Archive for the ‘trivia’ Tag
I think it’s time for more trivia. I’m actually getting tired of talking about gardens and gardening. I need a break and I’m sure you do as well. They’ll be a lot more of that information coming your way this summer so there’s no need for more today.
These factoids will cover a number of categories but I’m sure you’ll find as interesting as I did. Let’s get started.
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Half of British women own more than thirty pairs of shoes.
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In the US, half of children ages 4-6 have played video games, and a 25% say thy do so regularly.
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The most expensive age of your life is thirty-four.
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Ten percent of people are left-handed and twenty percent are left-footed.
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In the US, the lifetime cost to parents for rearing one middle class child is $1.43 million.
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In any conversation lasting ten minutes or longer, 20% of adults will lie.
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There are a half million semiautomatic machine guns in Swiss homes.
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Women are estimated to buy 80% of everything that is sold.
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By late 2006, only 35% of Americans had sent a text message, compared to almost 100% of Brits.
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Women in almost every culture speak in deeper voices than Japanese women. American women’s voices are lower than Japanese, Swedish women’s lower than American, and Dutch women women’s lower than Swedish.
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One third of all houses in Ireland were built in the last two decades.
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The average American two-car garage is 25% bigger than the average Tokyo home.
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In 2007 YouTube consumed as much bandwidth as the entire Internet did in 2000.
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Spammers typically need to send one million emails to get just fifteen positive responses.
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The total computing power of NASA at the time of the Sputnik launch in 1957 was far less than that available in a typical smart phone in use today.
I guess that will do it for today. I never stop searching for this kind of off-the-wall information and you can be sure more facts will keep coming your way on a regular basis in the future.
GET OUTSIDE AND ENJOY YOUR DAY
As I prepare for the exit of Barack Obama as President my mind naturally turns to politics. I’m not going to get into the expected arguments concerning the current roster of candidates because it’s pointless. People make up their own minds and then spend all of their leisure time trying to convince everyone else to vote like they do because they’re smarter than everyone else. It’s those kinds of discussions I don’t want taking place on this blog.
I honestly don’t care a wit for who any of you may vote for. Just like I won’t tell you what I’m going to do. If I agree with your selection I’m smart and intelligent and if I don’t then I’m a dumb ass without a clue about politics. It’s a lose . . . lose for me and not worth my time.
As much as I dislike politics and politicians I still love trivia. So I’ll delve into my archives to find a few interesting political tidbits from past Presidents and presidencies. Here they are.
* * *
Herbert Hoover was the only president to turn over 40 years of his government paychecks to charity.
A $5.7 million dollar renovation of the White House during the Truman administration was caused when the leg of Margaret Truman’s piano broke through the floor of v\her sitting room into the room below.
President Lyndon Johnson and his wife named their dogs Him & Her. Franklin D. Roosevelt and his wife named their pistols His & Hers.
Camp David located in the Catoctin Mountains was originally named Shangri- La before renaming by FDR.
James Madison, the fourth President was 5’4” tall and never weighed more than 100 pounds.
George Washington’s second inaugural address was the shortest in history. It contained only 135 words.
William Howard Taft had a bathtub installed in the White House large enough to hold four men. He weighed in at the time at 325 pounds.
During his 12 years as President FDR used his veto powers 635 times.
Alexander Hamilton is credited with writing George Washington’s famous Farewell Address.
The average age that Presidents have taken office is 54.
First Lady Barbara Bush’s great-great-great uncle was President Franklin Pierce.
FDR was the only President who never used the word “I” in his inaugural speech.
The nickname of the first Presidential plane (a C-45 piloted by Major Henry T. Myers in 1944) was the, ”Sacred Cow”.
John Tyler was the only President to serve as a member of of the Congress of the Confederate States.
John Quincy Adams was the first President to wear long pants rather than knee breeches to his inauguration in 1825.
* * *
I think that’s about enough politics for me today. Anymore and I’ll become nauseous and violently ill.
