I’m feeling a bit rambunctious this morning which doesn’t happen as much as I’d like. There are lots of topics to discuss every day it seems but most aren’t worth my time. Since every person on the internet seems to be an effing expert on everything, I decided to step back and watch the fun as they continue to make fools of themselves. With that thought in mind I decided to share some rather borderline off-color humor today because I can. The online experts can kiss my ass and if what I post displeases them they can piss off and stop reading my blog. Enjoy . . .
😁😁😁
Two guys were getting drunk and horny at a bar. One said: “When I get home I want to give my woman a different kind of sex that’ll blow her mind”. The other suggested: “Why don’t you try rodeo sex?” “Rodeo sex, what’s that?” It’s when you mount your woman from behind, start going nice and slowly, take her hair, pull her head back slightly and whisper quietly in her ear, “Your sister was better at this than you . . . and then try to hold on for the full 8 seconds!
😆😆😆
A guy had been dating a girl for over a year when he decided it was time to take their relationship to the next level. “How do you feel about sex?” he asked cautiously. “It’s fine,” she said, “as long as it’s infrequent.” He looked at her a bit puzzled.” Is that one word or two?”
🤪🤪🤪
A girl picked up a guy at a nightclub and with her parents being out of town, seized the opportunity to invite him back to her home. When they got to her bedroom, he noticed that the room was filled with fluffy stuffed animals. There were hundreds of them: fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the window sill, fluffy toys on the floor, fluffy toys all over the bed, and fluffy toys on three rows of shelves. Later, after they had sex, he turned to her and asked: “So how was it for you?” She said: “You can take anything from the bottom shelf.”
It’s time for a short quiz to challenge all of you sports fanatics on sports other than the big three, NFL, NBA, and MLB. These questions are extremely random but I still found them interesting. Maybe you will as well. As always the answers will be listed below.
1. What card game gave us the term bilk?
2. What popular sport did Joe Sobek invent at the Greenwich, Connecticut, YMCA in 1950?
3. How many world records did swimmer Mark Spitz set when he won seven gold medals at the 1972 Olympics?
4. In cross-country bike racing, what the initials BMX represent?
5. Who was the first Olympic gold medalist to win a professional world boxing title?
SUPER POLO
6. In the very first Boston Marathon, 15 runners competed. How many finished?
7. What professional ice hockey star didn’t hang up his skates until he was 52?
8. What was a fitting name of the first miniature golf course in the United States?
9. What popular sport was known in ancient Germany as Heidenwerfen?
10. In what sport is a stimpmeter used, and what does it measure?
AUSSIE HORSE RACING
Answers
Cribbage, Racquetball, 7, Bicycle Moto X, Floyd Patterson, 10, Gordy Howe, The Tom Thumb Golf Course, Bowling, Green Speed in Golf.
I love weird. Always have and always will. That being said here are a few samples of unusual facts you may not have heard before. Like I always say, THE WEIRDER THE BETTER.
Killer whales occasionally will eat a deer that’s not paying attention while getting a drink.
Approximately 80% of all individual animals on the earth are nematodes.
For every human on the earth, there are approximately 1,000,000 ants.
Bananas are technically berries. Strawberries and raspberries are not.
The average weight of a cumulus cloud is 1.1 million pounds.
Monogamous animals include beavers, wolves, and swans.
Algae and plankton produce more oxygen than trees.
It would take over one million mosquitos to completely drain a human being of blood.
The average 200-pound human carries between two and six pounds of bacteria.
Female koala bears have two vaginas.
👨🏻🚀👨🏻🚀👨🏻🚀
A Fav
Buzz Aldrin claims to be the first man to pee on the moon.
I’ll be diving deep into the past for some nasty and funny limericks categorized under the label of “Chamber of Horrors”. These are all dated between 1938 and 1944 and reflect a reference or two about the war. Enjoy . . .
Once again my searching through online used-book stores has paid off. I know how much most of you enjoy these quizzes that I occasionally post, so here’s another. This quiz concerns a decade I remember well, the 1970’s. I was living in Columbus, Ohio and working as a private investigator. It was a wild and crazy time that should be remembered because everything seemed much freer and easier than we have it these days. From what I can determine this quiz was created by a gentleman named Bill O’Neill. I scored a measly 6 correct out of ten and I’m forced to hang my head in shame. Let’s see how some of you do. As always the answers will be below.
