Archive for the ‘fun’ Tag
I’ll be diving deep into the past for some nasty and funny limericks categorized under the label of “Chamber of Horrors”. These are all dated between 1938 and 1944 and reflect a reference or two about the war. Enjoy . . .
💥
It was on the seventh of December
That Franklin D. took out his member.
He said, like the bard,
“It will be long and very hard,
Pearl Harbor has given me something to remember.”
💥💥
It’s a helluva fix that we’re in
When the geographical spread of the urges to sin
Causes juvenile delinquency
With increasing frequency
By the Army, the Navy, and Errol Flynn.
💥💥💥
Said a platinum blonde from Warsaw,
As she looked at herself in the raw,
“Neath my umbilicus
(And as like Mike as Ike is)
There’s a picture of George Bernard Shaw.”
💥💥💥💥
When the Nazis landed in Crete,
This young harlot had to compete
With many Storm Troopers
Who were using their poopers
For other things than to excrete.
🪖🪖🪖🪖
WAR IS HELL BUT PEACE TIME IS A MOTHERF**KER
I acquired a joke book from an online thrift bookstore recently. It was a book titled “The Official Country & Western Joke Book”. I was looking forward to reading it and when it arrived I immediately dove right into it. It became painfully obvious within a few pages that the book was freaking awful. I searched through another eighty pages and couldn’t find one joke that made me even grin a little. That book was immediately removed from my archives and relegated to a paper bag located next to the trashcan. Todays post is PLAN B. Enjoy this mish/mosh of trivia.
- The iconic theme song of the X-Files was created by accident when a producer accidentally hit the “echo” button on the control panel.
- James Earl Jones was offered the lead in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine which eventually went to Avery Brooks.
- Samuel L. Jackson once held Martin Luther King Sr. hostage during a college demonstration at Morehead College.
- Shaquille O’Neal made just one three point shot in his entire career. He only attempted 22 three-pointers for a 4.5% shooting percentage.
- For 43 years the NFL’s record for the longest field goal was held by Tom Dempsey who was born with no toes on his kicking foot. His record setting 63 yard field goal in 1970 wasn’t broken until 2013.
- At the height of his power, Pablo Escobar, spent $2500.00 a week on rubber bands that were needed to band the money he was bringing in.
- At one time, the United States Rock-Paper-Scissors League was a real thing. The winning prize was $50,000.00.
AND THE FUN CONTINUES
I have a feeling that this post will initially irritate readers depending on their ethnicity. These are what were considered funny among certain groups back in the 70’s and 80’s. I hear complaints by many of the millennials about ethnic humor in this day and age and how bad they think it is, but they really have no idea just how rough it can get. These samples were published in a small book in 1984.
- What do you say to a Puerto Rican in a three-piece suit? “Will the defendant please rise.”
- What does an Oriental use for a blindfold? “Dental Floss”
- What do you call four drowning Mexicans? “Cuatro sinko”
- What’s dumber than four Italians trying to build a house underwater? “Six Irishmen trying to lay the foundation.”
- What do you call an Armenian with lots of girlfriends? “A shepherd.”
- How do Germans tie their shoes? “In little Nazis.”
- What do the Chinese call 69? “Two Can Chew”
- How can you tell when a Pakistani has matured? “He takes his diaper off his ass and puts it on his head.”
- What’s it called when you hit a white man over the head? “A honkey-tonk.”
- Did you hear what happened to the Polish water polo team? “The horse drowned.”
🎉🎉🎉
A Fav
Did you hear about the new Japanese-Jewish restaurant? “It’s called So-Sue-Mi.”
HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED
It’s been a hectic week with life once again getting in the way. I thought a few tidbits of unusual trivia would keep everyone interested and entertained for a few minutes. Now I can return to my life such as it is.
- The original name of Scrabble was “Lexico“. It was later called “Criss-Cross” before eventually becoming Scrabble.
- During WWI sauerkraut was called “Liberty Cabbage” by the Americans. Hamburgers were called “Liberty Steaks“.
- “Meetinghouse” was the WWII Allied codename for Tokyo.
- The spacecraft Gemini 3 was nicknamed the “Molly Brown” by the astronauts Grissom and Young because in 1961 it sank upon reentry.
- Alvin Karpus AKA “Old Creepy” was arrested by J. Edgar Hoover and sentenced to serve time in Alcatraz. He spent 26 years there from 1936-1952, more than any other inmate.
