Archive for the ‘Bitch & Complain’ Category
Spring Fever has slowly crept up on me and I seem to be firmly held in it’s grasp. Garden fever has also arrived along with Lowe’s receiving their first Spring shipments of plants and seeds. It’s taking all of my willpower not to immediately run there and start buying stuff. I’m trying to keep things under control for a while but it’s not easy.
And here’s a picture to prove to some of you that I actually did celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. It looks almost as good as it tasted:
‘Green Chardonnay on Ice.’
With green wine in mind I thought I might start the Spring and Summer seasons properly by making my first batch of wine for 2016. In my continuing effort to stay "outside the box" and do new things I decided to make some Sake. It’s been a very long time since I’ve made any so I figured why not. I did a quick inventory of my winemaking supplies and placed an online order for a few essentials. They arrived within 48 hours which was perfect. I then searched up a vendor to buy a case of 375 ml bottles and they’ll be here within a week.
Off to the food store to pickup eight pounds of raw rice, three pounds of white raisins, and a ten pound bag of sugar. My recipe calls for a sherry yeast but I purchased a new product which is yeast specifically created for making Sake. This yeast will tolerate alcohol up to 16% or 32 proof for you amateurs out there. It was a bit pricey but if I’m going to do this I should do it properly.
Yesterday I began the process of crushing the rice and chopping the raisins. Along with a number of other ingredients my primary fermenter will hold what should eventually give me three gallons of excellent Sake. Here are a few photo’s of the prep. The fermenter will sit for 48 hours after hot water is added and then the yeast will take over. Then I can kick back and wait while Mother Nature does her thing.
‘Empty Fermenter’
‘Bags of Chopped Raisins & Crushed Rice’
‘This + Patience = 3 1/2 Gallons of Sake’
I can’t think of a better way to start my Spring season unless it’s a couple of thick and tasty T-Bone steaks on the grill. I’ll be setting our grill up on the deck this week and the steaks will be cooked as soon as possible after that.
GOODBYE WINTER, HELLO SPRING
It’s that time of the year again to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. It’s another one of those holidays that most people celebrate but they’re not entirely sure why. For most of us it’s just a reason to get out, drink a little too much and make fools of ourselves. Take it from one who knows.
Since my heritage includes a few folks of the Scotch/Irish persuasion I’ve been known to occasionally get a little crazy on St. Paddies Day. Truthfully it was just an excuse in my younger days to drink too much, dye my hair green, and dance a jig or two after swilling a couple quarts of green beer.
It’s been quite some time since I really celebrated the day but in the spirit of the holiday I’ll supply you with a quick primer explaining why it was originally created.
* * *
Saint Patrick’s Day, or the Feast of Saint Patrick (Irish: Lá Fhéile Pádraig, "the Day of the Festival of Patrick"), is a cultural and religious celebration held on 17 March, the traditional death date of Saint Patrick (c. AD 385–461), the foremost patron saint of Ireland.
Saint Patrick’s Day was made an official Christian feast day in the early 17th century and is observed by the Catholic Church, the Anglican Communion(especially the Church of Ireland), the Eastern Orthodox Church, and Lutheran Church. The day commemorates Saint Patrick and the arrival of Christianity in Ireland, and celebrates the heritage and culture of the Irish in general. Celebrations generally involve public parades and festivals, céilithe, and the wearing of green attire or shamrocks. Christians also attend church services and the Lenten restrictions on eating and drinking alcohol are lifted for the day, which has encouraged and propagated the holiday’s tradition of alcohol consumption.
* * *
That has been your short history lesson for today, not that any of you really care WHY we celebrate. Every ethnic group has it’s holidays so why shouldn’t the Irish get on board as well. After spending many years in the Boston area I can tell you for certain this holiday is taken seriously there and celebrated heartily. It may not be the same celebration you’d see in Ireland but I can guarantee a few things. You will have green hair, you will have many new friends you may never see again, you probably won’t remember the entire evening or the parade, and you will have the mother of all hangovers that could last for days.
I can live with that.
