Archive for the ‘Kill Me, I’m Begging You’ Category
I’m posting late today because it’s just been one of “those” days. I had the day planned out and thought I’d be free and clear of all my chores before noon. Boy was I ever mistaken.
You need to understand one important thing when you listen to me whine about my day. I may be the clumsiest person you’ve ever heard about. I walk into things, fall over things, slip and fall on ice, and also slip and fall on dry pavement. It’s a curse but after so many years I’ve made a number of adjustments in my behavior to protect myself. I forgot to pay attention today and the day was one damn thing after another.
I planned on changing the oil in my lawn tractor today and after reading the users manual I was filled with confidence and sure it would be an easy fix. I entered my work area and fired up the mower to pull it outside. Who forgot that a large window was leaning against the front of the mower. I traveled no more than six inches when I heard the loud crash. Glass everywhere and that special window I’d been saving for more than a year for another project was destroyed. Ten wasted minutes doing the cleanup and I suffered only a minor cut on my hand which bled for twenty minutes.
Back to the mower. I jumped back on to move it outside the house and the stupid thing wouldn’t start. I was forced to push the damn thing out of the shop and ended up tearing the leg of my jeans on a protruding screw. I then was on my hands and knees under a workbench looking for a can of oil and as I grabbed the can and stood up I hit the top of my head on the workbench. Nothing serious, I saw a few stars and continued on. That kind of thing doesn’t bother me at all any more. It happens all the time. Swearing at the top of my lungs I quickly stood up and discovered the lid on the oil container hadn’t been tightened and I spilled oil all over my shirt, on the work bench, and onto the floor. Twenty more minutes to clean up that mess and I was ready to begin actual work on the mower.
Now it’s noon time and I haven’t accomplished much of anything. At one in the afternoon I finished the oil change without further incident. I was intending to replace a damaged part on the grass collection system and after two additional minor cuts, a sore finger pinched by a pair of dangerous pliers, I had the old piece removed and the new piece installed.
All in all my day was a total waste of time. I never was able to get the damn mower restarted because I came to find out the battery needs replacing. Off to Lowe’s to drop another $40.00 bucks on a new freaking battery, a quick stop at Rite-Aid for more band aids, and a third stop for an emergency bottle of brandy.
Tomorrow is another day and I’ll try again to accomplish something that won’t require bandages or hospital visits. I can deal with a minor blood loss but anything more serious than that will just piss me off all the more.
So I ‘m posting late this evening and it’s a miracle I didn’t trip over something while walking over to the computer and break a bone or two.
Wish me luck.
I’m beginning to believe that my doctor is plotting against me. During my last visit he convinced me to take a new vaccine that would assist my immune system in fending off a fairly large number of viruses. He claimed that in conjunction with my previous Pneumonia vaccination and my flu shot I’d be protected from almost everything. That was two weeks ago.
First of all as I was receiving the shot the nurse told me there might be a little muscle pain in the area where the shot was placed. What she didn’t tell me was I’d be unable to move my arm and shoulder for a week without major pain. I let it go figuring any shot in the arm will have some pain involved and finally a week later the pain subsided and movement of my arm and shoulder returned to normal. I felt better about myself and went on about my life, smiling all the way.
Why can’t we hold these medical experts responsible when everything they say seems to be just so much BS and guesswork. Get a flu shot and then immediately get the freaking flu. Get a magic vaccination to prevent illnesses and immediately get an freaking illness. For the last week or so I watched my family members and even my better-half struggling with some weird virus that caused a tremendous amount of congestion in the chest and head and caused terrible headaches. I was sympathetic and did what I could to make things better but at the same time thanking some god or another for my magical vaccination. I walked through my germ ridden house with the confidence of a really healthy and well maintained individual. My trust in my doctor was as high as it’s ever been until two days ago.
I’m lying in bed this morning wondering what the hell happened. I woke up two days ago with a minor cough and a slight fever. Then my throat started the infamous burn which always leads to something awful. My mouth was as dry as the Sahara and I needed help prying my lips apart to drink a little water. I peeled enough crust from my eyelids to fill a coffee cup and did that disgusting task between trips to the facilities that Mother Nature demanded. So far the projectile vomiting has yet to show up and I pray it stays away forever.
