Archive for the ‘Bitch & Complain’ Category
There are times in people’s lives when life insists are mucking things up. For me the month of February 2016 is fast becoming a month to remember. Let me explain.
I’m back from my two days without blogging and if I remember correctly it’s the first time I’ve missed posting from my every-other-day schedule. I look forward to blogging each and every time and get more than a little miffed when life starts messing with me. Healthcare issues are currently harshing my buzz.
For instance, my two day journey this week was totally consumed by things I absolutely hate . . . doctors, hospitals, examinations, Obamacare, and those always sucky insurance companies. Believe me when I say I hate them all equally. Someday most of you will be where I am now. Retired from decades of working your ass off and wanting to spend your remaining years enjoying life. I think I’ll be the bucket of ice water dumped on your head to wake you up. Good luck with trying to enjoy yourself.
Over the last few years since my private healthcare plan was scrapped and I was forced onto Medicare the government keeps trying to intrude on my calm. As we all know once the government gets involved in anything it’s a freaking nightmare. Getting older is tough enough on the good days but having a bunch of bureaucrats and politicians intruding into your life on a regular basis is madness. The real truth is that the older you get the worse it becomes so start getting your mind right now for what’s to come.
Look forward to a continuous stream of emails from damn near every government agency you can think of and endless changes made to every part of the Obamacare program and it’s requirements. You’re also required to have expensive tests and scanning’s done even when they aren’t necessary. My doctor told me this week I looked perfectly fine, my BP was good, my cholesterol was perfect, and that I was in excellent physical condition for my age. Hooray for me, right? No way. The next thing he did was schedule me for sonogram of my torso. Guess who will be footing the bill for that I wonder. The taxpayers I’ll bet. This test is mandatory for me to meet the Medicare requirements of my Wellness visit. What a large crock of crap. How many thousands of other Seniors are also being forced into these tests at what I’m sure is hundreds of dollars per test.
Lets review my last six months of health related activities. My doctor of 14 years sold his practice and moved back to Pakistan because of Obamacare. My hospital was sold to a large healthcare corporation and I’ve had three difference doctors assigned to me since that occurred. Blood tests, scans of body parts I could care less about, and surveys required by the government to get my opinion of the job they’re doing. It’s nice of them to also keep me aware of just how old I’m getting and all of the healthcare tragedies that might eventually kill me. Like I don’t know what they are already.
Today I spent and hour and a half trying to straighten out my prescriptions that I’ve been receiving by mail for eleven years. I attempted to login to the insurance companies website to confirm my next three months of pills which just happen to be keeping me alive. I couldn’t log on because all of a sudden they didn’t recognize my name, my email address, or my password. I was officially a non-person. I then called them for help and became lost in the maze of their computerized menu system that totally befuddled me which I assume is done purposely. After talking with a young lady from El Paso, Texas for far too long I finally confirmed my prescriptions as required to keep the Medicare idiots happy. Life was finally good, right? No effing way!
My IPad began screaming that new charges had just hit my credit card from the insurance company and guess what . . . they double billed me. It would have been so much easier for me and the government if I would’ve just died when I turned 65.
Let me look into my crystal ball and try to see what’s coming in all of your futures. Maybe free euthanasia clinics? Possibly cut-backs of critical treatments to save money? We can always rely on the politicians to find the “final solution” to the Obamacare, Medicare, and Social Security cost increases. Thinning the herd may be just the answer they finally come up with.
Hopefully I’ll be long gone before those things become your topics of conversation.
GOOD LUCK, YOU’LL NEED IT!!
Are you a technology lover? Some people just put up with all of the new technology but really aren’t all that into it. I’m just the opposite. I love any and all technology and do my best to keep up with things as they progress. I never thought it could happen but I came upon some technology yesterday that annoyed and irritated me more than I thought possible.
My better-half and I were out and about enjoying the single digit temperatures and decided to do lunch at Applebee’s before returning home. Normally I’m an Applebee’s fan but they’re doing something now that just makes me a little crazier than usual. They’ve decided to put their customers to work by placing a small computer at each table. It just sits there and flashes advertisements and screensavers the entire time your ordering and trying to eat. They attempt to entice you to play some stupid trivia games so they can add $1.99 to your bill and keep you occupied while waiting for your food to arrive.
The place was very busy and there appeared to be a serious shortage of waitresses. We were made to wait much longer than normal for our order resulting in a barrage of apologies from the nearby bartender and a roving manager. We sat patiently for quite a while but then I began to get a bit annoyed. Eventually the food arrived and thank God it was delicious. Just as we were finishing our meal the bartender stopped at our table to ask the obligatory question they always ask, "How was everything?" At the same time she nonchalantly dropped the bill on the table and quickly walked away. Little did I know that they expected us to pay the bill using that little terminal at our table.
