Archive for the ‘fun’ Tag

08/30/2022 Salt & War   Leave a comment

Yesterday as I was creating my lunch, I threw in a healthy dash of soy sauce. It’s my only way of eating salt without totally violating my doctors’ orders. In my humble opinion food has very little taste without it. Try eating popcorn or corn on the cob without salt. Ridiculous!!!! Since it sends my blood pressure through the roof, I’m forced to obey but not entirely. Rather than continuing to drone on about my salt issues here are a few facts about salt (trivia wise).

  • Each year, 9,000,000 tons of salt, more than 10% of all the salt produced in the world, is applied to American highways for road deicing. The cost of buying and applying the salt adds up to $200 million dollars.
  • Salt helped build the Erie Canal. A tax of 12 1/2% on New York State salt, plus tolls charged for salt shipments, paid for nearly half of the $7 million dollar construction costs.
  • There is a salt mine in the Polish town of Wieliczka, near Kraków, that has been in operation for nearly 1000 years.

Enough about salt, I just threw in a few tidbits for the fun of it. Let’s try something else like military history. It was in the Army that I was first forced to eat salt tablets. Talk about mixed messages. Good for me then, not so much now.

  • The British and French armies in World War I did not advance more than 3 miles at any point on the western front in the whole year of 1915. Those three miles costed the French army alone nearly 1.5 million men.
  • The Japanese kamikaze pilots of World War II were given privileged treatment and considered to be heroes. All volunteers, they underwent rigorous training that prepared them for their suicide missions. If they refused to stay in the corps, they were shot as traitors.
  • The Crusaders were able to conquer Acre, a coastal city 80 miles north of Jerusalem, in July 1191, only after 100,000 men on both sides had been killed.
  • Through the six-year war of independence ranged enraged over most of the 13 colonies, George Washington’s Continental Army never consisted of more than 22,000 troops at any one time.
  • On the eve of World War II, the US Army ranked, with reserves counted, 19th among the world’s armed forces. This placed the United States after Portugal but ahead of Bulgaria.

Let’s enjoy our last few weeks of summer. Things here in Maine can finally return to normal after the tourists begin leaving after Labor Day. People have been telling me that we’re in for a difficult winter. I really don’t mind all that much because I hate hot weather. I’ve made the statement many times that if “climate change” continues to make things warmer in Maine, I’ll be moving to northern Canada to live in an igloo. LOL

CHASTITY IS CURABLE IF DETECTED EARLY

08/29/2022 SILLINESS   Leave a comment

I’m feeling a little silly today and I’m not entirely sure why. A good night’s sleep, some weird dreams, and a great cup of coffee. and “Ta Da”, here I am! I’ll start today with some true silliness. As I was surfing around yesterday, I stumbled upon a website called unijoke.com and it had a collection of jokes about “Little Johnny”. I’ve loved those jokes for many years, and I found one on that site that made me laugh out loud. That’s my criteria for determining funny. Here it is . . .

A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch I can find with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day”. The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. “And you, Susie? ” The teacher asks. Susie says “I wanna be Johnny’s bitch.”

Almost everyone loves Rock-and-Roll music except maybe for those Country & Western folks and the Hip-Hop idiots. I was thinking about all of the silly names’ musicians create for their bands to help them standout in the crowd. I’ll list a few oldies but goodies and I’m sure you can think of many more.

STOP CALLING ME FRANK

AFGHANISTAN BANANA STAND

BUDDY WHATSHISNAME AND THE OTHER FELLAS

THE COLOR FRED

THE NAUGAHYDE CHIHUAHUAS

QUESTION MARK AND THE MYSTERIANS

THE WELL I’M SURE I LEFT IT THERE YESTERDAY BAND

ME FIRST AND THE GIMMEE GIMEES

THE DISAPPOINTED PARENTS

SHE STOLE MY BEER

You have to admit those rockers had quite the imagination and used the hell out of it. The list of silly band names is never-ending but still fun. Here’s my final thought for today:

Why is a virginity like a balloon?

One prick and its gone!

AND SO, AM I!

08/28/2002 “Bad Poetry Alert”   Leave a comment

I’m warm and cozy…

I hear distant sounds . . .

I feel and hear a rhythmic pumping . . .

A spasm, a sharp tug, another spasm, and then light.

