As I sit here this morning looking for inspiration for this post I received a text message from my grandson. He just received from his parents his first real phone and he immediately reached out to me with a typical text from someone his age (11). It consisted of about 60 rows of poop emojis with a short sentence, “My gift to you LOL.” I’m not sure why it is that kids love talking about farting and pooping exclusively but it seems to be something trending online as well these days. Tick-Tock is full of farting individuals blasting away in crowded street scenes. I have to admit it’s incredibly funny and apparently poop humor starts at a very young age. Hoping that the “little shit” (no pun intended) will someday read this post and learn a few more disgusting facts about poop he needs to know.
People often fart shortly after they die.
The most germ laden place on your toilet isn’t the seat or even the bowl. It’s the handle.
The average healthy adult expels between 100 and 200 grams, almost half a pound, of feces every day.
More than 6.5 million Americans have fecal incontinence – the inability to control the passage of stool – and most of them are women.
Americans used 36.5 billion rolls of toilet paper every year, which represents at least 15 million trees.
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Most people produce 1 to 4 pints of gas and pass it approximately 14 times per day.
The foul odor of flatulence comes from intestinal bacteria as it releases gases that contain sulfur and, in some cases, methane, one of the greenhouse gases responsible for global warming.
Adolf Hitler suffered from chronic flatulence, for which he took anti-gas pills.
40% of the world’s people have no toilet, and must use the bathroom in any public place they can find: bushes, roadsides, alleys, etc.
In a humid environment like the bathroom, a single bacterial cell can multiply into 1 billion cells overnight.
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Well, there you have it folks, everything you never wanted to know about poop and its related activities. And a special thanks to my grandson (the poop specialist) for his inspiration.
I’m not what anyone would consider a rabid sports fan. I love the NFL and the Pittsburgh Steelers, but I still can’t sit for three hours to watch a game filled with constant annoying commercials. I now rely on Facebook to supply me with recaps on Monday morning. I was for many years a huge fan of the Pittsburgh Pirates but that eventually faded away due to an organization afraid to spend money on exceptional players. They seem to have improved in this area this year, but I’ve been fooled before . . . so color me skeptical. One thing I’ve always loved even more than sports was any good limerick. I searched out a few samples about sports and I found them to be just as enjoyable as any sports event on television.
I always make a point of searching out odd facts from as many sources as possible. Today’s list is what this blog is really all about, totally useless information and totally useless statistics. Some are humorous and some are silly but never doubt my ability to come up with useless information that has absolutely no value whatsoever.
Thirty-nine percent of women who think their legs are fat still wear short skirts.
In seventy-five percent of American households, the women manage the money and pay the bills.
If the population of China began walking past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
There is a lawsuit filed every thirty seconds in the United States.
Approximately 30,000 Americans are injured by toilets every year.
Forty-five percent of cat owners buy holiday gifts for their pet.
A four-year-old child asks an average of 437 questions a day.
The average American spends eight years of his life watching television.
The average human produces 50,000 pints of spit in a lifetime – the equivalent of two small swimming pools.
The average person over the age of 50 will have spent a year of their life looking for lost or mislaid items.
“I think about this fact every time I eat a gummy.”
The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.
Do you like hot, humid, and sticky weather? Do you really and truly love having everything you own covered in green pollen? I’ve spent most of my life dreading the arrival of Spring and Summer and hay fever season. I have no known allergies to food or medicines but the one allergy I do have is the worst, Pollen. I spent many summers playing baseball in all kinds of weather and suffered through pollen attacks every year. Over the years doctors have tried every medicine known to man to help me with this allergy with absolutely no positive results.
Just as an example, I cut the grass yesterday, and I was partially incapacitated for a couple hours after I was done because I couldn’t catch my breath, and I couldn’t stop sneezing. I’m sure there are hundreds of thousands of people out there with the same allergy and they have my sympathies because no matter what you’re told nobody has a clue on how to properly deal with it. I guess that’s why the company that makes Benadryl has done so well through the years. I have a large jar of Benadryl in my nightstand and for about two weeks every Spring I eat them like jellybeans (and sleep a lot).
The only good thing that comes out of this allergy is my ability to sneeze 20-25 times a day. This might sound a little weird, but I love sneezing. I had a dear friend explain to me many years ago that one sneeze equals approximately 1/8 of an orgasm. So, if I sneeze 24 times a day I get three free orgasms, no charge. You know what they say, when life gives you free orgasms, smile and enjoy them. Here are a few things you might also want to know about sneezing . . .
The Greeks believed if you sneeze to the left, bad luck was in your future. If you turn to the right during the sneeze, you will prosper.
Ancient people believed a sneeze could give you an advantage in an argument. If your opposer believed evil spirits escaped the body during a sneeze, you could easily ‘spook‘ him by sneezing near him. This would throw him off guard and help you win the argument.
