Archive for the ‘quotations’ Tag

09-07-2013   Leave a comment

I like many others have been married and divorced.  It’s truly a painful process but with just about fifty percent of marriages doomed to failure it’s an experience millions of people must deal with.  Unfortunately the collateral damage from a divorce extends to the children.  It’s difficult to find many children who aren’t touched by divorce in some fashion or another these days. 

As sympathetic as I am to their plight, I actually think that keeping a marriage together for the children is a mistake.  Having them be a witness to the down and dirty fighting between their parents and then further manipulation by both parents for custody rights is the worst.  Those kind of scars last a lifetime.

Kids are much more resilient than adults think and can adapt to changing circumstances fairly quickly.  The following children were asked to speak on the subject of marriage.  As always kids speak their mind in a clear and concise manner regardless of the subject.

* * * 

How do you decide who to marry?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. – Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.    – Kirsten, age 10

What is the best age to marry?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. – Camille, age 10

No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.               – Freddie, age 6

How can you tell if two people are married?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. – Derrick, age 8

What do your Mom and Dad have in common?

Both don’t want any more kids. – Lori, age 8

What do people do on dates?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.                    – Linette, age 8

On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. – Martin, age 10

What would you do on a bad first date?

I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. – Craig, age 9

When is it OK to kiss someone?

When they’re rich. – Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
– Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do. – Howard, age 8

Is it better to be single?

I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never going to have sex with my wife. I don’t want to be all grossed out. – Theodore, age 8

It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. – Anita, age 9

How would the world be different if there was no marriages?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there? – Kelvin, age 8

How would you make your marriage work?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck. – Rick, age 10

* * *

It’s always refreshing for me to read essays, stories, and remarks made by the kids.  They’re able to cut through the BS and answer questions based on their bits and pieces of  limited knowledge.  It gives me hope for the future.

08-24-2013   Leave a comment

I spend a lot of my time watching and listening to people.  It’s my most favorite of activities to be sure.  I’ve recently began to see unusual patterns occurring in others which trouble me a great deal. It seems we as a people are loosing the ability to insult others with tact or sarcasm.  I know, I was as stunned as you are.  What is this country coming to if we lose that important ability.  That’s one of the losses we suffer from too much political correctness.

"Your mother wears combat boots." was a good way for me to get my ass kicked in grade school.  It was almost as bad as "Your mother dresses you funny." or "If my dog looked like your mother, I’d shave his ass and make him walk backward."  Mother insults were always a good way to insult someone and be absolutely sure to get the proper reaction. 

These days you can’t even call someone a liar, you must say “he’s diligently avoiding the truth”.  That’s pussy talk in my opinion. Give me the good old days when someone wasn’t "educationally challenged" he was a moron or a dumb ass. It is said that the WW II generation was the greatest and I completely agree. They knew how to deliver an good insult that was polite, sarcastic, and devastating.  No pussy talk for those guys or gals.  Here are some classic insults by famous people of that era.  Enjoy.

  • “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill
  • “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” – Clarence Darrow
  • “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx
  • “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain
  • “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” – Oscar Wilde
  • “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend… if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
  • “Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second, if there is one.” – Winston Churchill’s response to George Bernard Shaw
  • “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West
  • “Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!” – Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
  • “Madam, if I were your husband, I would drink it!” – Winston Churchill’s response to Lady Astor
  • "There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure." – Jack E. Leonard
  • "He has Van Gogh’s ear for music." – Billy Wilder
  • “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde
  • "A modest little person, with much to be modest about." – Winston Churchill

Three of my all time favorites, Mae West, Mark Twain, and Winston Churchill. They just don’t make them like that anymore and it’s a damn shame (In my humble opinion).

08-15-2013   Leave a comment

I’ve been fairly consistent over the years in my criticism of all politicians and liberals even more so.  It’s my opinion that all politicians usually do more harm than good once they start passing inane laws  and even more so with liberals.

