Archive for the ‘Kill Me, I’m Begging You’ Category
The truth is sometimes strange and at other times ridiculous. These factoids are a little of both. They’re good for making a few bucks at bar bets on trivia night.
- The term ” soap opera” comes from the fact that shows used to work advertisements for soap powder into the plot lines.
- A champagne cork flying out of a bottle can travel as fast as 100 miles per hour.
- People who fear the number 666 suffer from hexakaosioihexekontahexaphobia.
- On November 21, 1980, 83 million Americans tuned in to watch the finale of the Dallas cliffhanger “Who Shot J.R.?” A few weeks earlier, 85.1 million Americans voted in the Reagan-Carter presidential election.
- During a 60-year life span, an average tree will produce nearly 2 tons of leaves to be raked.
- Dancing the tango was considered a sin in Paris during the early 1900s.
- Those roped off areas where boxing matches take place actually used to be round, hence the term “boxing ring”.
- Pope John XXI (1276-01277) had been in office less than a year before the ceiling on a new wing of his palace collapsed on him while he slept. He died six days later.
- Nearly 4% of American women claim that they never wear underwear.
- The Pentagon goes through more than 600 rolls of toilet paper every day.
TOO WEIRD TO BELIEVE? . . . WELL, BELIVE IT ANYWAY
Quote of the Day
“I have as much authority as the Pope. I just
don’t have as many people who believe it.”
George Carlin
Over the years and after many mergers the Mainstream Media has become an arm of the corporations that seem to have their fingers into everything. It’s become painfully clear that many media types have become TV stars in their own right. You would think that those under public scrutiny would be more careful than most about the articles and headlines they post or print. I guess that folks who control what we see and read could at times be less than careful. To prove my point read these wonderfully lame and stupid headlines that made their way through writers and editors to amuse and annoy the rest of us.
Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
War Dims Hope for Peace
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Smokers Are Productive, But Death Cuts Efficiency
Whatever Their Motives, Moms Who Kill Kids Still Shock Us
Lawyer Says Client Is Not That Guilty
This kind of carelessness is unbelievable. Lots of people are being paid lots of money to create these ridiculous headlines. Hopefully going forward the newspapers and websites will at least make some effort to stop the madness.
DON’T HOLD YOUR BREATH
Today is my favorite kind of day. I spent yesterday shopping for ingredients and today making thirteen quarts of super-hot chunky black bean and roasted corn salsa. It’s a lot of work but worth every minute of labor. My better-half was born and raised in south Texas and insists salsa should be nice and smooth and hot. I prefer my salsa to be chunky and OMG hot so I jacked up the heat a little because good salsa should always make your head sweat. Enough about my salsa. Let’s talk about some scary food facts since I’m in the mood.
- While the results of water contamination tests are made public, manufacturers of bottled water do not divulge their test results.
- Almost 99% of imported food is never inspected by the FDA or the USDA, the two agencies responsible for protecting Americans from tainted products.
- One in five office coffee mugs contains fecal bacteria and E. coli, which can cause diarrhea, food poisoning, and infections.
- Vegetarians beware: many low-fat and nonfat yogurts and sweets contain gelatin, which is made from animal tendons, ligaments, and bones.
- Even when grapes are harvested by hand, some insects wind up in the picker’s baskets. Workers simply don’t have time to inspect every grape individually as they work.
- Long a staple of the American diet and US economy, corn is a high-carbohydrate, high-glycemic food that fattens up cattle and does the same to humans who consume it in excess.
- Beef cattle evolved to survive on grass but are regularly fed corn, which has disastrous effects on their digestive systems, requiring a constant regimen of antibiotics to keep them healthy.
- Peanut allergies afflict an estimated 4 million Americans and can be life-threatening. Almost half of annual emergency room visits and two thirds of deaths due to anaphylaxis are the result of peanut allergies.
- Independent studies show that bell peppers, celery, kale, carrots, lettuce, and potatoes are the vegetables most likely to expose consumers to pesticides, despite being rinsed and peeled.
- A diet high in processed meats like sausage, hot dogs, and luncheon meats increase the risk of pancreatic cancer. Chemical reactions that occur during the preparation of these meets yields carcinogens.
ENJOY YOUR LUNCH
I think many people have at least one phobia they must deal with. I’m claustrophobic and have been my entire life. Crowded stores and closed in spaces will make me more than a little crazy. That includes flying around the country in an enclosed metal tube on any airline. One of the more common phobias is coulrophobia which is a fear of clowns. I don’t fear them, but they sure make me a little uncomfortable. Today’s post includes many facts about that phobia and clowns in general. Read on all you clown haters.
