Archive for the ‘Sarcasm’ Category
As some of you will remember, I search constantly to find and purchase old books. I recently received one of the strangest books I’ve ever seen. The book is titled BIZARRE BOOKS – A COMPENDIUM OF CLASSIC ODDITIES. As we all know almost anyone can write a book. Some become famous and sell millions of copies but then there are these others. This book is a collection of nothing but book titles going back hundreds of years and to say some are strange is an understatement as you will see. I’ll be posting on more of these titles in the future after I finish reading the book. Todays topic concerns 15 book titles containing blatant Double Entendre. Here goes northing . . .
Games You Can Play With Your Pussy -1985
Miss Rod. The Girls Own Book – 1934
Queer Shipmates – 1962
Old Dykes I Have Known – 1996
Invisible Dick – 1926
Girls Who Did – 1927
Cock Tugs – 1963
Big Dick, the King of the Negroes – 1846
Memorable Balls – 1954
Drummer Dick’s Discharge – 1902
Cock Angel – 1928
Cobbler’s Knob – 1958
Fairies on the Doorstep – 1948
Joyful Lays – 1886
The Big Book of Busts – 1994
❤️❤️❤️
SPECIAL THANKS TO RUSSELL ASH & BRIAN LAKE
(Just weird motivation to write your own book.)
I’ve always been fascinated by facts that aren’t commonly known. We humans use thousands of products each year and have little or no idea where or when those products originated and who were the geniuses that created them. Todays post will list a number of miscellaneous facts on a wide selection of topics.
- Modern glass products will take at least 4,000 years to decompose.
- It is considered rude to talk with your hands on your hips in Indonesia.
- Mother Teresa, known for caring for the children of India, was born Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu in Albania. She lived from 1910 to 1997.
- Christmas cards were first sent in London in 1843.
- The first kiss ever seen in a movie was in 1896. The movie was called The Kiss.
- Russian cosmonaut Valentina V. Tereshkova was the first women in space in 1963.
- The Pennsylvania Dutch believe that if a woman eats the last piece of bread, she will become an “old maid”.
- The first Thanksgiving at Plymouth Rock lasted three days.
- In Britain a black cat is considered lucky. In the US not so much.
- In ancient Greece the herb parsley was associated with death.
- It is unlucky to wear the color white at a Chinese wedding.
- Famous advice columnists Dear Abby and Ann Landers were identical twins.
My Fav
In Arizona it is illegal to have more than two dildoes in a house.
😉😉😉
I’ve been told for many years by a host of dog loving family members, neighbors, and assorted experts that “dogs are a mans best friend“. I think in some cases that’s true based on my years of experience with my father who raised and trained beagles. Our house was constantly filled with herds of puppies and I had the misfortune of shoveling a few thousand wheelbarrow loads of dog sh*t as one of my many disgusting chores. I’ve owned a few dogs over the years but finally came to realize and admit that I’m quite simply a “cat person“. I still like dogs but only if they’re someone else’s. Todays post is primarily for all of you dog lovers out there and includes a few of my favorite dog jokes which don’t require me to shovel anything.
What do you call a gathering of Pomeranians at a bar? YAPPY HOUR
What’s a dogs favorite wine? PLEASE, PLEASE, THROW MY BALL.
What are a dogs three favorite drinks at the bar? A MUTTINI, A COSMOPOODLETIN, AND AN AVALANCHE FOR ALL THOSE ST. BERNARDS OUT THERE.
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. “I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.” “Oh, he’s not so smart,” the friend replied. “I’ve beaten him three games out of five.”
Dogs will come if you call them. Cats take a message and get back to you.
My Favorite Dog Haiku
The sound of dog treats
Shaking inside their box
It’s like the angels singing.
A police officer and his K-9 partner were sitting in a parked police van on the side of the road. A little boy looked in the back of the van, then came around to the officers window and knocked. The office rolled down the window. “Is that a dog you’ve got back there?” the boy asked. “It sure is.” the policeman replied. The boy looked back at the van, then back to the officer. “What did he do?” asked the boy.
🐈🐈🐈
🐱🐱🐱
CATS RULE !!!!!
I love posting quizzes but I do realize that many of them are extremely difficult as reflected by some of the readers who have complained. I decided today to post question’s from the 1990’s that should be somewhat easier to answer. There are eleven questions with the correct answers listed below.
- Who became the first president of Russia after the Soviet Union dissolved in 1990?
- In Harry Potter/Sorcerer’s Stone, who gives Harry his letter of acceptance into Hogwarts on his eleventh birthday?
