Archive for the ‘Love’ Category
I love weird. Always have and always will. That being said here are a few samples of unusual facts you may not have heard before. Like I always say, THE WEIRDER THE BETTER.
- Killer whales occasionally will eat a deer that’s not paying attention while getting a drink.
- Approximately 80% of all individual animals on the earth are nematodes.
- For every human on the earth, there are approximately 1,000,000 ants.
- Bananas are technically berries. Strawberries and raspberries are not.
- The average weight of a cumulus cloud is 1.1 million pounds.
- Monogamous animals include beavers, wolves, and swans.
- Algae and plankton produce more oxygen than trees.
- It would take over one million mosquitos to completely drain a human being of blood.
- The average 200-pound human carries between two and six pounds of bacteria.
- Female koala bears have two vaginas.
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A Fav
Buzz Aldrin claims to be the first man to pee on the moon.
I’ll be diving deep into the past for some nasty and funny limericks categorized under the label of “Chamber of Horrors”. These are all dated between 1938 and 1944 and reflect a reference or two about the war. Enjoy . . .
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It was on the seventh of December
That Franklin D. took out his member.
He said, like the bard,
“It will be long and very hard,
Pearl Harbor has given me something to remember.”
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It’s a helluva fix that we’re in
When the geographical spread of the urges to sin
Causes juvenile delinquency
With increasing frequency
By the Army, the Navy, and Errol Flynn.
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Said a platinum blonde from Warsaw,
As she looked at herself in the raw,
“Neath my umbilicus
(And as like Mike as Ike is)
There’s a picture of George Bernard Shaw.”
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When the Nazis landed in Crete,
This young harlot had to compete
With many Storm Troopers
Who were using their poopers
For other things than to excrete.
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WAR IS HELL BUT PEACE TIME IS A MOTHERF**KER
Once again my searching through online used-book stores has paid off. I know how much most of you enjoy these quizzes that I occasionally post, so here’s another. This quiz concerns a decade I remember well, the 1970’s. I was living in Columbus, Ohio and working as a private investigator. It was a wild and crazy time that should be remembered because everything seemed much freer and easier than we have it these days. From what I can determine this quiz was created by a gentleman named Bill O’Neill. I scored a measly 6 correct out of ten and I’m forced to hang my head in shame. Let’s see how some of you do. As always the answers will be below.
1. What year did the blockbuster film Star Wars hit the theaters?
2. The Keep On Truckin’ cartoon/meme was first written by _____________?
3. What was the name of the New York City disco club that became world-famous in the 70’s?
4. _______________was the “inventor” of the pet rock?
5. What old sci-fi character inspired George Lucas to write Star Wars?
6. Who was the television producer who created many “socially conscious” sitcoms in the 1970’s?
7. What was one of the problems with 8-track tapes ______________?
8. What band performed the hit disco tune “Get Down Tonight”?
9. Who was one of the two veteran British actors who had a role in Star Wars?
10. What was Star Wars’ budget?
Answers
1977, Robert Crumb, Studio 54, Gary Dahl, Flash Gordan, Norman Lear, The tracks would change mid-song, KC and the Sunshine Band, Peter Cush or Alec Guinness, $11 million.
LOVED THAT 70’S SHOW TOO!
I acquired a joke book from an online thrift bookstore recently. It was a book titled “The Official Country & Western Joke Book”. I was looking forward to reading it and when it arrived I immediately dove right into it. It became painfully obvious within a few pages that the book was freaking awful. I searched through another eighty pages and couldn’t find one joke that made me even grin a little. That book was immediately removed from my archives and relegated to a paper bag located next to the trashcan. Todays post is PLAN B. Enjoy this mish/mosh of trivia.
- The iconic theme song of the X-Files was created by accident when a producer accidentally hit the “echo” button on the control panel.
- James Earl Jones was offered the lead in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine which eventually went to Avery Brooks.
- Samuel L. Jackson once held Martin Luther King Sr. hostage during a college demonstration at Morehead College.
- Shaquille O’Neal made just one three point shot in his entire career. He only attempted 22 three-pointers for a 4.5% shooting percentage.