- In a British survey of phobias, coulrophobia placed third, outranking common fears such as flying and heights.
- Experts attribute coulrophobia to the heavy makeup and exaggerated features of clowns, which can frighten young children.
- Others attribute coulrophobia to the prevalence of evil clowns in popular media, such as the child murdering Pennywise in Stephen King’s “It” and a clown doll that attacks a boy in Poltergeist.
- One of the worst serial killers in US history, John Wayne Gacy, entertained kids dressed as a clown.
- At one point some health activists wanted McDonald’s to drop Ronald McDonald as a mascot because he markets unhealthy food to children.
- Paul Kelly, son of famous clown Emmett Kelly Junior, was arrested in 1978 for the murders of two of his homosexual lovers. Kelly admitted to the slayings but listed his clown alter ego Willy as an accomplice.
- Famous celebrities who are known to fear clowns include Johnny Depp, Daniel Radcliffe, Billy Bob Thornton, and Sean Combs.
- Many experts point to obscure facial features as the most frightening aspect of clowns and relate this to masked or disfigured movie killers like Michael Myers in Halloween, Jason in the Friday the 13th movies and Freddy Krueger in the Nightmare on Elm Street.
- Coulrophobic Sean Combs has been known to include a “no clowns” clause in contracts even at the risk of being banned from his own shows.
- Coulrophobia can be treated with exposure therapy, which presents patients with photos and dolls of clowns to help them slowly work through their fears.
There you have it folks. Fear of clowns is more common than you thought. My biggest fear is that I walk into a small and confining space and then find a clown in there . . . run for your effing life.
WEAR A BIG RED NOSE TO WORK, I DARE YOU
I’m a huge fan of baseball primarily because I played it for so many years. It’s the best! However, I will continue to poke the baseball bear in the eye whenever possible. The game is sacred to me, but the individual players are not. So, let’s have a little fun today.
“Any pitcher who throws at a batter and deliberately tries to hit him is a Communist.” Alvin Dark, New York Giants Infielder
“Even Napoleon had his Watergate.” Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies manager
“Folks, this is perfect weather for today’s game. Not a breath of air.” Curt Gowdy, sports commentator
“All I said was that the trades were stupid and dumb, and they took that and blew it all out of proportion.” Ron Davis, Minnesota Twins pitcher
“I am throwing twice as hard as I ever did. It’s just not getting there as fast.” Lefty Gomez, New York Yankee pitcher
“I prefer fast foods.” Infielder Rocky Bridges, when asked why he wouldn’t eat snails
“I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf.” Tug McGraw, National League pitcher, when asked whether he preferred grass or Astroturf
“Raise the urinals.” Darrel Chaney, Atlanta Braves infielder, on how to keep the Braves on their toes
“Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean.” Pedro Guerrero, National League player
“I lost it in the sun.” Billy Loes, Brooklyn Dodger pitcher after fumbling a grounder
PLAY BALL!
I’ve been trying desperately not to bring politics onto this blog. Years ago, I created a political blog and after months and months of writing discovered that the American public isn’t interested in truth but only in perception. After the fiasco of Bill Clinton and his minions including the lovely but deadly Hillary Clinton, I didn’t think it could get any worse. I was wrong, really wrong. Hence the election twice of Barack Obama who was a phony if there ever was one, and his wife who remains to this day a borderline communist. Don’t get me wrong, George Bush was no prize either.
I was a supporter of Donald Trump only because he was the only candidate that had a chance of keeping Hillary out of the presidency. I celebrated a little when he won the election, but I did so with many reservations. I have to admit that he did a great number of really good things, but they were all overshadowed by his persistent need to have his ego stroked. If nobody else would stroke it, he did it himself, hence the hundreds of texts on the internet.
The hatred for the man appears to have no bounds both from the Left and the Right. Politics in this country is difficult on a good day and he’s making it impossible to have even one good day. There are more important things to be addressing than his continual whining and idiotic lawsuits. Give us all a break.
This comes from a somewhat conservative person who wished you well when you ran and regretted it ever since. It is my solemn wish that you would stop talking to media, stay off the internet, fire your attorneys, and go back to building golf courses, casinos and whatever else you need to make more and more money. You say you love this country so do the right thing. Support the next Republican candidate of your choice and fade away like Douglas McArthur. You’ve praised him in the past, follow his lead.
“I now close my military career and just fade away, an old soldier who tried to do his duty as God gave him the light to see that duty. Goodbye.”
ENOUGH SAID
Trivia . . . more trivia . . . Here’s some interesting retro trivia from those good old days that we’ve always heard so much about. You can decide if they were as good as we’ve always been told.
