I’ve spend a great deal of my life investigating matters which required me to become well versed in verbal gymnastics by people who were skilled in the art of lying. I’ve interviewed and interrogated thousands of individuals, suspects, criminals of all types, and just plain evil people. Many were well skilled at lying and confusing the facts and had to be verbally dissected by me to get at the truth. I actually had a company send me to a school in Chicago where I was thoroughly trained to become a human polygraph. Learning body language and advanced interrogation techniques helped me immensely in identifying and dealing with those sneaking folks who used more silent and damaging techniques through the use of rumor and innuendo. I met and was constantly challenged by some truly smart but dishonest and dangerous people. Was I always successful? No! To this day I still look back on some that got away and it still angers me.
Years ago I stumbled upon a book that I later came to cherish. It was written in the 1960’s and was titled The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense compiled by Suzette Haden Elgin. She published an excellent book that organized and defined the subject of verbal abuse. She explained how to identify verbal attacks and how to defend against them. This post will contain a number of quotes from that book that may help us all to better understand the problem and the possible defenses against it.
The Four Basic Principals
Know that you are under attack.
Know what kind of attack you are facing.
Know how to make your defense fit the attack.
Know how to follow through.
There is a well know therapist, Virginia Satir who in her books has developed a set of terms for common verbal behaviors. These five patterns are called the Five Satir Modes and identify the types of people to look out for. It’s much easier to defend yourself if you can identify the type of person who is creating your difficulties.
Five Satir Identifiers
The Placater
The Placater is frightened that other people will become angry, will go away, and never come back.
The Blamer
The Blamer feels that nobody cares about him/her, that there is no respect or affection for him/her and that people are indifferent to his/her needs and feelings.
The Computer
The Computer is analytical. He/she is terrified that someone will find out what his/her feelings really are. If possible the Computer will give the impression that he/she has no feelings whatsoever.
The Distracter
The Distrater is a tricky one to keep up with, because her/she does not hold to any of the other previous patterns. He/she cycles rapidly between modes, with an underlying feeling of panic with surface behavior being a chaotic mix.
The Leveler
The true Leveler does just what the name implies; this person levels with you. A phony Leveler, however, is more dangerous than all the other categories combined, and hard to spot. If you assume you are discussing the genuine article, what the Leveler is actually saying is only what he/she is feeling.
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Needless to say this is just a bare-bones summary of what could always be a difficult and dangerous situation. Maybe it will help.
As you can see by the title this post is a Limerick Alert. Sometimes that means bawdy and off-color, and other times lame and just plain entertaining. Something else that we all seem to love are our pets and animals, therefore all of today’s limericks will be “animal” related. Here are four examples that caught my eye and I hope you enjoy them. I’d rate these limericks as “G” so the kids can read them too.
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There once was a young lady named Maggie Whose pet dog was terribly shaggy, The front end of him Look quite vicious and grim, But the tail was always friendly and waggy.
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The thoughts of a rabbit and sex Are seldom, if ever, complex. For a rabbit in need Is a rabbit indeed, And does just as one might expect.
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A freshman from down in Laguna Fell madly in love with a tuna. The affair, although comic, Was so economic, He wished he’d have thought of it soona!
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A sightseer from far McAboo, Observed a strange beast at the Zoo, When she asked: “Is it old? “ She was smilingly told It’s not an old beast, but a gnu!.
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And finally a clean favorite for my better-half the gardener:
I’ve always enjoyed spicing up my posts with quotes from a variety of people from politicians, writers, and even a few not-brain-dead celebrities. I’ve been quoted a number of times myself primarily by my fellow subordinate associates after reading my comments on their performance reviews. I was always a little too frank in my comments and I may have hurt a few feelings over the years but it was also those same people who quoted me the most. I’ve always enjoyed quotes that were made by people whose ass I wasn’t required to kiss and always found more truth in frank discussions than politically correct nonsense. Here’s a sampling of quotes that were made concerning CRITICS.
“Insects sting, not from malice but because they want to live. It is the same with critics – they desire our blood, not pain.” Friedrich Nietzsche
“Don’t pay attention to bad reviews. Today’s newspaper is tomorrow’s toilet paper.” Jack Warner
“He always praises the first production of each season, being reluctant to stone the first cast.“ Walter Winchell
“The tongue is the only instrument that gets sharper with use.” Washington Irving
“Critics are like eunuchs at a gang-bang.” George Burns
“A good review from the critics is just another stay of execution.” Dustin Hoffman
“Critics? – I love every bone in their heads.” Eugene O’Neill
“Time is the only critic without ambition.” John Steinbeck
“In judging others, folks will work overtime for no pay.” Charles Carruthers
AND last but not least:
“Critics are a dissembling, dishonest, contemptible race of men. Asking a working writer what he feels about critics is like asking a lamppost what he feels about dogs.” John Osbourne
A few months ago I came upon a small innocent looking book titled 365 Women’s Reflections on Men. I’d made a few purchases of books that day and the owner of the store threw that little book into my bag as a freebie. Since I never refuse a book from anyone, I took it home and it’s been on the shelf for months. While I’m not partial to the negativity brush that feminism paints most of us men with, I think it’s only right if I pass a few tidbits your way and give some of these overt feminists the credit they rightfully deserve.