It’s another gray and rainy day here in Maine. While I dislike these kinds of days they do serve a useful purpose. They force me to stay inside out of the weather and to find other interesting things to do. One thing that remains interesting regardless of the weather is SEX. Sex is almost never boring (unless you know the girls from my high school class) who made sex not just boring but difficult to obtain. It’s with them in mind that I offer up a collection of sexual facts and trivia to amuse you. Let’s get started . . .
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The condom is said to be named after the Earl of Condom, a British physician at the court of Charles II who was asked by the king to design him something to keep him from developing syphilis. The oiled sheep intestine was a big hit.
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Humans aren’t the only species that partake in oral sex; cheetahs, hyenas, and goats all go down too.
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In 2000, the Mississippi state legislature introduced a bill to make it illegal for a male customer to have an erection at a strip club even if he is fully dressed.
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The sperm of a mouse is longer than the sperm of an elephant.
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Slang for “prostitute” in Victorian times was “blowsy” and slang for “ejaculation” was “blow,” leading to the current phrase “blow job.” In ancient Greece, a blow job was called “playing the flute.”
Oiled sheep intestines . . . YUCK. I’ll bet the donating sheep weren’t too happy either.
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Of all the primates, man has the largest penis. The gorilla has a two-inch penis, while the chimpanzee’s is three inches. The blue whale has the largest penis in the animal kingdom: 11 feet.
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In 2003, a Texas man woke up from bladder surgery to discover that doctors had removed his penis without his permission.
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For most men, the left testicle hangs lower—but in some men, most commonly left-handed men, the right one hangs lower.
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Married people are more likely to masturbate than people living alone, according to the National Health and Social Life Survey (NHSLS).
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President Lyndon B. Johnson referred to his penis as “Jumbo.”
He may have been President but even “Jumbo” Johnson can’t hold a candle to that blue whale’s eleven foot penis.
‘Head to Toe’
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Exhaustive research published by Johnson & Johnson found that the average time between penetration and male orgasm is 7.3 minutes – this involved 1,587 couples having stopwatch-timed sex.
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The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
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When men of Australia’s Walibri tribe greet each other, they shake penises instead of hands.
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Upper Paleolithic art dating back 30,000 years depicts people using dildos to pleasure themselves and others. That means mankind invented sex toys long before the wheel.
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The average number of times a healthy male will ejaculate in a lifetime is 7,200. Of this number, approximately 2,000 times will result from masturbation.
Thirty thousand year old dildoes. No wonder the women of that time are pictured with huge muscular arms . . . no batteries available . . . So Sad!
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A teaspoon of semen contains 5 calories. A sperm takes one hour to swim seven inches.
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Men do not need to be sexually aroused to have an erection. Erections can occur if a man is frightened, nervous, or has a full bladder. It’s normal for a man to have several erections during the dream phrase of sleep.
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Women who went to college are more likely to enjoy receiving and giving oral sex.
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The average man has 11 erections per day and 9 erections a night.
And here’s an interesting theory on everyone’s favorite word. The big F-Bomb. It’s been around almost as long as those thirty thousand year old dildoes.
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Contrary to popular opinion, the word “fuck” is not an acronym for the phrase “Fornication Under Command of the King.” It is a very old word that is hard to trace because the editors of the initial Oxford English Dictionary considered the word taboo in 1893. It may have a Scandinavian origin, similar to the Norwegian word fukka, meaning to “copulate,” or the Swedish foka, meaning “to copulate, strike, push,” orfock, meaning “penis.”
SEX . . . YEAH !!!
For most of my life I’ve been lectured about religion by an oh-so Catholic mother. Part or her lecture series was to make sure I kept the Sabbath, “A Day of Rest”. It wasn’t until this morning, 60 years later, that I decided to remember that. According to my Mom it was a day to relax, reexamine your week, and be sorry for every rotten thing you did or even thought about doing. I always had more than enough things to review that it usually took me the entire day.