For a long time I felt I was alone in my opinions until I started doing what I tell everyone else to do, “Know Your Past”.  I’ve always loved history and read as much of it as I can. The following quotes are from a variety of sources over a span of almost a hundred years and I found them more than a little interesting.  I hope you do as well.

* * *

 “A liberal is a man who leaves the room when the fight starts”  – Heywood Broun (1888-1939)

“Limousine Liberal: one who takes up hunger as a cause but has never felt a pang; who will talk at length about the public school system but sends his children to private schools.” – William Safire (1929-2009)

“A liberal will hang you from a lower branch.” – Adlai E. Stevenson (1900-1965)

“The modern, liberal-scientific ethic: if it’s bad for you, it should be prohibited; if it’s good for you, it should be required.” – Thomas S. Szasz  (1920-2012)

“Liberal: Someone who believes crime is the fault of society until he’s robbed.” – Jerry Tucker (1941- )

“In a pinch the liberals can always be counted on to back up the principles of the established order.” – Scott Nearing (1883-1983) Jul 1950

* * *

I won’t be slamming our liberal friends today but I will let the quotes do it for me.  It’s nice to know that my opinion of liberals and other politicians was held by many and varied people of note for decades.

08-10-2013   Leave a comment

Since my better-half and I are road tripping for the rest of the weekend I thought I’d just get Sunday’s posting out of the way before we leave.  I hope you’ll enjoy your weekend.

* * *

I’ve been watching and listening the the President and his minions for years now.  I’ve discredited him when I could and attempted to convince anyone who would listen to look, see, and understand truth of things. If you’re still a big supporter then you’re obviously one of the Obama “Kool-Aid” drinkers.  Why not listen to our past presidents who’ve been through the political wringer and survived.  They have experiences that should be drawn upon for guidance and help in these perilous times.  Listen up!

“It will be worthy of a free, enlightened, and, at no distant period, a great nation, to give to mankind the magnanimous and too novel example of a People always guided by an exalted justice and benevolence.”

George Washington – Farewell Address 1796

“I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just; that his justice cannot sleep forever.”

Thomas Jefferson 1785

“The American people will ever do well if well done by.”

Abraham Lincoln 1860

“The strength of our Nation must continue to be used in the interest of all our people rather than a privileged few. It must continue to be used unselfishly in the struggle for world peace and the betterment of mankind.”

Harry S. Truman – State of the Union Jan 1949

“Whatever America hopes to bring to pass in the world must first come to pass in the heart of America.”

Dwight D. Eisenhower – First Inaugural Address 1953

“America is a great nation today not because of what government did for people but because of what people did for themselves and one another.”

Richard M. Nixon – Beyond Peace 1994

“All great change in America begins at the dinner table.”

Ronald Reagan – Farewell Address Jan 1989

“America is never wholly herself unless she is engaged in high moral principle. We as a people have a purpose today.  It is to make kinder the face of the nation and gentler the face of the world.”

George Bush – Inaugural Address 1989

I’ll say it again as I’ve said it so many times before.  Know your past.

08-07-2013   Leave a comment

    I realize that a large portion of our society hangs on every word and deed of our ever growing ranks of celebrities.  From the beards on Duck Dynasty to the endless supply of idiot groups of wives from what seems like every city in the country.  Unless people hear the information directly from a celebrity on Twitter it has no validity.  They’re experts on every subject from the environment to politics and need to be constantly in the lime light so none of us can ever forget how smart they think they are.

    Bear in mind when you read the following quotes from our wannabe Mensa members of the celebrity corp.  They spew such utter nonsense as you’ll soon read, take a sip of water, and then begin to explain the State of the Union, as they see it.  This is what happens when semi-smart talented singers with too much time and money on their hands get bored.

    The folks I’m listing here are just the tip of the ice berg.  They’re all singers who’s second most important priority is to be seen and heard as often as possible in the Media.    I actually like some of their music but OMG shut up about everything else.