I AM

❤️

08/27/2022 Oldies but Goodies   2 comments

I finally rolled out of bed today and headed directly for the coffee maker. I found the badly needed coffee and also a small surprise. My better-half left me a very old kid’s book filled with fun questions and answers circa 1957. Let’s start your weekend with a laugh or two.

  • What dog cannot bark? Answer: The basenji. It makes sharp little cries that sound like yodeling.
  • What bird can whistle with its wings? Answer: The hornbill. Its wings make a sharp whistling sound when it flies.
  • What bird has no wings or tail? Answer: The Kiwi.
  • How much would a 150-pound man weigh on the moon? Answer: Approximately 25 pounds.
  • Where are the largest coins in the world used? Answer: On the Pacific Island of Yap. They are made of stone and measure from 2-12 feet across.

  • Is it possible to step across the Mississippi River? Answer: Yes, near Lake Itasca, Minnesota.
  • Is all asparagus edible? Answer: No, only the common garden variety.
  • What animal picks fruit from trees with its tail? Answer: The kinkajou.
  • What is a guanaco? Answer: It is a wild llama from South America.
  • How much raw material would be needed to obtain one pound of radium? Answer: No less than 2,680 tons.

Thanks to my better-half and the Giant Little Golden Book – QUIZ FUN. I’m fairly certain that the kid books these days aren’t quite as informative.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND

08/26/2002 ☠️☠️Morbid Humor☠️☠️   Leave a comment

Over the years I spent a great deal of time roaming through graveyards in New England and elsewhere. I’ve always found them to be very quiet and calming. I also discovered that the older the tombstones the more interesting are the epithets. Here are a few you might get a kick out of.

Beneath this stone, a lump of clay,

Lies Uncle Peter Daniels,

Who too early in the month of May

Took off his winter flannels.

😵😵😵

The children of Israel wanted bread,

And the Lord sent to them manna.

Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,

And the Devil sent him Anna.

😵😵😵

Here lies my husbands, One, Two, Three,

Dumb as men could ever be.

As for my fourth, well, praise be God,

He bides for a little longer above the sod.

Alex, Ben, and Sandy were the first three names,

And to make things tidy I’ll add his – James.

😵😵😵

Here lies the body of fat May Preston

Who’s now moved to heaven

To relieve the congestion.

T.G.I.F.F.

08/25/2022 💥Limerick Alert💥   2 comments

Let’s put an end to this week with a few cute and clean limericks. While most of us really enjoy the racier limericks there are many readers out there who enjoy a tamer version. Here we go . . .

There was an old man of Nantucket

Who kept all his cash in a bucket.

But his daughter named Nan,

Ran away with a man,

and as for the bucket, Nantucket.

😜😜😜

The bottle of perfume that Willie sent

Was highly displeasing to Millicent.

Her thanks were so cold

They quarreled I’m told,

Through that silly scent Willie sent Millicent.

😃😃😃

A flea and a fly in a flue

Were caught, so what could they do?

Said the fly, “Let us flee.”

“Let us fly,” said the flea.

So, they flew through a flaw in the flue.

😗😗😗

There once were two cats of Kilkenny,

Each thought there was one cat too many.

So, they fought, and they fit,

And they scratched and they bit,

Till instead of two cats there weren’t any.

😂😂😂

TGIF

8/24/2022 Celebrity Factoids   Leave a comment

I know how addicted our society is to celebrities and all of their odd comings and goings and I have yet to truly understand it. So, in the spirit of “giving the people what they want”, here are a few celebrity tidbits of information you may not have heard.

  • Uma Thurman’s father was the first American to be ordained a Buddhist monk.
  • Ben Affleck’s reformed alcoholic father, Tim, became Robert Downey Junior’s drug counselor.
  • The fathers of Robert Duvall and Jim Morrison were admirals in the U.S. Navy, while Kris Kristofferson’s father was a US Air Force general.
  • When Michael Caine was a child, his mother pasted his ears to his head to stop them from sticking out.
  • David Schwimmer’s mother is the attorney who handled Roseann Barr’s first divorce.