Since I no longer do bad things or think bad things it puts me into a quandary. What do I do with my Sundays these days? Being a well behaved and sinless person really opens up my Sundays for other activities. One of which is posting more useless, uninformative, and silly items of trivia.
Some of these tidbits are really and truly interesting but the other 99% are a waste of time. If you’re a clean living person like me then you too will have plenty of time today to read this nonsense. Since I’ve been watching a lot of English historical programs of late, I thought we should begin with these.
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As a prince, King Edward VI had a “whipping boy” named Barnaby Fitzpatrick, who was beaten every time the prince misbehaved during his lessons.
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The sirloin was introduced when King James I knighted a joint of beef (a loin), which was particularly tasty.
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King Charles I’s favorite joke was to place his court dwarf, Jeffrey Hudson, who was eighteen inches tall, between two halves of a loaf of bread and pretend to eat him.
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King Edward III died of gonorrhea, which he caught from his mistress when he was sixty-five years of age. Henry VIII and Edward VI also died of venereal disease.
So much for so-called royalty. They’re just plain disgusting pervs like the rest of us. Now onto some strikingly stupid mis-statements released by the Media. This should convince you just how overrated and inaccurate they really can be.
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“And now the sequence of events in no particular order.” – Dan Rather
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“We are unable to announce the weather. We depend on weather reports from the airport, which is closed, due to the weather. Whether we will be able to give you a weather report tomorrow will depend on the weather. – Actual Arab news report.
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“Passive activity income does not include the following income for an activity that is not a passive activity.” – I.R.S. form.
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“The Supreme Court rules that murderers shall not be electrocuted twice for the same crime.” – Cleveland Daily News
Now a few miscellaneous items in no particular order of importance.
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More than 200 people in West Virginia returned their license plates to the Motor Vehicle Bureau because they began with the letters “OJ”.
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Henry Ford never had a driver’s license.
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A survey of career women who had tattoos revealed that they preferred to adorn their left breast rather than their right by a ratio of three to one.
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In the early days of Hollywood, Western sets were made to seven-eighth scale to make the heroes seem larger.
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There are now said to be more Samoans in Los Angeles than in American Samoa.
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When W.C. Fields was caught glancing through the Bible, he explained it with, “Looking for loopholes.”
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In New Mexico more than eleven thousand people have visited a tortilla chip that has the face of Jesus Christ burned on it.
And for all of you dieters out these, here’s my favorite food quotation from Miss Piggy. “Never eat more than you can lift.”
HAVE A PEACEFUL DAY OF REST
Most people who blog love to write and I guess that’s understandable. What I don’t understand are those people out there who choose not to write or read. I’m not criticizing, just questioning why. It seems that some people are wired differently and just aren’t all that interested. I read almost the entire Lord of the Rings story to my young son and he enjoyed it immensely. I can honestly say that might be the last book he ever had read to him and he hasn’t read one on his own very often if ever. He just isn’t interested in reading.
Is it nature or nurture? I really don’t have a clue. Using my son again as an example, on his twelfth birthday I bought him a book on the history of baseball and statistics on every player of note for the last fifty years. I knew he loved sports and I took a shot. The book was four inches thick and I thought if nothing else he could use it as a door stop. He read the entire book in a few weeks and remembered almost every statistic on every player. After a time he drove me nuts quoting stats every time we talked. Apparently he was over-the-top interested in sports.
You all know how much I love the written word and trivia so I decided to combine them for todays post. Here’s my collection of useless information on the written word.
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The number of children in the United Kingdom appearing in hospital emergency rooms dropped by 50% on weekends when the new Harry Potter books were released.
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The first edition of Freud’s The Interpretation of Dreams (1899) sold only 351 copies in it’s first six years.
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Five years after the 9/11 attacks, 1248 books had been published on the subject.
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More than 150 books have the words “before you die” in their titles.
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Charles Dickens created 989 named characters.
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Only half of American adults have read a book since leaving high school.