- Two hundred years ago: For kissing his wife in public on a Sunday after just returning from a three-year voyage, a Boston ship captain was made to sit two hours in the stocks for “lewd and seemly behavior”.
- The first Cadillac, which was produced in 1903, cost less than the original model T Ford. Their prices, respectively, were $750 and $875.
- The bathhouse in the late medieval town became the habitat for loose women and lecherous man as family life deteriorated. The medieval word for bathhouse, “stew,” has come down in English as a synonym for brothel.
- The average married woman in 17th century America gave birth to 13 children.
- One-third of all automobiles in New York City, Boston, and Chicago in 1900 were electric cars, with batteries rather than gasoline engines.
- In 1909, Annette Kellerman, the Australian swimming star, appeared on a Boston beach wearing a figure- fitting jersey bathing suit with sleeves shortened almost to her shoulders and trousers ending 2 inches above her knees. She was arrested for indecent exposure.
- Life expectancy at birth for Americans was 34.5 years for males and 36.5 years for females when George Washington became president in 1789.
- As late as 1890, nearly 75% of Americans had to fetch their mail from a post office. A community had to have at least 10,000 people to be eligible for home delivery, and most people then lived in towns or on farms.
- The Puritans, considering buttons a vanity and used only hooks and eyes.
- In colonial days it was legal to smoke tobacco in Massachusetts only when the smoker was traveling and had reached a location that was 5 miles away from any town. In 1647 Connecticut passed a law forbidding social smoking and limiting the use of tobacco to once a day, and then only when the smoker was alone in his own house.
DO YOU PREFER “THEN” OR “NOW”?
Yesterday I posted a list of sayings, and most were attributed to people who are or were once famous. The response to that posting was excellent leading me to try something a little different. Have you ever heard a friend or acquaintance say something that “stuck with you”, something funny or profound? Today’s list will be pearls of wisdom from the smartest person in the world, “Anonymous”. We never seem to realize just how smart that SOB can be.
- A gossip tells things before you have a chance to tell them.
- We expect our children to learn good table manners without ever seeing any.
- The other night, while lying on the couch, I reviewed the high point of my life and fell asleep.
- Imagination makes a man think he can run the business better than the boss.
- He who peeps through a hole may see what will vex him.
- Strange how much you’ve got to know before you know how little you know.
- People are living longer now; they have too – who can afford to die?
- Some people are easily entertained. All you have to do is sit down and listen to them.
- Good manners are made up of petty sacrifices.
- Marriage is a wonderful institution. If it weren’t for marriage, husbands and wives would have to fight with perfect strangers.
THANK YOU ANONYMOUS
It’s 5:30 am and everyone is sleeping in (I hope). It’s only fair that I start this weekend with some looney limericks to help me stay awake. Not bawdy rhymes but good clean fun for all. Then it’s back to bed for another hour of sleep for me. Enjoy!
By Frank Jacobs
There once was a skunk in the dell
Who hated all people , they tell;
“Human beings,” he said,
Always fill me with dread,
Plus they give off that terrible smell!”
*****
By Mary Mapes Dodge
There once was a knowing raccoon
Who didn’t believe in the moon;
“Every month – don’t you see?
There’s a new one,” said he;
No real moon could wear out so soon.!”
*****
By Frank Jacobs
A very large woman name Kate
Is six hundred pounds overweight;
On an overseas trip
She transported by ship
In a wooden container marked “Freight.”
*****
By Gelett Burgess
I’d rather have fingers than toes;
I’d rather have ears than a nose;
And as for my hair,
I’m glad it’s still there;
I’ll be awfully sad when it goes.
ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND
I decided to dig into the archives for a few of my favorite classified adds from a number of sources. How many of these would motivate you to call?
- Free puppies . . . part German Shepherd/part dog.
- Cows, calves never bred . . . also one gay bull for sale.
- Full sized mattress: 20 year warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell.
- Free, one can of pork & beans with purchase of 3 bedroom, 2 bath home.
- Get a Little John. The Traveling Urinal – holds two and half beers.
- Free: farm kittens. Ready to eat.
- American Flag – 60 stars – pole included – $100.00.
- Our sofa seats the whole mob – and it’s made of 100% Italian leather.
- Open House – Body Shapers Toning Salon – Free Coffee and Donuts.
- Dinner Special – Turkey $2.35, Chicken or Beef $2.25, Children $2.00.
As I’ve heard it said so many times in the past: “You just can’t make this shit up!” After reading through Craig’s List, it wasn’t much better there. Yikes!
GIANT A-HOLE FOR SALE . . . CALL THE WHITE HOUSE ASAP
everyuselessthing.com 