I am a huge fan of science fiction. I’ve spent most of my life reading everything I could concerning science fiction and the space program. I thought I’d post a few tidbits of information about our solar system and space program that you may not be aware of.
Miss Baker was the name of a 1-pound squirrel monkey sent into space aboard a United States missile in 1959. She traveled more than 10,000 mph to an altitude of 300 miles and had little trouble with liftoff, reentry, or weightlessness, which were extremely important test results for the upcoming manned missions. Apparently being the first monkey in space made her a little feisty. Upon recovery, she bit the person who removed her from the capsule.
Here’s how to figure out how much you weigh on another planet. Multiply your weight by the “gravitational pull” factors. If you weigh 97 pounds on earth and want to compare that to your weight on Mars, multiply 97 x .38. You would weigh about 37 pounds on Mars.
Our sun is considered a yellow dwarf star and it’s estimated to have a lifespan of at least 5 billion more years. At the end of its life, our sun will turn into what’s called a white dwarf star and will collapse under its own weight. Be glad you won’t be around for that.
We all know there are eight (formerly nine) planets revolving around our sun: Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune (Bye, Bye Pluto). There is a memory trick used by most space lovers to help remember the planets. Use this sentence: My Very Eager Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas. I wish I would’ve known that sentence when I was in school, it would’ve made things a little easier.
These are 10 items that are truly miscellaneous. As I gather all of my trivia together there are always a few things that can’t be categorized, and I thought I’d share some of them with you today. Here they are . . .
Charles E Weller is best known for a single sentence he created, “Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their party.” It was invented for use as a typing exercise.
The original name of the Girl Scouts was the “Girl Guides’.
Robert L. Ripley was the first person inducted into the National Trivia Hall of Fame in 1980.
Did you know that the only two letters that are not on a telephone are the Q & Z.
The initials M. G. On the famous British automobile stand for the Morris Garage.
It was in 153 B.C. the Romans first marked January 1st as the beginning of the new year.
How many of you know that the group motto for the Salvation Army is “Blood & Fire”?
The middle day of a non-leap year year is July 2nd. There’s 182 days before it, and 182 after it.
Did you know that Leonardo da Vinci, Winston Churchill, Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison and Gen. George Patton were dyslexic?
In 1871 the rickshaw was invented by American Baptist missionary Jonathan Goble. He had a Japanese carpenter build the original rickshaw for his invalid wife in Yokohama.
It’s that look when I’m not really looking. It’s that lick of your lips when I am. It’s the smell of your hair when I’m near you. It’s the feel of your body in my hands.
It’s the taste of your ear when I’m horny. It’s the wet of my tongue when you are. It’s whispering something really corny. It’s your voice when say you want more.
It’s these moments you’ll never forget. It’s the essence of what we’ve become. It’s the reasons we eventually met. It’s to these moments we finally succumbed.
I thought I would try something different today. We all love limericks mostly because they can be naughty, dirty, and lewd and yet still funny. I’ve made a point of posting a number of limericks in recent weeks written by children that were Rated G and they were well received. I’m going to take it another step further today by introducing you to a number of limericks written by adults for children (circa 1965). They are clean and clever and funny. Most kids love or hate school, so let’s make these limericks about school and college. I hope you enjoy them.
We all love food, right? It’s the topic of so many conversations, television shows and TV advertisements. Here are a few foods based trivia facts that you might find interesting.
Coffee, who had been introduced in Europe by Arab traders and was considered by many Roman Catholics to be the wine of infidels. Fortunately for all of us Pope Clement VIII officially recognized it as a Christian drink in an edict issued in 1592.
Were you aware that a Dutch medical professor produced a product in his laboratory while trying to come up with a blood cleanser that could be sold in drugstores. The product was Gin and its original name was Hollandsch genever (Dutch Juniper).
In ancient Egypt when taking an oath, the right hand was placed on an onion. Its round shape symbolized eternity.
The Iroquois Indians planted what they referred to as the “three sisters”, corn, beans and squash. Planted together on earthen mounds, the cornstalks supported the vines of the bean plants, and the broad leaves of the squash plants blocked the growth of weeds.
The company, F & M Schaefer, was the first American brewery to market beer in a bottle.
In cooking, there are 60 drops to a teaspoon.
The Heinz company is well-known for its “57 varieties”. The very first variety marketed by Heinz was horseradish in 1869.
President Theodore Roosevelt was the person who coined the phrase that has been appropriated as the slogan for Maxwell House coffee: “Good to the last drop”.
The queen of Egypt, Cleopatra, used the juice of cucumbers to preserve her skin and it’s still used today in facial creams, lotions, and cleansers.
One acre of crocus plants produces only 10 pounds of dried saffron.
I thought a little silliness would be in order on this slow Sunday. I’m expecting a gorgeous warm and sunny day for a change, and I plan to enjoy the hell out of it. Here are a few things that might tickle your funny bone.
RETRO BUMPER STICKERS
I MAY BE FAT BUT YOUR UGLY
!@#!*&$%
GO AHEAD, MAKE MY DAY
THERE ARE 3 KINDS OF PEOPLE: THOSE WHO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN; THOSE WHO WATCH WHAT HAPPENS; AND THOSE WHO WONDER WHAT HAPPENED.
And finally, more dumb-ass crooks. This one explains how not to handle dangerous weapons.
