new contributor to this blog. The name is John Ciardi, and he was a close friend of Isaac Azimov, my favorite limerick author. They partnered up back in the 70’s and wrote a book of their limericks. It was a limerick war between the two as part of their competitive friendship. I’ve blogged many of Azimov’s limericks and I think it’s only fair to give Mr. Ciardi equal time. Here are a few of his gems.
😂😂😂
There once was a girl who intended
To keep herself morally splendid
And ascend into Glory,
Which is not a bad story,
Except that that’s not how it ended.
😫😫😫
One semester a young prof named Innis
Taught two hundred coeds’ what sin is.
Not, bad, I acknowledge,
For a small country college,
But not worth recording in Guinness.
🤪🤪🤪
A businesslike lady once baited
The door of her flat with X-rated
Interior views,
And, in neon, FREE BOOZE.
Then stretched out on a bearskin and waited.
😎😎😎
A word spout named Howard Cosell
Set his sights on the language Nobel
By over inflating
His confabulating,
But to blow hard is not to blow well.
THANK YOU MR. CIARDI
As everyone is probably aware, I absolutely love limericks. I will present a few today but for those of you of German heritage and anyone who can speak German, this first one is for you. I have to admit that Germany is not known for its limericks but here is one in German with a translation. I think if the translation is accurate (and I’m not sure it is), it’s one of the worst limericks ever written. If anyone out there can translate it properly, please do, and sent me the corrected version by email to everyuselessthing2@yahoo.com.
Ein dicklicher mann in Peru
Der traumte mal von einer kuh;
Und alse r erwacht
Da ha ter gelacht:
Seine frau stand am bett und macht
😷😷😷
A plumpish chap in Peru
Was dreaming about a cow.
When he awoke,
He couldn’t help laughing,
His wife was standing at the bedside saying “Moo!”
😷😷😷
Now that that silliness is over let’s get on with a couple of limericks written by children. After previous posting of kids’ limericks, I received a number of requests for more. Here are a couple.
By Raymond Coleman (Age 11)
There was a young lad called Davy
Who hated the food in the Navy.
He couldn’t have beef
In case his false teeth
Would drop out and fall in the gravy.
😷😷😷
By Amanda Chew (Age 13)
There was a math teacher named Rundle
Who tied up his books in a bundle.
It’s too heavy he feels,
So put it on wheels,
Now Rundle can trundle his bundle!
😷😷😷
MORE ADULT LIMERICKS ARE ON THE WAY SOON
Today’s post will be short and sweet. I was drawn back into the arms of medical community this week with blood work and a CT scan. I sure haven’t missed that hospital, that’s for certain. I pissed away my entire day today being passed from one room to another and poked and prodded by a new group of strangers.
This was the beginning of my last (hopefully) quarterly scan. If the cancer remains in remission, I’ll be looking forward to a twelve-month period of being doctor-free as well. Next week’s two visits will tell the tale. The Oncology department will be tearing apart the results of these tests to give me a final determination on the cancer. I’m keeping my fingers crossed as you can imagine. Here’s two appropriate medical limericks to end this lovely effing day.
There was an eccentric old boffin
Who observed, in a fierce fit of coughing:
“It isn’t the cough
That carries you off –
It’s the coffin they carry you off in!”
🍩🍆🍩🍆🍩
An unfortunate fellow named Lestyn
Has fifty-five feet of intestine.
Though a huge success
In the medical press,
It isn’t much good for digesting.
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND
Today’s been a slow day here in Maine and after two days of sunshine we’re back to our normal gray, cold, and miserable days. When trying to decide what to post today, I went back into my e-mails and discovered quite a few requests for more children’s limericks. I enjoy them myself but in truth, I love the bawdy ones just as much. Here are a few from the kids. I hope you enjoy them.
And undisciplined child named McLundy
Always got to school late, until one day
He was early for once,
But the ignorant dunce
Had forgotten that it was a Sunday!
😃😃😃
A greedy young schoolboy called Mark
Stuffed bananas all week, for a lark.
And when he was done,
Gobbled nuts by the ton,
Now he swings through the trees in the park.
😄😄😄
A robber named Brian McGrew
Decided to burgle a zoo.
But he foolishly stole a
Huge boa constrictor
Which ate him without more ado!
😁😁😁
A naughty young schoolboy from Datchet
Sneak off with his grandfather’s hatchet.
Then was heard to cry: “Oh!
I’ve chopped off my toe!
Won’t somebody please re-attach it?”
Well, it looks like winter is finally fading away. What does that mean to most of us? Warm weather and lots of sports. Today I want to combine your love of sports with my love of limericks. Here are four limericks concerning golf and baseball. Enjoy!
They say that ex-president Taft,
When hit by a golf ball, just laughed,
And said:” I’m not sore,
But although he called “Fore”,
The place that it struck me was “aft!”
🍀🍀🍀
A golfer, employing a wedge,
Clipped his chip shot behind a thick hedge.
But he hadn’t been seen,
So, he strolled to the green
And dropped a new ball on the edge.
🍀🍀🍀
The slider just slid past the bat,
And the curveball? Too flat to get at.
The pitcher’s last ball
Was his fastest fastball,
So, I’m three strikes and out. And that’s that!
🍀🍀🍀
I hit every home run we score.
I catch every catch and what’s more
I ain’t missed a game,
You may not know my name,
But I’m up here in row eighty-four.
PLAY BALL!!!
A few days ago, I posted a mish-mosh of items which included two limericks from young children. I love the fact that there are kids growing up into a new generation of limerick writers. I would hate to think limericks would fall by the wayside here in the 21st century when they’ve added so much amusement and laughter for hundreds of years. I have a collection of children’s limericks that I’ll share with you periodically because they are cute, adorable and much less bawdy than their adult counterparts. These are for those of you who are too delicate to read the real deal. I hope you enjoy them.
👩🏻👳🏻♂️👲🏻
Consider the poor hippopotamus
His life is unduly monotonous.
He lives half sleep
At the edge of the deep,
And his face is as big as his bottom is.
👩🏻👩🏻🦰👩🏻🦳
A sea serpent saw a big tanker,
Bit hole in its side and then sank her.
He swallowed the crew
In a minute or two,
And then picked his teeth with the anchor.
👱🏻♂️👲🏻👨🏻🦳
There was a young bather from Bewes,
Who reclined on the bank of the Ouse,
His radio blared,
And passers-by stared,
For all he had on was the news!
👼🏻👱🏻♂️👳🏻♂️
“What,” said our teacher, Ms. Pink,
“Is this moth doing here in my ink?”
Said a cheeky young lass,
At the front of the class,
“The Butterfly Stroke, I should think!”
NOT TOO BAD FOR YOUNGSTERS
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