Author Archive

06/25/2024 “SEX, SEX, SEX”   Leave a comment

I love trivia that is unusual and odd. So today I’ll list a few items from one of the top three areas most requested from readers? SEX as always leads the list so for today, I’ll just eliminate FOOD & LIMERICKS. Here’s everything you need to know about SEX (LOL).

  • A recent survey revealed that 25% of Swedish women have had sex with more than 50 men.
  • The average sexually active woman has sex 83 times per year.
  • Sex burns off 360 calories an hour.
  • The heart beats faster during a brisk walk or a good argument then it does during sexual intercourse.
  • America’s first manufactured condoms appeared in 1870 and were made of vulcanized rubber. They were thick, insensitive, and intended to be reused.

  • Men are four times more likely to sleep in the nude than women.
  • One in every 300 births in the United States occurs in a vehicle.
  • 11% of women and 5% of men claimed never to have masturbated.
  • Most exhibitionists are married men.
  • The average penguin has only one orgasm a year.
Luv Graffiti

RETIREMENT RULES!!

(Oops! I didn’t have my glasses on.)

06/22/2024 “TV & Cinema v. Actual Books”   Leave a comment

Being retired has had one advantage I never bargained on and that was “streaming”. I retired in 2008 and “streaming” hadn’t really come into its own just yet. Today I’m even more hooked on television than ever before due in part to another new term of the 21st century, “bingeing.” I’ve watched hundreds of newly produced shows from Netflix and others as well as thousands of the old shows. I rediscovered just how much I truly disliked most of them back in the day. I’ve now gotten to the point where I’ve seen all I want to see of most of the more familiar streaming services and watching all those old shows is just pure torture. I really don’t need to see a once young, buxom and sexy Suzanne Somers romping around or reruns of All in the Family. The attraction there is still watching Sally Struthers strutting her stuff before a few of her things (two in particular) had begun to sag. I’ve been spending more and more of my time reading my Kindle or rummaging through my library to read actual books. I decided today’s trivia facts about the Cinema were more than a little appropriate for all you cinephiles out there.

  • What was the name of the mechanical shark in the 1975 smash hit Jaws? Bruce
  • Robert Redford was paid $6 million for his role in the 1985 film Out of Africa. How much was leading lady Meryl Streep paid? She received $3 million.
  • At an MGM option in 1970, two items went for the top price of $1500. One was the full-size boat used in the musical Showboat. What was the other? Judy Garland’s size 4 1/2 red shoes from the Wizard of Oz.
  • Who coined the phrase “cameo role” to describe the appearance of a top movie star in a bit part? Showmen Mike Todd, when he produced the Oscar-winning Around the World in 80 days in 1955.
OMG – YUM!!
  • What two tough guy actors turned down the role of the avenging “Man with No Name” in Sergio Leone’s spaghetti western A Fistful of Dollars before Clint Eastwood was offered the part? James Coburn and Charles Bronson. Henry Fonda was the first choice, but he was too expensive.
  • In 1980, who were the Top 10 box office stars in Hollywood, according to the nation’s film exhibitor? From 1 to 10: Bert Reynolds, Robert Redford, Clint Eastwood, Jane Fonda, Dustin Hoffman, John Travolta, Sally Field, Sissy Spacek, Barbra Streisand and Steve Martin.
  • Why was popcorn not permitted in most movie theaters in the 1920’s? It was deemed to be too noisy.
  • How old was actor Jeff Bridges when he made his screen debut? Four months. He appeared as a crying baby in the 1950’s film The Company She Keeps.

🎥🎥🎥

WHERE’S MY EFFING KINDLE?

06/20/2024 “MILLENIAL FEVER”   Leave a comment

Being a former police officer, investigator, and professional interrogator has definitely changed my view of people and the criminal justice system as well. I’ve seen more than my share of human beings and their scary-assed responses to damn near everything. These “Karen” videos that seem to be flooding the internet are ridiculous and sad but the movement of the country to the left concerning law enforcement just increases the numbers of these lame and annoying incidents. It allows people who should be arrested to continue their bad behavior and then get their fifteen minutes of fame online. In my opinion this new millennial generation are the absolute worst. They have little or no respect for the law, the officers, or other people. They’ve taken selfishness to the limit and then are the first to complain about damn near everything.