- “Professor Tigwissel’s Burglar Alarm” was the first comic strip to appear in a newspaper, the New York Graphic, on September 11, 1875.
- Betty Boop’s pet dog was named “Pudgy“.
- The 1948 tune by Muddy Waters, “Rollin” Stone“, inspired the name of the rock group, the Rolling Stones.
- Steve Trachsel was the Chicago pitcher who gave up Mark McGwire’s 62nd homerun in 1998 in Busch Stadium.
- “A Wild Hare” was the 1940 Warner Brothers cartoon in which Bugs Bunny first said, “What’s Up Doc?”
👮🏻♂️👮🏻♂️👮🏻♂️
One of My Fav’s
“Manhattan Melodrama” was last movie watched by John Dillinger at the Biograph
Theatre in Chicago in 1934 just minutes before being gunned down by FBI agents.
🚓🚓🚓
ANOTHER DAY HERE IN PARADISE
I’m pretty sure the title of this post will catch the attention of most readers. Sex seems to be the one unifying subject that everyone wants to hear about and discuss endlessly. I can only speak for myself, but I just love dirty jokes, the dirtier the better. I normally have less fondness for the milder sexual humor, but I plan on sharing some of that with you today. It’s not often that go “mild” so all of you overly sensitive types should enjoy these one-liners. I may never ever go this “mild” again so enjoy them if you can. I see a plethora of really dirty jokes in our immediate future so be patient.
- Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
- The couple next door has recently made a sex tape. Obviously, they don’t know that yet.
- My ex-girlfriend would always ask me to text her when I got in. That’s how small my penis is.
- Sex is like air. It’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.
- I’m hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to have orgasms. If you can’t come, let me know.
- I always call out my wife’s name during sex . . . just to make sure she’s not around.
- Men have only two emotions – hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
- What’s the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot? The amount of time you’ll spend looking for it.
- My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
- My wife told me “Sex is better on vacation”. That wasn’t a very nice postcard to receive.
A man got onto a train and sat next to a woman reading a magazine on “Sexual Statistics. “Any good?” he asked. “Fascinating” she replied. “American Indians have the thickest penises and Polish men have the longest.” “Bye the way, I’m Jane.” “Hi” he said “I’m Tonto Kaminski.”
PRUDES AREN’T HOT BUT THEY WANT TO BE.
Now that Easter has come and gone, things can get back to normal (scary thought). What better way to follow up an Easter celebration than with a posting of a few rude and borderline bawdy limericks. I would rate these four limericks PG because I certainly wouldn’t want to shock any of those innocent children out there as well as the many prudes who love to comment on them. Here we go.
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There was a young man of Missouri
Who screwed with a terrible fury,
Till hauled into court
For his bestial sport,
And condemned by a poorly hung jury.
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There was a young fellow named Bill
Who swallowed an atomic pill.
His navel corroded,
His asshole exploded,
And they found his nuts in Brazil.
💥💥💥
And then there the story that’s fraught
With disaster – of balls that got caught,
When the chap took a crap
In the woods, and a trap
Underneath . . .Oh, I can’t bear the thought!
💥💥💥💥
There was a lady golfer named Duff
With a lovely, luxuriant muff.
In his haste to get in her
One eager beginner
Lost both of his balls in the rough.
🏌🏻♂️🏌🏻♂️🏌🏻♂️
FORE !!!
In my younger days I was a huge St. Patrick’s Day celebrator. The fun of green beer, green hair, and ultra-green hangovers slowed down considerably as I reached my 50’s. It was some of the most fun I ever had, and I sometimes still miss that kind of craziness in my life. I failed to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day this year due to distractions, but I hope to make up for that mistake today with this posting. I’m holding in my hot little hands a supply of Irish humor that I will be thrilled to share with everyone. It’s naughty but nice.
- “Mr. Mullarkey,” said the chemist, “did that mudpack I asked you to try improve your wife’s appearance?” “It did surely, but it keeps falling off.”
- The Irish missionary was preaching to the African tribe. “And I say to you that you must love your fellow men!” “Moolagumbi!” shrieked the natives. “White man and black man must learn to cooperate.” “Moolagumbi” chanted the crowd. The missionary was very pleased, and he told the chief how pleased he was with the reception. “I am glad, O Man of Ireland,” said the chief, “but be careful as we pass the cattle pen that you don’t step in the moolagumbi.”