- What was Bart Simpson’s catchphrase?
- What other name were three-quarter length capri pants known by?
- During which war was Wolfenstein 3D set?
- Ice skater Tonya Harding’s husband organized an attack on which skater at the 1994 US Figure Skating Championship?
- In The Big Lebowski what is the Dude’s drink of choice?
- Which toy featured red and blue boxing robots?
- In The Spice Girls-Spice Up Your Life do you shake it to the left or the right?
- 1991’s Hook was a retelling of what classic children’s book?
And finally a question concerning one of my favorite songs.
On what album was Radiohead’s hit Creep released?
Answers
Boris Yeltsin, Rubeus Hagrid, “Eat My Shorts”, Pedal Pushers, WW II, Nancy Kerrigan, A White Russian, Rock’em Sock’em Robots, To the Right, Peter Pan, Fav: Pablo Honey
(I scored 9 of 11)
Just another cold and crappy day in Maine and if you want live here you’d better learn to love this insane winter weather. I seem to run a bit slower when it’s cold and nasty and my desire to post long and involved articles has disappeared. Today will be another “mish/mosh” of interesting and sometimes strange facts you may not be familiar with. Here we go . . . .
- The continent with the highest literacy rate is Antarctica.
- The country of Saudi Arabia really does import a better quality sand to make glass.
- The Smithsonian archives allegedly hold a jar containing a rubber mold of John Dillinger’s penis.
- The United States bought Alaska from Russia for a price that equated to under two cents per acre.
- Soviet scientists once tried to create a human/chimpanzee hybrid. It failed.
- Confederate general Robert E. Lee didn’t own slaves, but Union general Ulysses S. Grant did.
- People in the Roman Empire actually used human urine as mouthwash.
- Adolph Hitler had a nephew, William Hitler, AKA William Stuart-Houston, who served in the U.S Navy during the war.
- The kazoo was invented by a gentleman named Alabama Vest.
- During WW1 Americans referred to sauerkraut as “liberty cabbage”.
❤️MY FAV❤️
The male Argonaut Octopus mates by detaching it’s sex organ and flinging it towards the female.
(Very interesting & more than a little scary.)
We’re three days into the new year which naturally demands a fresh batch of cute and bawdy limericks. These might be considered unacceptable for the younger children so DON’T LET THEM READ THEM. I’d rate them as “PG”, so consider yourself warned. Here we go . . .
💥
There was a young sailor named Bates
Who did the fandango on skates.
He fell on his cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates.
💥💥
I lost my arm in the army,
I lost my leg in the navy,
I lost my balls
Over Niagra Falls,
And I lost my cock in a lady.
💥💥💥
A lady both athletic and handsome
Got wedged in her bedrooms transom.
When she offered much gold
For release, she was told
That the view was worth more than the ransom.
💥💥💥💥
There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you’d probably think –
It was gray, had long ears, and ate grass.
💥💥✝️💥💥
And here’s a fav from a long-term recovering Catholic.
❤️❤️❤️
In the Garden of Eden lay Adam,
Complacently stroking his madam,
And loud was his mirth
For on all of the earth
There were only two balls – and he had’em.
❤️❤️❤️
HAPPY NEW YEAR
I realize that it may be a little too early to be posting on this subject but what the hell. Every year I tease myself by listing a number of resolutions for the new year. My success rate leaves much to be desired but occasionally I actually DO complete a few. I’m posting early because my rate of success this year has been dismal. I’d blame some of it on my better-half who just completed her first year of retirement. To say she’s been a huge distraction is an understatement – goodbye to my wonderful days of PEACE & QUIET. Here’s my list for 2025 and all my lame excuses.
Read at least 100 books by years end (more if possible). If I finish reading my current book by years-end I will have read only 88 books. FAILED
Complete at least four illustrations for use as gifts for next Christmas. COMPLETED
Complete one sculpture using a technique I haven’t used before. FAILED – Due to my total lack of interest and laziness. Maybe this coming year I can get it done.
Show more patience to my better-half’s retirement adjustments. COMPLETED – I’ve shown more patience than ever before but I have a long way to go to satisfy her.
Attempt to write some serious poetry that’s worth reading. FAILED – Completed a few poems and a couple of limericks but I wasn’t happy with the less than adequate results.
Continued monitoring of the grandsons for new and exciting cuss words. COMPLETED – This may have been the easiest one to complete. It’s official, and thanks to day care, school, and some family adults the “F-Bomb” has been released. I’m so proud!!