This country’s left leaning approach has been as responsible for forcing police officers to wear body cameras because of bullshit lawsuits filed by idiots who’ve had their feeling hurt by those “mean and nasty police officers” (that was sarcasm for those of you younger than forty years old.) I’m sure anything I say will be immediately disregarded by the younger generations since I’m just an old fart who’s out of touch with today’s reality. That might be partially true, but I like my reality way more than theirs.

Here are a few facts for all of our thin-skinned millennials. They have no idea how bad things can get if the inmates ever decide to run the asylum. Just as a point of information: A “Karen” can be a man or woman caught in viral rants over the actions of others who gripe about seemingly minor inconveniences, sometimes laced with bigoted remarks. Just sooooo nice.

  • Colorado resident Blair Featherman was filmed shouting racist remarks at a Hispanic family during a pool party at her upscale apartment complex.
  • Brianna Pinnix, 30, was fired from her job after a video captured her berating a group of German tourists on a New Jersey Transit train, telling them to “get the f— out of our country.”
  • “We have been dealing with a very vulgar and harassing neighbor since May,” mother Cecillee Cummings wrote in a post on Instagram in December 2023. The family claimed their neighbor also made physical threats to them and their son.
  • An unruly passenger threatened to urinate in the aisle of a Frontier Airlines flight from Orlando to Philadelphia.

IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE WITHOUT REAL CONSEQUENCES

06/18/2024 “LOVING THE 1960’S”   Leave a comment

It’s time for some limerick history. As you may be aware I collect limericks from all sorts of sources. Recently I purchased a few small used books from an online thrift bookstore. Buying books in bulk is always a risk but sometimes it pays off with pleasant surprises. Today’s limericks were published in a small inconsequential book of just sixty pages in 1960. It’s been 64 years since then and many of the limericks in the book were collected from even older sources. They are officially titled “Laundered Limericks” meaning many were cleaned of obscenities to get them printed but still contain some vulgarities. I’d probably rate some of these as PG but that’s for you readers to decide.

An old maid in the land of Aloha

Got wrapped in the coils of a boa.

And as the snake squeezed

The maid, not displeased,

Cried, “Darling! I love it! Samoa!”

🙃🙃🙃

There was a young lady named Gloria

Who was screwed by Sir Oswald Du Maurier,

And then by six men,

Sir Oswald again,

And the band at the Waldorf-Astoria.

😎😎😎

There once was a man of high station

Who was found by a pious relation,

Making love on the floor,

To – I won’t say a whore,

But a lady of poor reputation.

😉😉😉

A remarkable race are the Persians,

They have such peculiar diversions.

They make love all day

In the regular way

And all night they practice perversions.

🤪🤪🤪

GOTTA LUV THEM 60’S

6/15/2024 💰”THE BOTTOM LINE”💰   Leave a comment

Most Americans are raised get an education, get a job, make money, and then make more money. There’s nothing like starting your work life in your early twenties with a huge student loan debt that will take you years to pay off. Money seems to be the driving force in this country and the pursuit of it is all consuming. In reality, it’s the same almost everywhere else as well. I think a lot of that make-money mindset was passed down through the Great Depression generation like my parents who were concerned with little else. It’s not a bad thing to chase money but how you go about is even more important. Make as much money as you can but try just as hard not to harm or destroy others in the process.

Today’s post involves a short history of money.