Two days of very little sleep, a better-half who hacked, coughed, and snored like a 400 pound truck driver, a fever to keep me warm, and a total loss of taste. Even if I wanted to eat I wouldn’t be able to taste a thing. Coffee and tea tasted like hot water and eating just about any food was like chewing and swallowing cardboard.
I can already hear my doctor, "I guess this virus wasn’t one of the ones included in the miracle vaccine." I may just be forced to kick his ass. I figure if I’m forced to pay hundreds of dollars for these shots there should be some sort of guarantee based on performance. I can be sure of only one thing it seems, there will be any effing refunds from the medical community or the drug company who’s reaping all of the monetary rewards.
Thanks for nothing doc.
I spent a good part of my day yesterday trying to get a fourteen year old computer to once again work properly. I’ve been a computer gamer for a very long time and started when the games were just text-only. I finally settled in permanently with the X-Box because of my life long loyalty to Microsoft. Don’t sit there and shake your head, all those years were a great deal of fun and taught me a great deal about computers and software.
As the games became more sophisticated the older games fell by the wayside. Having spent my hard earned money for these games I refused to just discard them. I saved the floppy disk games, games on CD’s, console games, and any other that I sincerely enjoyed playing. All these years later most of them remain unplayable but alive and well in my files.
I’ve became interested in reviving some of these old games after receiving from my nephew an Atari 2400 Anniversary console that contained dozens of the ordinal Atari games such as Pong, Asteroids, and Centipede. My nephew is a computer nerd like me and after a telephone discussion a year ago he shipped me one of his older computers dating from the late nineties. It’s one of the few I’ve been able to find with a working floppy disk drive and I also wanted to use it to convert many of my older games on floppies to CD’s. It would give me a much better chance at playing them once again.
I love computers but they are extremely frustrating to work with. The computer companies in their attempts to protect their software have made them extremely difficult to copy and to reuse. It seems to me that most of their technological advances with game consoles and computer games are purposely made incompatible with previous generations. It forces consumers to constantly spend their hard earned money on upgrades of both software and hardware. My best recent example for that was X-Box One which will not play any of the hundreds of X-Box games made for previous X-Box versions. That sucks and has only convinced me never to buy one.
Yesterday was like giving CPR to someone who is on his last leg. During shipment cables for that old computer were knocked loose and it took a while to get them all replugged into their proper places. I finally was able to get it to reboot with Windows 2000 but that’s when the real fun began. Using parts from a number of my past computers I finally found a mouse that would work with the unit. The monitor worked fine and I thought I was home free. I still had no sound and no working keyboard and I don’t know why. The keyboard I have was from a newer model and there was no way it would ever work with this old machine.
One of my chores for this summer will now be to visit as many yard sales as possible to find a keyboard and mouse from that same era. It should be an easy find since almost every yard sale has computers and parts for sale. With any luck at all I should have this machine working this summer and I can pull out my old Doom and Quake games and relive those earlier days that I enjoyed so much.
I find myself extremely frustrated but having many years of computer experience it wasn’t unexpected. I’ll just walk away for a while, turn on my X-Box 360, and return to the world of Halo to kill a few thousand aliens. It always makes me fell better.
Nerds rule !
Well I guess the world can continue to rotate around the sun and all of you can continue living your exciting lives once again. I received a clean bill of health from my doctor during my recent checkup so everyone can relax again for another year just knowing I’ll still be around.
Have I ever mentioned just how much I hate doctors and hospitals? I’m positive you have no idea just how much. I spent a lot of my youth visiting uncounted hospitals throughout the Pittsburgh area while visiting my mother who was afflicted with every disease known to man during her life. I became almost phobic about it. I was terrified of entering hospitals and getting stuck with needles. For years every time I needed a blood test or a shot it usually caused me to become violently ill or to pass out completely. That phobia was finally dealt with when it became time for me to leave the Army. A blood test was required before I could be released from the service and I certainly wasn’t going to stick around any longer than necessary. I sat quietly while they took six tubes of blood and suffered no ill effects whatsoever. It’s amazing what proper motivation can do to help you get through the tough times.