I’m a firm believer that people working in restaurants should earn their TIPS. If you’re rude, annoying, and slow you won’t get a TIP from me. If your on top of your game and do everything just right I’ll fork over a 20% TIP every time. I’ve been told that TIPS is short for "To Improve Personal Service" and I expect decent service before donating any of my hard earned cash.
I was then directed to just swipe my credit card through the terminal at my table and follow the menus to pay my bill. As the final bill was displayed I noticed a 20% TIP had been automatically added on. I found that magic menu button that allowed me to dial back the TIP to only 10%. While the food was delicious the service was slow and I had to do all the work of checking myself out therefore no 20% TIP.
Then the stupid computer asked if I wanted a receipt printed out or to have one emailed to me. The last thing I need is another company adding me to their email list so they can pelt me with a stream of unwanted food alerts. I indicated I wanted a printed receipt so I could verify the amount I’d paid before leaving the restaurant. I was then required to visit the bar to the only register where receipts were being printed. I was made to feel like some sort of primitive Neanderthal who still needed an actual paper receipt and couldn’t handle the technology. Since I’ve seen too many errors on bills over the years I don’t assume they’re always correct. This Neanderthal needs to see any possible discrepancies immediately and not a couple of hours later in an email.
I have a proposal for all of these so-called progressive restaurants. In the future I will enter, seat myself, and order my meal from the computer on my table. When it’s ready I can be alerted by the kitchen staff on the terminal, walk back, and retrieve my food. When I’m done I can take my dishes to the kitchen, pay the bill on the computer and have my receipt emailed. Then I would certainly expect a 20% reduction on my bill for all of the fine service I’d rendered. I’d never have to talk to or see any semi-interested employees or gushy and insincere managers. I’d just eat my food and get the hell out. What do you think about that?
I now have to admit that there is some technology that just plain sucks. There I’ve said it, once and for all. And for all of those Chili’s restaurants out there, I see you’ve also started this same nonsense as Applebee’s with your cutsy table computers. You’ll probably be seeing much less of my business as well.
The customer is always right or have you just forgotten that.
I’m in a mood this morning. I have yet to decide whether it’s a good mood, a bad mood, or a I-don’t-give-a-damn mood. It depends more on my interactions today with other people than anything else. Normally I look for something funny or at least a little humorous to set me on the right track for the day but I’m actually feeling like taking a trip down the wrong road. This road leads to tasteless, gross, and raunchy humor. Be warned.
I think I’ll throw in a few filthy limericks, a dirty joke or two, some raunchy riddles, and anything else I can think of. Some of these items and photos might even gross you out a little but hopefully not too too much. Over the years I’ve purchased a number of books in old book stores filled with questionable humor and today I intend to share some of their contents with you. So let’s get started.
Riddles
Q. What’s the difference between frustration and panic?
A. Frustration is the first time you find out you can’t do it the second time, and panic is the second time you find out you can’t do it the first time.
Q. When do you know you’ve had the world’s best head?
A. You have to pull the sheets out of your ass!
Q. What’s the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?
A. A rooster clucks defiance!
Q. Who’s the world’s greatest athlete?
A. The guy who finishes first and third in the masturbation contest!
Jokes
A young up-and-coming executive was informed that he would be forced to take a thirty percent pay cut. Later that evening he was discussing with his wife ways in which they could trim some fat from their household budget. “Honey,” he said, “if you could learn to prepare a few meals, we could fire the cook.” “Well, dear,” she replied, “if you could learn to fuck, we could fire the gardener.”
A urologist claimed that he could find any disease just by testing a person’s urine. One man, who had tennis elbow, decided to fool the doctor. He made an appointment, received his specimen bottle, and was told to come back the next day. That night he urinated in the bottle, then his wife did, followed by his daughter, and the the family dog. Then he masturbated into it as well. He returned the next day with his sample and gave it to the doctor for testing. Four hours later the doctor returned. “You know,” he said, “it took me a long time, but I think I’ve finally got it. Your wife has VD, your daughter is pregnant, your dog has mange, and if you’d quit beating off, you wouldn’t have tennis elbow.”
Limericks
All these small cocks (of which we won’t dwell)
Looked no bigger encouraged to swell; I’ve endured the tedium
Of others, classed medium,
But at last – I’ve discovered XL.
