For many years I’ve been a lover of fine wines but even more obsessed with fine whiskies. The king of whiskey for me is bourbon. If I would have had two sons one of them would have been named “Jack” and the other named “Daniel”. A few years ago, I was in my seventh month of chemotherapy and wasn’t allowed any hard liquor. I was unfortunately forced to drink a series of less than satisfying hard ciders which truly sucked. Finally, the chemo ended, and I was given permission by all of my doctors to have a “real” drink. I returned home and poured myself a large glass of Jack Daniels and came very close to multiple orgasms. I got thoroughly wasted by that one drink, but I knew immediately that I was still alive. Today’s post contains quotes from a number of people with their own opinions about whiskey and they’re definitely worth remembering.
“A gulp of hot whiskey at bedtime – it’s not very scientific, but it helps.” Alexander Fleming (the discoverer of penicillin)
“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.” Tommy Cooper
“Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down. Down into my belly.” A quote from the movie Anchorman
“You actually go down to Kentucky, Louisville, and they’ve got bourbons that make Old Grandad and Jack Daniels look like Schweppes bitterly lemon . . . there’s one called Rebel Yell and that’s dynamite shit.” Keith Richards
“You cannot drink gin and tonic in the middle of the night. You must have whiskey to give you energy.” Margaret Thatcher
“My God, so much I like to drink Scotch that sometimes I think my name is Igor Stra-whiskey.” Igor Stravinsky
“My family was a bunch of drunks. When I was six, I came up missing, they put my picture on bottles of Scotch.” Rodney Dangerfield
“When life hands you lemons, make Whiskey Sours.” WC Fields
“I like my whiskey old and my women young.” Errol Flynn
“There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren’t as good as others.” Raymond Chandler
It seems that almost everyone is obsessed with their body image and that’s understandable considering the wide range of odd, shaped bodies we see every day. Even though there are so many variations, the functions and organs of the body are all too similar. Here are a few trivia facts about our bodies. They can be a thing of beauty or not and they can be a bit disgusting or not. Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder.
Did you know that approximately 1 in every 18 men have a third nipple. People who have the condition will sometimes suffer from atelophobia, the fear of being imperfect. Celebrities Tilda Swinton, Carrie Underwood, Lily Allen, and Mark Wahlberg have third nipples. Mark Wahlberg’s third nipple was airbrushed out of his famous Calvin Klein underwear ad.
If you have a fear of facial hair, you could be suffering from pogonophobia. In ancient times beards were a sign of strength and wisdom and were only cut or sheared off as punishment or if someone was in mourning.
Were you aware that your left lung is slightly smaller than your right. It’s to allow room for your heart.
Did you know that women need more sleep at night than men. Women need an extra hour of sleep but sometimes don’t get it. Not getting that extra hour is believed to be one reason why women are more susceptible to depression than men.
My cat’s hairballs creep me out. I discovered recently that human beings can also have hairballs and they’re even more disgusting than the cats. The largest human hairball ever removed from the body measured 15 inches in diameter and weighed 10 pounds. The patient also happened to suffer from a condition called trichophagia (the eating of one’s own hair).
The heart is life. Over the course of a lifetime the human heart beats 3 billion times. Your heartbeat mimics the music you listen to and can trigger physiological changes that increase or decrease your blood pressure. The heart is a massive blood pump circulating blood through an average body every 23 seconds or approximately 4000 gallons of blood each day.
I am an old fart. It’s not an easy admission to make regardless of your age but when you get to a certain point you just have to face it. I see it in the eyes of people that I deal with on a regular basis, that look of sadness when they remember how I once was. None of us seniors are looking for pity, but that look is a little disrespectful. Aging is something we all have to deal with in our own way but never underestimate a person with white hair, a bit of a potbelly, and a curmudgeonly attitude. All of you younger folks will realize how tough the transition to old age is soon enough when your time comes. So, I’ll do my best to help you understand what you’re in for. Here is a little old-fart humor that may help you understand what I’m talking about.
An old woman was feeling suicidal following the death of her beloved husband. So, she decided to use his old gun to shoot yourself through the heart. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden, she asked her doctor precisely where the heart was located on a woman. “Just below your left breast,” he answered. Later that night she was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to the knee.
A boy was walking down the street when he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in a rocking chair, wearing nothing from the waist down. “Grandpa, what you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist? “The old man looked at him and said, “Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandmother’s great idea.