1. What year did the blockbuster film Star Wars hit the theaters?
2. The Keep On Truckin’ cartoon/meme was first written by _____________?
3. What was the name of the New York City disco club that became world-famous in the 70’s?
4. _______________was the “inventor” of the pet rock?
5. What old sci-fi character inspired George Lucas to write Star Wars?
6. Who was the television producer who created many “socially conscious” sitcoms in the 1970’s?
7. What was one of the problems with 8-track tapes ______________?
8. What band performed the hit disco tune “Get Down Tonight”?
9. Who was one of the two veteran British actors who had a role in Star Wars?
10. What was Star Wars’ budget?
Answers
1977, Robert Crumb, Studio 54, Gary Dahl, Flash Gordan, Norman Lear, The tracks would change mid-song, KC and the Sunshine Band, Peter Cush or Alec Guinness, $11 million.
I’ve complained about “fake news” a lot in recent in recent months. If anything, it’s even worse now than before. With the advent of AI’s creating photo’s and headlines that are nothing more than a teaser to get us to read all the BS normally that usually follows has become problematic. I’m all for free speech but the lack of control on the fake content and misleading headlines is ridiculous. Everyone is paranoid to the extreme for scammers and this fake BS just contributes to even more scams. Today I’ll let you determine what is fake and what isn’t. Firstly I’ll list five of the most ridiculous conspiracy theories I could find. If you’re convinced by any of these subjects, you’re in need of more help than I can offer.
Conspiracies
Chemical trails from jet aircraft are really poisons designed by the government.
President Obama spent time on Mars as a teenager.
Stevie Wonder was never blind.
The planet Venus supports life.
Google has become self-aware, evolving into an AI that is essentially a god.
I realize these five items are truly stupid but they actually have been seriously discussed by the lunatic fringe. My all time favorite must go to those idiots who still believe the earth is flat. It pleases me that the mental health institutions will continue to have plenty of customers. I guess you could call that some sort of “job security”. Now I’m going to list ten items of which five are actual headlines and five that are not. You be the judge. The answers will be listed below.
Headlines
1. ITALIAN BANK ROBBERS WEAR TRUMP MASKS DURING HEISTS
2. TOAD TADPOLES TURN HOMEGROWN POISONS ON EACH OTHER
3. MAN ARGUES FOR ROOMBA LOVER TO BE GIVEN PERSONHOOD
4. INFAMOUS PICKPOCKET PALMS JUDGE’S WALLET IN COURT
5. SINGLE MEN ARRIVE IN DROVES AFTER PERSONALITY PROFILE ON A VASECTOMY SPECIALIST APPEARS
6. IN TRUE CANADIAN FASHION, DELAYED FLIGHT TRIGGERS A SING-ALONG.
7. MAN TAKES DISNEYLAND RIDE 10,000 TIMES
8. DRIVE-THRU WINDOW BECOMES SQUEEZE-THRU FOR A MCDONALD’S THIEF
9. PU! AIRPLANE DROPS CRATE OF STINK BUGS ON WEDDING
10.A BRITISH SURGEON WAS DISCOVERED BRANDING HIS INITIALS ON LIVERS
How well do you know your presidents? We’ll see. As always the answers are listed below.
George Washington only left America’s shores one time. Where did he go?
Who said, “Let us begin by committing ourselves to the truth – to see it like it is, and tell it like it is – to find the truth, to speak the truth, and live the truth?”
What American President owned dogs named Drunkard, Tipler, and Tipsy?
Who was the first American President to win the Nobel Prize?
Who was the first President born outside the original 13 states?
Where was the first presidential mansion located?
What three animals were party symbols in the 1912 presidential race?
What two brothers were nominated for president at the convention in 1884?
What president won election after three unsuccessful bids for the nomination?
What was George Washington’s shoe size?
Who was honored with the first ever toast made at a White House dinner?
HAIL TO THE CHIEF
Answers
Barbados, West Indies in 1751, Richard M. Nixon 1968, George Washington, Franklin D. Roosevelt in 1906, Abraham Lincoln, At 1 Cherry Street in NYC, Elephant, Donkey, and Bull (For the Bull Moose Party), General Tecumseh Sherman and Senator John Sherman of Ohio, James Buchanan in 1856, Thirteen., and last: Lafayette on September 6, 1825.