Said a President prone to give pecks,
To those areas other than necks:
“Although this is sultry,
It is not adultery –
I’m not even sure if it’s sex!”
-dedicated to Bill Clinton
A well-endowed chap with a cock,
Several sizes too big for his jock,
Eventually found
It was far better wound
Round one leg and tucked into his sock!
In the Garden of Eden lay Adam,
Complacently stroking his madam;
And loud was his mirth
For he knew that, on earth,
There were only two balls – and he had’em.
Well there you have it. What better way to start off your day and the weekend. These were just a rather tame samples of what’s to come (no pun intended). The next time I’ll use the harsher and crazier stuff.
‘1969 was an interesting year.’
How to kill an entire Sunday. Let me tell you how I did it. Yesterday my better-half was scheduled to work and I was looking forward to a day of peace and quiet and time to work on MY projects. How could I even dare to imagine something like that, I should have known better.
‘Who loves you Janis’
Unfortunately some months ago I made a commitment to her concerning the laptop she’d just purchased. I promised I’d help her setup the new laptop by transferring all of her photographs from the old to the new. This should teach me a valuable lesson for the future. Never volunteer for something unless you’re absolutely sure you know what your getting into. I thought I knew but apparently I was once again clueless.
‘The spooky Doors.’
I cleared off the kitchen table, fired up both computers, made a pot of coffee, and settled in for what I thought would be an hour or two of work. Oh how stupid I am. Little did I know just how many photo’s she had scattered throughout that hard drive of her old computer. She had pictures from multiple cameras going back six years. There were videos from both her IPhone and IPad and I kid you not . . . more than ten thousand pictures taken with an assortment of past and present cell phones. She apparently has never discovered the use of the delete button. It was a trash dump of photo’s placed on that laptop with absolutely no attempt at organization whatsoever.
‘Jumpin Joe Cocker’
As always I fall back to the old adage “When someone gives you lemons, make lemonade.” I found my own IPod and plugged it in, put on the headset and spent the next seven hours having a 60’s Flashback Sunday. I started out by listening to the entire three days of Woodstock with the original recordings. That required me to immediately switch from just coffee to coffee laced with Drambuie. I then cranked up Joe Cocker, The Band, The Yardbirds, The Hollies, Janis Joplin, The Doors, and even the Greatest Hits of War.
‘My favorite band, The Band. ‘RIP Levon’
At the end of the day I’d transferred no less than twenty-five thousand pictures to the new laptop and was suffering from a serious coffee buzz overlapped with a Drambuie buzz. There’s nothing better than Drambuie so after I finished transferring all the files I stopped drinking the coffee. From that point on it was Drambuie, Amy Winehouse and me. What a great way to spend the day and complete a tiresome project.
‘Sweet Amy’
‘Even sweeter . . . Drambuie on the lips.’
Today I’m back to what I’d call normal but still showing signs of a rather interesting hangover. For some reason my first cup of coffee this morning tasted strangely like Drambuie. How odd! I guess that’s one of the effects of time travel back to the sixties. Along with rocking out, a sore throat from all of the singing along, and being able to return home with no arrests or STD’s to show for it.
That’s what I’d call a good day in any decade.
I awakened yesterday to another snow storm that eventually dropped more than ten inches on us. It was one of those snows that seem to stick to every surface, covering trees and bushes and turning the area into a wonderland. It’s one of the few winter things that can get me to leave the house. As you can see my camera operates just fine in the snow.
Again this morning I discovered even more snow had fallen. I heard the snowplows a number of times during the night as they attempted to keep the roads clear enough to use. The last thing I did before going to bed last evening was to crank up my snowblower and clear the driveway.
My better-half was scheduled for work at 5:30 am and the last thing I wanted was to be awakened early today just to clear snow from the driveway. It’s 09:00 am now and I haven’t heard from her so I can assume you made it to work in one piece. This photo was taken early this morning just as the sun was coming up.
It’s just as beautiful out today as yesterday. The temperature dropped overnight which kept the snow sticking to the trees. Hopefully I’ll get motivated later this morning and get my butt outside for more pictures. Since I’m slowly recovering from this flu I can start getting my life back to normal once again.
I WOULD HAVE LOVED THIS WEATHER AS A KID
I hate to admit this but I suspect I’m suffering from something akin to writers block. It’s a first for me and it’s puzzling. In all my years of writing reports, letters, and thousand of blog posts I’ve never had a problem thinking of ideas and putting them to paper. That’s why this current creative hiccup is so bothersome.