An 80-year-old rancher was about to marry a young girl of 21. His trusted friend and advisor, the local banker, had serious doubts as to how long the old man would be able to satisfy such a young and agile bride and feared for his friend’s happiness and safety. So, for the sake of matrimonial harmony, he advised the old man to bring in a hired hand to help around the ranch, knowing full well that the hired hand could possibly help out in the bedroom, too, behind the old man’s back. The rancher thought it was a great idea and agreed. Four months later, the banker called his friend. “How’s the new wife working out?” he asked. “She’s pregnant,” replied the old man. The banker smiled knowingly. “And how is the hired hand?” The old man replied, “Oh, she’s pregnant too.
How do you know when you’re getting old? When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
I love trivia that is unusual and odd. So today I’ll list a few items from one of the top three areas most requested from readers? SEX as always leads the list so for today, I’ll just eliminate FOOD & LIMERICKS. Here’s everything you need to know about SEX (LOL).
A recent survey revealed that 25% of Swedish women have had sex with more than 50 men.
The average sexually active woman has sex 83 times per year.
Sex burns off 360 calories an hour.
The heart beats faster during a brisk walk or a good argument then it does during sexual intercourse.
America’s first manufactured condoms appeared in 1870 and were made of vulcanized rubber. They were thick, insensitive, and intended to be reused.
Men are four times more likely to sleep in the nude than women.
One in every 300 births in the United States occurs in a vehicle.
11% of women and 5% of men claimed never to have masturbated.
Over the last three years I’ve been forced by circumstance to become somewhat knowledgeable about the medical profession and its many practices. It’s not something I ever wanted to know but fear is a great motivator. It motivated me to do a great deal of research to find out exactly what all my health problems were and suggested remedies. The following 10 items will give you a short education on trivia concerning the medical profession that you might find interesting. It’s much better to read them in a blog posting than in person.
The first contraceptive diaphragm – centuries ago – were citrus rinds – halves of oranges for example.
Male embryos, fetuses, and babies have a higher incidence of morbidity than females. Correspondingly, there is a higher rate of language disability among boys than girls.
Ketchup once was sold as a patent medicine. In the 1830s it enjoyed a measure of popularity in the United States as Dr. Miles Compound Extract of Tomato.
Victims of disease -people and animals – are buried underground, and yet the soil remains fairly free of disease germs. Germs are destroyed by the bacteria and other microscopic organisms living in the soil.
For every ounce of alcohol you drink, it takes an hour to regain full driving faculties, that is, normal, alert, clearheaded reactions. If you have 5 ounces of alcohol around 8 PM, you should not drive until at least 1 AM the following day.
Influenza was so named because the cause of the disease was supposedly the evil “influence” of the stars. This “influence” was believed also to be the cause of plagues and pestilences.
Opium frequently was used as a pain killer by army doctors during the U.S. Civil War. By the end of the war, according to conservative estimates, 100,000 soldiers were addicted to opium – at a time when the total population of the country was only 40 million.
In 1777, George Washington had the entire Continental Army – then 4000 men- vaccinated. This action was considered controversial at the time because few American doctors believed in vaccination. It may have saved the Army as a fighting force.
The use of antibiotics did not begin in this century. Early folk medicine included the use of moldy foods or soil for infections. In ancient Egypt, for example, infections were treated with moldy bread.
About 8 ounces of lamb’s blood were injected into the veins of a dying boy, temporarily restoring him, in the first blood transfusion on record. It was performed in 1667 by Gene Baptiste Dennis, physician to King Louis XIV of France.
The human body never ceases to amaze. Just when you think you’ve heard everything you could possibly hear about human bodies and their uses and peculiarities, you find out you had no idea just how strange they can be. So, let me start your education with more facts about your human body.
Fingernails grow four times faster than toenails.
Bright light and sunshine can make you sneeze.
Right-handed people live on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
Redheads are more likely than other people to be left-handed.
Humans sweat up to a pint of fluid each night.
Humans can survive longer without food than they can without sleep.
Sleeping with an electric blanket can interrupt your sleep patterns and make it difficult to get a good night’s sleep.
Earwax is not wax.
Your belly button is home to more than 60 strains of bacteria.
The average adult toenail is home to 43 species of fungi.
And here’s an historical fun fact that is one of my favorites:
Benjamin Franklin wrote an essay about farts and flatulence called “Fart Proudly”.
After the last few years, I’ve become something of an expert on the human body and all of its frailties. It’s not something I ever wanted to know but when you’re put in a position where you have no choice, you learn. I thought I’d pass along a short list of interesting items about the human body that might help you learn some things you didn’t know. Let’s see . . .