‘Gaius Julius Caesar’
Today is the day every year that I remember good old Julius Caesar. The Ides of March will forever be known as an evil day thanks to him and all of his so-called friends. Stabbed twenty-three times upon arriving at his work place at the Curia he was left to die alone on the sidewalk. It just goes to show how far we’ve come as a society because these days we’ve made some major improvements on how to murder someone. If Caesar was to be murdered today it would be by two hooded gentlemen driving by in a mini-Fiat firing a couple of Tech-9’s at him. He’d still be just as dead but it would have been done so much quicker and efficiently. So for today “All Hail Caesar”.
Now let’s move onto something almost as interesting as a dead guy. SEX! I’ve been on a roll in recent weeks with trivia postings because I love trivial facts. I also love sex so it only seems right that I offer up some sex related information. Here goes nothing.
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The average size of an erect penis measures between 5 and 6 inches, while the average size of a flaccid penis is about 3.5 inches.
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Many of the ingredients in chocolate are proven to cause arousal similar in effect to sexual foreplay. In fact, some experts believe chocolate may be even more effective than foreplay for sexual arousal.
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Historical records show that even in 1850 B.C., women attempted to practice birth control. The most common method was a mixture of crocodile dung and honey placed in the vagina in the hopes of preventing pregnancy.
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Although nearly any body part or item of clothing may be an object of sexual fetishism, the shoe and the foot are the two most common fetishes in Western society.
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Just a decade ago, only 25% of women reported experiencing orgasm as a result of intercourse. In recent years, this number has risen to about 45%. In contrast, over 80% of women report experiencing orgasm though oral sex.
It’s no wonder I’ve been addicted to chocolate my entire life. Instead of foreplay just gobble down a handful of M&M’s and get busy. Also I will verify that feet can be sexually arousing. I’ve been a foot lover since day one and damn proud of it. And last but not least to both men and women I say “Hooray for Oral Sex” and “Boo!” to crocodile dung and honey. Yuck!
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The vibrator, a common sex toy for women, was originally designed in the nineteenth century as a medication to combat the anxiety-related symptoms of “hysteria” (now known as menstruation).
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Throughout the United States, approximately 4% of the population self-identifies as gay, lesbian, or bisexual.
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During 30 minutes of active sex, the average person burns approximately 200 calories.
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On average, adult men think about sex every seven seconds.
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Approximately 1% of people worldwide identify as asexual (having no strong sexual attraction to either sex).
I think about sex every seven seconds? I might have to disagree with that fact. I think it’s way more often that that. Ask any guy! If I recall my basic facts on weight loss it takes a reduction of approximately 2000 calories to lose a pound of weight. If that’s true then having intercourse ten times would also work. I’m sure you could lose a lot of weight doing it that way but you might miss a few days of work here and there.
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Statistics suggest that approximately one in every five Americans has indulged in sex with a colleague at work.
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Approximately 70% of people in the U.S. admit to fantasizing about group sex at some point in their life, and more than 50% of those people actually follow through.
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One report states that 48% of women have faked an orgasm at least once in their life. Interestingly, an identical 48% of men also report faking an orgasm at least once.
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Since AIDS was first diagnosed in 1981, more than 25 million people have died as a result of the virus. Two million people died from AIDS in the year 2007 alone.
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Statistics show that approximately 90% of men and 65% of women masturbate from time to time.
Group sex appears more popular than I thought. The masturbation numbers were surprising. I thought you women out there were keeping up but I guess I was mistaken. Shame on all of you, so get to work ladies.
This is my favorite tidbit and could possibly explain my obsession with wine. After I drink enough of a favorite Chardonnay my behavioral responses can get pretty interesting. Especially if I eat a huge chunk of chocolate along with it. LOOK OUT!
HAVE A HAPPY IDES OF MARCH
I’ve been infected with that same disease I get every year at this time. It always seems to take me by surprise which I don’t really understand. It’s a deceptive little virus that kind of sneaks up on me . . . it’s called Spring Fever. All I really give a damn about is getting out of the house, standing in fresh air, feeling the sun on my face, and being able to walk along a beach. Is it any wonder why I can’t seem to concentrate on anything else?
I’ve been doing a lot of internet surfing and perusing through my collection of books recently and have happened upon a huge steaming pile of ridiculously stupid trivia that anyone in their right mind could care less about. That’s the reason I decided to share it with you.
These tidbits are in no particular order of importance, just a whole lot of true nonsense.