🍀🍀🍀
An advertisement that appeared in a Wicklow newspaper:
“Young farmer would like to hear from young woman with tractor
with a view to matrimony. Please send picture of the tractor.”
☘️☘️☘️
A favorite Irish limerick:
A handsome young boyo named Pat,
With girls would enjoy this and that.
He meant to cuddle and kiss,
When he spoke about “this,”
Just guess what he meant by his “that.”
🍀🍀🍀
“That will be five pounds or a month in jail,” the judge said sharply.
“Very well, sir,” said Flaherty, “I’ll take the five pounds.”
A ROUND OF GUINESS FOR EVERYONE
Yesterday was a less than a spectacular day. My better-half was diagnosed with Covid after returning from her safari to the northern wilds of Maine. It effectively required that the cat and I sleep alone for a few days until she recovers. Today started off when the Maine Medical System decided to charge me an out-of-pocket charge of $117.30 to appear at their office to have my blood pressure checked. I said, “Hell No!” and immediately cancelled the appointment. I hate it when people in any organization think of me as just another revenue stream rather than a real patient. Well, I think that’s enough of my bitching and complaining for today. This post is trivia related but contains much more obscure information than my normal facts. Enjoy!
- Shaquille O’Neal wears a size 52XXXXL (extra-extra-extra-extra-long) jersey.
- 20.41 pounds is the weight of $1,000,000 worth of U.S. $100.00 dollar bills.
- It is 14 miles distance from the Batcave to Gotham City.
- There is an average of 512 plain M&M’s per pound.
- Jimy Olsen’s middle name was Bartholomew.
- The movie Roots was originally titled “Before This Anger”.
- The original family surname of John Cleese was Cheese.
- “Et one, Brute?” was the advertising slogan for Lay’s Potatoe Chips in the 60’s.
- “JoJo” is Bart Simpson’s middle name.
- Kelcy’s Bar was Archie Bunkers favorite hangout.
ONE OF MY FAVS
Manfred was the oldest of the Marx Brothers who died before his first birthday.
🚨👮🏻🚨
ARREST THE LAWBREAKERS
- Humans spend two years of their life making love.
- A recent survey revealed by prostitutes that the sexual act they are most often asked to perform is fellatio.
- The Ramses condom is named after the great pharaoh Ramses II, who fathered more than 160 children.
- More than 1,000,000 condoms are sold in the US – that being only 0.4% of the population.
- The average bra size is now 36C. Ten years ago it was 34B.
- According to a recent American study the candle is the device most used by women during masturbation.
- Sixteen years and two months is the average age for the loss of female virginity in the US.
- The average penguin has only one orgasm a year.
- On rare occasions menstrual cramps can induce orgasms.
- Less than 30% of parents say they can talk openly about sex with their children.
My Fav
According to a Caribbean cruise line 58% of their passengers are unable to wait more than ten hours before making love. A lifeboat is the fourth most popular place on a ship to have sex. The whirlpool bath ranked first.
🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻
I VOTE YES TO SEX ON A BOAT
I’ve had a number of readers requesting another batch of jokes and humor from the 1980’s. As I compile these lists, I’ve discovered that they’re funnier today than they were when originally written. It just verifies that even low class and nasty humor lasts forever. Enjoy!
- What is a barroom? An elephant farting in an elevator shaft.
- How do you get even with the guy who’s trying to steal your wife? Let him have her.
- What happens when you sit on wet cement? You get hardening of the farteries.
- What does a gynecologist do when he’s feeling sentimental? Looks up an old girlfriend.
- What do you call a lesbian who drives a delivery truck full of dildoes? A dick van dyke.
- What’s worse than a piano that’s out of tune? An organ that stops working in the middle of a piece.
- Why did the girl fail Sex Education? She couldn’t come for the oral exam.
- How many straight New York waiters does it take to change a light bulb? Both of them.
- Why is a fat girl like a moped? They’re both fun to ride until your friends see you.
- What do you do when your girlfriend tells you to “kiss her where it smells?” Drive her to New Jersey.
☮️☮️☮️
Here’s one that really hits home for those of us who grew up during the 60’s and 70’s.
What’s the one most important rule at an orgy?
To come with the person who brought you.
everyuselessthing.com 