  • At the age of 12, Andrew Carnegie worked as a millhand for $1.20 a week. A half-century later, he sold his steel company for nearly $500 million.
  • Not a single bank existed anywhere in the 13 colonies before the American Revolution. Anyone needing money had to borrow from an individual.
  • Although he is famous for inventing the cotton gin, in 1793, Eli Whitney made no money from his invention because he did not have a valid patent on it.
  • Henry Ford shocked his fellow capitalists by more than doubling the daily wage of most of his workers in 1914, 11 years after he had established his first automobile factory. He knew what he was doing. The buying power of his workers was increased, and their raised consumption stimulated buying elsewhere. Ford called it the “wage motive.”
  • Paul Revere, the American silversmith and patriot, designed paper money for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, which issued the money in defiance of English law even before independence was declared. The notes were handsome but soon depreciated. Some of them subsequently were used as wallpaper in barbershops.
  • When Jacob A. Riis published his classic book How the Other Half Lives, in 1890, the fortunes of about 1% of the US population totaled more than the possessions of the remaining 99%. The pattern hasn’t changed all that much. Today, the fortunes of about 8% of the US population total more than the possessions of the remaining 92%.
  • We hear all of the economy experts constantly raising fears about rising inflation. Here is why! At the height of inflation in Germany in the early 1920s, one American dollar was the equal of 4.2 trillion German marks.

💲💲💲

WORK-EARN-SPEND-OWE

06/13/2024 “DIRTY JOKES III”   Leave a comment

E.E. Cummings

“The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.”

I thought I should lighten things up a bit since my last two posts were a wee bit negative. It always helps to clear some of that negativity with humor (especially off-color humor). Enjoy . . .

Q. What do bungee jumping, and prostitutes have in common? A. They both cost two hundred dollars and if the rubber breaks your screwed.

The young man has been dating his girlfriend for over a year, and so they decided to finally get married. His parents, family and friends helped him in every way possible. There was only one thing really bothering him, and that was his fiancée’s younger sister. She was twenty years old, and constantly wore extremely tight miniskirts and low-cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near him and he had many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day, little sister called and asked him to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when he got there and she whispered to him quietly that soon he was to be married, but she had feelings and desires for him that she couldn’t overcome. She told him that she wanted to make love to him just once before he got married and committed his life to her sister. He was in total shock and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me.” He was stunned as he watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down her red panties and threw them down the stairs to him. He stood there for a moment, then turned around and ran for the front door. He opened the door, stepped out of the house. and ran straight towards his car. Without warning his future father-in-law was standing behind a shrub. With tears in his eyes, her father hugged him and said, “We are very happy that you’ve passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family son.” The moral of the story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car!

Q. What’s the difference between sin and shame? A. It’s a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out.

Tarzan and Jane are preparing to make love for the first time, but Tarzan tell Jane that he doesn’t know how to do it. Jane says, “Look, it’s really very easy.” Tarzan tells her, “Tarzan usually does it in tree trunk hole”. Jane advises, “You’ve got it all wrong, you just stick it in this hole,” motioning to her crotch. Tarzan and Jane then get naked and Jane motions for Tarzan to put it in. Tarzan slowly walks over to Jane and kicks her very hard in her crotch. Jane, twitching with terrible pain, asks Tarzan, “What the hell was that for?” Tarzan says, “Tarzan checks for squirrels.

Q. What has 100 balls and screws old ladies? A. Bingo!

KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR – STAY FUNNY

06/11/2024 🛸1984 and More UFO BS🛸   1 comment

Welcome to the new 1984.

“In a time of deceit telling the truth is a revolutionary act.”

George Orwell

I’ve been a science-fiction fan for more years than I care to remember. It started when I was a child of about four and my mother painted the walls of my bedroom with planets and rocket ships. It was the days of Sputnick and the “space race”. That was the beginning of my interest in space travel just like every other kid in the country at that time. You need to understand what I mean by an interest in space travel. I’d love nothing better than see an alien craft land at the White House (and take Joe Biden for a much-deserved joy ride), but I’ve lived long enough and gotten smart enough to become something of a UFO non-believer. Since the first human beings that saw fireflies and thought they were demons or angels, everything is either an alien, UFO, a spiritual mystery, or an omen of the end of the world as we know it.

👽👽👽

“To see what is in front of one’s nose requires a constant struggle.”