Good luck is in your future if you sneeze when going to bed. But don’t sneeze on your partner. Otherwise, good luck or not, you will not have a partner for long.
If you feel a sneeze coming on, but you don’t sneeze, watch out! That means you are going to lose someone or something dear to you.
There are some ‘cures’ for sneezing. Press your upper lip hard and recite the alphabet backwards. No particular alphabet is recommended.
You can stop a sneeze just by pressing on your lip, just below your nostrils. That apparently deactivates the sneeze mechanism.
Every culture has the custom of invoking some god or spirit after a sneeze. The “God Bless You” originated with the Christians. But it’s a carryover from the Romans who took to invoking Jupiter to preserve them every time they sneezed.
A Zulu child is taught to say “Grow.” To the Zulus, sneezing is a sign of good health. In Persian culture, everyone in the presence of someone who sneezes prays. The Arabs avoid sneezing entirely by washing out their noses with water each evening.
Sneezes have even inspired a rhyme. It even matters what day of the week you sneeze. Here’s the rules . . .
Seventy percent of Swedish women claim to have participated in a threesome.
Every year more than 11,000 Americans hurt themselves trying out bizarre sexual positions.
The average person spends two weeks of their life kissing.
Forty-six percent of women say a good night’s sleep is better than sex.
Elvis Presley called his penis “Little Elvis.”
The sperm count of American men is down thirty percent from thirty years ago.
Americans spend more money each year at strip clubs than that all the theaters and classical concert halls in the country combined.
In ancient Greece and Rome dildos were made out of animal horns, ivory, gold, silver, and even glass.
Only thirty-one percent of men admit to looking at other women when in the company of their spouse or girlfriend. Their partners say the figure is actually closer to sixty-four percent.
In ancient Rome, men found guilty of rape had their testicles crushed between two stones as a punishment.
And here’s one of my all-time favorite sexual facts: Four popes have died while participating in sexual acts.
For many years I’ve been a lover of fine wines but even more obsessed with fine whiskies. The king of whiskey for me is bourbon. If I would have had two sons one of them would have been named “Jack” and the other named “Daniel”. A few years ago, I was in my seventh month of chemotherapy and wasn’t allowed any hard liquor. I was unfortunately forced to drink a series of less than satisfying hard ciders which truly sucked. Finally, the chemo ended, and I was given permission by all of my doctors to have a “real” drink. I returned home and poured myself a large glass of Jack Daniels and came very close to multiple orgasms. I got thoroughly wasted by that one drink, but I knew immediately that I was still alive. Today’s post contains quotes from a number of people with their own opinions about whiskey and they’re definitely worth remembering.
“A gulp of hot whiskey at bedtime – it’s not very scientific, but it helps.” Alexander Fleming (the discoverer of penicillin)
“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.” Tommy Cooper
“Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down. Down into my belly.” A quote from the movie Anchorman
“You actually go down to Kentucky, Louisville, and they’ve got bourbons that make Old Grandad and Jack Daniels look like Schweppes bitterly lemon . . . there’s one called Rebel Yell and that’s dynamite shit.” Keith Richards
“You cannot drink gin and tonic in the middle of the night. You must have whiskey to give you energy.” Margaret Thatcher
“My God, so much I like to drink Scotch that sometimes I think my name is Igor Stra-whiskey.” Igor Stravinsky
“My family was a bunch of drunks. When I was six, I came up missing, they put my picture on bottles of Scotch.” Rodney Dangerfield
“When life hands you lemons, make Whiskey Sours.” WC Fields
“I like my whiskey old and my women young.” Errol Flynn
“There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren’t as good as others.” Raymond Chandler
It seems that almost everyone is obsessed with their body image and that’s understandable considering the wide range of odd, shaped bodies we see every day. Even though there are so many variations, the functions and organs of the body are all too similar. Here are a few trivia facts about our bodies. They can be a thing of beauty or not and they can be a bit disgusting or not. Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder.
Did you know that approximately 1 in every 18 men have a third nipple. People who have the condition will sometimes suffer from atelophobia, the fear of being imperfect. Celebrities Tilda Swinton, Carrie Underwood, Lily Allen, and Mark Wahlberg have third nipples. Mark Wahlberg’s third nipple was airbrushed out of his famous Calvin Klein underwear ad.
If you have a fear of facial hair, you could be suffering from pogonophobia. In ancient times beards were a sign of strength and wisdom and were only cut or sheared off as punishment or if someone was in mourning.
Were you aware that your left lung is slightly smaller than your right. It’s to allow room for your heart.
Did you know that women need more sleep at night than men. Women need an extra hour of sleep but sometimes don’t get it. Not getting that extra hour is believed to be one reason why women are more susceptible to depression than men.
My cat’s hairballs creep me out. I discovered recently that human beings can also have hairballs and they’re even more disgusting than the cats. The largest human hairball ever removed from the body measured 15 inches in diameter and weighed 10 pounds. The patient also happened to suffer from a condition called trichophagia (the eating of one’s own hair).