I can’t find any mentions of this malady anywhere so let’s just call it a "creative motivational block". I’m still having all of the creative ideas I could ever want or need but my ability to sit down and get them started has become more difficult. I have of dozens of ideas everyday that are inventive, interesting and unusual but it seems to take forever to put brush to canvas or pencil to sketch book. It’s maddening.
The second part of my problem is really not a problem at all. For the first time in my life I’m financially able to spend the necessary money to obtain the supplies needed to do these projects. In years past it was difficult at times to come up with funds which forced me to step outside the box a little and use materials I never thought possible. Maybe the best part of my projects in the past was that ability to overcome those challenges and still get the job done. I really don’t know for sure.
As always the ideas keep coming and while some of them sound good in my head they’re eventually discarded. Others are easy to do and all it requires of me is to sit down and get started. That’s the bloody rub.
I’ll be ready to start a current project when all of a sudden more bright ideas come to me and I get sidetracked by them. I’ll stop to write a few notes on the new ideas and the interest in the other begins to ebb. It’s a vicious cycle that I’m trying desperately to put a stop to with only moderate success.
I feel at times that I’m so concerned with getting my ideas exactly the way I imagined them that I’m losing the ability to adapt to changes that always seem to come along. I’m in the middle of a project now that I’ve been fiddling with for a few weeks. I’ve thought it through over and over again and visualized it to completion. It’s ninety percent complete but I’m lacking that final push.
I’ve always loved challenges but this one is a doozy.
Can this non-sports fanatic make the grand announcement today? The New England Patriots rolled down the old NFL drain last night against a team from somewhere in Colorado. Not that I really care all that much but it really succeeded in turning my better-half into an insane basket case. We have a agreement on nights when these games are scheduled. She moves to the upstairs family room to yell, scream, and cheer on whatever teams she thinks she supports. I remain downstairs watching whatever I please on Netflix well out of reach of the denigrating influences of professional sports.
‘Ugly Sports Fans?’
I’m not entirely sure where along the way I lost all interest in almost every kind of sporting event. I played many different sports as I grew up and was pretty damn successful in all of them. I had a lot of natural ability and I knew if I became good enough I might just get laid occasionally. Why women and girls are drawn to sports figures is beyond me but it’s a fact of life.
‘Oversized Sports Fan?’
The only sporting events that even remotely interest me these days is the Little League World Series and it’s accompanying playoffs. It’s much more honest and upstanding than what professional sports has turned into. Money is power and absolute power corrupts absolutely . . . so welcome to professional sports. Don’t forget the performance enhancers, steroids, the lying, the dishonesty, and the too many to count criminal indictments.
‘Oversexed Sports Fan?’
I even lost interest in the Olympics decades ago. Patriotism be damned. The political overtones became a constant turn off and I now make a point of religiously avoiding any and all events on any network related to the Olympics. The point of the Olympics originally was to promote a non-violent means for countries to compete and to develops a better understanding of each other. Just think about it for a minute and you’ll realize just how much of a failure that has been. Take a look back to Munich and ask the Israelis what they think about it.
‘Rainbow Coalition Sports Fans?’
Over the last few years I’ve even been forced to give up my small addiction to talk radio. The airways are now dominated by the two things which make my blood curdle, sports and politics. Listening to sports experts 24/7 is akin to having your teeth drilled near the nerve with no Novocain. Even worse than sports are the endless shows of talking heads who claim some sort of expertise and understanding about all things politic. Of course their political views directly coincide with their networks agenda and the possibilities of career advancement if they agree to prostitute themselves and tow the company line.
Welcome to life in the good old U. S. of A. here in 2016.
I’m just lying in bed this morning having my coffee and catching up on the state of our civilization here in the United States. Don’t let that intimidate you, that just means I’m perusing the Drudge Report. I’m not a drudgeaholic but as news goes it’s better than some and worse than others. Unfortunately Drudge like all of the other news outlets seems to have his own agenda at times which puts me off a little when it doesn’t agree with me.
The first thing I noticed was all of the panic and horror being brought on by this world ending 30 inches of snow expected soon in the mid-Atlantic states. Oh yeah, they’ll be severe flooding as well but I’m certain that Obama and FEMA will have things totally under control.
Obama will soon begin his campaign of directing the rest of the country into having community prayer meetings begging whatever God they believe in to save Washington DC from total destruction. Then the media will begin it’s never ending assault on our consciences with heart rendering pictures of overturned cars, children in snow up to their waist, and a recount of all the homeless people forced to stay in shelters. Then the special interest groups will step in and have their web sites ready to go to accept any and all donations to save these poor innocent victims of this horrific "Storm of the Century. If you aren’t reading sarcasm in this, wake up.