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Odds of being killed in a tornado – 1 in 2 million.
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You use more calories eating celery than there are in the celery itself.
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Odds of being killed by falling out of bed – 1 in 2 million.
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It only takes 7 pounds of pressure to rip your ear off.
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On average, there are 178 sesame seeds on each McDonalds Big Mac bun.
Did you ever think you’d see the day when someone would count the seeds on a Big Mac, then put that info on the Net where I could find it and pass it on to you. It must be fate.
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In the past year your hair will most likely have grown 12 cm and your nail about 4 cm.
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There are 1 million ants for every person in the world.
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Odds of being killed by a dog – 1 in 700,000.
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World population has grown by around 76,570,430 since your last birthday. In the time it takes you to read this another five babies will have been born.
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13 people are killed each year by vending machine’s falling on them.
Stay alert when you assaulting your next vending machine. They’ll get you if your not careful.
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Odds of being killed by poisoning – 1 in 86,000.
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314 Americans had buttock lift surgery in 1994.
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If you counted 24 hours a day, you would be over 31,000 years old when you reach one trillion.
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Odds of being killed in a car crash – 1 in 5,000.
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There are more than 1,000 chemicals in a cup of coffee.
This should help all of you to really enjoy that next hot cup of morning chemicals.
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If you played all of the Beatles’ singles and albums that came out between 1962 and 1970 back to back, it would only last for 10 hours and 33 minutes.
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Odds of dying while in the bath tub – 1 in 1 million.
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Experts at Intel say that microprocessor speed will double every 18 months for at least 10 years.
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The Apollo 11 only had 20 seconds of fuel when it landed.
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Odds of being killed in a plane crash -1 in 25 million.
I guess all the propaganda we’ve heard for years about the safety of air travel is true. The odds are certainly better than those for car accident deaths.
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Driving 55 miles (88 km) per hour instead of 65 miles (105 km) per hour increases your car mileage by about 15%.
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The average person flexes the joints in their finger 24 million times during a lifetime.
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1/3 of all cancers are sun related.
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If we had the same mortality rate now as in 1900, more than half the people in the world today would not be alive.
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Airbags explode at 200 miles per hour.
Let’s hope none of us have to experience an airbag situation. They can keep you alive during a collision and then break your damn neck at the same time.
Twenty-nine more useless facts you can use to win bar bets.
I was seriously thinking about writing a political rant today but after giving it a little thought (10 seconds) I decided against it. While many agree that the political campaigns this year are more interesting than usual I just don’t care enough to write about them.
With that anti-political statement completed I changed over to topics that have always interested me more than politics . . . . condoms and pregnancies. I’ve compiled some stats from people like Planned Parenthood and others in my attempt to get at some truth. Lets start with a little condom trivia.
Percent of teenagers who claim to use condoms. – 60 %
Total number of condoms sold in the U.S. each year. – 450,000,000
Percent of couples who use a condom consistently and regularly that get pregnant. – 2 %
Percent of teen girls who used a condom the first time they had sex. – 68 %
Percent of teen males who used a condom the first time they had sex. – 82 %
Condom use by adolescent men during their past 10 vaginal intercourse events. – 79.1 %
Condom use by adolescent women during their past 10 vaginal intercourse events. – 58.1 %
Sexually active teens who reported using a condom along with birth control the last time they had sex. – 20 %
Percent of sexually active women with a partner who used a condom. – 93 %
Average cost of a single condom – $0.45
Percent of high school students who are taught how to correctly use a condom in their health class. – 39 %
It’s fairly obvious that there is a lot of sex going on and condom use is much higher than I thought. Next of the agenda is the percentage of condoms sold by Company.
Condom Brand Market Share
Percent
Trojan
69 %
Durex
15 %
Others
16 %
Trojans annual advertising budget – $33,600,000
Condom use has increased over the years yet people still say they don’t like to use them. Here’s the long and short (no pun intended) of condom use.