  • The mothers of Oscar Wilde, Peter O’Toole, Ernest Hemingway, General Douglas MacArthur, Bill Tilden and Franklin D Roosevelt dressed their sons as girls for the first few years of their lives.
  • Uma Thurman’s mother had been married to Timothy Leary of LSD fame before marrying Uma’s father.
  • The fathers of Judy Garland, Jacqueline Onassis, Liza Minnelli, and Anne Heche were all gay.
  • Rachel Weisz’s father invented the artificial respirator.
  • Julianna Margulies’s father wrote the “Plop, Plop, Fizz, Fizz” jingle for Alka-Seltzer.

I hope all you celebrity lovers out there enjoying these little factoids. There’s many more that I’ll share with you over the coming weeks and months.

HAPPY HUMP DAY

08/20/2022 ❤️Bad Poetry Alert❤️   Leave a comment

After receiving a few interesting emails and poems on my recent “Feet” posting I decided to offer up some of my own Bad Poetry for your entertainment. In my opinion poetry is best when humorous.

I just saw a sexy painted red toe

Peeking at me from a nearby sandal.

It looked soooo damn cute

It was almost more than I could handle.

As it sauntered on by

Four other toes caught my eye.

Oh my! Oh my! I felt such a tingle

And followed along hoping the owner was single.

I raised my head a tiny little bit

To checkout that anonymous owner.

And all of a sudden, I unfortunately discovered

The loss of a perfectly good boner.

😃😂😄

08/19/2022 “TRUE FACTS”   Leave a comment

Any day is a good day to be told the truth. How’s that for words to live by? Some of these topics will definitely pique your interest. Sometimes the weirder the facts the truer the statements. See what you think.

Let’s try some sports:

  • The infamous Bill Buckner of Red Sox fame had more career hits and Ted Williams.
  • During World War II, so many NFL players were fighting in the war that the rival Philadelphia Eagles and Pittsburgh Steelers temporarily teamed up to form the “Steagles”
  • Walter Payton once threw a touchdown pass, caught a touchdown pass, and ran for a touchdown in the same game.
  • Legend has it that Hall of Fame baseball player Wade Boggs once drank 107 beers in one day while traveling with the team.
  • The only team to score 3 touchdowns in under 1 min. in the NFL is the New England Patriots. And they’ve done it twice.

Now for little sci-fi:

  • It takes 200 million years for the sun to make one orbit around the galactic center.
  • In order for the earth to become a black hole, its entire mass would have to be compressed into a space less than an inch in diameter.
  • The sun makes up over 99% of the solar system’s entire mass.
  • Venus spends backwards and no one knows why!
  • Every planet in the solar system could fit in the space between Earth and the moon. Even if you count Pluto.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND

08/18/2022 💥MORE RETRO RIDDLES💥   Leave a comment

It’s kind of a rainy day here in Maine. It’s gray and miserable which makes me feel even lazier than I normally do. With that thought in mind I thought I’d reach all the way back to the year 1984 for some retro riddles. As you read them keep remembering these were written in the 1980s which might help you put them into their proper context. Here we go . . .

  • What’s the difference between a gigolo, a doctor, a Rabbi, a girlfriend and a Quaalude? A gigolo is a penis vendor, a doctor is a penis mender, a rabbi is a penis ender, a girlfriend is a penis tender, and a Quaalude is a penis bender.
  • When did the madam realize that the guy with no arms and legs on the front porch of the brothel wasn’t fooling around? When she figured out how he rang the doorbell!
  • What did the dentist say to the lady after she told him she’d rather have a baby then have a tooth pulled? “Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair!”
  • What did the German general do when he heard that Napoleon wore red into battle so his troops wouldn’t panic in the event he was wounded? He ordered a brown uniform!
  • Why should you think twice before you marry a girl with hair down to her waist and boobs that stick out to here? Because in 10 years her boobs will be down to her waist and her hair will stick out to there!

  • Why can’t a man win with his wife? Because if he comes home early, she accuses him of being horny. If he comes home late, she suspects that he’s been out getting some. And if he comes home on time, she figures he’s got it already!
  • Why do girls rub their eyes when they wake up in the morning? Because they don’t have testicles!
  • What’s a liberated woman? A woman who has sex before marriage and a job afterwards!
  • What’s the difference between a pig and a musician? A pig won’t stay up all night trying to fuck a musician!
  • What’s a platonic relationship? A relationship between a guy who wants to have sex and a girl who doesn’t!

SMILE, IT’S ALMOST THE WEEKEND