George Orwell

People can be stupid and ignorant about many things and the internet media supplies video after video of BS stories that to any reasonably normal person are obvious fakes. I’d rather deal in facts.

Fact #1 – The Government supplies former military officers, former NASA employees, and a host of so-called scientific experts to the media and internet. It is their job to help use the subject of UFOs to distract the nation and the world from what they may be doing covertly. When you control all media, you control everything and the saying “Knowledge is Power” has never been closer to the truth. Mind games are the heart and soul of a government slowing eroding the rights of its citizens (President Eisenhower warned us about that) and that’s our new reality.

Fact #2 – ET’s if they even exist puzzle me. How can advanced beings keep crashing their ships all over the planet. I swear every effing country claims an alien craft crash site and a few even claim to have recovered alien vehicles. It doesn’t seem likely to me that such intelligent beings who are so more advanced than we are can’t seem to safely fly a UFO in our atmosphere. I’ll believe it when they land in my back yard and tell me something or anything that I haven’t already heard on the internet.

” Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.”

George Orwell

I’m also tired of hearing about the Egyptians and those stupid pyramids, tall skeletons, huge magical blocks of stone, treasures dug up in every back yard in American, and how every discovery about everything is all about every organized religion claiming it’s a sign from their god. How many people and governments have made billions of dollars by misleading billions of idiots. Unfortunately, a large percentage of the citizens worldwide will believe anything they’re told, no questions asked. Everything is always some sort of conspiracy, and we can rely on social media to spread it around the world, constantly repeating both the lies and the occasional truths ad infinitum.

ORWELL HAD IT RIGHT, JUST FIFTY YEARS TOO SOON

06/08/2024 “Return to the Eighties”   3 comments

Loved the 80’s

Are you happy? Living in the 21st century can be confusing at times and utterly ridiculous almost always. I can’t even wrap my head around how people are raising children these days. It’s when my frustration gets to be too much, I revert to other times that were also screwy but not near as strange as right now. The following humor was based entirely on the 1980’s so bear that in mind as you read them. Everything is always about context. Hop on the time travel train for a few minutes and enjoy 1984. Orwell didn’t have a clue.

  • When should you stop fucking your girlfriend doggie style? When you catch her chasing cars.
  • What’s the difference between a peeping tom and a pickpocket? A pickpocket snatches watches.
  • What’s the difference between mono and herpes? You get mono from snatching a kiss.
  • What do you find at the bottom of girls’ undies? Clitty litter.
  • What’s the difference between a fox and a pig? About six beers.
  • What’s a box spring? An I. U. D.

  • Why did the stupid girl think there was something wrong with her birth control pills? They kept falling out.
  • Why was 6 mad at 7? Because 7-8-9
  • What’s Helen Keller’s favorite color? Corduroy
  • Who are the three most famous Chinese virgins? “Tu Yung Tu”, Tu Dum Tu”, and “No Yen Tu.
  • Why don’t chickens wear underwear? Because they would look fucking stupid.
  • What’s the difference between an epileptic corn husker and a hooker with diarrhea? An epileptic corn husker shucks between fits.

KEEP CALM AND PRETEND ITS THE 80’S

06/06/2024 💥💥Limerick Alert💥💥   1 comment

I’m feeling somewhat indifferent today. I got up early, had a cup of really godawful coffee which is not a good way to start any day. My lack of interest was exacerbated by the few things I had to accomplish. For those of you that don’t know I drive a 2008 Smart car. It’s a small vehicle on a good day but it’s the only delivery vehicle I have. Here in Maine, we recycle bottles and cans and today was the day for me to cash in all those nickels. I checked my garage and to my surprise I had 7 large bags containing 420 bottles and cans. I then loaded up my Smart car with all seven bags. Every window in the car except for the windshield was partially blocked. I managed to fit everything into the car leaving just enough room for my oversized ass. I had to travel approximately ten miles to the redemption center, and I looked ridiculous. It’s hard to look inconspicuous when you’re driving what appears to be a giant garbage bag with headlights and a windshield. Apparently, the police officer who then stopped me thought it was hysterically funny as well. There were no citations issued but we both had a few laughs about the situation. I hadn’t broken any laws, had all of the required mirrors, and he sent me on my way by standing on the berm and laughing his ass off. Just so you know I cashed in the bottles and cans and then walked next door to the liquor store. I’ll be opening that bottle of gin later because this day has got to get better. Only limericks can raise my spirits and get my day back on track. Here’s two . . .