“No man can call himself liberal, or radical, or even a conservative advocate of fair play, if his work depends in any way on the unpaid or underpaid labor of women at home, or in the office.” Gloria Steinem
“Protectiveness has often muffled the sounds of doors closing against women.” Betty Friedan
“Dear, never forget one little point: It’s my business. You just work here.” Elizabeth Arden (to her husband)
“The only jobs for which no man is qualified are human incubators and wet nurses. Likewise, the only job for which no woman is or can be qualified is sperm donor.” Wilma Scott Heide
“Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor.” Queen Elizabeth I
“I think women are just as moved by appearance [as men are], but they are willing to accept a situation where the man is less attractive because of the “who earns the bread” situation. Madonna
“American men say “I love you” as part of the conversation.” Liv Ullman
“If you never want to see a man again, say, “I love you, I want to marry you, and I want to have children . . . they will leave skid marks” Rita Rudner
“I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.” Marie Corelli
“I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.” Zsa Zsa Gabor
I’ve had the fortune or misfortune to live for almost 8 decades. Each decade had interesting points and just as many that were anything but. The 1950’s and early 1960’s meant very little to me because I was just a kid. Things got much more interesting in the late 1960’s where my real life education began. Free love and marijuana introduced me to a number of interesting things which made my life much more pleasant. The 1970’s introduced me to the work force and a lot of fun disappeared overnight. When the 1980’s arrived things once again became interesting. Todays post is a short quiz concerning the Pop Culture of the 1980’s. Ten questions that should be easy to answer for those of us who survived the decade. Let’s see how you do. As always the answers are below.
1. __________ was one of the musical styles influenced by the 1980’s fashions?
2. The hit show Miami Vice was on what TV network?
3. What year did MTV first go on the air?
4. Other than Levi, what were the cool name-brand jeans in the 80’s?
5. The Afterschool Special appeared on what TV network?
6. __________ was Johnny Carson’s trusty sidekick for entirety of his show?
7. What year did the home video game industry crash?
8. Young people often called their portable cassette players __________ in the 1980’s?
9. __________ and __________ were the star actors on Miami Vice?
10. The Intellivision video game console was made by what company?
Loving the phone!
ANSWERS
Punk; New Wave; Heavy Metal; Rap/Hip Hop; Country, NBC, 1981, Guess, ABC, Ed McMahon, 1983, Boom Box; Ghetto Blaster, Don Johnson & Philip Michael Thomas, Mattel.
(Just for the official record I scored 7 out of 10.)
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local bars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by a woman. Many females are using a date rape drug on the market called “Beer.” The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large kegs. Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply asks him to come home with her for some no-strings attached sex.
Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this Beer scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men. For the support group nearest you just look up “Golf Courses” in the phone book
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A man walks into a bar and says “G-g-gimme a b-b-beer. The bartender says, “Seems as though you’ve got a major stuttering problem.” The man replies, N-n-no k-k-kidding!” The bartender says, “I used to stutter, but my wife cured me. One afternoon she gave me oral sex three times in a row, and I haven’t stuttered since!” The man says, “W-w-wow, th-th-that’s great to kn-kn-know” A week later, the same man returns to the bar, and says, “G-g-gimme a b-b-beer.” The bartender says, “Why didn’t you do what I told you?” “I d-d-did try”, said the man. “It j-j-just d-d-didn’t w-w-work. But I m-m-must say, you have a r-r-really n-nice apartment.
AND TO MY BETTER-HALF AND ALL OF YOU OTHER BEER FANATICS
Everyone loves music of one sort or another and I’m no different. Unfortunately I think 50% of the music being made today is garbage. I may be considered a music snob but I only like GOOD MUSIC. I like some Heavy Metal, some R&B, some Opera, some Disco, and even some Rap, as long as it’s good. Today’s post will add to your trivia knowledge of the music business. If you’re just a casual music fan you may not be aware of a lot of the facts I’m going to list but that’s what’s so great about music, it’s all about personal preferences.
It is estimated that the “Happy Birthday to You” song earns Warner Music up to $5000 in royalties per day.
The bass player and co-lead singer of the band Kiss was named Chaim Witz.
John Denver’s real name was Henry John Deutschendorf Jr.
Leo Fender, inventor of the Telecaster, Stratocaster, and Precision Bass guitars, could not play the guitar.
Rolling Stone magazine twice listed Jimi Hendrix as the number one greatest guitar player of all time.
QUEEN
Brian May, lead guitarist for the band Queen, also had a PhD in astrophysics.
The song “Le Freak” by the band Chic, was the first song to hit number one on the US Billboard Hot 100 chart three separate times.
Madonna, with 38 singles, followed by Elvis Presley, The Beatles, and Michael Jackson, had the most top 10 singles on the Billboard Hot 100 chart.