Total Number of U.S. Women in their childbearing years. – 62 million
Percent of women who get pregnant while on the pill. – 6 %
Percent of people who rely on male condoms that do not get pregnant. – 85 %
Total percent of U.S. births that are from mothers younger than 19. – 10%
Total Number of U.S. women in childbearing years that use some form of contraception. – 62%
Among those who don’t use contraception, 31% are pregnant, trying to get pregnant, postpartum, sterile or not sexually active. The other 7% take their chances. Among those using contraceptives, here’s what they use:
Contraceptive
Percent Used
The Pill
28%
Sterilization
27.1%
Condom
16.1%
Vasectomy
9.9%
IUD
5.5%
There you have it. Everything you ever wanted to know about condoms and their use but were afraid to ask. Overall people don’t like using condoms but the alternatives are much too scary to deal with or even think about.
So all of you sexual active animals out there, keep slipping them on and being sexually responsible and smart. One small personal opinion from me on female condoms. They are ridiculous. I wrestled with them enough times to know I’d sooner spend my valuable pre-entry time putting on a Ziploc bag. What a nightmare. By the time you get it properly placed the lust has dissipated, the erection is gone, and you’ve missed five minutes of the first quarter.
BUY CONDOM STOCKS, YOU MAY GET LUCKY AND MAKE MONEY TOO.
It’s 4am and my insomnia has me sitting in a comfortable chair, drinking a hot coffee, and reading one of my favorite authors, John Sanford, and enjoying his finest character, Lucas Davenport. The Prey series is 25 novels that are as well written as any I’ve ever read. If you like murder mysteries you should pick up some of these and just sit back and enjoy.
For the first time I finally have the complete series on my Kindle and I’m reading them in the order they were written. It’s now 730am and I just finished "Certain Prey", book number 10 in the series. I’m still not sleepy but I think it might be the four cups of coffee I’ve already had today. I’ll read one chapter of the next book “Easy Prey” and then I’ll get my day started.
The weather forecast is for warmer than usual temps with some sunshine thrown in for good measure. I’ll be outside in the garden shortly to begin the winter cleanup of my garden. I need to repair some minor damage to the fence which I caused last Fall and then a remodel of the frames surrounding the rhubarb patch.
‘Remove the old frame.’
‘Discard the old wood.’
I made my first Lowe’s trip for 2016 yesterday to pickup some pressure treated lumber. This was the first of many more trips I’m anticipating. I ‘ll take a few photos today just to begin the documentation of the garden for this year. I keep good records of all of my mistakes and failures so I never repeat them again accidently.
‘Replace with the new lumber.’
It’s now 900am and my main chore has been completed. I tore out the old nasty lumber, expanded the rhubarb area , and rebuilt it with new PT lumber. The job was much easier than expected because I happily discovered that the ground had thawed during the last few weeks of warmer weather. Hooray for me.
I know I’m jumping the gun a little with this garden work but it just feels so good to breath some fresh air and to get my hands a little dirty.
SPAM . . . I’m not sure who coined that term for unwanted emails but it truly is an insult to such a delicious meat. As we all know you can’t spend much time on the Net without finding yourself inundated with SPAM. I always thought I was careful about filling out forms or taking stupid surveys, a sure way to get your name out to the spammers. I’ve come to find out that I failed miserably.
Six months ago in a moment of boredom I was sitting at my computer looking for something to do. Absentmindedly I inquired of a well known mortgage company about some of the new government programs. To say the least that was a huge mistake that I’ve been paying for ever since. Over the last six months I’ve had to unsubscribe from an endless number of websites for every product currently known to man.
I spend a few minutes of each day unsubscribing the current batch of SPAM with assurances that in a week I’ll have been eliminated from their call lists. The torrent of sites is finally down to less than two or three a day but overall it has totaled more than four hundred in the last six months.
I’ve tried to backtrack many of them to a source I could contact and threaten to no avail. It’s been a frustrating effort with no one to take my frustration out on. I’ve known a lot of people over the years but I’ve never met anyone who would admit to being a spammer. People will admit to being drug dealers before admitting to spamming. At least the drug dealer is selling a product and not simply harassing and endlessly annoying hundreds of thousands of people.
‘Just so you know this is the good SPAM.’
I’ll keep trying to discover one person I can take out my anger on. I could easily be persuaded to violence against anyone who has the balls to stand in front of me and admit to spamming. It would be worth a few days in the local county jail for assaulting that someone and I suspect there isn’t a jury anywhere that would convict me. Everyone hates spammers and that might be the reason those bastards keep themselves so well hidden.