In Wichita, Kan., police officers staking out a convenience store inadvertently unnerved two men parked innocently at an adjacent liquor store. According to police, a 19- year-old man in the car had a gun and thought that since police officers were nearby, he ought to get rid of it, but in the process of pulling it out of his pocket, he accidentally fired one round, which hit him in the leg, went through the front seat, and hit his 20-year-old companion. According to police Capt. Paul Dotson, the officers on stakeout, who had until then ignored the liquor store, had their attention engaged by the gunshot and the gun owner’s limping out of the car and throwing the gun over a fence. The shooter was charged with illegal possession of a firearm, and his companion was treated at a hospital and released without charges.
There are many things I really love but in particular two should be mentioned. The first is sarcasm and without it I’d be an empty shell of a man. The second thing I love is a person. I’ve been a huge fan of Samuel L. Clemens or as he’s better-known, Mark Twain, since I learned how to read his writings. He was the master of using humor and sarcasm to explain his feelings about almost everything. What follows is his famous War-Prayer. If I had my way this prayer would be posted in every government building on the planet, especially in Russia, and be mandatory reading for any person seeking or holding an advanced military rank. War is truly hell.
Samuel Langhorne Clemens (November 30, 1835 – April 21, 1910), was an American writer, humorist, entrepreneur, publisher, and lecturer. He was lauded as the “greatest humorist the United States has produced”.
The War Prayer
“O Lord our Father, our young patriots, idols of our hearts, go forth to battle — be Thou near them! With them — in spirit — we also go forth from the sweet peace of our beloved firesides to smite the foe. O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it — for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts.
A few days ago, I was digging around in the garage and going through some old boxes of what I thought were useless items. I came upon a book that was printed in 1985 which contained a host of one-liner raunchy jokes along with a few truly stupid riddles. Since a few of my family members continue to mumble and grumble about some of the so-called tasteless limericks I post, let’s see what they think about a few of these “oldies but goodies”.
What happens if a guaranteed condom breaks? The guarantee runs out!
How do dogs make love? Everybody nose!
Why did they name the new feminine hygiene spray ” S.S.Y.”? Because it takes the “PU” out of pussy!
Why did Donald Duck divorce Daisy? Her quack was too big!
What’s better than watching a girl wrestle? Seeing her box!
What’s a French chastity belt? A catcher’s mask!
Who’s the world’s greatest athlete? A guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest!
What’s the definition of a lady? Someone who doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, and only curses when it slips out!
Why did the Greek take his wife on his business trip? Because he couldn’t leave her behind alone!
What’s the difference between a counterfeit dollar bill and a skinny girl? A counterfeit dollar bill is a phony buck!
Well, there you have ten of some of the worst jokes I’ve ever heard. Everybody’s always saying how much they loved the “good old days”, but not me. I think it’s time to take this book and put it back in the box in the garage and hopefully in ten more years maybe it will be funny, but I doubt it.
I thought today we might start the month of June with a collection of limericks. This is what can be called a double dose because these limericks were written about limericks. I know it sounds confusing, but you’ll get the gist once you start reading. Enjoy . . .
The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I’ve seen
So seldom are clean,
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
😷😷😷
If you find for your verse there’s no call,
And you can’t afford paper at all,
For the poet, true born,
However forlorn,
There’s always the lavatory wall.
😉😉😉
The limericks callous and crude,
It’s morals distressingly lewd.
It’s not worth the reading
By persons of breeding,
It’s designed for us vulgar and rude.
🥴🥴🥴
Oh limericks, Dr. Jekyll’s oblivious,
Till his alter ego is delirious.
Then it can’t be denied
Such rhymes by Mr. Hyde
Will be lecherous, lewd and lascivious.
🤪🤪🤪
That’s it for today. Keep checking in on a daily basis because I’m planning a full week of limericks that will definitely not be acceptable to the younger generation. Let’s call it “Questionable Limerick Week”. I’m compiling the list of limericks as we speak.
I recently stumbled on a few interesting stories concerning United States history. They caught my eye because they are a bit morbid but nonetheless interesting. I thought I’d share them with you today so we can begin preparing for the run-up to the Fourth of July which is coming soon. It’s hard to believe that we’re already into June. You should be standing and humming Hail to the Chief for these stories.
President William Henry Harrison (1773-1841)
William Henry Harrison, the ninth president of the United States, gave the longest inaugural address in history which ran 8,444 words, and took about one hour and 45 minutes to utter, even though his friend Daniel Webster had edited it for length. Though, it was a drizzly cold March 4th, Harrison insisted on not wearing a hat or topcoat. And so, he caught pneumonia, and died one month later. He served 31 days in office.
It’s hard to believe that a man smart enough to get elected to the office of the presidency could be that vain. On to the next one.
President Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
The “Lincoln Train”, the locomotive carrying the body of Abraham Lincoln, visited so many towns as it retraced Lincoln’s historical path to the White House that when the body finally arrived in Springfield, Illinois, an undertaker was forced to use white chalk to conceal the damage to the corpses face. Lincoln ‘s massive sarcophagus in Springfield, Illinois Oak Ridge Cemetery is empty. The president is actually buried in the ground 10 feet below it. In 1876 thieves and counterfeiters broke into his tomb, planning to hold the body for a $200,000 ransom. They were caught and sentenced to one year in jail on a charge of lock-breaking. Since there was no law against grave robbing, the state legislators quickly passed a bill to remedy that situation.
Isn’t American history just great. And I mean that with my entire patriotic sarcastic heart.
everyuselessthing.com 