The heart is life. Over the course of a lifetime the human heart beats 3 billion times. Your heartbeat mimics the music you listen to and can trigger physiological changes that increase or decrease your blood pressure. The heart is a massive blood pump circulating blood through an average body every 23 seconds or approximately 4000 gallons of blood each day.
I am an old fart. It’s not an easy admission to make regardless of your age but when you get to a certain point you just have to face it. I see it in the eyes of people that I deal with on a regular basis, that look of sadness when they remember how I once was. None of us seniors are looking for pity, but that look is a little disrespectful. Aging is something we all have to deal with in our own way but never underestimate a person with white hair, a bit of a potbelly, and a curmudgeonly attitude. All of you younger folks will realize how tough the transition to old age is soon enough when your time comes. So, I’ll do my best to help you understand what you’re in for. Here is a little old-fart humor that may help you understand what I’m talking about.
An old woman was feeling suicidal following the death of her beloved husband. So, she decided to use his old gun to shoot yourself through the heart. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden, she asked her doctor precisely where the heart was located on a woman. “Just below your left breast,” he answered. Later that night she was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to the knee.
A boy was walking down the street when he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in a rocking chair, wearing nothing from the waist down. “Grandpa, what you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist? “The old man looked at him and said, “Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandmother’s great idea.
An 80-year-old rancher was about to marry a young girl of 21. His trusted friend and advisor, the local banker, had serious doubts as to how long the old man would be able to satisfy such a young and agile bride and feared for his friend’s happiness and safety. So, for the sake of matrimonial harmony, he advised the old man to bring in a hired hand to help around the ranch, knowing full well that the hired hand could possibly help out in the bedroom, too, behind the old man’s back. The rancher thought it was a great idea and agreed. Four months later, the banker called his friend. “How’s the new wife working out?” he asked. “She’s pregnant,” replied the old man. The banker smiled knowingly. “And how is the hired hand?” The old man replied, “Oh, she’s pregnant too.
How do you know when you’re getting old? When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
I love trivia that is unusual and odd. So today I’ll list a few items from one of the top three areas most requested from readers? SEX as always leads the list so for today, I’ll just eliminate FOOD & LIMERICKS. Here’s everything you need to know about SEX (LOL).
A recent survey revealed that 25% of Swedish women have had sex with more than 50 men.
The average sexually active woman has sex 83 times per year.
Sex burns off 360 calories an hour.
The heart beats faster during a brisk walk or a good argument then it does during sexual intercourse.
America’s first manufactured condoms appeared in 1870 and were made of vulcanized rubber. They were thick, insensitive, and intended to be reused.
Men are four times more likely to sleep in the nude than women.
One in every 300 births in the United States occurs in a vehicle.
11% of women and 5% of men claimed never to have masturbated.
Over the last three years I’ve been forced by circumstance to become somewhat knowledgeable about the medical profession and its many practices. It’s not something I ever wanted to know but fear is a great motivator. It motivated me to do a great deal of research to find out exactly what all my health problems were and suggested remedies. The following 10 items will give you a short education on trivia concerning the medical profession that you might find interesting. It’s much better to read them in a blog posting than in person.
The first contraceptive diaphragm – centuries ago – were citrus rinds – halves of oranges for example.
Male embryos, fetuses, and babies have a higher incidence of morbidity than females. Correspondingly, there is a higher rate of language disability among boys than girls.
Ketchup once was sold as a patent medicine. In the 1830s it enjoyed a measure of popularity in the United States as Dr. Miles Compound Extract of Tomato.
Victims of disease -people and animals – are buried underground, and yet the soil remains fairly free of disease germs. Germs are destroyed by the bacteria and other microscopic organisms living in the soil.
For every ounce of alcohol you drink, it takes an hour to regain full driving faculties, that is, normal, alert, clearheaded reactions. If you have 5 ounces of alcohol around 8 PM, you should not drive until at least 1 AM the following day.
Influenza was so named because the cause of the disease was supposedly the evil “influence” of the stars. This “influence” was believed also to be the cause of plagues and pestilences.
Opium frequently was used as a pain killer by army doctors during the U.S. Civil War. By the end of the war, according to conservative estimates, 100,000 soldiers were addicted to opium – at a time when the total population of the country was only 40 million.
In 1777, George Washington had the entire Continental Army – then 4000 men- vaccinated. This action was considered controversial at the time because few American doctors believed in vaccination. It may have saved the Army as a fighting force.
The use of antibiotics did not begin in this century. Early folk medicine included the use of moldy foods or soil for infections. In ancient Egypt, for example, infections were treated with moldy bread.
About 8 ounces of lamb’s blood were injected into the veins of a dying boy, temporarily restoring him, in the first blood transfusion on record. It was performed in 1667 by Gene Baptiste Dennis, physician to King Louis XIV of France.
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