Mike Nesmith the famous member of the made-for-television band The Monkees also invented Liquid Paper the popular correction fluid.
The Village People once advertised for members with a personal ad requesting: Wanted: Macho Types, Must Dance and Have a Mustache.
I really do try to avoid writing about politics and politicians. No matter what you write your going to piss off a great many people. I’ve always found politics to be a necessary evil but I avoid political discussions religiously and religious discussions politically. It can be a great source of humor which is it’s biggest selling point for me. I do miss the days of Marion Barry in DC and his constant stream of misstatements and BS. I prayed that he would eventually run for Congress and be elected because the shit-storm he could have caused would’ve had me laughing for years. In his honor I dedicate this post of some of his most incredibly stupid quotes and nose-sniffing behavior. It makes me very nostalgic.
“I’m providing you with a copulation of answers to several questions raised . . .”
“The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather.”
“I promise you a police car on every sidewalk.”
“I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria, or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?”
“What we have here is an egregemous miscarriagement of taxitude.”
“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.”
“There are two kinds of truth. There are real truths, and there are made-up truths.”
I am a great mayor, I am an outstanding Christian man, I am an intelligent man, I am a deeply educated man, and I’m a humble man.”
I’m feeling a bit rambunctious this morning which doesn’t happen as much as I’d like. There are lots of topics to discuss every day it seems but most aren’t worth my time. Since every person on the internet seems to be an effing expert on everything, I decided to step back and watch the fun as they continue to make fools of themselves. With that thought in mind I decided to share some rather borderline off-color humor today because I can. The online experts can kiss my ass and if what I post displeases them they can piss off and stop reading my blog. Enjoy . . .
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Two guys were getting drunk and horny at a bar. One said: “When I get home I want to give my woman a different kind of sex that’ll blow her mind”. The other suggested: “Why don’t you try rodeo sex?” “Rodeo sex, what’s that?” It’s when you mount your woman from behind, start going nice and slowly, take her hair, pull her head back slightly and whisper quietly in her ear, “Your sister was better at this than you . . . and then try to hold on for the full 8 seconds!
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A guy had been dating a girl for over a year when he decided it was time to take their relationship to the next level. “How do you feel about sex?” he asked cautiously. “It’s fine,” she said, “as long as it’s infrequent.” He looked at her a bit puzzled.” Is that one word or two?”
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A girl picked up a guy at a nightclub and with her parents being out of town, seized the opportunity to invite him back to her home. When they got to her bedroom, he noticed that the room was filled with fluffy stuffed animals. There were hundreds of them: fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the window sill, fluffy toys on the floor, fluffy toys all over the bed, and fluffy toys on three rows of shelves. Later, after they had sex, he turned to her and asked: “So how was it for you?” She said: “You can take anything from the bottom shelf.”
I’ve complained about “fake news” a lot in recent in recent months. If anything, it’s even worse now than before. With the advent of AI’s creating photo’s and headlines that are nothing more than a teaser to get us to read all the BS normally that usually follows has become problematic. I’m all for free speech but the lack of control on the fake content and misleading headlines is ridiculous. Everyone is paranoid to the extreme for scammers and this fake BS just contributes to even more scams. Today I’ll let you determine what is fake and what isn’t. Firstly I’ll list five of the most ridiculous conspiracy theories I could find. If you’re convinced by any of these subjects, you’re in need of more help than I can offer.
Conspiracies
Chemical trails from jet aircraft are really poisons designed by the government.
President Obama spent time on Mars as a teenager.
Stevie Wonder was never blind.
The planet Venus supports life.
Google has become self-aware, evolving into an AI that is essentially a god.
I realize these five items are truly stupid but they actually have been seriously discussed by the lunatic fringe. My all time favorite must go to those idiots who still believe the earth is flat. It pleases me that the mental health institutions will continue to have plenty of customers. I guess you could call that some sort of “job security”. Now I’m going to list ten items of which five are actual headlines and five that are not. You be the judge. The answers will be listed below.
Headlines
1. ITALIAN BANK ROBBERS WEAR TRUMP MASKS DURING HEISTS
2. TOAD TADPOLES TURN HOMEGROWN POISONS ON EACH OTHER
3. MAN ARGUES FOR ROOMBA LOVER TO BE GIVEN PERSONHOOD
4. INFAMOUS PICKPOCKET PALMS JUDGE’S WALLET IN COURT
5. SINGLE MEN ARRIVE IN DROVES AFTER PERSONALITY PROFILE ON A VASECTOMY SPECIALIST APPEARS
6. IN TRUE CANADIAN FASHION, DELAYED FLIGHT TRIGGERS A SING-ALONG.
7. MAN TAKES DISNEYLAND RIDE 10,000 TIMES
8. DRIVE-THRU WINDOW BECOMES SQUEEZE-THRU FOR A MCDONALD’S THIEF
9. PU! AIRPLANE DROPS CRATE OF STINK BUGS ON WEDDING
10.A BRITISH SURGEON WAS DISCOVERED BRANDING HIS INITIALS ON LIVERS
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