I have no phobias now but I still hate hospitals and doctors. I’m good to go until sometime in August when my new doctor will put me through my paces once again. Blood tests, poking and prodding of body parts best left alone, and more of those miracle vaccines and shots that may or may not even work. Getting old requires more and more maintenance of the body and mind just to maintain the status quo. Regardless we eventually all lose that battle. More exercise, less alcohol, no smoking, healthy foods, and an endless supply of drugs, drugs, drugs.
When I turned fifty the medical community found out about me and the process began in earnest. I needed a shingles shot, a pneumonia shot, a tetanus booster which probably cost the insurance carriers at least $500.00. Increased visits, regular colonoscopies, and future eye surgery to fix those pesky cataract problems we all have to deal with at some point.
I’m one of millions of Boomers whose current responsibility is to stay alive as long as possible to help keep the health care community in business. What will happen to the system once we’ve all passed on. That will be the new healthcare crisis with lots of layoffs, hospital closures, and a serious overpopulation of doctors, nurses, and home care specialists. I guess we Baby Boomers could be called a massive health care asset until we all finally die.
I had a feeling when I woke up this morning that this day would be more than a little strange. It was another late night of reading for me and I was awakened at 6:00 am for no apparent reason. The better-half was gone off to work, the cat was missing in action, and the bed looked like twenty people had been in it. Blankets thrown around on the bed and on the floor with pillows everywhere. Don’t even ask! I’ve got a thing for pillows and I love having a lot of them on the bed. Not for decoration but to crawl into and curl up with.
I felt like I had hangover but I hadn’t had anything to drink for days. I had things to do but I couldn’t seem to get my ass off that bed and get moving. A coffee helped but not all that much. One of my main tasks for the day was to do a little food shopping because dinner was on me tonight and I wanted it to be just perfect. It took forever for me to get dressed but I managed, then I set the house alarm, jumped in my car, and pulled out of the driveway.
I live approximately five miles from the closest supermarket and it requires that I drive through a few neighborhoods and across two main roads to get there. Easy enough right? I drove for a mile and noticed something strange happening. I hadn’t seen a single car, person, animal, or another human being since leaving the house. The further I drove the more bizarre it became and I was starting to have flashbacks of the the movie “Legend” with Will Smith. Another mile and still nothing. I stopped at an intersection with a main road that normally requires me to wait for an opening in traffic before pulling out. I didn’t see a single vehicle in either direction. The only living things I saw as I made the turn onto that highway were two large black crows sitting in a tree nearby and they seemed to be watching me.
I’m not a believer in the occult or any of that nonsense but this entire drive really creeped me out. The first living person I finally saw was in the parking lot of the supermarket and it was a rather obese man eating a donut as he walked to his car. The entire drive felt like a really weird dream. I kept thinking to myself that all of a sudden I’d awaken and still be at home in my bed. But I wasn’t.
I finished my shopping and returned home and observed a normal amount of traffic and a few folks walking around. As I pulled into my driveway I looked up and there were two large black crows sitting in a tree right next to my house. I sure hope it was just a weird coincidence and that there aren’t any more strange occurrences today. I want my surprise meal for the better-half tonight to go as planned.
It’s the Twilight Zone all over again or at least it felt that way. If she arrives home from work tonight eating a big fat donut then I may have to rethink my somewhat shaky belief system.
‘All you need is a coat, hat, gloves, a blanket, and a space heater.’
I hate to admit it but I think I may be suffering from a slight case of Spring Fever. I try never to fall prey to things like that but I’m beginning to feel it. With official Spring being just a week away maybe it will actual happen.
I see ice and snow quickly disappearing and to help that cause along I spent two solid days cleaning snow and cumulated ice from my second floor deck. The snow was still two feet deep and the ice under it was between four and six inches thick. To put it bluntly it was a real ball-buster of a job which I’ll never do again. When I finally cleared a large enough area I set up the deck table and chairs and sat down for a break. Spring in Maine, twenty degrees, bright sunshine, sitting on my deck wearing a parka, hat, and gloves.