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Five of the ten best selling novels in Japan in 2007 were written on mobile phones.
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In 1893, when Sir Arthur Conan Doyle killed off Sherlock Holmes, 20,000 people cancelled their subscriptions to The Strand Magazine, which had published the Holmes stories.
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Around 200,000 academic journals are published in the English language. The average number of readers per article is 5.
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The word “bible” does not appear in the works of Shakespeare.
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Thirty percent of hardcover books go directly from the printer to the warehouse.
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The Da Vinci Code is the bestselling book in French history. A quarter of the population is estimated to have read it.
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Mein Kampf was second bestselling book in Turkey in March of 2005.
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The eighteenth-century scholar Edmond Malone calculated that 4,144 of the 6,033 lines in parts I, II, and II of Henry VI were plagiarized by William Shakespeare.
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The record for the highest number of short stories published in The New Yorker by an author in one year is held by E.B. White (twenty-eight in 1927). The overall record is held by James Thurber, who published 273 stories from 1927 to 1961.
That’s it for today. Hopefully they’ll be a few non-readers out there who’ll decide to read this post. I know for certain my son won’t be one of them unless I add some silly facts about batting averages or Babe Ruth’s weight problems.
NON-READERS MAKE ME CRAZY
‘Gaius Julius Caesar’
Today is the day every year that I remember good old Julius Caesar. The Ides of March will forever be known as an evil day thanks to him and all of his so-called friends. Stabbed twenty-three times upon arriving at his work place at the Curia he was left to die alone on the sidewalk. It just goes to show how far we’ve come as a society because these days we’ve made some major improvements on how to murder someone. If Caesar was to be murdered today it would be by two hooded gentlemen driving by in a mini-Fiat firing a couple of Tech-9’s at him. He’d still be just as dead but it would have been done so much quicker and efficiently. So for today “All Hail Caesar”.
Now let’s move onto something almost as interesting as a dead guy. SEX! I’ve been on a roll in recent weeks with trivia postings because I love trivial facts. I also love sex so it only seems right that I offer up some sex related information. Here goes nothing.
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The average size of an erect penis measures between 5 and 6 inches, while the average size of a flaccid penis is about 3.5 inches.
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Many of the ingredients in chocolate are proven to cause arousal similar in effect to sexual foreplay. In fact, some experts believe chocolate may be even more effective than foreplay for sexual arousal.
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Historical records show that even in 1850 B.C., women attempted to practice birth control. The most common method was a mixture of crocodile dung and honey placed in the vagina in the hopes of preventing pregnancy.
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Although nearly any body part or item of clothing may be an object of sexual fetishism, the shoe and the foot are the two most common fetishes in Western society.
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Just a decade ago, only 25% of women reported experiencing orgasm as a result of intercourse. In recent years, this number has risen to about 45%. In contrast, over 80% of women report experiencing orgasm though oral sex.
It’s no wonder I’ve been addicted to chocolate my entire life. Instead of foreplay just gobble down a handful of M&M’s and get busy. Also I will verify that feet can be sexually arousing. I’ve been a foot lover since day one and damn proud of it. And last but not least to both men and women I say “Hooray for Oral Sex” and “Boo!” to crocodile dung and honey. Yuck!
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The vibrator, a common sex toy for women, was originally designed in the nineteenth century as a medication to combat the anxiety-related symptoms of “hysteria” (now known as menstruation).
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Throughout the United States, approximately 4% of the population self-identifies as gay, lesbian, or bisexual.
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During 30 minutes of active sex, the average person burns approximately 200 calories.
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On average, adult men think about sex every seven seconds.
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Approximately 1% of people worldwide identify as asexual (having no strong sexual attraction to either sex).
I think about sex every seven seconds? I might have to disagree with that fact. I think it’s way more often that that. Ask any guy! If I recall my basic facts on weight loss it takes a reduction of approximately 2000 calories to lose a pound of weight. If that’s true then having intercourse ten times would also work. I’m sure you could lose a lot of weight doing it that way but you might miss a few days of work here and there.