  • Christina Aguilera
  1. On clothes: “I wouldn’t feel right wearing clothes covering my body.”

  2. “So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?”

  • Britney Spears

  1. “I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.”

  2. After a wardrobe malfunction: “OMG my pussy is hanging out.”

  3. “I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.”

  • Mariah Carey

  1. “Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”

  2. Before entering rehab:  “I just want one day off when I can go swimming and eat ice cream and look at rainbows.”

  • Jessica Simpson

  1. “I’m not anorexic. I’m from Texas. Are there people from Texas that are anorexic? I’ve never heard of one. And that includes me.”

  2. On tuna: “Is this chicken or is this fish?”

  • Whitney Houston, on crack:  “Crack is cheap. I make too much money to ever smoke crack. Let’s get that straight. OK? We don’t do crack. We don’t do that. Crack is whack.”

  • Kellie Pickler, on ‘Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader’: “I thought Europe was a country?”

  • Ricky Martin: “I love giving the golden shower. I’ve done it before in the shower. It’s, like, so sexy”.

  • Lil’ Wayne, on studying:  “I learned this from a college graduate. She’d smoke a joint the night before a test, while she was studying, and then again in the morning and everything she had read would come right back. I tried this shit five times and I swear to God, I’ve never made less than a 92.”

  • Ozzy Osbourne, on subtitles: “I think MTV should consider using subtitles. Half the time, even I can’t understand what the fuck I’m talking about.”

  • Melissa Etheridge, after winning an Oscar: “This is the only naked man that will ever be in my bedroom.”

  • Kanye West, on his legacy: “I realize that my place and position in history is that I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade. I will be the loudest voice.”

  • Axl Rose: "It’s really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people.”

    Keep all of this in mind as these celebrities and hundreds of others stare back at you from your TV set and tell you how to eat, drink, live, love, exercise, who to vote for, and what rehab facility is the best. Take their rehab advice but go on about your life  making your own decisions.

07-26-2013   2 comments

I’ve always been a lover of quotations for many years regardless of the time period from which they’ve sprung.  I’ve discovered quotes from politicians in ancient Greece that remain totally applicable to the nonsense we witness every day in Washington. I’ve even found myself shocked and awed that occasionally someone I disagree with politically will say something noteworthy.  The old adage that “Even a blind man will find a pearl eventually” remains true.  So here are a few of my favorites that most of our current pols should be required to read and memorize before running for office.

“There are two parts of good government; one is the actual obedience of citizens to the laws, the other part is the goodness of the laws which they obey.” Aristotle (384-322 BC)

“The effect of a good government is to make life more valuable; of a bad one, to make it less valuable.” Henry David Thoreau 4 Jul 1874

“A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul”.” George Bernard Shaw 1944

“In this [economic] crisis, government is not the solution to our problem. Government is the problem.” Ronald Reagan 20 Jan 81

“Society in every state is a blessing, but government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worst state, an intolerable one.”  Thomas Paine, Common Sense 1776

“A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough to take it all away.”  Barry M. Goldwater 21 Oct 64

See what I mean?  Almost everything we say or do had been said and done already.  It makes reading them, listening to them, and understanding them even more important today. I’ll leave you with that thought as I head out the door for a day of relaxation at a local church fair and then later to the beach to cool off.  I hope your weekend is a good one as well.

07-16-2013   Leave a comment

The battle of the sexes has existed for as long as anyone can remember.  If your a Christian it’s taught that women were made from a man’s rib and then couldn’t resist the temptations of the devil.  Eve, the first woman, got the first man, Adam,  thrown out of Paradise because of a lack of self-control.  It’s a sad story but as in all ancient stories there is always a grain of truth.  I’m not a big believer in religion or religious writings from hundreds or thousand years ago and prefer to make my own judgments based on what I know.