Yesterday was another beautiful sunny day and I decided to greet Spring with a flurry (no pun intended) of photographs of the beaches in the area.
Here we go . . .
‘It’s hard to walk on the beach when you can’t get there.’
‘If you think the water looks cold you should feel the wind.’
So maybe I’m rushing things a little. Can you blame me? This has been a long, long, long winter and it needs to “cease and desist” right now. I took a drive past the amusement park in Old Orchard Beach and wasn’t all that amused. Brrrrr!
‘It’s the only time of the year when the lines for the rides are this short.’
‘Almost open for business.’
Even the birds are unhappy. I can’t imaging why they insist on swimming around in freezing cold water but they appear to love it. I was uncomfortable just watching them.
So much for my first beach day of 2015. I hope to God the rest of them are considerably warmer with a few more thongs and bikini’s to catch my interest. This is as good as it gets in March so I shouldn’t be complaining.
It can only get better.
I can’t believe it but I’ve succeeded in sleeping in until 9am this morning. I suppose the late night pickup at the Portland Jetport is primarily responsible. My better-half’s flight was scheduled to arrive at 10pm but air travel being what it is she arrived on a different airline and at 1140pm. Airline travel sucks on a good day but then you add in Maine and winter weather it becomes ridiculous. I won’t get into a major rant on airline companies today because anyone who flies anywhere that isn’t first class or non-stop is well aware how they make you suffer. Maybe they’re doing it intentionally to force as many people as possible to pay the extra money to avoid flying coach with multiple connectors.
Maybe I should thank my better-half for bringing back a little sunshine from her journey. For the first time in a long while I was awakened by bright sunshine blasting through the layer of ice hanging from the house and into my bedroom. It’s a brilliant sunny day and the temperature has yet to reach 20 degrees. These photographs were taken from inside the house because it’s almost impossible to walk anywhere in this deep snow.
As you can see it’s impossible to enjoy the scenery without ice and snow being the main focus. The cold weather is expected to last well into March which means this ice will be hanging around (no pun intended) for at least another month.
The birds are finally making an appearance in fairly large numbers. They’re roosting in nearby trees and soaking up as much of the sunshine as they possibly can. It’s tough being a bird in any northern state at this time of the year.
The squirrels aren’t going to be too happy either when they’re finally able to stick their heads out of their nests. Mother Nature has badly damaged their feeder which will be my first Spring project.
The cat and I have been reduced to bachelor status since my better-half flew off to Delaware until next Tuesday. She had a death in her family and had to to drop everything quickly and catch a flight. I dropped her at the airport in a freaking blizzard and returned home. Three hours later she was still in the plane sitting on the runway waiting for it to be deiced. Just hearing that made my palms a little sweaty. That late start insured she’d miss her connector in Newark and be forced to stay the night at one of New Jersey’s finer motels. Anything that an airlines agrees to pay for will almost certainly be on the lower end of the luxury scale. She eventually made it to Baltimore the following day as a much more experienced traveler than when she left.
I woke up yesterday to a little more snow but it didn’t upset me at all. I tried to get a good nights sleep but the cat was being a huge pain in the ass. He was upset that my better-half wasn’t there and kept getting up when he heard noises thinking she had come home. It drove me a little crazy and around 3 am after a few minutes of rude name calling I locked him out of the bedroom. It truly is a miracle that he’s lived as long as he has because I’ve wanted to kill him on numerous occasions and last night was one of them. He’s definitely used up all of his nine lives by now so he’d better be careful in the future.
Today I thawed out a large container of my four alarm, OMFG chili and choked it down while watching TV and working on the computer. I’ve been doing everything possible to convince Windows 8.1 to accept an old computer game from 1995 so I can play it once again. It’s my all time favorite simulation and Hooray, Hooray, I finally got it working. The game is called Pharaoh with an add-on called Cleopatra. It’s still good after all these years and tomorrow I’ll be spending a good part of the day having some fun with it.