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Statistics suggest that approximately one in every five Americans has indulged in sex with a colleague at work.
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Approximately 70% of people in the U.S. admit to fantasizing about group sex at some point in their life, and more than 50% of those people actually follow through.
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One report states that 48% of women have faked an orgasm at least once in their life. Interestingly, an identical 48% of men also report faking an orgasm at least once.
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Since AIDS was first diagnosed in 1981, more than 25 million people have died as a result of the virus. Two million people died from AIDS in the year 2007 alone.
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Statistics show that approximately 90% of men and 65% of women masturbate from time to time.
Group sex appears more popular than I thought. The masturbation numbers were surprising. I thought you women out there were keeping up but I guess I was mistaken. Shame on all of you, so get to work ladies.
This is my favorite tidbit and could possibly explain my obsession with wine. After I drink enough of a favorite Chardonnay my behavioral responses can get pretty interesting. Especially if I eat a huge chunk of chocolate along with it. LOOK OUT!
HAVE A HAPPY IDES OF MARCH
I’ve been infected with that same disease I get every year at this time. It always seems to take me by surprise which I don’t really understand. It’s a deceptive little virus that kind of sneaks up on me . . . it’s called Spring Fever. All I really give a damn about is getting out of the house, standing in fresh air, feeling the sun on my face, and being able to walk along a beach. Is it any wonder why I can’t seem to concentrate on anything else?
I’ve been doing a lot of internet surfing and perusing through my collection of books recently and have happened upon a huge steaming pile of ridiculously stupid trivia that anyone in their right mind could care less about. That’s the reason I decided to share it with you.
These tidbits are in no particular order of importance, just a whole lot of true nonsense.
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Odds of being killed in a tornado – 1 in 2 million.
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You use more calories eating celery than there are in the celery itself.
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Odds of being killed by falling out of bed – 1 in 2 million.
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It only takes 7 pounds of pressure to rip your ear off.
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On average, there are 178 sesame seeds on each McDonalds Big Mac bun.
Did you ever think you’d see the day when someone would count the seeds on a Big Mac, then put that info on the Net where I could find it and pass it on to you. It must be fate.
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In the past year your hair will most likely have grown 12 cm and your nail about 4 cm.
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There are 1 million ants for every person in the world.
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Odds of being killed by a dog – 1 in 700,000.
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World population has grown by around 76,570,430 since your last birthday. In the time it takes you to read this another five babies will have been born.
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13 people are killed each year by vending machine’s falling on them.
Stay alert when you assaulting your next vending machine. They’ll get you if your not careful.
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Odds of being killed by poisoning – 1 in 86,000.
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314 Americans had buttock lift surgery in 1994.
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If you counted 24 hours a day, you would be over 31,000 years old when you reach one trillion.
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Odds of being killed in a car crash – 1 in 5,000.
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There are more than 1,000 chemicals in a cup of coffee.
This should help all of you to really enjoy that next hot cup of morning chemicals.
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If you played all of the Beatles’ singles and albums that came out between 1962 and 1970 back to back, it would only last for 10 hours and 33 minutes.
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Odds of dying while in the bath tub – 1 in 1 million.
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Experts at Intel say that microprocessor speed will double every 18 months for at least 10 years.
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The Apollo 11 only had 20 seconds of fuel when it landed.
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Odds of being killed in a plane crash -1 in 25 million.
I guess all the propaganda we’ve heard for years about the safety of air travel is true. The odds are certainly better than those for car accident deaths.
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Driving 55 miles (88 km) per hour instead of 65 miles (105 km) per hour increases your car mileage by about 15%.
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The average person flexes the joints in their finger 24 million times during a lifetime.
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1/3 of all cancers are sun related.
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If we had the same mortality rate now as in 1900, more than half the people in the world today would not be alive.
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Airbags explode at 200 miles per hour.