- For 43 years the NFL’s record for the longest field goal was held by Tom Dempsey who was born with no toes on his kicking foot. His record setting 63 yard field goal in 1970 wasn’t broken until 2013.
- At the height of his power, Pablo Escobar, spent $2500.00 a week on rubber bands that were needed to band the money he was bringing in.
- At one time, the United States Rock-Paper-Scissors League was a real thing. The winning prize was $50,000.00.
AND THE FUN CONTINUES
It’s been a hectic week with life once again getting in the way. I thought a few tidbits of unusual trivia would keep everyone interested and entertained for a few minutes. Now I can return to my life such as it is.
- The original name of Scrabble was “Lexico“. It was later called “Criss-Cross” before eventually becoming Scrabble.
- During WWI sauerkraut was called “Liberty Cabbage” by the Americans. Hamburgers were called “Liberty Steaks“.
- “Meetinghouse” was the WWII Allied codename for Tokyo.
- The spacecraft Gemini 3 was nicknamed the “Molly Brown” by the astronauts Grissom and Young because in 1961 it sank upon reentry.
- Alvin Karpus AKA “Old Creepy” was arrested by J. Edgar Hoover and sentenced to serve time in Alcatraz. He spent 26 years there from 1936-1952, more than any other inmate.
- “Professor Tigwissel’s Burglar Alarm” was the first comic strip to appear in a newspaper, the New York Graphic, on September 11, 1875.
- Betty Boop’s pet dog was named “Pudgy“.
- The 1948 tune by Muddy Waters, “Rollin” Stone“, inspired the name of the rock group, the Rolling Stones.
- Steve Trachsel was the Chicago pitcher who gave up Mark McGwire’s 62nd homerun in 1998 in Busch Stadium.
- “A Wild Hare” was the 1940 Warner Brothers cartoon in which Bugs Bunny first said, “What’s Up Doc?”
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One of My Fav’s
“Manhattan Melodrama” was last movie watched by John Dillinger at the Biograph
Theatre in Chicago in 1934 just minutes before being gunned down by FBI agents.
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ANOTHER DAY HERE IN PARADISE
I’m pretty sure the title of this post will catch the attention of most readers. Sex seems to be the one unifying subject that everyone wants to hear about and discuss endlessly. I can only speak for myself, but I just love dirty jokes, the dirtier the better. I normally have less fondness for the milder sexual humor, but I plan on sharing some of that with you today. It’s not often that go “mild” so all of you overly sensitive types should enjoy these one-liners. I may never ever go this “mild” again so enjoy them if you can. I see a plethora of really dirty jokes in our immediate future so be patient.
- Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
- The couple next door has recently made a sex tape. Obviously, they don’t know that yet.
- My ex-girlfriend would always ask me to text her when I got in. That’s how small my penis is.
- Sex is like air. It’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.
- I’m hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to have orgasms. If you can’t come, let me know.
- I always call out my wife’s name during sex . . . just to make sure she’s not around.
- Men have only two emotions – hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
- What’s the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot? The amount of time you’ll spend looking for it.
- My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
- My wife told me “Sex is better on vacation”. That wasn’t a very nice postcard to receive.
A man got onto a train and sat next to a woman reading a magazine on “Sexual Statistics. “Any good?” he asked. “Fascinating” she replied. “American Indians have the thickest penises and Polish men have the longest.” “Bye the way, I’m Jane.” “Hi” he said “I’m Tonto Kaminski.”
PRUDES AREN’T HOT BUT THEY WANT TO BE.
- The Stanley Cup has a number of misspelled words engraved on it. “BOSTON BRUINS” is spelled as “BQSTQN BRUINS”. “TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS” is “TORONTO MAPLE LEAES” and a number of misspelled players names have been added over the years.
- Before Babe Ruth, the MLB’s career home run record was 138. When he retired the record was 714.
- Nolan Ryan had seven no-hitters in his career but never a perfect game. His 2795 career walks are almost 1,000 more than the next closet pitcher.
- The credit for breaking the racial barrier was not really Jackie Robinson. In 1879, Moses Fleetwood Walker played a full season in 1884, 63 years before Robinson.
- The only team in the NFL to score three TD’s in a minute was the New England Patriots and they’ve done it twice.