The cat has calmed down a little so tonight should be a little quieter. With any luck I’ll be able to get out with my camera tomorrow and commune with good old Mother Nature for a while. I’d like to get another collection of really good snow photos before winter suddenly comes to an end.
My better-half should be returning on Tuesday after the funeral and I’ll sure be happy about that.
For years we’ve all been seeing and hearing about the numerous incidents of road rage that seem to occur daily somewhere in this country. There are shootings, stabbings, fist fights, and worse reported. Over the years I’ve had two memorable road rage incidents where I was once the aggressor and once the victim. I’m not proud of my actions but for some reason throwing the finger just wasn’t enough at those times. I can understand how those incidents can quickly become hostile and extremely dangerous. I once had an older gray haired women do her very best to run me off the road into some guard rails with her big Cadillac sedan. I never even received the obligatory one finger salute before she tried to kill me.
Living in Maine for all these years has made me aware of a local problem somewhat similar to road rage but not quite as serious. In Maine we have Snow Rage. With all the snow the northeast has been receiving this year many people in the surrounding states are seeing and experienced it for the first time.
Since the beginning of the year we’ve been buried in serious amounts of snow and as I cruise around I find myself witnessing many snow rage incidents. I recently saw a little old man shoveling his driveway entrance after the snow plow almost buried him. I couldn’t hear exactly what he was yelling but along with the one finger salute was quite the string of obscenities.
In a nearby town the streets are clogged with snow to the point of insanity. I watched a guy snow blowing large amounts of snow from his driveway back into the city street. With no place to put it he really had no other choice. Unfortunately he failed to see a passing motorist who was pelted with a huge stream of dirty snow across his windshield. There was a considerable amount of yelling and screaming but as they talked the motorist must have felt a little sympathy for the plight of the home owner. They shook hands and went on about their business. Violence was avoided by their agreement that there was too much damn snow, that snow plow drivers suck, and the town isn’t getting the streets cleaned like it should. No guns were pulled or punches thrown as you usually see in some road rage incidents.
I see and hear many innocent and loud discussions taking place in parking lots all over the area but never any real violence. We’re all being victimized by good old Mother Nature and regardless of how much we bitch and complain she just doesn’t care. Living in Maine can be trying at times but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
I have a huge smile on my face today for the first time in a long while. I’m celebrating the big OOPS from the weather forecasters. All I’ve been hearing for the last week is OMG prepare for the blizzard of the century. The warnings began with stock up on food, water, gasoline, and possibly condoms. Then they said, the snow is going to be so deep you may not be able to leave the house at all, it’s the storm of the millennium, the blizzard of all blizzards, wind chills of twenty below zero! God help us all! It was all just so much BS.
I went to bed last night expecting to wake up to 24 plus inches of fresh snow, drifts seven feet high, and winds over fifty mph. NOT, NOT, AND NOT. I went out early to clear the driveway and measured just 4-5 inches of new snow and the wind speed was moderate. So many businesses and agencies who listen and swear by these weather people had cancelled their activities as reflected on every TV channel in the area last night.
I returned to the house and made myself a great breakfast of bacon, eggs, toast and coffee. I looked out the window and it still wasn’t snowing. I returned to my chore of clearing more snow from the deck so I could reach the bird feeders. The birds have been clamoring for days for seed and suet refills and I was beginning to feel just a little guilty.
It took about twenty minutes to complete and all the while the birds were circling me and the feeders and waiting for me to get he hell out of the way. These woodpeckers are especially aggressive and are constantly fighting with the blue jays for ownership of the feeders. On top of that they barely tolerate me being in the area. Damn birds.
For two days I’ve been clearing tons of snow and ice from my deck. It wraps around the second floor of the house and is a joy in warm weather. However in the winter it’s a real bitch. I’ve found out this year just how well built it really is and how much weight it can hold.
I think I’ll retire to the living room soon and get reacquainted with my X-Box. I need an hour or two of head clearing mayhem before the better-half gets home from work and rewrites my honey-do list.
Thanks to all of you weather people out there for your miscalculations and incorrect forecasts. Keep up the good work.
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