There was a young lady of Maine

Who declared she’d a man on the brain.

But you knew from the view

Of the way her waist grew,

It was not on her brain that he’d lain.

💥💥💥

There was a young lady names Sue

Who preferred a stiff drink to a screw.

But one leads to the other,

And now she’s a mother –

Let this be a lesson to you.

💥💥💥

SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL POLICE

(And Recycle)

06/04/2024 Welcome to Kiner’s Korner”   1 comment

Ralph Kiner 1953

Being a long time Pittsburgher requires absolute loyalty to the Steelers and to the Pirates. I spent 12 years of my life totally and completely addicted to playing baseball. It wasn’t a casual thing; it was total and complete obsession. I was fortunate enough to see and meet many of the greatest baseball players to ever live who played for the Pittsburgh Pirates including Roberto Clemente, Bill Mazeroski, Rocky Nelson, Al McBean, Bill Verdon, Dick Stuart and the list goes on and on. The same year that I was born the Pirates claimed ownership to one of the greatest home run hitters in the game, Ralph Kiner. He was long gone from the Pittsburgh team as I began my early teens, but I followed his career for many years and even copied his batting style. Who doesn’t remember “Kiners Corner”, a shortened area of fence in left-center field at Forbes Field. I’m sorry I never had the opportunity to meet him or to see him play, but he was the ultimate role model for a young baseball crazy kid, and I loved him. Here’s a short bio on Kiner and his truly impressive career.

***

In 1949, Kiner topped his 1947 total with 54 home runs, falling just two short of Hack Wilson’s then-National League record. It was the highest total in the major leagues from 1939 to 1960, and the highest National League total from 1931 to 1997. It made Kiner the first National League player with two 50 plus home run seasons. Kiner also matched his peak of 127 RBI’s. From 1947 to 1951, Kiner topped 40 home runs and 100 RBIs each season. Through 2011 he was one of seven major leaguers to have had at least four 30-HR, 100-RBI seasons in their first five years. Kiner’s string of seasons leading the league in home runs reached seven in 1952, when he hit 37. This also was the last of a record six consecutive seasons in which he led Major League Baseball in home runs.

In 1961, Kiner entered the broadcast booth for the Chicago White Sox. The following year, Kiner, Lindsey Nelson, and Bob Murphy began broadcasting the games of the expansion New York Mets. Kiner also hosted a post-game show known as “Kiner’s Korner” on WOR-TV. Nationally, he helped call the Mets’ appearance in the 1969 and 1973 World Series for NBC Radio. He won a local Emmy Award for his broadcasting work.

Kiner was also known for his occasional malapropisms, usually connected with getting people’s names wrong, such as calling broadcasting partner Tim McCarver as “Tim MacArthur” and calling Gary Carter “Gary Cooper”. Despite a bout with Bell’s palsy, which left him with slightly slurred speech, Kiner continued broadcasting for 53 seasons.

***

Here are a few more for your amusement.

  • The Hall of Fame ceremonies are on 31st and 32nd of July.
  • We’ll be back after this word from Manufacturers Hangover. (the correct name was Manufacturers Hanover)
  • Today is Father’s Day, so to all you fathers out there, we’d like to say, Happy Birthday!
  • Tony Gwynn was named player of the year for April.
  • George Shinn is the owner of the Charlotte Harlots basketball team. (the actual name was the Charlotte Hornets)

And finally, I saved the best for last.

Ralph Korner (Kiner introducing himself on his post-game show, Kiner’s Korner”.

PLAY BALL!