Let’s hope none of us have to experience an airbag situation. They can keep you alive during a collision and then break your damn neck at the same time.
Twenty-nine more useless facts you can use to win bar bets.
I was seriously thinking about writing a political rant today but after giving it a little thought (10 seconds) I decided against it. While many agree that the political campaigns this year are more interesting than usual I just don’t care enough to write about them.
With that anti-political statement completed I changed over to topics that have always interested me more than politics . . . . condoms and pregnancies. I’ve compiled some stats from people like Planned Parenthood and others in my attempt to get at some truth. Lets start with a little condom trivia.
Percent of teenagers who claim to use condoms. – 60 %
Total number of condoms sold in the U.S. each year. – 450,000,000
Percent of couples who use a condom consistently and regularly that get pregnant. – 2 %
Percent of teen girls who used a condom the first time they had sex. – 68 %
Percent of teen males who used a condom the first time they had sex. – 82 %
Condom use by adolescent men during their past 10 vaginal intercourse events. – 79.1 %
Condom use by adolescent women during their past 10 vaginal intercourse events. – 58.1 %
Sexually active teens who reported using a condom along with birth control the last time they had sex. – 20 %
Percent of sexually active women with a partner who used a condom. – 93 %
Average cost of a single condom – $0.45
Percent of high school students who are taught how to correctly use a condom in their health class. – 39 %
It’s fairly obvious that there is a lot of sex going on and condom use is much higher than I thought. Next of the agenda is the percentage of condoms sold by Company.
Condom Brand Market Share
Percent
Trojan
69 %
Durex
15 %
Others
16 %
Trojans annual advertising budget – $33,600,000
Condom use has increased over the years yet people still say they don’t like to use them. Here’s the long and short (no pun intended) of condom use.
Total Number of U.S. Women in their childbearing years. – 62 million
Percent of women who get pregnant while on the pill. – 6 %
Percent of people who rely on male condoms that do not get pregnant. – 85 %
Total percent of U.S. births that are from mothers younger than 19. – 10%
Total Number of U.S. women in childbearing years that use some form of contraception. – 62%
Among those who don’t use contraception, 31% are pregnant, trying to get pregnant, postpartum, sterile or not sexually active. The other 7% take their chances. Among those using contraceptives, here’s what they use:
Contraceptive
Percent Used
The Pill
28%
Sterilization
27.1%
Condom
16.1%
Vasectomy
9.9%
IUD
5.5%
There you have it. Everything you ever wanted to know about condoms and their use but were afraid to ask. Overall people don’t like using condoms but the alternatives are much too scary to deal with or even think about.
So all of you sexual active animals out there, keep slipping them on and being sexually responsible and smart. One small personal opinion from me on female condoms. They are ridiculous. I wrestled with them enough times to know I’d sooner spend my valuable pre-entry time putting on a Ziploc bag. What a nightmare. By the time you get it properly placed the lust has dissipated, the erection is gone, and you’ve missed five minutes of the first quarter.
BUY CONDOM STOCKS, YOU MAY GET LUCKY AND MAKE MONEY TOO.
Is it just me or do blondes get a bum rap (no pun intended) in this country. I’ve known my fair share of blondes over the years and I don’t feel good about making general assumptions on their intelligence or lack thereof. It still amazes me just how much effort is put forth by our society to create bad jokes and ridiculous stories about the proverbial “dumb blondes”.
I will admit I’ve laughed long and hard (no pun intended) about certain blondes and repeated some really hilarious jokes along the way. I’ll continue to do that today because I’m just a guy, standing in front of you, repeating a joke about a cute but naïve blonde girl. That was my lame attempt to co-op a Julia Robert’s quote from Notting Hill. It apparently didn’t work but what follows will.
Joke #1
A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300 she exclaimed, "I don’t have that kind of money but I’d do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!"
The man arched an eyebrow. "Anything?"
"Yes, anything" the blonde promised.
With that, the man said, "Follow me" He walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door" She did.
He then said, "Get on your knees" She did.