Let me qualify myself a little.  My mother was a women.  My sister was a woman. My grandmothers were women and many of my aunts and cousins were female. My many girl friends, lovers, and acquaintances were females. Why I was so enlightened that many of my pets were also female.  I’ve had women work for me, with me, and on occasion I worked for them.  I feel I have the right to voice an opinion or two about the war between the sexes because after being married for nineteen years I consider myself imminently qualified. It wasn’t the marriage that helped qualify me but the divorce.  I learned a lot.

You probably think that I’m now going to rant about all of my bad experiences with the women in my life.  I admit there have been a few but nothing I would care to bore you with.  I’d rather fall back on the words of women and how they perceive themselves.  Here we go.

  • The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.  Helen Hayes (at 73)
  • There is no more creative force in the world than the menopausal woman with zest.   Margaret Mead
  • One is not born a woman, one becomes one.   Simone DeBeauvoir
  • A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.  Carrie Snow
  • I am a marvelous housekeeper.  Every time I leave a man I keep his house.    Zsa Zsa Gabor
  • A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do.  A woman must do what he can’t.  Rhonda Hansome
  • Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.  Charlotte Whitton
  • Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I’m supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone.  Jan King
  • You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.  Erica Jong
  • Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.  Laurie Kuslansky
  • Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.  Maryon Pearson
  • In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man – if you want anything done, ask a woman. Margaret Thatcher
  • I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home who answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night.  Marie Corelli
  • Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.  Eleanor Roosevelt
  • I have everything I had twenty years ago, only it’s all a little bit lower. Gypsy Rose Lee
  • The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.  Erma Bombeck
  • A woman’s rule of thumb: if it has tires or testicles, you’re going to have trouble with it.  Unknown

Many of these quotations are from women who are famous and even iconic.  Read them, digest them, and make up your own mind.  Nothing stated here surprised me in the least. Now let’s hear from a few men about themselves.

  • God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.  Robin Williams
  • God made woman beautiful and foolish; beautiful, that man might love her; and foolish, that she might love him.  Author Unknown
  • Man is the only animal that blushes – or needs to.  Mark Twain
  • A dog is not considered a good dog because he is a good barker. A man is not considered a good man because he is a good talker.  Chuang Tzu
  • When a young man complains that a young lady has no heart, it’s pretty certain that she has his.  George Dennison
  • How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.  Oscar Wilde
  • When a man is in love he endures more than at other times; he submits to everything.  Friedrich Nietzsche
  • Nature knows no indecencies; man invents them.  Mark Twain
  • Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking.  Albert Einstein
  • Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.  Billy Crystal
  • Wise men are not always silent, but they know when to be.  Proverb
  • Every woman needs one man in her life who is strong and responsible. Given this security, she can proceed to do what she really wants to do – fall in love with men who are weak and irresponsible.  Richard J. Needham
  • Men play the game; women know the score.  Roger Woddis
  • I like men who have a future and women who have a past.  Oscar Wilde
  • There are two perfectly good men, one dead, and the other unborn.  Chinese Proverb
  • Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he will pick himself up and carry on.  Winston Churchill
  • Men forget but never forgive. Women forgive but never forget.  Unknown
  • Men are what their mothers made them.  Ralph Waldo Emerson

This battle continues as it always has and always will with the same old complaints and wise cracks by both sides.  It’s Mother Nature at her very best.  It’s called the “mating ritual” by some experts but it all comes down to one thing.  Yes, that’s right, you know exactly what I’m talking about, S..E..X!  If your surprised by that statement then you must live in an isolated convent or monastery far from the civilized world.  Either that or you’re a total idiot with a lack of common sense and no chance of getting laid. 

The war continues.

07-12-2013   Leave a comment

As much as I dislike writing about politicians and politics, I do love reading information from noteworthy individuals who were either famous or infamous.  When I see good quotations I squirrel them away for later use on this blog. With a beautiful weekend looming I’ve decided to keep things light and to pass a few of them along for your amusement.  In these quotations  attempts have been made to explain exactly what a politician is all about.  My answer for that question  is much harsher than theirs and quite possibly harsher than yours. I hope you enjoy these as much as I did because they seem to have the right idea explained in a more pleasing fashion.