Continue to ignore all of the weird and bizarre health tips from the Internet. COMPLETED – Thanks to all you internet experts and your misguided and incorrect medical BS.
My final tally was disappointing – 4 of 7 completed. I still have a few weeks to give a great deal of thought for my resolutions for 2026. It’s good to set goals even if you’re reasonably certain they won’t all be met.
🎊🎊🎊
BETTER LUCK NEXT YEAR
Now that Christmas has come and gone once again, things can get back to abnormal. The holidays are always stressful no matter how well you prepare and I discovered early in life that bringing a group of family members together is fraught with danger and the likelihood of old personality disputes’ becoming a real possibility. Fortunately this year we successfully avoided that sort of nonsense. My better-half and I are now kicking back and trying to relax a little as I’m sure you are as well. Todays post is just what this blog is all about – EVERYUSELESSTHING. This is an easy way for me to relax, collect my thoughts, and continue on to the next holiday, on that never-ending list of #@%!*% holidays. Welcome to my post-Christmas MISH/MOSH.
- Former Beatles drummer, Ringo Starr, was the original narrator of the children’s television show, Thomas the Tank Engine.
- During mating season, lions can have sex dozens of time every day. (I’m so jealous.)
- Beavers’ butts taste like vanilla, “Kinda sorta”, since their anal glands secret a substance used in the manufacture of artificial vanilla flavorings. (Yum!)
- An ostrich can easily kick a human to death.
- Catherine the Great had an entire room in her palace that contained erotic furniture emblazoned with penises and vaginas. (My queen!)
- The lighter was invented before the match. It was created in 1823 and called Dobereiner’s Lamp. Friction matches were not invented until 1826.
- When you perform an action, neurons fire in your brain. Those same neurons fire when you’re watching someone perform the same action.
- The Heimlich Maneuver wasn’t invented until the 1970’s. Henry Heimlich published the first paper on it in 1974.
- Phobophobia is suffered by a person who is afraid of fear.
- Pope Gregory IX once declared black cats to be the incarnation of Satan resulting in the killing of an unknown number of cats. Unfortunately they weren’t available to then help control the rat population which may have contributed to the spread of the Black Death. (Religious zealot: My opinion)
❤️❤️❤️
NEW YEARS RESOLUTION REVIEW COMING SOON
I’ve always been a huge fan of westerns especially those starring John Wayne and Clint Eastwood. The western genre has also been exported to the entire planet making it possible to see many fans wearing boots and cowboy hats even in Japan. We’re in the final days leading up to the holiday and what better way to relax from all of the Christmas insanity, than to take a short mental trip to the Old West by way of limericks. These should be considered “PG”. Enjoy . . . Partner!
💥
While awaiting the Sioux to disband,
Colonel Custer took matters in hand.
Despite his dejection
He achieved an erection.
That was almost Custer’s Last Stand.
💥💥
A virgin who came from Durango
Always diddled herself with a mango.
“It’s delightful,” she said,
“To lie on the bed,
And put it where I won’t let a man go.”
💥💥💥
The explorers Lewis and Clark
Found their expedition something of a lark,
For Sacagawea,
Let both of them lay’er
That discovery they kept in the dark.
💥💥💥💥
The caldrons of Yellowstone Park
Are no place to have sex in the dark.
A young ranger tried –
Now his balls look deep-fried
And his prick like a stick sans its bark.
❤️❤️❤️
ONLY TWO SHOPPING DAYS LEFT
Here are a few random trivia facts to start off your weekend.
- The Bryan Adams” famous song “Summer of 69” is named after the sex act, not the year.
- The very first television commercial was for watches and aired in 1941.
- Actor Jim Caviezel was struck by lightning while portraying Jesus in the movie Passion of the Christ.
- The word “Fuck” was once said 935 times in a movie: Swearnet, The Movie.
- Steven Spielberg submitted the movie, Schindler’s List as his final project for film school.
- President John Adams had a dog named Satan.
- It has been estimated that in1939, the first televised football was watched by approximately 1,000 viewers.
- The objects humans have sent to space include pictures of human sex organs, sea urchin sperm, a pizza, the remains of the man who discovered Pluto, and Elon Musk’s Tesla car.
- When a worker bee mates with the queen his penis explodes.
- The capital of Nevada is actually west of Los Angeles.
🌿🌿🌿🌿
And here’s one that hits close to home.
Marijuana and the hops in beer come from the same plant family.
(Gummies with a beer chaser!)
☮️☮️☮️
FIVE SHOPPING DAYS LEFT
everyuselessthing.com 