Then he said, "Take down my zipper" She did.
He said, "Go ahead…take it out" She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well… go ahead!"
The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her lips she said loudly "HELLO…..MOM???
* * *
Now here’s two interesting but true facts about our blonde friends.
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In the urban west, one out of three women has blonde hair; only one in twenty is a natural blond.
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Sixty-two of the world’s richest men are married to brunettes, twenty-two to blondes, sixteen to “raven haired” women, and none to a redhead.
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Joke #2
One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the drop-dead gorgeous blonde driver was.
"I’ve pulled you over for speeding, Ma’am…. could I see your driver’s license…?" "What’s a license???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.
"It’s usually in your wallet," replied the officer.
After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it "Now may I see your registration?" asked the cop."Registration….. what’s that?" asked the blonde.
"It’s usually in your glove compartment," said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration. "I’ll be back in a minute," said the cop and walked back to his car.
The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman’s license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back; "Ummm…. is this woman driving a red sports car?"
"Yes," replied the officer.
"Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher. "Uh… yes" replied the cop.
"Here’s what you do," said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants.""WHAT!!? I can’t do that. It’s….. inappropriate," exclaimed the cop.
"Trust me….. just do it," said the dispatcher.So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.
The blonde looks down and sighs, "Oh no … not ANOTHER breathalyzer."
* * *
Joke #3
A guy spent the day walking around town looking for a job. He finally walked into an adult store. "Do you have any work for me?" he asked the owner.
The owner smiled and responded, "You come as if you have been sent from heaven. I just opened another store and I’m looking for someone to mind this store for me."
"When do I start?" the guy asked.
"Now. I’m leaving for the other store shortly." The owner explained all the ins and outs and then left.
First to enter the store was a Caucasian woman. She walked around and stopped at the dildo rack. "How much for the white dildo?"
"Forty dollars," he said.
"How much for the black dildo?"
"Forty dollars."
"Give me the . . . uh, black one. I’ve never had a black one before." She paid and left.
Soon an African-American woman walked in. She too walked around and stopped at the dildo rack. "How much for the black dildo?" she asked.
"Forty dollars."
"How much for the white dildo?"
"Forty dollars."
After thinking a moment, the woman said, "Give me the . . . uh, white one. I’ve never had a white one before." She paid and left.
Then a blonde woman walked in. She walked around and stopped at the dildo rack. "How much for the white dildo?" she asked.
"Forty dollars."
"How much for the black dildo?"
"Forty dollars."
"And how much for the checkered one on your counter there?"
"Two hundred dollars."
"Give me . . . uh, the checkered one. I’ve never had a checkered one before." She paid and left.
Closing time came around and the owner returned. "How was your first day?"
"Great!" the guy responded. "I sold a white and a black dildo for forty bucks each, and I sold your thermos for two hundred."
* * *
I’ll put an end to this post with a few one liners you might appreciate. They are a bit off color but I know that’s what you’ve really been waiting for anyway. These jokes are a special dedication to the blondes living in the state of Ohio. I could explain further but I’ve already said too much. My life could already be in danger because they’re a vicious and horny bunch. Just saying!
Q: How do you know if a blonde has been on your computer?
A: There is lipstick on the joystick.
Q. What’s a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme?
A. Humpme Dumpme.
Q. What’s the difference between a blonde and the Suez/Panama Canal?
A. One’s a busy ditch.
As a public service you should all be aware that no blondes were injured during the writing of this post.
Being a history buff has been a lifelong pleasure for me. I’ve always believed that individuals and governments have much to learn from their past mistakes and by studying those mistakes can improve their future circumstances. With that in mind I thought I’d step back in time to review and pass on to all of you a few interesting factoids on notable occurrences for March 1.
Some of you may find these items interesting and others not so much. My better-half will more often than not just roll her eyes and then turn up the volume of the music she’s listening to when I start spouting historical facts. I guess I can’t please everyone all of the time but I’ll keep trying. Here we go.