* * *

Successful . . . politicians are insecure and intimidated men. They advance politically only as they placate, appease, bribe, seduce, bamboozle or otherwise manage to manipulate the demanding and threatening elements in their constituencies.”

Walter Lippman, The Public Philosophy, 1955

“A politician is . . . trained in the art of inexactitude.  His words tend to be blunt or rounded, because if they have a cutting edge they may later return to wound him.”

Edward R. Morrow, Address, London Guildhall, 10/19/59

“A politician thinks of the next election; a statesman thinks of the new generation.”

James Freeman Clark, Sermon, 1888

“The “press conference” is a politician’s way of being informative without saying anything.  Should he accidentally say something, he has at his side a “press officer” who immediately explains it away by “clarifying” it.”

Emery Kelen, Platypus at Large, 1960

* * *

Does any of this remind you of anyone currently holding office.  I’ll just bet it does.  As much as each generation thinks that everything it does or says is groundbreaking and earth shattering, they’re wrong.  It’s all been done many times before but called something else by the more imaginative politicians and their speechwriters.

KNOW YOUR PAST

07-05-2013   2 comments

On a regular basis I use quotations to help me explain my opinions on things in a way easy to understand and most times humorous.  These quotations can be from famous celebrities, educated teachers, and even the occasional  politician who might have something interesting to say.  The majority of the persons quoted are deceased which must make them much smarter than when alive.  I can’t explain that but it seems to be true.

Comics  like Mae West, George Carlin, and Richard Pryor were funny as hell before they died and for some reason many of their quotes are even funnier now.  Maybe it’s just the person who’s doing the repeating of those quotes. The most under appreciated author of thousands of quotes and humorous thoughts is almost never properly recognized for his/her efforts in keeping us smiling and laughing.  That person goes by two aliases, Unknown and Anonymous.  Most of the truly profound quotes by this person are repeated often by many people in their everyday conversations and have been for years.  Here’s an example of  three:

  • Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
    Anonymous
  • There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened.
    Unknown
  • Keep talking, someday you’ll say something intelligent.
    Anonymous

We’ve heard these quotes for most of out lives although the wording may have changed a little as each decade slides by.  They’re still funny and insightful from that ever present Anonymous philosopher.  Wouldn’t you enjoy sitting with Mr. or Ms. Unknown/Anonymous for a lunch and follow up conversation?  To laugh a lot and appreciate the humor and content of his/her thoughts for just a little while.  Common sense seems to be a rarity these days and a person’s ability to communicate profound ideas and thoughts in a humorous way is the rarest gift of all.  Here are a few more quotes for your enjoyment.

  • 9 out of 10 doctors will agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
    Anonymous
  • Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.
    Unknown
  • Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily as lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
    Unknown
  • She’s been up and down more times than a whore’s drawers.
    Anonymous
  • A kiss: To a young girl, faith; to a married woman, hope; to an old maid, charity.
    Unknown
  • The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.
    Anonymous
  • Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
    Unknown
  • Ten percent of something is better than 100% of nothing.
    Unknown
  • Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
    Anonymous
  • It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
    Anonymous
  • Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
    Unknown
  • Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
    Unknown
  • Don’t brake until you see god, then brake like hell.
    Unknown

That list is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg.  Who this Anonymous or Unknown genius is really isn’t all that important. It’s somehow getting his/her ideas out there for us to read, digest, and pass-on that is the important thing.  I’ve always found myself drawn to the Anonymous quotes first because for me they represent all of us.  The John Doe’s, the Jane Doe’s, and the John Q. Public’s, who seem to have more knowledge than expected and the secret ability to communicate without rudeness or condescension.  It’s a true talent. 