I acquired a joke book from an online thrift bookstore recently. It was a book titled “The Official Country & Western Joke Book”. I was looking forward to reading it and when it arrived I immediately dove right into it. It became painfully obvious within a few pages that the book was freaking awful. I searched through another eighty pages and couldn’t find one joke that made me even grin a little. That book was immediately removed from my archives and relegated to a paper bag located next to the trashcan. Todays post is PLAN B. Enjoy this mish/mosh of trivia.
The iconic theme song of the X-Files was created by accident when a producer accidentally hit the “echo” button on the control panel.
James Earl Jones was offered the lead in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine which eventually went to Avery Brooks.
Samuel L. Jackson once held Martin Luther King Sr. hostage during a college demonstration at Morehead College.
Shaquille O’Neal made just one three point shot in his entire career. He only attempted 22 three-pointers for a 4.5% shooting percentage.
For 43 years the NFL’s record for the longest field goal was held by Tom Dempsey who was born with no toes on his kicking foot. His record setting 63 yard field goal in 1970 wasn’t broken until 2013.
At the height of his power, Pablo Escobar, spent $2500.00 a week on rubber bands that were needed to band the money he was bringing in.
At one time, the United States Rock-Paper-Scissors League was a real thing. The winning prize was $50,000.00.
I have a feeling that this post will initially irritate readers depending on their ethnicity. These are what were considered funny among certain groups back in the 70’s and 80’s. I hear complaints by many of the millennials about ethnic humor in this day and age and how bad they think it is, but they really have no idea just how rough it can get. These samples were published in a small book in 1984.
What do you say to a Puerto Rican in a three-piece suit? “Will the defendant please rise.”
What does an Oriental use for a blindfold? “Dental Floss”
What do you call four drowning Mexicans? “Cuatro sinko”
What’s dumber than four Italians trying to build a house underwater? “Six Irishmen trying to lay the foundation.”
What do you call an Armenian with lots of girlfriends? “A shepherd.”
How do Germans tie their shoes? “In little Nazis.”
What do the Chinese call 69? “Two Can Chew”
How can you tell when a Pakistani has matured? “He takes his diaper off his ass and puts it on his head.”
What’s it called when you hit a white man over the head? “A honkey-tonk.”
Did you hear what happened to the Polish water polo team? “The horse drowned.”
🎉🎉🎉
A Fav
Did you hear about the new Japanese-Jewish restaurant? “It’s called So-Sue-Mi.”
It’s been a hectic week with life once again getting in the way. I thought a few tidbits of unusual trivia would keep everyone interested and entertained for a few minutes. Now I can return to my life such as it is.
The original name of Scrabble was “Lexico“. It was later called “Criss-Cross” before eventually becoming Scrabble.
During WWI sauerkraut was called “Liberty Cabbage” by the Americans. Hamburgers were called “Liberty Steaks“.
“Meetinghouse” was the WWII Allied codename for Tokyo.
The spacecraft Gemini 3 was nicknamed the “Molly Brown” by the astronauts Grissom and Young because in 1961 it sank upon reentry.
Alvin Karpus AKA “Old Creepy” was arrested by J. Edgar Hoover and sentenced to serve time in Alcatraz. He spent 26 years there from 1936-1952, more than any other inmate.
“Professor Tigwissel’s Burglar Alarm” was the first comic strip to appear in a newspaper, the New York Graphic, on September 11, 1875.
Betty Boop’s pet dog was named “Pudgy“.
The 1948 tune by Muddy Waters, “Rollin” Stone“, inspired the name of the rock group, the Rolling Stones.
Steve Trachsel was the Chicago pitcher who gave up Mark McGwire’s 62nd homerun in 1998 in Busch Stadium.
“A Wild Hare” was the 1940 Warner Brothers cartoon in which Bugs Bunny first said, “What’s Up Doc?”
👮🏻♂️👮🏻♂️👮🏻♂️
One of My Fav’s
“Manhattan Melodrama” was last movie watched by John Dillinger at the Biograph
Theatre in Chicago in 1934 just minutes before being gunned down by FBI agents.
everyuselessthing.com 