Archive for the ‘Just Saying’ Category
I’ve been ranting a bit for the last few days about politics and politicians, and I’ve run out of energy. Bitching and complaining is a total waste of time because it gets me nowhere very quickly. Today I’ll return to a topic I love and enjoy, limericks, especially those written by children. They make me smile and laugh out loud occasionally. Politics does not.
By Gareth Owen
Winnifred Gristle could whistle through thistles.
At whistling through thistles our Winn was a dream.
No-one out whistled Miss Gristle,
Winnifred Gristle, the whistler supreme.
💥💥💥
By John Hegley
There once was an organic leek
That had managed to learn how to speak.
At the sight of a knife
It would fear for its life,
And go: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!
💥💥💥
By Anon
The daughter of the farrier
could find no-one to marry her.
Because she said
She would not wed
A man who could not carry her.
💥💥💥
By Marian Swinger
Two Dinosaurs strolling arms linked,
Met a little old lady who blinked,
And said, in surprise,
Whilst rubbing her eyes,
“They told me that you were extinct!”
💥💥💥
HOORAY, IT’S HUMP DAY
Here is your daily collection of somewhat interesting useless information. Read, learn, and pass it along to friends, family and coworkers. I’m sure they’ll appreciate receiving them as much as you do receiving it from me. LOL
- Too much coffee can kill you. A lethal dose of caffeine for the average adult is approximately 10 grams, or the equivalent of drinking between 50 and 200 cups of coffee in rapid succession.
- The largest human cell is the female ovum. The smallest is the male sperm.
- Mosquito repellent doesn’t repel mosquitoes. It only blocks their sensors so that they don’t know you’re there.
- Members of the U.S. Congress are the world’s highest-paid legislators.
- The bristled toothbrush originated in China around the year 1498. The bristles, fixed to a bamboo or bone handle, were neck hairs from Siberian boars.
*****
- One of the holiest Christian holidays is named after a pagan goddess. The word Easter derives from the Anglo-Saxon goddess Eostre, who governed the vernal equinox.
- In 1659, the Massachusetts General Court ordered a five shilling fine to be paid by anyone caught celebrating Christmas. The ban was revoked in 1681.
- In his role as James Bond, the super spy, Sean Connery wore a toupee to hide his receding hairline.
- Artists have more sexual partners. Researchers suggest that creative people excel at attracting mates, acting on sexual impulses, and doing more than their share of ensuring species survival because they often display “schizotypal” characteristics which are the positive side of schizophrenic personality traits.
- Wedding rings date back thousands of years. The ancient Romans and Egyptians both believe that a vein called the vena amoria ran directly from the ring finger to the heart.
MORE INFORMATION FROM YOUR FAVORITE “SCHIZO”
In the past I’ve been criticized for being somewhat unhappy with almost every organized religious group. I calmly sat by quietly accepting quit a number of less than Christian comments. They didn’t make me angry as you might think but in fact they made me smile. They just convinced me and others that I was probably accurate in my opinions. Today I will further defend my position by quoting some fairly well known individuals. They, like everyone else have opinions on damn near everything.
- “Science without religion is lame, religion with science is blind.” Albert Einstein
- “If men are so wicked with religion, what would they be without it?” Benjamin Franklin
- “In all ages, hypocrites, called priests, have put crowns upon the heads of thieves, called kings.” Robert G. Ingersoll
- “An archbishop is a Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.” H.L. Mencken
- “Religion is induced insanity.” Madalyn Murray O’Hair
- “Unlike Christianity, which preached a peace that it never achieved, Islam unashamedly came with a sword.” Steven Runciman
- “The Catholic faith is confession on Saturday. Absolution on Sunday. At it again on Monday.” H.G. Wells
- “If I had been the Virgin Mary, I’d have said, “No!” Stevie Smith
*****
So many people, so many opinions. As the old saying goes, “Opinions are like assholes, everybody’s got one.” It remains a truth regardless of what religion or lack of religion you believe in.
ENJOY YOUR SUNDAY, YOU SINNERS!
I thought I would supply all of my female readers with a few interesting historical facts from the early days of women’s rights. These women were the steppingstones that your gender walked on to get where it’s at today. Enjoy the history lesson.
- To prove that girls could master such subjects as mathematics and philosophy without detracting from their health or charm, Emma Hart Willard founded the Troy (NY) Female Seminary, in 1821.