- The very first pick in the NFL draft never played a single game in the league. Jay Berwanger never signed with any team due to salary concerns.
- Major League Baseball uses approximately 900,000 balls every season.
- Wilt Chamberlain once averaged over 50 points a game for an entire season.
20,000 WOMEN (YIKES)
I’m an avid reader and have been one for as long as I can remember. I was able to use that reading skill over the years to learn a lot of things about a lot of things. Subjects that were important when I was in school were English, History, and Science and were meant to give us a good start with important information needed to learn and build upon in the future. After reading the hundreds of complaints online from parents disgusted with and in total disagreement with the present education systems rules, I feel confident in saying that it seems my educational experience was better. Try this 1960’s Science Quiz and see how you do. The answers will be listed at the end of the post.
- What was the brand name of the first publicly available birth control pill?
- What was the number of the Apollo mission that landed on the moon?
- The world’s most powerful earthquake happened in what country?
- In _________ Kevlar was invented.
- Dr. ________ performed the first human-to-human heart transplant.
- Dr. Benjamin Spock was known for what field of science?
- In _________ Soviet cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin became the first human in space.
- The world’s first heart transplant involved putting the heart of what animal into a person?
- In scientific terms, Kevlar is a __________.
- Who said: “One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind?”
How did you do? Give this test to your kids, your friends, your neighbors, and anyone else you can think of and see how you compare.
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(Answers)
Enovid, 11, Chile, 1965, Christian Barnard, Child Psychology, 1961, Chimpanzee, Polymer, Neil Armstrong
I SURVIVED THE 60’S AND ONLY GOT 6 OUT OF TEN
Now that Easter has come and gone, things can get back to normal (scary thought). What better way to follow up an Easter celebration than with a posting of a few rude and borderline bawdy limericks. I would rate these four limericks PG because I certainly wouldn’t want to shock any of those innocent children out there as well as the many prudes who love to comment on them. Here we go.
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There was a young man of Missouri
Who screwed with a terrible fury,
Till hauled into court
For his bestial sport,
And condemned by a poorly hung jury.
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There was a young fellow named Bill
Who swallowed an atomic pill.
His navel corroded,
His asshole exploded,
And they found his nuts in Brazil.
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And then there the story that’s fraught
With disaster – of balls that got caught,
When the chap took a crap
In the woods, and a trap
Underneath . . .Oh, I can’t bear the thought!
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There was a lady golfer named Duff
With a lovely, luxuriant muff.
In his haste to get in her
One eager beginner
Lost both of his balls in the rough.
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FORE !!!
In my younger days I was a huge St. Patrick’s Day celebrator. The fun of green beer, green hair, and ultra-green hangovers slowed down considerably as I reached my 50’s. It was some of the most fun I ever had, and I sometimes still miss that kind of craziness in my life. I failed to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day this year due to distractions, but I hope to make up for that mistake today with this posting. I’m holding in my hot little hands a supply of Irish humor that I will be thrilled to share with everyone. It’s naughty but nice.
- “Mr. Mullarkey,” said the chemist, “did that mudpack I asked you to try improve your wife’s appearance?” “It did surely, but it keeps falling off.”
- The Irish missionary was preaching to the African tribe. “And I say to you that you must love your fellow men!” “Moolagumbi!” shrieked the natives. “White man and black man must learn to cooperate.” “Moolagumbi” chanted the crowd. The missionary was very pleased, and he told the chief how pleased he was with the reception. “I am glad, O Man of Ireland,” said the chief, “but be careful as we pass the cattle pen that you don’t step in the moolagumbi.”
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An advertisement that appeared in a Wicklow newspaper:
“Young farmer would like to hear from young woman with tractor
with a view to matrimony. Please send picture of the tractor.”
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A favorite Irish limerick:
A handsome young boyo named Pat,
With girls would enjoy this and that.
He meant to cuddle and kiss,
When he spoke about “this,”
Just guess what he meant by his “that.”
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“That will be five pounds or a month in jail,” the judge said sharply.
“Very well, sir,” said Flaherty, “I’ll take the five pounds.”
A ROUND OF GUINESS FOR EVERYONE
everyuselessthing.com 