This Day In History – March 1st
1954 U.S.A. – US tests hydrogen bomb in the Pacific archipelago of Bikini, part of the Marshall Islands.
1961 U.S.A. – President John F. Kennedy establishes the Peace Corps as a new agency within the Department of State.
1932 U.S.A. – The Lindbergh baby is kidnapped when stolen from his crib at the family estate in Hopewell, New Jersey,
1936 U.S.A. – The Hoover Dam ( Boulder Dam ) is completed and turned over to the U.S. government. It supplies hydroelectricity, irrigation and fresh water to homes in California and Nevada.
1941 U.S.A. – Nashville, Tennessee becomes the home of the very first FM radio station in the country. While the FM band had less static and more range, it didn’t become popular until the early 1960s.
1954 U.S.A. – Five U.S. congressmen were shot and injured during a House session today when Puerto Rican spectators who yelled "Free Puerto Rico" fired shots into the United States Capitol building.
1962 U.S.A. – On this day, 95 people were killed in a plane crash that occurred along the South shore of Long Island, New York. The irony of it all is that this plane crash happened after the end of a long stretch of bad weather (rain and fog) that had continued for about a week-on a clear day.
1966 Soviet Union – An unmanned Soviet probe called Venera 3 crashes on Venus in the pursuit of the conquest of space.
1971 U.S.A. – The radical left organization Weather Underground bombs the United States Capitol on March 1, 1971. A bomb was placed in the senate wing causing $300,000 damage and no injuries.
1972 Syria - This was one of the significant days of the attack by Israel against the Arabs. The Israeli army launched attacks against Arab Guerrilla camps that operated in southern Syria at this time. Fighting back and forth continued on at different times after this until the present day.
1973 Sudan – The Palestinian terrorist group Black September storm the Saudi Arabian embassy in the Sudanese capital Khartoum, taking diplomats hostage. ( This was the same terrorist organization that murdered nine Israeli athletes at the Munich Olympics).
1978 Switzerland - The coffin of Charlie Chaplin was stolen from a small, unguarded village cemetery in Switzerland .
1997 U.S.A. – Massive flooding occurred throughout the state of Kentucky with thousands left homeless and more than 50 people dead.
2002 U.S.A – The possibility of water still existing on Mars was made known. According to NASA, a spacecraft called Odyssey had detected it on this planet.
2005 U.S.A. – Dennis Rader, accused of leading a double life as the BTK ( Bind, Torture and Kill, ) serial killer, was charged in Wichita, Kan., with 10 counts of first-degree murder between 1974 and 1991.. (Rader later pleaded guilty and received multiple life sentences.)
2007 U.S.A. – A series of 55 Tornadoes strike the southern United States that began in Kansas on February 28th, 2007 and included Alabama and Georgia, the tornadoes leave 20 dead with the worst effected area being Enterprise, Alabama where a section of the Enterprise High School was destroyed during the middle of the school day killing 8 and injuring many more.
2008 Afghanistan - Prince Harry who was sent secretly to Afghanistan with his regiment in December at his request is forced to return to Britain following the American website, The Drudge Report, making his deployment public.
2008 United States – People have been watching the naming of the warship that was built from parts of the steel salvaged from the World Trade Center. The families of the 9/11 victims were among the thousands of spectators at the naming of the U.S.S. New York, in Avondale, Louisiana. The bow contains 7.5 tons of steel taken from Ground Zero. It bears a shield with two bars to symbolize the towers, and a banner with the slogan “Never Forget”. The New York is an amphibious landing ship with a crew of 360, and complement of 700 marines.
‘Never Forget’
2012 United States – Thursday, 1st March, 2012 : The suspected gunman, TJ Lane, in a deadly school shooting will face charges as a juvenile in the US state of Ohio. Lane was suspected of killing three students and wounding two at Chardon High School.
There’s your history lesson for today. Whoever said that March was a slow winter month was badly mistaken. Just ask Julius Caesar.
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