- Not until 1932 was a woman elected to the Senate. She was Hatty Caraway, Arkansas Democrat. The first appointed woman senator was Rebecca Felton, a Georgia Democrat, in 1922.
- No woman held a Presidential cabinet position until 1933, when Francis Perkins became Secretary of Labor and she served a dozen years. Before her appointment in Washington, Ms. Perkins was an industrial commissioner for New York State.
- Mercy Otis Warren ( 1728 – 1814), at a time when women rarely played any part in public life, she became a propagandist for the US revolutionary cause, a confidant of John Adams, and an admired ally of most of the Massachusetts rebel leaders. She was a pioneer feminist who argued that women’s alleged weaknesses were due simply to inferior education.
- At a time when the education of girls in most prominent families which concentrated on needlework, music, dancing, and languages, Aaron Burr insisted that his daughter, Theodosia, learn serious subjects rather than ornamental ones “to convince the world what neither sex appears to believe – that women have souls!”
- For founding a birth-control clinic, in 1917, Margaret Sanger was jailed for a month in a workhouse.
ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND
I would hate to even try to come up with the number of words I’ve written in my life. Even talking about it boggles my mind. Language and words are everything. Without them both chaos would ensue. I know, I know, there’s plenty of chaos anyway but without communication chaos becomes something visceral and sometimes dangerous. Today I’ll be talking about words that I will write and you will read. Ta! Da!, communication without chaos.
- Did you know that the word stewardesses is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
- William Shakespeare invented more than 1700 words including assassination and bump.
- The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
- If you mouth the word colorful to someone, it looks like you are saying, “I love you.”
- Dreamt is the only English word that ends in the letters mt.
- The name Jeep came from the abbreviation GP, used in the U.S. Army for general-purpose vehicle.
- The word bigwig takes its name from King Louis IV of France, who used to wear really big wigs.
- No word in the English language rhymes with orange, silver or month.
- The word chunder comes from convict ships bound for Australia: when people were going to vomit, they used to shout, “watch under”.
- The expression rule of thumb derives from the old English law that said you couldn’t beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
IT’S MORE FUN COMMUNICATING WITHOUT CHAOS
I love reading limericks written in a totally different time and place. Today’s selection is from the war years in England. Even with all of the violence and mayhem going on they took time to maintain a sense of humor. Thank god for sex and it’s related activities, it’s all they had.
****
1941
There was a young lady named Nelly
Whose tits could be joggled like jelly.
They could tickle her twat,
Or be tied in a knot,
And they could even swat flies on her belly.
****
1943
There was a young man from Narragansett
Who colored his prick to enhance it.
But the girls were afraid
That ere they get laid
T’would lose all its color in transit
****
1945
A detective named Ellery Queen
Has olfactory powers so keen,
He can tell in a flash
By the scent of a gash
Who its previous tenant had been.
****
1941
19There was a young girl named Regina
Who called in a water diviner,
To play a slick trick
With his prick as a stick,
To help her locate her vagina.
****
KEEPING WAR TIME MORALE AS HIGH AS POSSIBLE
It’s hard these days tell tell if what we’re being told is true. Most companies and politicians have developed lying and fake news to new levels of confusion. We spend more time trying to determine if what we’re being told is a lie while the question we originally asked never gets answered. That’s always the grand plan for prevaricators of all kinds, misdirection and the parsing of words and phrases. It’s become an ugly art form for some people. Today’s post contains “true blue” facts collected from my archives with no manipulations or fake and misleading information. Here we go.
- The telephone has been one of the most profitable inventions in the history of the United States.
- One million threads of fiber optic cable can fit a tube 1/2 inch in diameter.
- In 1956, Johnny Mathis decided to record an album instead of answering an invitation to try out for the US Olympic team as a high jumper. It turned out to be a fortuitous choice.
- One ounce of pure gold can be made into a wire 50 miles long.
- President John Quincy Adams started each summer day with an early morning skinny-dipping in the Potomac River.
- America’s modern interstate highway system was designed in the 1950s during the Eisenhower administration. It’s primary purpose was not to enhance casual driving over long distances but to provide for the efficient movement of military vehicles if and when necessary.
- The human eye blinks an average of 3.7 million times per year.
- Terminal velocity for a human being is approximately 124 mph. To reach this speed, you would have to fall from a height of at least 158 yards or about 1 1/2 football fields.
