Archive for the ‘fun’ Tag
As I’ve stated many times in the past, I’ve always had a fascination with graveyards and cemeteries. With that thought in mind, here are a few of my favorite humorous epithets. It’s good to have a sense of humor even after death.
From Enosburg, Vermont
Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
☠️☠️☠️
From Bayfield, Mississippi
Stranger pause. my tale attend,
And learn the cause of Hannah’s end.
Across the world the wind did blow,
She ketched a cold that laid her low.
We shed a lot of tears ’tis true,
But life is short – aged 82.
☠️☠️☠️
From Medway, Massachusetts
Beneath this stone, this lump of clay,
Lies Uncle Peter Daniels,
Who too early in the month of May
Took off his winter flannels.
☠️☠️☠️
From Canterbury, Kent, England
Of children in all she bore twenty-four:
Thank the Lord there will be no more.
☠️☠️☠️
From Chelmsford, Essex, England
Herer lies the man Richard,
And Mary his wife.
Their surname was Pritchard,
They lived without strife.
And the reason was plain,
They abounded in riches,
They had no care or pain,
And his wife wore the breeches.
HAVE YOU WRITTEN YOURS YET?
Over the years and after many mergers the Mainstream Media has become an arm of the corporations that seem to have their fingers into everything. It’s become painfully clear that many media types have become TV stars in their own right. You would think that those under public scrutiny would be more careful than most about the articles and headlines they post or print. I guess that folks who control what we see and read could at times be less than careful. To prove my point read these wonderfully lame and stupid headlines that made their way through writers and editors to amuse and annoy the rest of us.
Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
War Dims Hope for Peace
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Smokers Are Productive, But Death Cuts Efficiency
Whatever Their Motives, Moms Who Kill Kids Still Shock Us
Lawyer Says Client Is Not That Guilty
This kind of carelessness is unbelievable. Lots of people are being paid lots of money to create these ridiculous headlines. Hopefully going forward the newspapers and websites will at least make some effort to stop the madness.
DON’T HOLD YOUR BREATH
- Did you know that the nationality of Warner Oland, the actor who appeared as Charlie Chan, was Swedish.
- Humphrey Bogart’s urn contains his ashes and a small gold whistle. The whistle was a gift from Lauren Bacall engraved with “If you need anything, just whistle.”
- Did you know that William Claude Dunkenfield was the real name of comedian W. C. Fields.
- Singer Bob Dylan appeared as a character named Alias in the 1973 Sam Peckinpah film Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid.
- Actress Joan Collins pose semi-nude in a 1983 issue of Playboy at the age of 50. The issue sold out.
- Actor Hal Holbrook played the Watergate cover-up informant Deep Throat in the 1976 film All the Presidents Men.
- Elizabeth Taylor published a book at the age of 14 in 1946. It was a story about her childhood pet chipmunk named Nibbles.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger made his screen debut in a 1970 Italian TV film called Hercules in New York. His name in the credits was Arnold Strong.
- The real first name for actor Chevy Chase is Cornelius.
- In the 1968 Otto Preminger film Skidoo, Groucho Marx starred as God.
- Under the Motion Picture Censorship Code in effect from 1934 to 1968, a kiss had to last more than 30 seconds to be judged “indecent”.
MORE TO COME – EVENTUALLY
It’s time once again for a few silly limericks circa 1960. These are fun limericks, and the creators will be listed if possible.
A cheerful old bear at the zoo
Could always find something to do.
When it bored him to go
On a walk to and fro,
He reversed it and walked fro and to.
😜😜😜
By Ogden Nash
A Bugler named Dougal MacDougal
Found ingenious ways to be frugal.
He learned how to sneeze
In various keys,
Thus, saving the price of a bugle.
😊😊😊
By Al Graham
A Martian named Harrison Harris
Decided he’d like to see Paris.
In space (so we learn)
He forgot where to turn
And that’s why he’s now on Polaris.
😏😏😏
By Berton Braley
Young Frankenstein’s robot invention
Caused trouble too awful to mention.
Its actions were ghoulish,
Which proves it is foolish
To monkey with Natures intention.
🥰🥰🥰
IT’S GOOD TO START A WEEK WITH SILLINESS
I’m a huge fan of baseball primarily because I played it for so many years. It’s the best! However, I will continue to poke the baseball bear in the eye whenever possible. The game is sacred to me, but the individual players are not. So, let’s have a little fun today.
“Any pitcher who throws at a batter and deliberately tries to hit him is a Communist.” Alvin Dark, New York Giants Infielder
“Even Napoleon had his Watergate.” Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies manager
“Folks, this is perfect weather for today’s game. Not a breath of air.” Curt Gowdy, sports commentator
“All I said was that the trades were stupid and dumb, and they took that and blew it all out of proportion.” Ron Davis, Minnesota Twins pitcher
“I am throwing twice as hard as I ever did. It’s just not getting there as fast.” Lefty Gomez, New York Yankee pitcher
“I prefer fast foods.” Infielder Rocky Bridges, when asked why he wouldn’t eat snails
“I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf.” Tug McGraw, National League pitcher, when asked whether he preferred grass or Astroturf
“Raise the urinals.” Darrel Chaney, Atlanta Braves infielder, on how to keep the Braves on their toes
“Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean.” Pedro Guerrero, National League player
“I lost it in the sun.” Billy Loes, Brooklyn Dodger pitcher after fumbling a grounder
PLAY BALL!