The longest hiccupping attack lasted 65 years; the longest sneezing fit lasted 978 days; and the longest yawning ordeal lasted for five weeks.
The average human body has 14 to 18 square feet of skin.
The average human head contains approximately 100,000 hairs.
Assuming that the heart beats at least once a second, by the time a person is 70, his or her heart will have beat at least 2.8 billion times.
Approximately 200,000,000 to 300,000,000 sperm cells are contained in a single human ejaculation.
Every human being will drink approximately 16,000 gallons of water in their lifetime.
It takes 17 muscles to smile and 43 to frown.
A human being will lose 1/2 to 3/4 of the bodies heat by not covering the head in cold weather.
The hyoid bone resides by itself in the throat, and it supports the tongue and its muscles. It is the only bone in the body that does not connect with another bone.
Whether the person is male or female, the number of hairs lost in a given day is approximately 25-225 hairs.
And for my final entry I’ll explain how religion manages to involve itself in virtually everything. We’ve all heard during our lives about the “Adam’s Apple”. It refers to a religious legend that claims a piece of the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden was stuck in Adam’s throat. My only question is why Eve didn’t never had one.
Do you consider yourself a “Foodie”? I love a great variety of foods and have gone out of my way over the years to try almost everything once. There are a few things I absolutely love and on the backside of that a whole lot of things I absolutely hate. That doesn’t make me a foodie it makes me a nitpicker. I pick the nits I like, and I ignore the ones that I dislike. With that thought in mind I thought maybe a class on food trivia might be called for and give you a little information you probably haven’t heard before. I’ll just throw 15 facts at you, and you can deal with them as you please.
Coca-Cola was first bottled in 1894 in Vicksburg, Mississippi.
A 12-ounce cup of brewed coffee contains 200 mg of caffeine.
The average ear of corn has 800 kernels.
A medium-sized potato provides 45% of the recommended daily value of vitamin C for an adult.
Nescafé was the first instant coffee. It was introduced in Europe in 1938.
The Chinese restaurant item, chop suey, was invented in the United States.
Fulton, Kentucky was once known as the “The Banana Capital of the World” because 70% of all imported bananas to the United States used to be shipped there.
The United States military has created an “indestructible sandwich” that can stay fresh for up to three years.
Black olives contain 10-30% more oil than green olives.
The Aztecs considered avocados an aphrodisiac.
The red and white colors of the Campbells Soup label came from the colors of the Cornell University football team, which Campbell’s executive Herberton Williams watched play in 1898.
White and brown eggs contain the same nutrients in the same quantities.
The Marquis de Sade loved chocolate so much that he had it sent to him in prison.
Post Cereals developed the first cereal, Grape-Nuts, in 1897.
The national drink of Iceland is a potato schnapps called “Black Death.”
I made a commitment a few weeks ago to post nothing but humor until the end of the year. This post is almost humorous depending on who you are and what you’ve been through medically. I’m writing this a few days earlier than usual because I have been preparing myself for another adventure through the land of colonoscopies. I’m in the middle of “prep” right now which doesn’t allow me any room for a sense-of-humor, but I will do my best. This is my eighth colonoscopy, and I should really get some kind of an award like a gigantic gold medal for endurance and being able to maintain my seriously damaged sense-of-humor through this process.
The medical community here in Maine in their efforts to provide a better service continue to change the procedures for preparation for colonoscopies. Every hospital wants to do it in a new and better way and the only people who suffer are the patients. I thought I’d seen everything on preparation and drank every known solution to help cleanse my intestines but once again I was wrong. The hospital directed me to a local pharmacy to pick up a 4-liter container that I know I’m not going to hate. The pharmacist at the time was a very likable guy and I was able to chat him up a little. I asked one simple question, “Does this solution really work? He grinned an evil little grin before answering. He asked me if I had ever watched any documentaries on atomic bombs. I said I had and again he just smiled, “You are only a couple of days away from experiencing what could be called “ground zero”. His only warning was that after drinking the solution I should never be more than 3-5 feet from a bathroom. The term “projectile bowel movements” was mentioned numerous times and he again gave me that evil little smile. So here I sit waiting patiently to again watch the destruction of my ” poor little rosebud”.
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Here’s a joke that might you smile but I doubt if it will do much for me:
A man and a woman were having drinks at a local bar when they got into a heated argument about who enjoys sex more. The man said, “Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we’re so obsessed with getting laid?” “That doesn’t prove anything, said the lady, “Think about this: When your ear itches you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better, your ear or your finger?”
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UPDATE 11/16: THE PROCEDURE HAS BEEN COMPLETED AND MY
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