As I continued my review of Drudge I came upon an item which pretty much tells the whole story about where things have gotten to culturally in this country. It was a blurb out of the Sundance Film Festival about a much acclaimed movie, The Swiss Army Man. It’s a story based entirely on one man’s relationship with a farting and rotting corpse. It apparently caused many people to just get up and leave the theatre but also as disturbingly many did not. The star, Daniel Radcliffe, of Harry Potter fame should be ashamed of himself. There’s a fine line between avant-garde and just plain disgusting. He apparently hasn’t figured out just where that line is.
Reading that story was enough for me. It motivated me to get the hell out of bed, get dressed, and get on my way to do just about anything else. That certainly doesn’t include reading more about celebrities and pop culture idiots doing their best to show the rest of the word just how far we’ve come. It’s apparent that we in this country have forgotten our history lessons about the all powerful Roman Empire that crumbled and disappeared when their limits of decency and morality were ignored.
I don’t think we’re quite there yet but it seems we’re getting closer and closer each year to their level of idiocy.
HAVE A HAPPY STORM WEEK
Maine has finally found it’s typical winter weather. No more warmth, no more green anything, just ice, snow, frigid cold, and nothing much else in sight for at least another three months. Just great . . .
Now that the holidays have come and gone and things have calmed down a little we can now ready ourselves for the next fiasco, Valentine’s Day. I won’t go into my normal rant about crappy made-up holidays but I’m not too excited by it. I was hoping the Super Bowl might get me interested in something but since my team was crushed by Denver . . . . who cares.
This time of the year wears on a person like nothing else. Too much time to think and to reexamine your life and the prospects for the future. I have to say even that gets boring as hell after a while. Right in the middle of all of this I received news of the passing of a good friend. He was my ex-brother-in-law and a kindred spirit for almost twenty years. I always admired him for his intellect, his terrific sense of humor, and his competitive spirit. My divorce separated me from my ex-wife and unfortunately for me I lost contact with him and his family as well. There was very little I could do about it.
In recent years he’d been suffering from illnesses that finally took his life. It was a huge loss for his wife, children, and grand children and for me as well. Just one more thing to think about on these gray and cold days of winter.
I’m forced to fall back on my sketching and painting to keep my mind right. I know it’s getting bad when I’m starting to get excited about having my car inspected in February.
R.I.P. JOHN
It appears that yesterday’s sleet and snow storm has finally abated. It created quite a mess with an early morning ice shower that virtually shut down the surrounding area. It was bad enough that my better-half wasn’t able to get to work. Of course, you know what that means, right! A whole day of quality time with me.
For me it was a day of writing, movies, sketching, and reading. Doing those activities allows me to escape all the dreariness of the day and to get lost in my own head for a few hours. That kind of total focus is a real gift and I’ve always appreciated having the ability. I can actually shut everything out completely which can be a real blessing most of the time. Sometimes not so much.
My better-half just asked me what I’d be doing today. How can I explain that to her? I guess I’ll give it a try so here goes . . . .
Honey, I’m in the process of creating a painting of sorts and the first step for me is to create it first in my head before even picking up a brush or touching a canvas. I can visualize the entire project as it will appear when completed and then I can begin to slowly dismantle it. I break the images into layers of color and perspective to determine the order in which they must be addressed. It sounds a lot more complicated than it actually is.
This process takes a different length of time depending on the complexity of the subject matter. I enjoy completing these things in my head almost as much as actually doing them on canvas or paper. It sounds a little strange but I don’t know any other way to get the results I want.
There are times when you think I’m ignoring or being rude to you but I’m really not. I’m so far into visualizing a project I just can’t take any time out to really listen to you. I’m afraid of losing my momentary focus and be forced to start from scratch once again. This is the way I’ve been doing creative things since I was old enough to remember and don’t see it changing any time soon.
With all of that being said, that’s what I’ll being doing for a few hours today. I have the completed image in my head, the color blocking determined, and I’m only days away from actually starting the necessary pencil sketching. I’m going to try something new this time that is definitely outside my comfort zone and it’s will be a cross between Salvatore Dali with just a hint of Pablo Picasso. It’s going to be way outside my comfort level and will be fun to see what the final result will be.
There you go darling . . . that’s some of what I’ll be doing today as I sit quietly next to you in the living room. Don’t take it as a personal slight, I’m not ignoring you . . . it’s just me being mentally creative.
Who loves you baby?
everyuselessthing.com 