- The Bible contains 32 references to dogs, none to cats.
- The word “nerd”comes from Dr. Seuss, who first used the term in his 1950 book If I Ran the Zoo.
I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this information that has not been edited, exaggerated, or just plain covered in BS. Real truths are much more interesting than most of the nonsense we’re being fed by corporate American and the politicians.
Quote for the Day
“IT IS SAD TO GROW OLD BUT NICE TO RIPEN”
Brigitte Bardot
It’s officially Fall here in Maine. The temperature has fallen and the winter clothing and extra blankets have been unpacked. I’m sure there are snowblowers all over the state being readied for what is sure to be coming. If that doesn’t depress you a little then nothing will. Today’s post contains limericks written in the late sixties and early seventies and should be considered poetry of a sort. They’ve even been categorized to make it easier for me to choose. Today’s theme will be “Virgins”. Enjoy!
*****
There was a young girl named Anheuser
Who said that no man could surprise her.
But Pabst took a chance,
Found Schlitz in her pants,
And now she is sadder Budweiser.
*****
There was a young fellow name Gluck
Who found himself shit-out-of-luck.
Though he petted and wooed,
When he tried to get screwed
He found virgins just don’t give a fuck.
*****
There was a young fellow named Sweeney
Whose girl was a terrible meanie.
The hatch of her snatch
Had a catch that would latch.
She could only be screwed by Houdini.
*****
A religious lassie named Claire
Was having her first love affair.
As she climbed into bed
She reverently said,
“I wish to be opened with prayer.”
*****
HAPPY MONDAY – HAVE A GREAT WEEK
Since I’m a bit of a “foodie” I thought I’d do a little research about food. I started my day watching an oldie-but-goodie, an episode of the original Iron Chef program from Japan. I now know everything I need to know about the preparation and consumption of pork belly. Let’s get on with this . . .
- Did you know that the cereal Post Toasties was originally named Elijah’s Manna. The name was changed in 1904 after objections were received from the clergy.
- The country of Norway consumes more spicy Mexican food than any other European nation.
- The literal meaning of the Italian word linguine is “Little tongues”.
- Margarine was originally called “Butterine” when first marketed in England.
- The top two selling spices in the world are pepper (top seller) and mustard.
- Peter Cooper, best know for inventing the locomotive “Tom Thumb”, also patented in 1845 a gelatin treat later marketed as “Jello”.
- There are 12 flowers embossed on an Oreo cookie, four petals on each.
- The standard pretzel shape was created by French monks in 610 a.d. and made to resemble a little child’s arms in prayer.
- Canned herring are called sardines. The process for canning originated in Sardinia where herring were first canned.
- When the Birdseye company first introduced frozen food in 1930, it was called “Frosted Food”. The name was changed shortly thereafter to “Frozen”.
Now you know. I also strongly recommend taking some time to visit the Roku Channel and the Iron Chef program. I loved it way back in the day and it still remains an all time favorite.
EAT, DRINK, AND DO MARY
I woke up at 4:45 am today and it’s still cold and miserable outside. It’s been raining for a day and a half and I hate it. I made the decision to stay in bed under my warm electric blanket and to watch one of my favorite movies, The Godfather. There’s nothing like an couple hours of senseless violence, mayhem and the occasional murder or two to get your day started. I then caught up on the days sport scores so as not to be totally uninformed. My coffee was hot but unfortunately none of my hometown teams (Pittsburgh) were. I’ve been wanting to post a few limericks this week and I’ve also got sports on my mind. What’s better than a few sporty limericks to kick off this crappy day.
*****
A batter, named Fatty McPhatter,
Had the gift of the gab with his patter.
“Whichever pitch comes,
I hit only home runs,
So the fact that I’m fat doesn’t matter.
*****
I used to shout The Yankees were playing the Mets
On a million home TV sets.
“A team from New York
Will be walking the walk!”
Said an analyst (hedging his bets)
*****
A golfer tries hard to survive,
With grit, dedication and drive.
“Inflation,” he’ll claim
“is affecting my game,
I used to shout ‘fore’, now it’s ‘five’.
*****
I’m giving the next pitch a bunt
Just a couple of inches in front.
So the boy on each base
Will all move round one base,
It’s a very unpopular stunt!
*****
I’VE STRUCK OUT
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