It’s 5:30 am and everyone is sleeping in (I hope). It’s only fair that I start this weekend with some looney limericks to help me stay awake. Not bawdy rhymes but good clean fun for all. Then it’s back to bed for another hour of sleep for me. Enjoy!
By Frank Jacobs
There once was a skunk in the dell
Who hated all people , they tell;
“Human beings,” he said,
Always fill me with dread,
Plus they give off that terrible smell!”
*****
By Mary Mapes Dodge
There once was a knowing raccoon
Who didn’t believe in the moon;
“Every month – don’t you see?
There’s a new one,” said he;
No real moon could wear out so soon.!”
*****
By Frank Jacobs
A very large woman name Kate
Is six hundred pounds overweight;
On an overseas trip
She transported by ship
In a wooden container marked “Freight.”
*****
By Gelett Burgess
I’d rather have fingers than toes;
I’d rather have ears than a nose;
And as for my hair,
I’m glad it’s still there;
I’ll be awfully sad when it goes.
ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND
I had so much fun yesterday I thought I’d continue with more interesting but totally useless information. Enjoy.
- The worlds largest pancake was cooked in England measuring 15 meters in diameter, weighed 3 tons, and contained approximately 2 million calories.
- “Lucifer” is Latin for “light-bringer”.
- One twenty-fifth of the energy released by an incandescent light bulb is light. The rest is heat.
- A “rusticle” is a rust formation similar to an icicle. It occurs under water when wrought iron rusts, as on shipwrecks.
- One ton of iron will produce a ton and a half of rust.
- The fly of a pair of jeans is the fold of cloth over the zipper, not the zipper itself.
- Twinkies are 68% air and 32% Twinkie stuff, which means you can pack three Twinkies in the same space taken up by only one.
- Throughout it’s lifetime, an elephant goes through six sets of teeth. The elephant starves to death once the sixth set of teeth falls out.
- The Spanish exclamation “Ole!” commonly heard at bullfights and flamenco dances, comes from Allah, meaning “Praise be to God”.
- The average lifespan of an NHL hockey puck is 7 minutes. Those that don’t fly into the stands are removed because they warm up from friction and bounce on the ice. Game pucks are chilled to -10 degrees Fahrenheit for maximum performance. They are kept in a freezer in the penalty box.
BE HAPPY, IT’S ALMOST FRIDAY
Today’s a good day for miscellaneous nonsense. A few odd and weird truths that you may not have heard before.
- An average McDonald’s Big Mac bun has 178 sesame seeds.
- The “spa” dates back almost 2000 years to when Roman soldiers, marching home from battle, stopped overnight in a Belgian village that had hot mineral springs. The town name “Spa”,became a popular resting spot for Roman soldiers returning from battle.
- John Lennon was the first person to be featured on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine.
- Manhattan is about half the size of Disney World.
- A caterpillar has nearly 5 to 6 times as many muscles in his body as a human.
- Domino’s has marketed a reindeer sausage pizza in Iceland.
- An average office chair moves a total of roughly 8 miles over the course of the year.
- Princess Diana appeared on the cover of People magazine more than 50 times.
- The chili and the frijole are the official vegetables of the state of New Mexico.
- Blondes typically have more individual hairs on their heads than brunettes. Redheads have the fewest of the three.
- The launch of the shuttle Discovery was once delayed after woodpeckers pecked holes in the spacecraft’s foam insulation. Decoy plastic owls, purchased at Walmart, deterred the woodpeckers and solved the problem.
- Tickets to the very first Super Bowl sold for $12 – and that was for the most expensive seat.
ENJOY HUMP DAY
I’m always good for more limericks and today’s offering is from one of my favs, John Ciardi. I’ve been a huge fan of his limericks since reading the book he shared with Issac Azimov. Two crazy smart limerick aficionados.
For a friend . . .
In a lane, a young fellow named Cooper
Committed a terrible blooper.
He had his girl bare those with more
In his car, unaware
Of a vigilant nearby state trooper.
*****
A carefree young woman named Nola
At one time in a summer pergola
Took care of three men
Again and again
And did it on just Coca-Cola.
*****
A little adultery spices
Our lives, but just look at those prices!
If they charge all that dough,
Man can’t buy it, you know,
And there’ll be a frustrational crisis.
*****
The Times tells the world what is doing;
Who’s winning, who’s losing, who’s suing,
Whose striking, who’s stealing,
Who’s dying, whose healing,
But won’t say a word on who’s screwing.
*****
LIMERICKS RULE!
As much as I love bawdy limericks, I also love those written by the kids for other kids. And it’s also nice to know that another generation of limerick lovers and writers are waiting in the wings.
Amanda Chew – Age 13
There is a math teacher called Rundle
Who ties up his books in a bundle.
It’s too heavy he feels,
So, he puts it on wheels.
Now Rundle can trundle his bundle!
😊😊😊
Raymond Coleman – Age 11
There was a young lad called Davy
Who hated the food in the Navy.
He couldn’t have beef
In case his false teeth
Would drop out and fall in the gravy.
😜😜😜
Mark Rothery – Age 8
A certain young goalie named Finn
Lost count of the goals he let in.
When his coach bawled “Eight!”
He replied, quite sedate:
“Then we only need nine goals to win!”
😄😄😄
Rebecca Telford – Age 7
There was a brown dog named Spot
Who tied up his tail with a knot,
To remember his bone
Which he left back at home
When he sometimes went out for a trot.
😏😏😏
GIVE A HAND TO THESE FUTURE POETS
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