That being said here is maybe my all time favorite Anonymous quotation.  Every time I read it I just smile.  It tickles my funny bone and I’m not sure why. It might tell you a little more about me and my sense of humor and that’s okay too.

  • I’m as pissed off as a fart in a vacuum cleaner.
    Anonymous

06-13-2013   Leave a comment

As I’ve lived my somewhat interesting life I’ve noticed a few things.  The constant stream of insults and insensitive comments made by both men and women about each other is one of the most puzzling. Every guy I’ve known has done it at times as do most women.  My mother and father did it for sixty years to each other, sometimes jokingly and other times not so much. It makes no sense that we do these things to each other but we do.

Since I’ve been old enough to be called a man I’ve had any number of women repeat certain statements to me, "You men are all the same.", “That’s really stupid, it must be a man thing.”  For both men and women it appears that this behavior has been passed down from past generations to us.  Nothing irritates me more than broad-brush generalities used to denigrate large groups of people.  I know it would really tick off my better-half if If I made caustic comments about women but even saying that hasn’t stopped it from happening between us on occasion.

These tendencies are used as a last resort in most arguments to help us put each other on the defensive. I hope that it’s just a way of garnering  attention and not what is actually believed.  Here are twelve quotes, bumper stickers, jokes, and anonymous sayings from many and varied females about men.

Women on Men

  • "Boobs are the proof that men can focus on 2 things at once."
  • "Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you." — Mae West
  • "Any woman that thinks the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high."
  • "Men only have two faults: Everything they say and everything they do."
  • "Outside every thin woman is a fat man trying to get in." — Katherine Whitehorn.
  • "Husbands are like fires; they go out when unattended." — Zsa Zsa Gabor.
  • "There’s nothing like a girl with a plunging neckline to keep a man on his toes."
  • "A woman can fake an orgasm, but it takes a man to fake an entire relationship."
  • "Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all."
  • "A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car."    — Carrie Snow.
  • "Most men would never get laid if it weren’t for the pity fuck."
  • "War is menstruation envy."

Women can be cruel in their humor but I must force myself to be fair in this discussion.  Men are just as bad and like women they do it more when they’re in groups. It’s like a bonding requirement for both sexes within their specific gender groups.  So, let’s all agree that men are just as bad as women and to prove that point here are  twelve perfect examples.

Men on Women

  • "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible." — P. J. O’Rourke.
  • "We have drugs to make women speak, but none to keep them silent."    — Anatole France.
  • "Do you know why they call it PMS ? Because Mad Cow Disease was taken." — Unknown
  • "Brigands will demand your money or your life, but a woman will demand both." — Samuel Butler.
  • "When a guy goes to a hooker, he’s not paying her for sex, he’s paying her to leave."
  • "Except for 75% of the women, everyone in the whole world wants to have sex."
  • "I’ve finally found the perfect girl, I couldn’t ask for more. She’s deaf and dumb and over-sexed. And owns a liquor store."
  • "Here’s to our wives and sweethearts — may they never meet."    — John Bunny.
  • "An 11 is a 10 who doesn’t have headaches."
  • "Girls are like rocks; you skip the flat ones."
  • "God created the orgasm so that women can moan even when they are happy."
  • "I have always dreamed of being in bed with a hot woman. Little did I know I would have to wait until she reached menopause." — Lee Entrekin.

With all of this going on with both sexes it’s a miracle that the human race hasn’t gone extinct before now.  It’s the ultimate love/hate relationship.  Maybe it’s just the ultimate genetic push for women to procreate that over rides their general disdain for the men needed to make it happen.  Maybe it’s the incredible pleasure women can offer men to help them overcome their issues with the female gender.  Who knows for sure, certainly not me.

Will the day ever come when the bickering and sarcasm will stop.  I’d have to say "no way".  Maybe it takes more passion than I first thought to prompt all of the stressful name calling, jokes, and sarcasm.  Passion apparently trumps everything and allows the sexes a few moment of intense pleasure together long enough to keep the human race in existence.

War is hell.