As they used to say on Hill Street Blues
"Be careful out there."
Here we are, it’s the first week of March and everyone in Maine is in a tizzy about an early Spring. I’ve been fooled too many times by that little rodent from Punxatawney, PA. Living in Maine has given me a new respect for good old Mother Nature. She can make a fool of us very easily it seems. So I thought I’d come up with a few telltale signals to help me make my own decision. How to tell if an early Spring will be coming to Maine. Here they are.
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The morning doves arrived this week, a few months ahead of schedule. Maybe they know something I don’t but then again they’re just stupid birds.
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The daffodils are an inch high and going strong even though the night temperatures have remained in the mid-twenties.
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I actually observed a number of groundhog loving idiots wearing shorts, T-shirts, and flip flops in the last few weeks. Morons!
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I’ve also spotted large numbers of maple syrup collection pots going onto maple trees all over the area.
‘Old-school equipment.’
‘New high-tech equipment.’
‘End Result’
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Snowmobiles throughout the area have been parked in driveways with “For Sale” signs attached. Always a telling sign.
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The squirrels are out in large numbers already as reflected by the increased number of road kills I’ve been observing.
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While road kill numbers for squirrels are up so are the number of bicyclists on the roads. Riding through piles of dirty snow must give them some kind of a perverse thrill.
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Of course the crazy and obsessive joggers and power walkers seem to be everywhere all of a sudden. It’s a real chore trying to drive on the roads filled with joggers, walkers, bicycles, squirrels, and the slowly melting piles of dirty snow.
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And finally now that the parka’s, gloves, scarfs, and sweaters are coming off I can once again begin my girl watching campaign for 2016. For most of the winter it’s hard to tell who are the men and who are the women.
I suppose I should mention that when I woke up this morning I walked over to the window to check things out. To my chagrin we had just enough of a snowfall during the night to whiten everything. This is Spring? I think not.
Lesson #1 – Ignore weather forecasts made by groundhogs who don’t live in the state of Maine.
C’MON SPRING
Is it just me or do blondes get a bum rap (no pun intended) in this country. I’ve known my fair share of blondes over the years and I don’t feel good about making general assumptions on their intelligence or lack thereof. It still amazes me just how much effort is put forth by our society to create bad jokes and ridiculous stories about the proverbial “dumb blondes”.
I will admit I’ve laughed long and hard (no pun intended) about certain blondes and repeated some really hilarious jokes along the way. I’ll continue to do that today because I’m just a guy, standing in front of you, repeating a joke about a cute but naïve blonde girl. That was my lame attempt to co-op a Julia Robert’s quote from Notting Hill. It apparently didn’t work but what follows will.
Joke #1
A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300 she exclaimed, "I don’t have that kind of money but I’d do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!"
The man arched an eyebrow. "Anything?"
"Yes, anything" the blonde promised.
With that, the man said, "Follow me" He walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door" She did.
He then said, "Get on your knees" She did.
Then he said, "Take down my zipper" She did.
He said, "Go ahead…take it out" She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well… go ahead!"
The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her lips she said loudly "HELLO…..MOM???
* * *
Now here’s two interesting but true facts about our blonde friends.
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In the urban west, one out of three women has blonde hair; only one in twenty is a natural blond.
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Sixty-two of the world’s richest men are married to brunettes, twenty-two to blondes, sixteen to “raven haired” women, and none to a redhead.
* * *
Joke #2
One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the drop-dead gorgeous blonde driver was.
"I’ve pulled you over for speeding, Ma’am…. could I see your driver’s license…?" "What’s a license???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.
"It’s usually in your wallet," replied the officer.
After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it "Now may I see your registration?" asked the cop."Registration….. what’s that?" asked the blonde.
"It’s usually in your glove compartment," said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration. "I’ll be back in a minute," said the cop and walked back to his car.
The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman’s license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back; "Ummm…. is this woman driving a red sports car?"
"Yes," replied the officer.
"Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher. "Uh… yes" replied the cop.
"Here’s what you do," said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants.""WHAT!!? I can’t do that. It’s….. inappropriate," exclaimed the cop.
"Trust me….. just do it," said the dispatcher.So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.
The blonde looks down and sighs, "Oh no … not ANOTHER breathalyzer."
* * *
Joke #3
A guy spent the day walking around town looking for a job. He finally walked into an adult store. "Do you have any work for me?" he asked the owner.
The owner smiled and responded, "You come as if you have been sent from heaven. I just opened another store and I’m looking for someone to mind this store for me."
"When do I start?" the guy asked.
"Now. I’m leaving for the other store shortly." The owner explained all the ins and outs and then left.
First to enter the store was a Caucasian woman. She walked around and stopped at the dildo rack. "How much for the white dildo?"
"Forty dollars," he said.
"How much for the black dildo?"
"Forty dollars."
"Give me the . . . uh, black one. I’ve never had a black one before." She paid and left.
Soon an African-American woman walked in. She too walked around and stopped at the dildo rack. "How much for the black dildo?" she asked.
"Forty dollars."
"How much for the white dildo?"
"Forty dollars."
After thinking a moment, the woman said, "Give me the . . . uh, white one. I’ve never had a white one before." She paid and left.
Then a blonde woman walked in. She walked around and stopped at the dildo rack. "How much for the white dildo?" she asked.
"Forty dollars."
"How much for the black dildo?"
"Forty dollars."
"And how much for the checkered one on your counter there?"
"Two hundred dollars."
"Give me . . . uh, the checkered one. I’ve never had a checkered one before." She paid and left.
Closing time came around and the owner returned. "How was your first day?"
"Great!" the guy responded. "I sold a white and a black dildo for forty bucks each, and I sold your thermos for two hundred."
* * *
I’ll put an end to this post with a few one liners you might appreciate. They are a bit off color but I know that’s what you’ve really been waiting for anyway. These jokes are a special dedication to the blondes living in the state of Ohio. I could explain further but I’ve already said too much. My life could already be in danger because they’re a vicious and horny bunch. Just saying!
Q: How do you know if a blonde has been on your computer?
A: There is lipstick on the joystick.
Q. What’s a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme?
A. Humpme Dumpme.
Q. What’s the difference between a blonde and the Suez/Panama Canal?
A. One’s a busy ditch.
As a public service you should all be aware that no blondes were injured during the writing of this post.
This winter weather here in Maine remains fickle. Fifty degrees one day, then fog the next, ten degrees the third day, and freezing rain and black ice the next. I’ve pretty much given up listening the the forecasters because they apparently don’t have much of a clue either.
With February almost gone we’re within six weeks or so from seeing winter start to fade away. Overall it’s been one of the better winters since I moved to Maine. Temperatures were mild up until Christmas and we’ve only had one snow storm worth mentioning. Without a doubt the best part is how much money we’ve saved on home heating oil. Warmer temperatures and a serious drop in price from $3.40 a gallon to a $1.35 have kept a smile on our faces all winter. We’ll probably end up saving between five and eight hundred dollars in heating costs this season.
We took a ride through the surrounding area last week just to see what was happening. As always here in Maine we stumbled on wild turkeys a number of times. With most of the snow cover already melting they’re able to feed in more locations than usual. Here they are . . .
Maybe they’re the true harbingers of Spring and not that dumbass gopher in Pennsylvania.
With the rediscovery of my creative juices I’ve been working on two projects steadily for the last week. I’ve finished one and in another few days I’ll finish another. I won’t post too much of either until they’re both complete. Here’s a shot of a two square inch portion of the first. It’s a little strange but that’s how I roll.
Just for a laugh I thought I’d send out a truly tasteless joke. It made me laugh out loud for some reason but it’s sure to irritate a few of the ladies out there. That’s too bad . . . but here it is anyway.
A women went to apply for a job as a truck driver. Not too keen on the idea, the personnel manager for the trucking company said, “You have to be pretty tough to cut it as a truck driver, you know.” I’m tough, I really am,” said the eager applicant. “Well, do you smoke and drink?” “Yes of course.” “Do you cuss a lot?” asked the interviewer. “You bet you asshole, “ said the woman. “I cuss like a lumberjack.” “So have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?” “Well, no,” she admitted, “but I’ve been swung around by the tits a couple of times.”
Please no moaning . . . everyone needs a dirty joke once in a while even if it is a little corny.
C’MON SPRING
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